DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS WITH COLLEAGUES

DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS WITH COLLEAGUESDONALD BACHMAN MD FACRMETROWEST MEDICAL CENTERFRAMINGHAM MASSACHUSETTSDEPARTMENT OF PSYCHORADIOLOGY** I WISH

LOTS OF CONVERSATIONS ARE DIFFICULT

WHAT MAKES A CONVERSATION DIFFICULTANYTHING WE FIND HARD TO TALK ABOUTWE FEAR THE CONSEQUENCES FOR OURSELVES OR THE OTHER PARTYWE CANT PREDICT THE OUTCOMEOUR SELF-ESTEEM IS THREATENEDOUR EMOTIONS GET IN THE WAY

SOME DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONSTELLING A CO-WORKER THEY MADE A MISTAKEADMITTING THAT YOU MADE A MISTAKEDEALING WITH AN IRATE CLINICIANCHALLENGING THE JUDGMENT OF A REQUESTED EXAM OR PROCEDURE YOU FEEL IS INAPPROPRIATEAPOLOGIZING FOR BAD BEHAVIOR

THREE UNDERLYING CONVERSATIONS1. WHAT HAPPENED?Who is right or wrong? Are the facts interpreted differently 2. WHAT FEELINGS ARE PROVOKEDWhat is being said is often not what we feel 3. HOW IS OUR IDENTITY AFFECTEDWhat our conversation means to our self-image Stone,Patton &Heen DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS

DIFFICULT SUBJECT MATTERSENSITIVE ISSUE SUCH AS AN ERROREMBARRASING TOPICCONSEQUENCES FOR YOU OR OTHER PARTY POTENTIALLY UPSETTINGWADING INTO SUBJECTS WHERE YOU ARE LESS KNOWLEDGABLE THAN YOU SHOULD BE

WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO?SOMEONE YOU DONT LIKE OR TRUSTSOMEONE WHO YOU KNOW IS SENSITIVE, DEFENSIVE, UNREASONABLE OR VINDICITVESOMEONE YOU REALLY LIKE AND MIGHT OFFENDSOMEONE YOU DONT KNOWA PERSON WHO COULD RETALIATE

WHATS YOUR PERSONALITY?OUTGOING OR INTROVERTEDCONFRONTATIONAL OR COMPLIANTEMOTIONAL OR DISPASSIONATEANALYTICAL OR INSTINCTIVEARE YOU CONCERNED ABOUT YOUR OWN COMPETENCE, GOODNESS, WORTHINESS (EVERYONE IS!)

HOW TO MAKE IT EASIERACCEPT THAT THERE IS NO DIPLOMATIC WAY TO THROW A GRENADEACKNOWLEDGE YOUR FEELINGS, BUT DONT LOSE YOUR TEMPERDEVELOP YOUR BATNA (BEST ALTERNATIVE TO A NEGOTIATED AGREEMENT)

GETTING TO YES METHODAVOID POSITIONAL BARGAININGSEPARATE THE PEOPLE FROM THE PROBLEMFOCUS ON INTERESTS, NOT POSITIONS INVENT OPTIONS FOR MUTUAL GAININSIST ON USING OBJECTIVE CRITERIA

FISHER AND URY GETTING TO YES

GETTING TO YES METHODDEAL WITH THE EMOTIONSRECOGNIZE AND UNDERSTAND THE EMOTIONS ON BOTH SIDESACKNOWLEDGE THEM AS LEGITIMATEALLOW THE OTHER SIDE TO VENTILATEDONT REACT TO EMOTIONAL OUTBURSTSDO NOT EMULATE UNCONSTRUCTIVE BEHAVIOR

ALLIGN YOUR INTERESTS

GETTING PAST NOGO TO THE BALCONY- FOCUS ON THE PRIZE, NOT GETTING MAD OR EVENSTEP TO THEIR SIDE - DEFUSE THE ANGERDONT REJECT - REFRAMEBUILD A BRIDGEMAKE YOUR ADVERSARY A PARTNERUry GETTING PAST NO

A FEW HINTSDONT LOSE YOUR TEMPER,YOU WILL ONLY REGRET ITTAKE NOTE OF OTHERS WHO NEGOTIATE DIFFICULT SITUATIONS WELLPRACTICE YOUR DISCUSSION SKILLS,ESPECIALLY IF YOU FIND IT HARDDONT GET DRAWN IN, TAKE TIME TO COMPOSE YOUR RESPONSESDONT BEAT YOURSELF UP

KEEP YOUR HEAD

HELPFUL REFERENCESFisher R and Ury W GETTING TO YES Penguin Books 1991Stone D, Patton B and Heen S DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS Penguin Books 1999Patterson K, Grenny J, McMillan R and Switzler A CRUCIAL CONVERSATIONS McGraw Hill 2002Ury W GETTING PAST NO Bantam 1991