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It’s a great pleasure to present this third edition of Interpersonal Messages. Although sig-nificantly revised, the book continues to emphasize its original two interrelated purposes: (1) to present you with an overview of interpersonal communication—what it is and what we know about it—and (2) to provide you with numerous ideas for improving your inter-personal communication and relationship skills. These two purposes influence everything included in the text—the topics discussed, the way each topic is presented, the specific skills highlighted, and the pedagogy incorporated.

WhAT’s nEW In ThE ThIrD EDITIon?This new edition of Interpersonal Messages is a major revision with new features and content that we hope will make your study of interpersonal communication more satis-fying and rewarding.

■ Discussions throughout the book portray how social media is changing the way we communicate interpersonally.

■ The concept that choice is central to all communication is integrated throughout the text as you are encouraged to consider your choices in many contexts throughout each chapter: as Video Choice Points, Interpersonal Choice Points, and Ethical Choice Points.

■ The newest research on culture offers guidelines for improving intercultural communication.

■ Expanded discussions of communication in the workplace offer guidelines for effec-tive communication.

■ Learning objectives focus on knowledge, application, and problem solving to high-light the major concepts and skills of the chapter. At the end of each major section a series of questions ask you to test yourself to see if you can, in fact, accomplish the objectives.

■ Messages in the Media uses brief examples and photos from popular television programs to introduce important concepts covered in each chapter. Messages in the Media: Wrap-Up at the end of each chapter invites you to reconsider these media  issues in light of what you learned in the chapter.

■ Viewpoints photos and captions ask you to consider a variety of communication issues, many of which are research based and/or focus on the themes of social media, the work-place, and culture.

■ Integrated Media icons point you to a wealth of enrichment and study tools at MyCommunicationLab (access code required).

■ Each chapter now contains a comparison table that compares samples of effective with ineffective messages.

■ QR (Quick Response) Codes take you to specific posts on The Communication Blog where you can read more about a topic, read the comments of others, and post your own comments.

ChAPTEr-By-ChAPTEr uPDATEsHere, briefly, are some of the chapter-by-chapter changes. In addition to these changes, all chapters have been revised for greater clarity and less redundancy, and updated cover-age of research and theory.

WElCoME To InteRpeRSonal MeSSageS :

CoMMunICatIon and RelatIonShIp Sk IllS ThIrD EDITIon

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Welcome to Interpersonal Messages xi

Part one, Preliminaries to Interpersonal MessagesChapter 1 offers new discussions of the choice nature of interpersonal communication, workplace messages, and the nature and problems of information overload. Also new is a self-test on the forms of power. The chapter has also been rearranged for greater clarity; the section on competence now concludes the chapter. Chapter 2 on culture includes a new table on the metaphors of culture that presents an interesting way to view culture. New sections include discussions of long- and short-term orientation (along with a new table on values in the workplace of long- and short-term-oriented executives) and indulgence and restraint. The self-test was revised to include these new cultural dimensions. Chapter 3, on perception and the self, includes new sections on the ways in which social networks enable and encourage social comparisons, the impostor phenomenon, a comparison table of de-structive and constructive beliefs, and a new exercise on perception checking. Chapter 4, on listening, explains the process of listening, which is redefined to include social media mes-sage reading. Also new is a comparison table of ineffective and effective listening.

Part Two: Interpersonal Messages in ContextChapter 5, on verbal communication, covers verbal messages and contains new sections including those on onymous and anonymous messages and immediacy. Also new are ad-ditional guidelines for appropriate use of cultural identifiers and a comparison table on confirmation and disconfirmation. Chapter 6, on nonverbal communication, has been reorganized around principles of nonverbal communication. The section on nonverbal competence has been reorganized around encoding and decoding skills. Chapter 7, on emotional messages, features a discussion of two new principles (emotions can be used strategically and emotions have consequences), along with a new visual of the model of emotions. Also new are tables on negative emotions at work, emotional happiness, verbal expressions of emotion, and a comparison table on ineffective and effective emotional ex-pression. Chapter 8, on conversation messages, has been refocused to emphasize the skills involved in these interactions. Also new is a table on unsatisfying conversational partners, a new diagram explaining conversational turn taking, and a new self-test on small talk. Chapter 9, on interpersonal relationships, covers discussions of online relationships, re-lationship license, and bullying. The section on jealousy has been totally revised, and the self-test on violence has been revised to include both partners. Chapter 10 continues the discussion of interpersonal relationships and focuses on the types of relationships and the theories explaining relationships. This chapter includes new sections on family types, online-only relationships, and romantic relationships in the workplace. Chapter 11, on interpersonal conflict, contains a new section on workplace conflict, a new table compar-ing verbal aggressiveness and argumentativeness, a new self-test on conflict management strategies, and a new exercise on I-messages.

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xii Welcome to Interpersonal Messages

InTErPErsonAl MEssAgEs foCus on ConTEMPorAry ToPICsDiscussions of contemporary topics help you communicate effectively in today’s in-creasingly complex world.

social MediaInterpersonal communication via social media is now fully integrated throughout the book. Interpersonal communication, as viewed here, in-corporates the varied social media that are now an essential part of our communication lives. And so, to take just one  example, the definition of lis-tening—long defined as the reception of auditory signals—is redefined to include the reading of so-cial media messages. The reasoning is simply that if posting on Facebook and Google+ are examples of interpersonal communication (which they surely are), then the reading of these messages must also be part of interpersonal communication and seems to fit most logically with listening. The QR (Quick Response) codes that appear throughout the text will take you to The Communication Blog where you can explore additional topics, read the com-ments of others, and comment on the posts your-self. This too is interpersonal communication and interpersonal listening.

WorkplaceThis third edition places additional emphasis on workplace communication and relation-ships with frequent examples, illustrations, and photo Viewpoints and in a variety of workplace- related topics such as workplace messages, values in the workplace as seen by long- and short-term oriented executives, emotions at work, romantic re-lationships in the workplace, and workplace conflict.

CultureAs in previous editions of Interpersonal Messages, the crucial role that culture plays in our communica-tion experiences is a recurring theme. You’re living in a world defined by cultural diversity, where you interact with people differing in affectional orienta-tion, socioeconomic position, race, religion, and na-tionality. Culture and cultural differences are always influential in communication. For this reason, this text fully integrates culture into every chapter.

COMMUNICATING WITH THE GRIEF STRICKEN: A SPECIAL CASE ILLUSTRATION (continued)

VIEWPOINTS Expressing grief Social media websites such as CaringBridge enable people to express their caring/support/love for someone experienc-ing grief by writing in a guestbook that all people who are signed up can read. What general purposes do such web-

she grieves in the ways that feel most comfortable—for example, crying or talking about old times. Don’t try to change the subject or interject too often. As long as the person is talking and seems to be feeling better for it, be supportive.

• Avoid trying to focus on the bright side. Avoid ex-pressions such as “You’re lucky you have some vision left” or “It’s better this way; Pat was suffer-ing so much.” These expressions may easily be seen as telling people that their feelings should be redirected, that they should be feeling something different.

• Encourage the person to express feelings and talk about the loss. Most people will welcome this opportunity. On the other hand, don’t try to force people to talk about experiences or feelings they may not be willing to share.

• Be especially sensitive to leave-taking cues. Behaviors

from even your closest friends and family members. Men and women who disclose that they have cheated on their relation-ship partner, have stolen, or are suffering from prolonged depression, for example, may �nd their friends and family no longer wanting to be quite as close as before.

■ Relational Risks. Even in close and long-lasting relationships, self-disclosure can pose relational risks ( Bochner, 1984 ). Total self-disclosure may prove threatening to a relationship by causing a decrease in mutual attraction, trust, or any of the bonds hold-ing the individuals together. Self-disclosures concerning in�delity, romantic fantasies, past indiscretions or crimes, lies, or hidden weaknesses and fears could easily have such negative effects.

■ Professional Risks. Revealing political views or attitudes toward different religious or ra-cial groups may open you to professional risks and create problems on the job, as may disclosing any health problems ( Fesko, 2001 ). Teachers who disclose former or cur-rent drug use or cohabitation with students may �nd themselves denied tenure, teaching at undesirable hours, and eventually falling victim to “budget cuts.”

VIEWPOINTS Remaining mysterious The more you reveal about yourself to others, the more areas of your life you expose to possible attack. Especially in the competitive context of work (or even romance), the more that others know about you, the more they’ll be able to use against you. This simple fact has prompted power watcher Michael Korda ( Korda, 1975 , p. 302 ) to advise that you “never re-veal all of yourself to other people.” This advice is not to suggest that you be secretive; rather, Korda is advocating “remaining slightly mysterious, as if [you] were always capable of doing something surprising and unex-pected.” What’s your view on this issue?

ing are parts of the culture of some LatinAmerican countries, England, and Spain,respectively, but you need not �nd theseactivities acceptable or equal to a culturalpractice in which animals are treatedkindly. Further, a cultural emphasis doesnot imply that you have to accept or followeven the practices of your own culture. Forexample, even if the majority in your cul-ture holds sexist or homophobic attitudes,you need not agree with or adopt these at-titudes yourself. Often, personality factors(such as your degree of assertiveness, extro-version, or optimism) will prove more in-­uential than culture ( Hat�eld & Rapson,1996 ). Of course, going against your cul-ture’s traditions and values is often verydif�cult. But it’s important to realize thatculture in­uences; it does not determine.

As demonstrated throughout this text,cultural differences exist across the inter-personal communication spectrum—from the way you use eye contact to the way you develop or dissolve a relationship ( Chang

& Holt, 1996 ). But these differences should not blind you to the great number of simi-larities existing among even the most widely separated cultures. Further, remember that differences are usually matters of degree. Forexample, most cultures value politeness, love,and honesty, but not all value these to the same degree. Also, the advances in media and technology and the widespread use of social

VIEWPOINTS Cultural evolution and cultural relativismCultural evolution (often called social Darwinism) holds that much as the human species evolved from earlier life forms to Homo sapiens, cultures also evolve. Under this view, some cultures may be considered advanced and others primitive. Most scholars reject this view, however, because the judg-ments that distinguish one culture from another have no basis in science and are instead based on individual values and preferences. Cultural relativism, on the other hand, holds that all cultures are different but that no culture is either superior or inferior to any other ( Berry, Poortinga, Segall, & Dasen, 1992 ; Mosteller, 2008 ). What are some of the implications of these two views for intercultural communication?

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Welcome to Interpersonal Messages xiii

InTErPErsonAl MEssAgEs EMPhAsIzE ConTEMPorAry IssuEsDiscussions of important issues challenge students to ponder their communication decisions.

ChoiceThroughout your interpersonal interactions, you’ll need to make choices: between saying one thing or another, between sending an e-mail or calling on the phone, between being supportive or critical, and so on. Because of the central importance of choice, Interpersonal Choice Points (brief scenarios placed in the margins) invite you to analyze your choices for communicating.

In addition, a Video Choice Point box appears in each chapter inviting you to watch a video re-lated to the chapter content and to examine effec-tive and ineffective choices that the actors use in a variety of interpersonal communication situations.

PolitenessInterpersonal communication scholars, along with business professionals throughout the world, are coming to realize the importance of politeness in our everyday communication encounters. They are finding that politeness is more than simply be-ing a nice person; it also can help you to be a bet-ter communicator. The role that politeness plays in interpersonal interactions and the skills for po-lite interpersonal communication are emphasized throughout the text.

EthicsBecause the messages you use have effects on others, they also have an ethical dimen-sion. As such, ethics receives focused attention throughout the text. Chapter 1 introduces ethics as a foundation concept in all forms of interpersonal communication. In all remaining chapters, Ethical Messages boxes highlight a variety of ethical issues in interpersonal com-munication and ask you to apply ethical prin-ciples to various scenarios. We’ll here consider the ethical issues that come into play in vari-ous communication situations, for example, cultural practices, lying, and ways to engage in interpersonal conflict ethically. These boxes will serve as frequent reminders that ethical considerations are an integral part of all the interpersonal communication choices/decisions you make.

VIDEO CHOICE POINT

Meet the Family Charles will be meeting Mei Li’s extended family for the first time, and bothhe and Mei Li are a bit nervous. They consider how the differences in theircultures may affect their relationship and their communication choices.“Meet the Family” explores the options you have for communicating in a cultural setting that is different from the one you grew up in. Illustratedhere are choices that are both effective and ineffective communicationamong friends, romantic partners, and families. Watch to see how Charles

and Mei Li’s relationship is affected by their communication choices in the video “Meet the Family.” Respond to thequestions posed.

Watch the Video “Summer Internship” at MyCommunicationLab

INTERPERSONAL CHOICE POINT

Misusing Linguistic Privilege You enter a group of racially similar peoplewho are using terms normally consideredoffensive to refer to themselves. Trying to beone of the group, you too use such terms—but are met with extremely negative non-verbal feedback. What are some things youmight say to lessen this negative reaction andto let the group know that you don’t normallyuse such racial terms? What would you besure not to say?

VIEWPOINTS Being liked at work Among the suggestions offered by organization theorists for being liked at work are: looking and dressing the part and being positive, culturally sensitive, respectful and friendly, polite, and interested. What other quali-ties would make you like a workplace colleague?

Mentoring In a mentoring relationship, an experienced indi-vidual (mentor) helps to train a less-experienced person who is sometimes referred to as a men-tee or, more often, a protégé ( Ragins & Kram, 2007 ). An accomplished teacher, for example, might mentor a newly arrived or novice teacher. The mentor shows the new person through the “ropes,” teaches the strategies and tech-niques for success, and otherwise communicates his or her knowledge and experience to the newcomer.

Not surprisingly, mentoring is frequently conducted online. One great advantage of e-mentoring is the �exibility it allows for com-munication. E-mail messages, for example, can be sent and received at times that are con-venient for the individuals involved ( Stewart, 2006 ). Further, because the individuals may be separated geographically, it’s possible to have mentor–protégé relationships with people in foreign countries and in widely differing cul-tures, relationships that would be impossible

At what point do you have an ethical obligation to reveal: Romantic Partner Friend

Age History of family genetic disorders HIV status Past sexual experiences Marital history Annual salary and net financial worth Affectional orientation Attitudes toward other races and nationalities Religious beliefs Past criminal activity or incarceration

ETHICAL MESSAGES

Your Obligation to Reveal Yourself

If you’re in a close relationship, your influence on your partner is considerable, so you may have an obligation to reveal certain things about yourself. Conversely, you may feel that the other person—because he or she is so close to you—has an ethical obligation to reveal certain information to you.

Ethical Choice Point

Consider: At what point in a relationship—if any—do youfeel you would have an ethical obligation to reveal eachof the 10 items of information listed here? Visualize a

relationship as existing on a continuum from initial con-tact at 1 to extreme intimacy at 10, and use the num-bers from 1 to 10 to indicate at what point you wouldfeel your romantic partner or close friend has a right toknow each type of information about you. If you feel youwould never have the obligation to reveal this informa-tion, use 0. As you respond to these items, ask yourself,what gives one person the right to know personal infor-mation about another person? What principle of ethicsrequires another person to disclose this information in arelationship?

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xiv Welcome to Interpersonal Messages

ConTEMPorAry PEDAgogy hElPs you lEArn ABouT InTErPErsonAl MEssAgEs Practical pedagogy helps students study and learn the concepts covered.

skillsInterpersonal Messages continues the focused ap-proach to skill development that was established in the first edition. Improving interpersonal com-munication skills is integral to all the text discus-sions and appears in all chapters. Twenty-three Skill Building Exercises appear throughout the text; completing these exercises will help you ap-ply the material in the chapter to specific situa-tions and thereby increase and perfect your own interpersonal skills. These exercises are practice experiences aimed at increasing your ability to for-mulate more effective messages. A wide variety of additional skills-related materials can be accessed at, MyCommunicationLab (access code required).

The glossary also includes many skills discussed in the text, and the summaries at the ends of the chapters have special sections on skills.

Interactive ApproachThis edition continues to provide numerous opportu-nities for you to interact with the material in the text in a number of ways.

Test Yourself boxes appear throughout the text and invite you to analyze your own patterns of com-munication and think about how you will alter your communication in the future. These tests will help you personalize the concepts and skills you’ll read about in the text and improve your communica-tion effectiveness. Additional self-tests are noted at the ends of the chapters and are available at MyCommunicationLab.

Interpersonal Choice Points appear throughout the text to encourage you to examine the choices you have available for communicating in actual real-life situations and to apply the information in the text to these situations.

Viewpoints captions, accompanying all interior photos, pose questions (mostly based on interpersonal research) designed to elicit discussion of a variety of different viewpoints.

learning ToolsAn array of tools help you learn efficiently and study effectively.

The learning objectives prefacing each chapter have been totally reworked to more accurately re-flect current pedagogical thinking and emphasis. These objectives highlight the major concepts and skills of the chapter. The learning objectives system used here identifies three major levels of thinking,

SKILL BUILDING EXERCISE

Explaining Your Perceptions

Complete the following table by providing a descrip-tion of how you perceive the incident and how you’d goabout seeking confirmation. If you have several possibleexplanations for the incident, describe each of these in

the second column. In the third column, indicate thechoices you have for seeking clarification of your ini-tial impressions—what are your choices for asking forclarification?

Incident Your Perceptions and Possible Interpretations or Meanings

Choices for Seeking Clari�cation

You’ve extended an invitation to a classmate to be a Facebook friend but have heard nothing back.

Your manager at work seems to spend a lot of time with your peers but very little time with you. You’re concerned about the impression you’re making.

The person you’ve been dating for the past several months has stopped calling for a date. The messages have become fewer and less personal.

TEST YOURSELF

How Powerful Are You? For each statement, indicate how appropriate it is to you. Use a ten-point scale with 1 = not true of me at all and 10 = very true of me. Use 5 if you don’t know or aren’t sure.

____ 1. My position is such that I often have to tell oth-ers what to do. For example, a mother’s posi-tion demands that she tell her children what to do, a manager’s position demands that he or she tell employees what to do, and so on.

____ 2. People wish to be like me or identified with me.For example, high school football players mayadmire the former professional football playerwho is now their coach and want to be like him.

____ 3. People see me as having the ability to give themwhat they want. For example, employers have theability to give their employees increased pay, lon-ger vacations, or improved working conditions.

____ 4. People see me as having the ability to administerpunishment or to withhold things they want. Forexample, employers have the ability to reduce

voluntary overtime, shorten vacation time, or failto improve working conditions.

____ 5. Other people realize that I have expertise incertain areas of knowledge. For example, a doctor has expertise in medicine and so othersturn to the doctor to tell them what to do.

____ 6. Other people realize that I possess the commu-nication ability to present an argument logicallyand persuasively.

How Did You Do? These statements refer to the sixmajor types of power, as described in the text. Lowscores (1s, 2s, and 3s) indicate your belief that youpossess little of these particular types of power, and highscores (8s, 9s, and 10s) indicate your belief that youpossess a great deal of these particular types of power.

What Will You Do? How satisfied are you with your levelof power? If you’re not satisfied, what might you do aboutit? A good starting place, of course, is to learn the skills ofinterpersonal communication discussed in this text.

OBJECTIVES After reading this chapter, you should be able to:

1. Paraphrase the eight principles of verbal messages.

2. Distinguish between disconfirmation and confirmation, and use appropriate cultural identifiers, without sexism, heterosexism, racism, and ageism.

3. Explain the ways in which language can distort thinking and apply the suggestions for greater guidelines for communicat-ing more logically.

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Welcome to Interpersonal Messages xv

each of which is included throughout the text (Bloom, 1956; Eggen & Kauchak, 2013; Teacher & Educational Development, 2005):

■ Knowledge (recalling, remembering, and comprehending), introduced by such specific verbs as define, paraphrase, describe, and differentiate.

■ Application (applying a concept to a new situation), introduced by such specific verbs as diagram, illustrate, use, and give examples.

■ Problem solving (analyzing/breaking a concept into its parts, synthesizing/combin-ing elements into a new whole, and evaluating/making value or appropriateness judgments), introduced by such specific verbs as assess, construct, organize, and evaluate.

At the end of each major section, a series of questions ask you to test your-self to see if you can, in fact, accomplish the objectives. The Summary of Concepts and Skills, organized by the major headings, helps you ensure you have learned the key content. Throughout the text, icons in the margins alert you to related media components (including videos, exercises, and audio segments) that you will find at MyCommunicationLab to enhance your learning.

Blog Post

Interpersonal Time

In this connection take a look at “Interpersonal Time” at tcbdevito.blogspot.com for a consideration of the varied ways time is used in inter-personal interactions.

Explore

Listen Study and Review

Watch

InsTruCTor AnD sTuDEnT rEsourCEsKey instructor resources include:

■ Instructor’s Manual and Test Bank (ISBN 0205931812)■ PowerPoint Presentation Package (ISBN 0205931944)

These supplements are available at www.pearsonhighered.com/irc (access code required). MyTest online test-generating software (ISBN 0205931839) is available at www.pearsonmytest.com (access code required). For a complete listing of the instructor and student resources available with this text, please visit the Interpersonal Messages 3/e e-Catalog page at www.pearsonhighered.com/communication.

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xvi Welcome to Interpersonal Messages

MyCommunicationLabMyCommunicationLab is an online homework, tuto-rial, and assessment program that truly engages students in learning. It helps students better prepare for class, quizzes, and exams—resulting in better performance in the course—and provides educators a dynamic set of tools for gauging individual and class progress. And, MyCommunicationLab comes from Pearson, your partner in providing the best digital learning experiences: www.mycommunicationlab.com

MyCommunicationlab highlights

■ MediaShare: This comprehensive file upload tool al-lows students to post speeches, outlines, visual aids,

video assignments, role plays, group projects, and more in a variety of file formats. Uploaded files are available for viewing, commenting, and grading by instructors and class members in face-to-face and online course settings. Integrated video cap-ture functionality allows students to record video directly from a webcam and al-lows instructors to record videos via webcam, in class or in a lab, and attach them directly to a specific student and/or assignment. The MediaShare app is available via iTunes at no additional charge for those who have purchased MediaShare or MyCommunicationLab access.

■ The Pearson eText: Identical in content and design to the printed text, the Pearson eText lets students access their textbook anytime, anywhere, and any way they want—including downloading to an iPad. Students can take notes and highlight, just like a traditional text.

■ Videos and Video Quizzes: Videos provide students with the opportunity to watch and evaluate chapter-related multimedia. Many videos include automatically graded quiz questions.

■ PersonalityProfile: PersonalityProfile is Pearson’s online library for self-assessment and analysis. Online resources provide students with opportunities to evaluate their own and others’ communication styles. Instructors can use these tools to show learning and growth over the duration of the course.

■ Study Plan: A personalized study plan guides students to focus directly on what they need to know, helping them succeed in the course and beyond.

■ Class Preparation Tool: Finding, organizing, and presenting your instructor re-sources is fast and easy with Pearson’s class preparation tool. This fully searchable database contains hundreds of resources such as lecture launchers, discussion topics, activities, assignments, and video clips. Instructors can search or browse by topic and sort the results by type. Personalized folders can be created to organize and store content or download resources, as well as upload your own content.

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Acknowledgments xvii

ACknoWlEDgMEnTsI want to thank those who reviewed the text at the various stages of revision; they gave generously of their time and expertise, and I am, as always, in their debt.

Don Center, Arapahoe Community CollegeKeri Moe, El Paso Community CollegeGail Hankins, Wake Technical Community CollegePatrick Luster, McNeese State UniversitySherry Rhodes, Collin CollegeMary Tripp, Wisconsin Indianhead Technical CollegeDan Wirth, Northeastern Illinois University

I also want to thank the many people who worked so hard to turn a manuscript into this book. I’m especially grateful to the people at Pearson who make revisions so enjoyable, especially communication editor Melissa Mashburn for her good spirit and always helpful ideas, development editor Carol Alper who made valuable suggestions on just about every aspect of this revision, marketing manager Blair Zoe Tuckman who skillfully handled the marketing program, and Kate Cebik who coordinated the ancil-laries. Additional thank-yous go to senior digital editor Paul DeLuca, digital editor Lisa Dotson, editorial assistant Megan Hermida, production manager Raegan Heerema, and project managers Allison Campbell and Kristin Jobe and the staff at Integra.

Joseph A. DeVitojadevito@earthlink.net

www.pearsonhighered.com/devitohttp://tcbdevito.blogspot.com

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