managing conflict in relationships

INTRODUCTION TO INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATIONASSIGNMENT NO 01

GROUP NO 05

Group members K.W.R.C.P.KUMARA (TC/IS/2010/CS

10) D.H.WITHARANA

(TC/IS/2010/CS/27) S.W.N.S.SUMANAPALA

(TC/IS/2010/CS/29) G.S.DARSHINI

(TC/IS/2010/CS/07)

MANAGING CONFLICT IN

RELATIONSHIPS

Defining Interpersonal conflictPrinciples of conflictOrientation to conflictResponses to conflictCommunication patterns during conflictGuidelines for Effective communication during

conflict

Defining Interpersonal

Conflict

Interpersonal conflict exists when people who depend on each other express different views, interests, or goals that they perceive as in compatible or opposed.

Defining Interpersonal

Conflict

Interpersonal conflict is expressed dis agreement, struggle, or discord.

Conflict exists only if dis agreements or tensions are expressed in same way.

Some times we express dis agreement overtly or directly, such as by saying ,

‘’ I am furious with you’’ Conflict are more convert or indirect,

such as deliberately not answering the phone because you are angry with the caller.

Expressed Disagreement

Interpersonal conflict can occur only between people who depend on each other in the area of the conflict

Interpersonal conflict exists only when it is expressed by people who affect one another.

Interdependence

Conflict is more than just having differences we differ with people about many things, but this doesn't invariably lead to conflict.

Ex:- My – in – laws don’t like large dogs , and we don’t like small ones.

Conflict involves tensions between goals, preferences, or decisions that we feel we need to reconcile.

Conflict involves two perceptions.

The Felt Need For Resolution

Principles of conflict

Many people view conflict as inherently negative. But that is a misunderstanding.

1)Conflict is natural in relationships.

Conflict is normal , inevitable part of most interpersonal relationships . when people matter to each other and affect each other , disagreements are unavoidable

Principles of Conflict

When we defined conflict ,we noted that disagreement can be expressed either overtly . over conflict is out in the open and explicit.

1)Conflict can be managed well or poorly.2)Conflict can be good for individuals and

relationships.

Conflict maybe overt or covert

Our cultural membership and socialization in particular social communities effect how we view and respond to conflict.

I. Cultural differences regarding conflict.

II. Differences among social communities.

Social groups shape the meaning of conflict behavior's

People respond to conflict in a variety of ways’ from physical attack to verbal aggression to collaborative problem solving.

Conflict can be managed well or poorly

We deepen insight into our ideas and feelings when we express them and get response from others.

Conflict can be good for individuals and

relationships

Orientation to conflict

LOSE-LOSEWIN-LOSEWIN-WIN

Orientation to conflict

A lose- lose orientation assumes that conflict result in losses for everyone and that it is unhealthy and destructive for relationships.

The lose-lose orientation is not usually beneficial in dealing with conflicts in relationships.

LOSE- LOSE

Win-lose orientation assume that one person wins at the expense of the other.

The win-lose orientation is cultivated in cultures that place value on individualism, self- assertion, and competition.

A win-lose approach to conflict is not common in cultures that place priority on cooperation .

WIN LOSE

That are usually ways to resolve difference so that gains.

A win – win resolution is often possible.

Win-win attitudes result in compromises that satisfy enough of each person’s needs to provide the health of the relationship.

WIN-WIN

Responses to conflict

Exit Voice

Loyalty

Neglect

Responses ConflictActive

Constru

ctive

Passive

Dest

ruct

ive

The Exit responseThe Neglect responseThe Loyalty responseThe Voice response

Responses to conflict

The exit response involves physically walking out are psychologically withdrawing.

Refusing to talk about a problem is an example of psychological exit.

Ending a relationship and learning when conflict arises are examples of literal exit.

Because exit doesn’t address problems, it is a forceful way to avoid conflict , it is active.

The Exit response

The neglect response denies or minimizes problems, disagreement, anger, tension or other matters that could lead to overt conflict.

Neglect generally is destructives because it doesn’t resolve tension.

It is passive because it avoids discussion .

Either the person thinks that escalating the disagreement will harm everyone, or the person thinks that he or she will lose it the conflict is allowed to progress.

The Neglect response

The loyalty response is staying committed to a relationship despite differences.

In other words the person who adopts loyalty as a response to conflict decides to stay in a relationship and tolerate the differences.

Loyalty is silent allegiance that doesn’t actively address conflict, so it is a passive response.

The Loyalty response

The voice response addresses conflict directly and attempts to resolve it.

People who respond with voice identify problems or tensions and assert a desire to deal with them.

Thus , voice often is the most constructive way of responding to conflict in enduring intimate relationship.

The Voice response

Communication patterns during

conflict

Constructive UnproductiveValidation of each other Disconfirmation of each otherSensitive listening Poor listening Dual perspective Preoccupation with self Recognition of other’s Cross- complainingconcerns Asking for clarification Hostile mind readingInfrequent interruptions Frequent interruptionsFocus on specific issues Kitchen-sinkingCompromises and contracts Counterproposals

Useful meta communication Excessive meta communicationSummarizing the concerns Self – summarizing by both partners

Constructive and Unproductive

communication

Compromise is giving up a little to gain little as a quick resolution

tradingrandom selection or

flipping a coinbeware of too much

compromising on one side

Outcomes of conflict

Win-win solutions please both parties

Lose-lose solutions solves conflict but no one is happy

Separation removes you from the relationship

Decide to agree with the other person.

Conflict management is how we engage in conflict

It is how address disagreements with our relational partners

Escapist strategies avoid the issues

Challenging strategies promotes your point of view like assertiveness

Managing conflict

Attend to the relationship level of meaningCommunicate supportivelyListen mindfullyTake responsibility for your thoughts feelings

and issuesCheck perceptionsLook for points of agreementLook for ways to preserve the others faceImagine how you will feel in the future

Conflict management skills

Cooperative strategies Benefit the relationship and serve mutual goals

Avoid verbal aggressiveness Probing asking questions Negotiating alternatives

Respect the right to disagree

Express your real concerns

Share common goals and interestsOpen yourself to different points of view

Listen carefully to all proposals

Understand the major issues involved

Think about probable consequences

Imagine several possible alternative solutions

Offer some reasonable compromises

Negotiate mutually fair cooperative agreements

Peaceful conflict resolution

T = IS IT TRUEH = IS IT HELPFUL

I = IS IT INSPIRING

N = IS IT NECESSARY

K = IS IT KIND

BEFORE YOU SPEAK

THINK

conflictcouples 0001.flv

Guidelines for Effective

communication during conflict

Focus on the overall communication systemCommunication is systemic which means it occurs in contexts and it is composed of many interacting parts. Applying the principal of system to conflict we can see that how we deal with conflict is shaped by the overall system of relationship and communication.

Time conflict purposefully

Timing effects how we communicate about conflicts. There are three ways to use chronemics so that conflicts are most likely to be effective .first try not to engage is serious conflict discussions at time when one or both people will not be fully present psychologically.

Aim for win- win conflict

When conflict exists two people who care about each other & want to sustain a good relationship. Win-win style is usually the best choice.

Honor yourself, your partner, and the

relationship. we are emphasized the importance of honoring yourself ,others, and relationship. It’s important to keep all three in balance, especially when conflict arise.

Show grace when appropriate.

Grace is sometimes appropriate . Grace is granting forgiveness or putting aside our own needs when there is no standard that says we should or must do so. grace is not forgiving when we should (for instance , excusing people who aren’t responsible for their actions.

THANK YOU !