Emotional Intelligence&

The Missing PieceHard Truths about Soft Skills

-

The Human and Distinguishing Professional Dimension

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Just One Thing

Please shift your attention.

Give yourself the chance to “BE”

Mindful Minute ~ the gift of presence

Kids, Soccer and The Ball

• Two arenas: • Moods

• Accountability

Did you know:

• The average person experiences 400 moods/emotion triggers per day*

• What do we do with them?

• How aware are we as they show up?

• Do we manage them or do they manage us?

• What more can we do . . . ?

• Most organizations spend one third of their time in the lower level mood states

Our decisions are generally poor in our lower level mood states because our thinking tends to be flawed

*Source – Marshall Goldsmith

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Moods, Accountability, Choice & You

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Internal ~ Moods

Up The Mood Elevator

By Larry Senn

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What more

can

I do

to get

the

results?

External ~ Accountability

Active Questions:

Focus on what YOU can do to make a positive difference for yourself

a shift in

thinking

Activity

Think of an individual in your life who has had a tremendous positive impact on you professionally – a mentor, leader, co-worker, friend or other person

oOn the post-it notes, write down the attributes that:

Make this individual so special

Describe the qualities you admire in this person

oOne attribute or quality per post-it

3 minimum

5 maximum

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What is Intelligence?

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What is IQ?

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What is EQ?

13

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Too much college,too little kindergarten . . .

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IQ: 137

EQ: 0

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What is Emotional Intelligence

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What is EI?

A Working Definition

o Awareness of our own emotions and the emotions of others, and

o Monitoring that awareness and using it to manage ourselves and our relationships with others

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Personality

EQIQ

Emotional Intelligence is an essential component of the “whole” person

EI is not a new concept

“Anyone can become angry – that is easy.

But to be angry with the right person,

to the right degree,

at the right time,

for the right purpose,

and in the right way –

that is not easy.”

Aristotle

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Competency Models

33% of items relate to technical skills

67% of items relate to EQ skills

*Source:

Working With Emotional Intelligence

By Daniel GolemanTechnical

EQ

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121 Fortune 500 Companies

The Smarts that Count

EQ ≠ IQ

A group of people with similar IQs, some outperform others.

The competitive edge is Emotional Intelligence.

Success = 80% EQ, 20% IQ (Daniel Goleman)

EI can be learned. It takes awareness, time, patience & commitment.

Benefits for the individual, team and organization are not only worthwhile but invigorating.

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IQ

EQ

The Business Case for EI

o Increased profitability

o Better retention of top performers

o More successful recruitment

o Greater productivity

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On a more personal note

o People with positive emotions live longer

o People who can manage their emotions are healthier

o People with high EI are more satisfied with their jobs, and job

satisfaction is a better predictor of longevity than smoking or exercise!

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. . . and

o The reasons for losing customers and clients are 70% EI-related

o *50 percent of time wasted in business is due to lack of trust, a key EI

competency (lower level mood states)

o Turnover all the way to the top has been accelerating in recent years,

and the top career derailers are EI-related

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* Stephen M.R. Covey wrote,

The Speed of Trust

Derailed Careers

o Poor interpersonal relationships –

the single most common factor – being too harshly critical, insensitive or demanding, alienating co-workers and direct-reports.

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o Rigidity –

inability to accept feedback about traits they need to change or improve. Inability to listen, learn and change.

o Inability to work with a team –

being disrespectful, uncooperative, not sharing information, plans or credit.

(Center for Creative Leadership)

Stickies

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IQ

Technical Skills

EQ

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• Mental Well-Being ~ Matters more for mental well-being (higher life satisfaction, mental health and well-being)

• Health ~ Matter similarly for health (lower likelihood of obesity, smoking and drinking, and better self-rated health)

• Socio-Economic ~ Matter similarly for some socio-economic and labor market outcomes (i.e. higher income and wealth, being employed, and not being in social housing)

EQ vs. Cognitive Ability

for Children*

*EQ compared with cognitive ability assessed at age10

http://activ8change.com/the-sela-project/

• An 11% point gain in academic achievement

• Improved classroom behavior

• Increased ability to manage stress and depression

• Better attitudes about themselves, others, and school

213 studies involving more than 270,000 students who participated in evidence-based EQ program, compared to students who did not

*Youth With EQ Training

Demonstrate

http://www.casel.org/social-and-emotional-learning/impact/

1. Look beyond just nurturing academic achievement

2. Receive training and skills to support the development of well-rounded children

3. Foster a culture of social emotional development and to make this a priority

4. The development of EQ needs to be built-into initial training and the continuing professional development (CPD) of public facing employees from within the public and private sectors.

http://activ8change.com/the-sela-project/

For Those Working With Children

EQ is protective against stress and strong negative emotionin addition to supporting

effective functioning in social and professional situations

Defining

How do we define “Emotion”?

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Emotion is an impulse to act

Our Four Brains

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o Brain stem – autonomic

o Amygdala – emotion

o Cortex – logic

o Pre-frontal cortex – integrates logic and emotion

into judgment

Building Blocks of Behavior

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Behavior

Thoughts Emotions

Behavior is ALWAYS a CHOICE

EI = Logic + Emotion

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o Pure logic has no heart

o Pure emotion has no reasoning

Emotion + Logic = EI

oNeed both emotion AND logic

oEI can be learned

oIt starts with awareness

oEI can be enhanced at any age

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Personality

EQIQ

EI = A Collection of Skills

o Being aware of what’s going on within us, in the moment

o Being aware of what might be going on within others, and responding with care and consideration

o Managing ourselves, in the moment

o Managing our relationships with others

Mindfulness

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So what does all this mean?

Self Other

Awareness

Management

Self Awareness Other / Social Awareness

Self Management Relationship Management

EI Competencies

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• Emotional awareness

• Accurate self-assessment

• Personal power

• Emotional/behavioral self control

• Integrity

• Innovation & Creativity

• Initiative & Bias for Action

• Resilience

• Achievement drive

• Stress management

• Realistic optimism

• Intentionality

• Empathy

• Service orientation

• Organizational awareness*

• Developing others

• Powerful influence

• Communication

• Conflict management

• Visionary leadership

• Catalyzing change

• Building bonds

• Teamwork & collaboration

• Building trust

Self Awareness Social Awareness

Self Management Relationship Management

What is EI?

A Working Definition

o Awareness of our own emotions and the emotions of others, and

o Monitoring that awareness and using it to manage ourselves and our relationships with others Awareness

Management

41Behavior is ALWAYS a CHOICE

Four Steps to EI

1. Notice/identify/label the emotion

2. Understand the source of the emotion

3. Ask: “How is this serving me? How is this serving my relationship with others?” (Emotion prioritizes thought)

4. Manage my response

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Self -Awareness

Self-Management

Social Awareness

Relationship

Management

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5 Steps to Cultivate Emotional Intelligence in Children

1.Acknowledge the “shift”: Don’t judge, just identify a shift in “feeling. Convey that you

recognize a change. This can also help them recognize this feeling again when it re-surfaces

in the future.

2.Identify the Emotion: Give words to help anchor the feeling to an identifiable label. Begin

with basic emotion like happy, sad, angry, then move to more complex emotions like

disappointed, frustrated, betrayed

3.Be Mindfully Present: This is crucial to fostering a capacity for emotional intelligence. It

means paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment without judgment. This will

make the greatest difference.

4.Role Play: Role playing and problem solving encourages empathy and it is often the

quickest way to diffuse a volatile situation. Be aware not to judge. Creative problem solving

gives children way to measure their emotional responses to challenging situations. Invite

brainstorming solutions to cultivate resilience and flexibility. Conclude by asking what they

noticed from the exercise.

5.Foster Empathy- One way to foster empathy is through animals. Children have a natural

affinity with animals. This is a great way for children to raise awareness. Have them

observe and understand non-verbal communication clues.

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Kids, Soccer and The Ball

• Moods – are the foundation of our behavior

• Behavior is determined by our SEI

• Accountability is a behavior that indicates EQ

• Do we punish behavior or do we cultivate Emotional Intelligence?

How’s your EQ?

Low Emotional Intelligence

• Aggressive

• Demanding

• Confrontational

• Glib

• Poor Listener

• Impulsive

• Resistant to Change

• Un-Responsive

• Stubborn

• Critical

• Fussy

• Perfectionist

High Emotional Intelligence

• Assertive

• Driving

• Decisive

• Warm

• Sociable

• Persuasive

• Patient

• Stable

• Good Listener

• Detailed

• Systematic

• Organized

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www.3dlivingcenter.comvalerie@3dlivingcenter.com

Books & Authors• Emotional Intelligence: by Daniel Goleman

• Emotional Intelligence 2.0: by Travis Bradberry, Jean Greaves

• Building Emotional Intelligence: by Linda Lantieri, Daniel Goleman

• Managing Difficult Emotions: by Bob Bellhouse, Andrew Fuller, Glenda

Johnston

• Emotionally Intelligent Parenting: by Maurice J. Elias, Maurice J. Elias Ph.D.,

Steven E. Tobias, Steven E. Tobias, Psy.D., Brian S. Friedlander, Ph.D.

• Social Intelligence: Daniel Goleman

• Raising Happiness: by Christine Carter

• 50 Activities for Teaching Emotional Intelligence: by Dianne Schilling

• Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child: by John Gottman and Joan Declaire

• How to Raise a Child with High EQ: Parents Guide to Emotional Intelligence: by

Dr. Lawrence E. Shapiro, PhD

• Up the Mood Elevator: by Larry Senn

• Triggers: Creating Behavior That Lasts: by Marshall Goldsmith, Mark Reiter

Resources and References

• Yale: http://ei.yale.edu/

• Psychology Today https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/comfort-cravings/201309/surprising-benefit-teaching-kids-emotional-intelligence

• Forbes http://www.forbes.com/sites/travisbradberry/2015/01/07/why-you-need-emotional-intelligence-to-succeed/#2217c4172c74

• CASEL http://www.casel.org/

• Daniel Golemanhttp://www.danielgoleman.info/key-ei-topics-content-for-youth-programs

• Center for Creative Leadershiphttps://www.ccl.org/

• Activ8 Change, The SELA Projecthttp://activ8change.com/the-sela-project/

• Early Intervention Foundation http://www.eif.org.uk/publication/social-and-emotional-learning-skills-for-life-and-work/

• HBR https://hbr.org/2015/05/teaching-teenagers-to-develop-their-emotional-intelligence

• University San Franciscohttp://repository.usfca.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1264&context=diss