delayed gratification

Oct Nov Dec 2010

The UK’s quarterly almanac | Last to breaking news

'Freedom of the Press' by Shepard Fairey

WHAT’S THE BIG IDEA?Print is not dead. For all the wily charmsof the digital worldwith its tweets, feeds,blogs and apps, there is still nothing like the pleasure createdby ink on paper.

he server farms and all their delights cannot replace time spent in the company of something you can actually hold, whose pages you can turn down and whose spine you can crack. We believe in magazines which engross, inspire and

induce guffaws at the end of a long week. We have no interest in creating throwaway media – we want to make something which is treasured, which ends its days making the bookshelf, coffee table or toilet just that little bit prettier and more civilised. And we believe that everyone needs a screen break.

Perspective, too, is not dead. Kneejerk punditry, live-blogging and the pounding waves of the 24-hour news cycle have their appeal. But there’s also joy in getting your head above the water, sucking in a lungful of clear air and taking your bearings.

This is our starting point. With our belief in print and perspective we bring you , a quarterly almanac that looks as good as it feels as good as it reads. A handsome devil that curates the news and captures the times, written by smart minds armed with three months’ worth of hindsight, and without the albatross of an hourly deadline around their necks.

As the weeks and months zip by, we will be keeping track, picking out the patterns, and seeing what is left after the dust has settled. We will strip out the white noise and give you the intelligent, witty essentials, telling the story of the UK and the world over the last quarter.

This publication, then, is our flag in the sand – a magazine of record from editors determined to swim against the electronic tide. We don’t think we’re alone.

T

AR smart specs, ocular technologyBiodegradable chocolate wrappers, packaging

Black squirrels, rodentCuraçao and St Maarten, countries

The Endobarrier, health productEye secrets, beauty product

Frontal enhancement pants, intimate clothingi, newspaper

Laptop thigh, ailmentMalt salt, foodstuff

Pot Noëldles, foodstuffRobot soldiers, military hardware

The sexomnia defence, legal strategyTest tube livers, biomedical product

Tianhe-I, super�computer The Tipsy Gene, scientific discovery

Wonka gum, confection

Ari Up, singer Bob Guccione, publisherChimp Charlie, primate

Claire Rayner, campaigner and journalistThe Exmoor Emperor, stag

The GAP’s new logo, brandingGregory Isaacs, singerGrey squirrels, rodent

The Horserace Totalisator Board, bookmakerJoan Sutherland, singer

Limewire, softwareMalcolm Allison, football manager

Multikulti, conceptThe Netherlands Antilles, country

Norman Wisdom, actorPaul the Octopus, cephalopod

The PG Tips chimp, primateTom Bosley, actor

The Vice Squad, police departmentThe Walkman, electronic product

BORN

DIED

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SatOct

The Charles I Bible, 1631A regal print run was recalled and torn up after a misprint left the 7th commandment declaring ‘Thou shalt commit adultery’ – much to the dismay of King Charles I. The 11 known surviving ‘wicked Bibles’ are valued at £50,000.

Operation Dark Heart: Spycraft and Special Ops on the Frontlines of Afghanistan, 2010One of the US military’s more unusual search and destroy missions saw them paying publisher Macmillan $47,000 (£30,000) to destroy the entire first run of Lt Col Anthony Shaffer’s Afghanistan memoirs in September. The Pentagon claimed the book published classified intelligence: a new, censored version was released later.

The Pasta Bible, 2010Earlier this year Penguin Publishing’s ‘Pasta Bible’ faced the grinders after having listed "salt and freshly ground black people" in its Lecter-esque recipe for spelt tagliatelle with sardines and prosciutto.

What does the Charity Commission ruling mean to you?It’s good to see the Commission recognising druidry as a religion – it’s only 2,000 years too late. But the ruling was about giving a specific order, the Druid Network, charitable status. My order hasn’t applied for that status.

How do your aims differ from the Druid Network’s?We’re the warrior arm of the druids, the political activists. And I also represent the Council of British Druid Orders which is 21 different orders including my own. We all celebrate the same religion. I don’t want my order being recognised as a charity and the

Controversy has been caused by the Charity Commission’s granting of charitable status to the Druid Network – one of

numerous British druid organisations – and its recognition of druidry as a religion. We canvass the opinion of King Arthur Pendragon, a senior druid, Stonehenge resident and – according to him – a reincarnation of the original King Arthur.

Council of British Druid Orders has no intention of being recognised as a charity.

Has the ruling given druidry greater legitimacy in the eyes of the public? It’s always good to have approval but we didn’t need it. We have our belief structure and we carry on regardless. The reality is our religious belief structure already had legitimacy – it’s the pre-Christian religion of these isles

Were the Druid Network more interested in recognition or tax breaks?I really don’t know, to be honest. For most druids in Britain it [the ruling] won’t make one iota of difference. It just means the media will take us a little more seriously. At the end of the day, it’s just nature worship. None of the authorities or other religions have any reason to fear paganism at all.

Are you playing a role in preserving British heritage? Is there an argument that you should receive funding?Yes, but that would be down not to the Commission, but perhaps the Arts Council or another body. We’re keeping alive ancient British traditions – that’s got to be good.

Extra pulp Three books that preceded 'Freedom' from shelf to sludge

“It’s only 2,000 years too late…”Fri 1st

Fri 1st

King Arthur Pendragon

OctFri 1st

The Equality Act comes into force across England, Wales and Scotland. The Daily Mail declares it "The End of the Office Joke."

Manchester City announces losses of £121 million for the year running to May 31 2010.m Oct 15th

Druidry is recognised as a religion by The Charity Commission.g

Latest Ministry of Justice figures show the UK’s prison population has hit an all-time high of 85,495.

Chevron are given the green light to start deepwater drilling off the UK coast: their ‘Lagavulin Prospect’ will open 160 miles north of the Shetland Isles.

Tens of thousands of copies of Jonathan Franzen’s new book, ‘Freedom’ are recalled for pulping after it is discovered that the British printers sent the wrong draft of the book to press.g

Ex-President Pervez Musharraf launches his new party, The All Pakistan Muslim League, from the National Liberal Club in Whitehall.

Burglar Jason Williams is sentenced to two years and five months in jail for stealing items including a pair of net curtains from the house next door – and then putting the curtains up in his own window, where they were duly spotted by his neighbours.

The Times reports that Zimbabwean medium Nomatter Tagarira has been jailed for convincing govern-ment officials that she was able to produce pure diesel oil from a rock, and receiving £1.7 million in cash to develop the industry.

Sat 2nd IMF chief Dominique Strauss-Kahn urges major economies to strive to avoid a currency war. g

The 10:10 campaign pulls an advert by Richard Curtis featuring Gillian Anderson, David Ginola, office workers and schoolchildren being blown up for refusing to cut their carbon emissions.

How to start a currency war

1. Identify a competitor nation in whose markets you wish to stimulate demand for your products.

5. Buy more of your competitor’s currency. Stockpile it.

9. Refuse.

2. Start buying large quantities of their currency on the international markets. Stockpile it.

6. Watch your sales increase still further, while sales of your competitor’s products in your own country decrease.

10. Your competitor may now start to print money, to flood the market and bring down the value of his currency.

3. Watch as their currency becomes stronger against your own currency, thereby making your products more affordable in their market.

7. Your competitor should now be angry.

11. Respond by buying and stockpiling more of your competitor’s currency. Your competitor may now redouble his money printing.

4. Sales of your nation's products should now increase.

8. Your competitor may demand that you re-value your currency in the interests of free trade. They may hint at tariffs and sanctions should you refuse.

12. Repeat this process until the global economy breaks down or you are reprimanded by the G20.

Feeling in the mood to send international tensions skyrocketing and throw the money markets into turmoil? Allow us to point you in the right direction.

Sat 2nd

The moment that matteredby Colin Montgomerie

“There were two decisive moments of the Ryder Cup – both on the Sunday. The first was Lee Westwood’s putt on the 10th hole playing with Luke Donald against Tiger Woods and Steve Stricker. He made that putt to go five up. I think it hurt the USA Team seeing Woods five down and Lee and Luke eventually won that match six and five.

But the key moment was on the 18th green when the Molinari brothers made a birdie for a half to take the overall score to nine and a half to six and a half as opposed to nine to seven. That putt on the 18th really swung the match in our favour.

I was actually praying it was Edoardo Molinari to take the putt as he is the better putter, but it was Francesco’s turn. I was inside the ropes at the back of the 18th to see the Molinaris get their half point. I spoke to them straight afterwards and they were delighted. I don’t know if he knew how important that putt was going into the singles the next day but I certainly did.”

pm Sun 3rd Oct 2010

OctSun 3rd Germany makes a final payment of £59.5 million in war reparations from WWI.

A tube strike called by RMT under Bob Crow brings London to a standstill for 24 hours.

Europe edges ahead of the US in the Ryder Cup.f

Commonweath Games boss Suresh Kalmadi opens the event to boos at Delhi's Jawaharlal Nehru stadium.

The Guardian reports on a new exhibition which suggests that Hitler promised Von Ribbentrop Cornwall as a gift after the Nazi conquest of Britain.

Born: Malt Salt, a powdery new condiment which combines the

flavours of salt and vinegar, potentially bringing an end to soggy fish and chips.

Mon 4th Just after midnight, a bomb goes off at a Derry branch of the Ulster Bank. No-one is hurt.

In a speech at the Conservative conference, George Osborne announces that as of 2013 child benefit will no longer

be paid to families in which one adult earns over £44,000. m Oct 6th

The Nobel Prize in Medicine is awarded to Professor Robert G. Edwards for his work in developing in vitro fertilisation.

Actor Tony Curtis is buried with a series of possessions including his iPhone, driving gloves, Stetson, Armani scarf and Anthony Adverse, his favourite book.

Europe wins the Ryder Cup by 14.5 points to 13.5.

Actor Norman Wisdom dies in a nursing home on the Isle of Man, at the age of 95.m

It was an unusually busy October for His Excellency Zef Mazi. Rarely does the Albanian ambassador to the UK have to deal with scores of urgent requests from the media. But when the news came through that Sir Norman Wisdom had died, his office went

into overdrive.Telegrams detailing the grief of the Albanian people

had to be sent and TV interviews from the likes of BBC News had to be accommodated. Even the Albanian president was called into action, with a personal state-ment published on the embassy’s website next to a pic-ture of him embracing a frail-looking Wisdom.

In his home country, Wisdom was affectionately seen as a lovable fool – the rubber-faced funnyman who made post-war Britain laugh by falling down graceful-ly, an anachronism from the faded music hall past. Even his most famous epitaph, that he was Charlie Chaplin’s favourite clown, was delivered as if it were a back-handed compliment.

Yet those who grew up on the Soviet side of the Iron Curtain during the Cold War have a very different view of Wisdom and his downtrodden alter ego Pitkin. From Moscow to Zagreb, he was one of the few Western film stars allowed to be seen by the public. This virtual monopoly saw him revered as the most unlikely of class warriors, an allegorical everyman who used humour and humanity to pull off small but unlikely victories over the petty impositions of those in authority. And nowhere did Wisdom’s films strike more of a chord than in Albania, Europe’s most isolated and ideologically pure Communist dictatorship, run by the hard-line, paranoid Enver Hoxha.

“We had the typical life of a country that was under Communist rule… and over time things got a lot harder,” explains Ambassador Mazi. “Lack of freedom of movement and expression, no human rights. People would risk their lives for expressing the concerns of the market. People went to jail for eight years for saying: ‘How come we can’t have olive oil?’”

But for the isolationist Albani-an government, who viewed even China as being too politically liberal, there was one major threat to their rule: foreign TV networks. Albania is sandwiched between Italy and Greece, and the Communist Party was constantly battling a public who used hidden TV aerials to find out what was going on in the outside world. By the 1970s the regime officially blocked all outside signals, sanctioning the broadcast of only those foreign films that posed no political threat. When the censors came across Norman Wisdom, he appeared to tick all the right boxes.

“Norman Wisdom’s films were shown because it was decided they were typical English humour that could

do no damage,” Mazi recalls. “They were not films that could contribute to bringing down the system. Rather they would amuse people. Then the regime could say: ‘OK, we are even showing Western films here.’”

Whilst the Communist Party saw Wisdom’s films as a fig leaf for its repression of foreign artistic influences, the Albanian people immediately connected with Pitkin’s struggles against seemingly unbeatable foes. “The Albanian people have a very good sense of hu-mour, very similar to the British, and we immediately got the message from the films of Norman Wisdom,” says Mazi. “Pitkin’s role playing tricks on policemen, and on his boss Mr Grimsdale and so on. And getting away with it! People liked this because it was how they cheated their own system. There was a joke we had back then [about the Communist Party] that summed it up: ‘You pretend to pay us and we pretend to work.’”

The official imprimatur on Wisdom’s films saw him become one of the country’s most popular stars, embraced by even highbrow critics. Rudolf Marku is one of Albania’s greatest living poets and a former editor of the the officially sanctioned culture newspaper Drita (“Light”). “One of my books had been banned for ‘ideological errors’ and I was sent to the countryside for re-education,” he explains. “I don’t know if you’ve seen the film ‘Cinema Paradiso’, but this was a small town with the cinema at its centre. In the cinema you could see for the first time the world outside the walls.”

It was here that he saw a Wisdom film for the first time. “Such beautiful films, and he was immediately attached to the viewers. Why? Norman had the human touch and was always on the side of the vulnerable people. He tried to make fun out of those in power. The

government showed the films but the common people saw the code: he was one of them,

against the directors, the police. In translation, for the common people, it

was to be against the government.”When Enver Hoxha died in 1985,

sparking the beginning of the end of the regime, Wisdom’s populari-ty endured. On his first visit to Albania in 1995 he was mobbed everywhere he went. In 2001 when he returned and made an

appearance with David Beckham at a football match between Albania

and England, it was perhaps the first and last time Beckham was overshad-

owed at a public appearance. Whilst in the UK Wisdom’s death was met

with the usual glib obituaries proffered to the elder statesmen of entertainment, in Albania his passing was met with sadness across the country. “People really loved him as a human being, an actor, a comedian who touched a chord in those difficult times,” says Mazi. “He gave our people a reason to laugh at a time in our history when it wasn’t very easy to laugh.”

Pitkin behind the Iron CurtainJames Montague on how pratfalling comic Norman Wisdom became a

talisman for the oppressed masses of Communist Eastern Europe...

“The common

people saw the code: Pitkin

was one of them, against the directors”

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laun

ch o

f the

Yes

ca

mpa

ign

for t

he A

V

refe

rend

um, m

otio

ns

carr

ied

on m

arri

age

for

gay

coup

les

and

civi

l pa

rtne

rshi

ps fo

r m

ixed

-sex

par

tner

s an

d Vi

nce

Cab

le

anno

unce

s th

at a

min

imum

of 1

0 pe

r cen

t of

Roy

al M

ail s

hare

s w

ill b

e av

aila

ble

to

empl

oyee

s on

priv

atis

atio

n. A

dilu

ted

mot

ion

to in

crea

se th

e nu

mbe

r of L

ib

Dem

can

dida

tes

from

eth

nic

min

oriti

es

is a

lso

pass

ed.

The

Inte

rnat

iona

l Citi

zen

Ser

vice

is

intr

oduc

ed. S

imon

Sch

ama

is to

con

sult

on th

e re

view

of h

isto

ry-t

each

ing

in th

e N

atio

nal C

urri

culu

m. G

eorg

e O

sbor

ne

anno

unce

s th

e in

trod

uctio

n of

a c

ap o

n be

nefit

s. H

eadt

each

ers

are

to b

e al

low

ed

to d

isci

plin

e st

uden

ts w

ho b

ehav

e ba

dly

outs

ide

of s

choo

l. Ia

in D

unca

n S

mith

sk

etch

es o

ut h

is ‘w

elfa

re c

ontr

act’.

K

enne

th C

lark

e in

tend

s to

mak

e pr

ison

ers

wor

k fo

r 40

hour

s pe

r wee

k.

Eri

c P

ickl

es re

com

men

ds m

ayor

al

Hom

e R

ule

for b

ig c

ities

.

THEMES LEADERS’ SPEECHES MAJOR POLICY ANNOUNCEMENTS

Wed

Oct

Wed

6th

Fra

nce

rai

ses

its

thre

at

leve

l w

arn

ing

fo

r ci

tize

ns

trav

elli

ng

to t

he

UK

.

Th

e C

on

serv

ati

ve c

on

fere

nce

com

es

to a

n e

nd

in B

irm

ingh

am. f

Ch

ery

l C

ole

rec

eive

s a

‘Dea

th t

hre

at’

from

a n

ew F

aceb

ook

grou

p en

titl

ed

'ch

eryl

col

e to

die

a p

ain

ful d

eath

for

be

ing

a T

**t

and

blas

ted

into

spa

ce'.

52-y

ear-

old

Ch

imp

Ch

arl

ie, f

amou

s fo

r be

ing

a h

eavy

sm

oker

, die

s in

M

anga

un

g Z

oo in

Blo

emfo

nte

in,

Sou

th A

fric

a.

Th

u7t

h

In B

rist

ol, c

hef

Fay

e P

oun

der

lose

s all

her

po

ssess

ion

s w

hil

e m

ovin

g ou

t fr

om h

er fl

at w

hen

her

flat

mat

e ac

cide

nta

lly

load

s th

em in

to t

he

wro

ng

car,

wh

ich

th

en d

rive

s of

f.

BP

sif

ts t

hro

ugh

hu

ndr

eds

of

wro

ngf

ul A

mer

ican

cla

ims

for

com

pen

sati

on f

rom

th

e G

ulf

of

Mexi

co o

il s

pil

l, in

clu

din

g so

me

from

la

ndl

ocke

d st

ates

.

Sci

enti

sts

wor

kin

g in

Pap

ua

New

G

uin

ea’s

Sou

ther

n H

igh

lan

ds a

nd

New

Bri

tain

Isl

and

ann

oun

ce t

he

disc

over

y of

200

new

sp

eci

es.i

It is

rep

orte

d th

at C

yril

How

arth

of

Ch

orle

y h

as b

uil

t a

wo

rkin

g r

ep

lica

o

f a U

-Bo

at,

usi

ng

it t

o pa

trol

th

e L

eeds

-Liv

erpo

ol c

anal

. He

face

s in

spec

tion

by

Bri

tish

Wat

erw

ays.

En

glis

h s

wim

mer

s F

ran

Hal

sall

an

d R

ebec

ca A

dlin

gton

rep

ort

suff

erin

g fr

om ‘D

elh

i b

ell

y’ a

t th

e C

omm

on-

wea

lth

Gam

es.

Per

uvia

n no

velis

t M

ario

Var

gas

Llo

sa

win

s th

e N

ob

el P

rize

in L

iter

ature

.

Hal

ifax

repo

rts

that

ho

use

pri

ces

hav

e

dro

pped

by

3.6%

in t

he la

st m

onth

.

Gap

un

veil

s a

new

lo

go

. m O

ct 1

3th

Miri

am G

onzá

lez

Dur

ánte

z, a

ka M

rs

Cle

gg, c

laim

s no

t to

know

who

Che

rie

Bla

ir is

afte

r bei

ng c

ompa

red

to h

er

durin

g an

inte

rvie

w w

ith T

he T

imes

. MP

M

ike

Han

cock

sen

ds a

n op

en le

tter t

o N

ick

Cle

gg, u

rgin

g hi

m to

avo

id

‘dic

tato

rshi

p of

the

part

y by

20

Lib

Dem

m

inis

ters

’ and

sug

gest

ing

that

he

shou

ld

try

livin

g on

ben

efits

, if h

e th

inks

it is

ea

sy. Y

ouG

ov re

leas

e a

poll

of L

iber

al

Dem

ocra

ts w

hich

sho

ws

Dav

id C

amer

on

has

a hi

gher

app

rova

l rat

ing

than

Sim

on

Hug

hes.

The

Con

fere

nce

pass

es a

m

otio

n to

boy

cott

the

esta

blis

hmen

t of

free

sch

ools

– d

espi

te th

e fa

ct th

at th

e C

oalit

ion

is c

omm

itted

to th

e po

licy

and

Lib

Dem

MP

s ha

ve a

lread

y vo

ted

in

Par

liam

ent t

o le

t suc

h m

easu

res

go

ahea

d. C

harl

es K

enne

dy p

ulls

out

of a

ra

lly, c

laim

ing

prob

lem

s w

ith h

is tr

ain

and

late

r lea

ves

the

conf

eren

ce

Geo

rge

Osb

orn

e’s

anno

unce

men

t of

a ch

ang

e in

ch

ild b

enefi

t is

crit

icis

ed

by g

roup

s in

clud

ing

the

Chi

ld P

over

ty

Act

ion

Gro

up a

nd th

e In

stitu

te fo

r

Fisc

al S

tudi

es, w

hich

pub

lishe

s an

an

alys

is c

laim

ing

it w

ill ‘s

erio

usly

dis

tort

in

cent

ives

for

som

e fa

mili

es w

ith

child

ren’

. Tor

y pa

rty

offic

ials

alle

gedl

y b

an

min

iste

rs f

rom

be

ing

se

en

d

rin

kin

g c

ha

mp

ag

ne

, alth

ough

W

ork

and

Pen

sion

s M

inis

ter

Chr

is

Gra

ylin

g is

pho

togr

aphe

d si

ppin

g so

met

hing

sus

pici

ousl

y bu

bbly

. D

avid

Cam

eron

sits

in th

e au

dien

ce

durin

g sp

eech

es r

athe

r th

an o

n th

e pl

atfo

rm, t

ellin

g IT

V ‘L

et th

e le

ader

go

and

sit i

n th

e au

dien

ce w

ith e

very

body

el

se, i

nste

ad o

f try

ing

to h

og th

e lim

elig

ht…

I w

an

t p

eo

ple

to

ge

t to

kn

ow

th

e t

ea

m, a

nd n

ot ju

st th

e te

am c

apta

in.’

‘They

left u

s a le

gacy

of sp

inning

, sm

earin

g, bri

efing

, bac

k-bitin

g,

half-t

ruths

and c

over-u

ps, p

atron

ising,

old-fa

shion

ed, to

p-dow

n, wa

steful

, ce

ntrali

sing,

ineffic

ient, i

neffe

ctive,

un

acco

untab

le po

litics

, 10p

tax a

nd

90 da

ys de

tentio

n, an

elec

tion b

ottled

an

d a re

feren

dum

denie

d, go

ld so

ld at

ha

lf pric

e and

coun

cil ta

x dou

bled,

bad

news

burie

d and

Man

delso

n res

urrec

ted,

pens

ion fu

nds d

estro

yed a

nd fo

reign

pri

sone

rs no

t dep

orted

, Gurk

has k

ept o

ut an

d extr

emist

prea

chers

allow

ed in

.’ D

avid

Cam

ero

n o

n La

bour

.

‘I don

’t wan

t to vi

olate

the

enten

te co

rdiale

but it

se

ems t

o me t

hat th

ere

are ob

vious

comp

ariso

ns

to be

draw

n betw

een o

ur po

pulat

ion an

d the

light-

finge

red Pa

risian

s.’B

ori

s Jo

hn

son

com

pare

s B

oris

Bik

es to

th

e P

aris

ian

Vélib

.

‘Who

do th

ey th

ink w

e are?

Broth

ers?’

Geo

rge

Osb

orn

e on

the

idea

that

he

and

Vinc

e C

able

wou

ld s

tab

each

oth

er

in th

e ba

ck.

‘The t

hinkin

g wom

an’s

oatca

ke.’

Har

riet

Har

man

on

Jack

Str

aw. I

t’s n

ot c

lear

w

heth

er it

is a

dig

or a

n at

tem

pt a

t pra

ise.

‘He’s G

romit..

. The

very

cool

dog w

ho fli

es

to the

moo

n and

beats

the p

engu

in.’

Ed

die

Izz

ard

den

ies

that

Ed

look

s lik

e W

alla

ce.

‘If yo

u rea

lly wa

nt to

strike

a blo

w

again

st the

surve

illanc

e stat

e you

shou

ld sa

ck An

dy Co

ulson

.’ A

lan

Jo

hn

son

to D

avid

Cam

eron

.

It’s re

al po

litica

l hok

ey co

key.’

Ala

stai

r D

arlin

g o

n Vi

nce

Cab

le in

go

vern

men

t.

‘Never

in th

e field

of po

litica

l mem

oirs,

ha

s so m

uch b

een w

ritten

by so

few

abou

t so

little

.’N

ick

Cle

gg

on

New

Lab

our d

iarie

s.

‘Wha

t is it

like b

eing i

n bed

with

the

Tories

? Firs

t, it’s

exha

ustin

g; it’s

exha

ustin

g be

caus

e you

have

to fig

ht to

keep

the

duvet

’.V

ince

Cab

le o

n th

e C

oalit

ion.

‘Spivs

and g

amble

rs wh

o did

more

harm

to

the Br

itish e

cono

my th

an Bo

b Crow

could

ac

hieve

in his

wild

est T

rotsk

yite f

antas

ies.’

Vin

ce C

able

on

bank

ers.

‘The o

nly Ca

binet

minis

ter yo

u can

sp

ot on

Goog

le Ea

rth.’

Nic

k C

leg

g o

n E

ric P

ickl

es.

It's

all a

bout

the

Mili

band

bro

ther

s.

Dav

id's

wife

Lou

ise

Sha

ckle

ton

fails

to

disg

uise

her

ups

et a

t Dav

id's

loss

of t

he

lead

ersh

ip e

lect

ion,

alle

gedl

y cr

ying

ba

ckst

age

befo

re h

is s

peec

h. D

avid

re

fuse

s to

cla

p du

ring

Ed’

s sp

eech

whe

n he

cla

ims

the

inva

sion

of I

raq

was

‘wro

ng’

and

is c

augh

t on

cam

era

aski

ng H

arrie

t H

arm

an –

who

vot

ed fo

r the

war

– w

hy

she

is a

ppla

udin

g. T

here

is u

nres

t br

ewin

g ab

out E

d’s

elec

tion

in th

e fir

st

coup

le o

f day

s of

the

conf

eren

ce a

nd

Dec

ca A

itken

head

(The

Gua

rdia

n) re

port

s N

eil K

inno

ck v

owin

g of

dis

sent

ers

that

‘w

e’ll

trac

k th

e ba

star

ds d

own

and

we’

ll st

amp

on th

em’.

Lord

Sai

nsbu

ry,

one

of th

e bi

gges

t don

ors

to th

e pa

rty,

de

cide

s no

t to

com

e to

the

conf

eren

ce

afte

r Ed’

s vi

ctor

y, c

iting

‘stu

ff to

do’

as

the

reas

on. E

d M

iliba

nd d

ism

isse

s th

e ch

ief

whi

p, N

ick

Bro

wn.

In h

is le

ader

’s s

peec

h, E

d M

iliba

nd li

sted

‘Wal

lace

’ (fro

m W

alla

ce a

nd

Gro

mit)

, ‘Fo

rres

t Gum

p’ (a

llege

dly

coin

ed b

y m

embe

rs o

f Dav

id

Milb

and’

s ca

mpa

ign)

and

‘Red

Ed’

as

nick

nam

es h

e ha

d be

en c

alle

d.

He

has

also

var

ious

ly b

een

dubb

ed S

uper

Ted

, Dea

th R

ay P

anda

(T

he G

uard

ian)

, Ste

ady

Ed

(Tel

egra

ph B

logs

) and

Nei

l Kin

nock

’s K

id

(Eve

ning

Sta

ndar

d) a

nd c

ompa

red

to T

wee

dled

um (P

rivat

e E

ye),

Sar

ah P

alin

(Tel

egra

ph B

logs

), S

teve

Ove

tt (T

he D

aily

Tel

egra

ph),

Nile

s C

rane

and

Mar

gare

t Tha

tche

r (T

he In

depe

nden

t).

DRAMAS IN QUOTES

*A R

OSE B

Y ANY

OTH

ER N

AME

New speciesConservation International's Stephen Richards guides us through the pick of the 200 recently discovered new species. Illustrated by Cloé Gillies

The pink-eyed CaediciaCommon name Wood cricket / katydid.Remarkable characteristicsStriking pink eyes.Prey and predatorsEats flowers from the tall trees of the forest. Predators as yet unknown.Where to spotThe forest canopy in the Muller Range mountains.

The Tube-nosed Fruit Bat Nyctimene sp.Common name Fruit bat.Remarkable characteristicsTube-like nostrils.Prey and predatorsEats fruit. Predators as yet unknown.Where to spotHill forests in Papua New Guinea.

Thu 7th

Feather-tailed Possum, Distoechurus sp.Common name Possum.Remarkable characteristicsA feather-like tail.Prey and predatorsEats small fruit and insects and possibly nectar. Predators as yet unknown.Where to spotThe Muller Range and Mt Sisa in central Papua New Guinea.

Pheidole sp. nov. Common name Ant.Remarkable characteristicsIts head – the large majors have heads that are several times the size of those of the workers. Then there are its huge mandibles – the majors’ giant appendages are controlled by powerful muscles which allow them to crush food that the workers bring back to the nest. And its distinct shiny, spiky spine, which is thought to defend it against predators.Prey and predatorsPrey as yet unknown. Main predator is thought to be birds.Where to spotForaging on the forest floor at mid-elevation plateaux (circa 1600m) in the Muller Range, in Papua New Guinea.

Choerophryne sp.Common name Frog.Remarkable characteristicsAn exceptionally long snout, which protrudes well past its jaw. Its size – it is tiny (it could sit on your thumb-nail). Its call – it has a distinctive soft scratching call during heavy rain.Prey and predatorsAlmost certainly eats tiny insects and other tiny invertebrates. Predators will include anything larger than it, which is pretty much everything, including larger frogs, large insects, centipedes etc.Where to spotIn pouring rain on and near the ground in steep gullies in dense rainforest in central Papua New Guinea. Bring a strong torch.

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