www.Scholastic.com/parents S e p t e m b e r 2 0 1 0 • S C H O L A S T I C PA R E N T & C H I L D 6 5

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YOU JOIN A special club when you become a mom. The

daily dues require you to talk endlessly with other

mothers about diapering, sleep routines, feeding, and

pediatricians, and later, when your children are older, play-

dates, schools, and bake sales. You seem to spend most of

your formerly free time with the other club members or tend-

Like Riding a BicycleYou had all sorts of hobbies and interests before you had kids.

Why can’t they also be part of your life as a parent? BY AMY LEVIN-EPSTEIN

ing to the club’s main focus—kids. It’s perfectly understand-

able—becoming a mom is, after all, a unique, life-altering

event. In fact, many women choose to let motherhood defi ne

who they are (have you noticed the explosion of mommy blog-

gers and tweeters?) and allow many of their pre-parenthood

interests and hobbies to fall to the wayside.

TAKE YOUR TIME

www.Scholastic.com/parents6 6 S C H O L A S T I C PA R E N T & C H I L D • S e p t e m b e r 2 0 1 0

While it’s natural to shift a huge part of your attention to

your children, it’s really not the best thing for them, or you,

to shift all of your attention. “If you try to give 100 percent

to your kids, that means you are leaving 0 percent for your-

self,” says parenting expert and mom Amy Tiemann, Ph.D.,

“and that sets you up for burnout and depression.” Not to

mention guilt. Dr. Tiemann, author of Mojo Mom: Nurturing

Your Self While Raising a Family, says it’s important to follow

your own star both for your personal well-being and to teach

your children by example. Think of it this way: You’re still

the same person inside that you’ve always been in most ways,

you’ve just shoved that part of you into a storage closet. The

ideas that follow can help you open the closet door, rummage

through, and fi nd yourself again in the sometimes messiness

of motherhood.

TALK TO YOUR PARTNER

Some women are lucky enough to have husbands who seem

to simply shine as intuitive partners. But many moms get

what they need because they are good at asking for help

and being specifi c about what they want. Whether your

husband naturally steps up to the plate or you have to

nudge him into the batter’s box, talk to him about what you

think works best for both of you. When you’re shoulder-

ing uneven loads in terms of caregiving, breadwinning, or

household duties, it’s hard

not to let frustration build

in one or both of you. But

when you’ve got the sup-

port you need, you’ll feel

lighter, and you’ll have

more time for your own

extracurricular activities,

like a morning bike ride or

a dance class. When you

need time to yourself, ask

for that, too—you can’t

expect your partner to

read your mind.

BE A ROLE MODEL

Your children shouldn’t

see themselves as the only

planet in your universe.

Connect with a passion you

have, whether it’s one that

excited you before mother-

hood or one you’ve always

WRITE: About anything but your children.

You might start a journal, send an e-mail

to a friend, or pen a silly story to send to

your sister.

READ: A chapter of The Mother’s Guide to

Self-Renewal by Renee Trudeau or Momma

Zen: Walking the Crooked Path of Motherhood

by Karen Maezen Miller.

VISIT: Your favorite museum or art gallery.

For inspiration, you might virtually visit

the Metropolitan Museum of Art’s current

collections at metmuseum.org or the

Chrysler Museum of Art’s collection at

chrysler.org. They’re two of our favorites.

BROWSE: Amy Tiemann’s website,

mojomom.com. Try her podcast and the Mojo

Mom Party Kit (for planning a girls’ night out).

SUBSCRIBE: To a magazine that inspires

you. Travel? Food? Sports? Get in touch

with whatever lights your fi re just by turning

a page. Bonus points if you do it while

soaking in a tub.

QUICK FIX Easy ways to start feeling more centered

TAKE YOUR TIME

wanted to try. Maybe you join an art class, a sports team,

or a foreign language–learning club. You deserve to have

time to develop your personal identity. Doing so is great

for your mind, body, and soul, and it benefi ts your family

by providing your little ones with a role model—a strong

woman who has personal interests, skills, and talents.

Little girls need to see Mom as a bright force with deter-

mination and a distinguishable style so they’ll be encour-

aged to follow their own hearts as they grow older. And

boys will learn that women are admirable and determined

people who aren’t just there to take care of kids, but have

full, complete lives.

REKINDLE ROMANCE

When your romantic life is just a collection of moments

grabbed in between bedtimes and bottles, it can be hard

to remember who you and your husband are as a couple. It

can even be hard to remember what it feels like to be an

attractive and interesting woman. (That’s why fi nding time

alone—even just 10 minutes—to exercise, take a nap, or

wash your hair is just as important as making time to be

with your partner.) Try setting a breakfast date. Lots of peo-

ple do the date night thing (and we recommend that, too),

but something unique and unexpected makes things even

more exciting. Make eggs or pancakes together, just the two

www.Scholastic.com/parents6 8 S C H O L A S T I C PA R E N T & C H I L D • S e p t e m b e r 2 0 1 0

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of you, once a week. Instead of going to a movie where you

can’t talk to each other, go bowling or take an evening hike

under the stars. Life is sweeter when you’re more closely

connected. We think you’ll fi nd the time investment is well

worth it. Don’t forget, you’ll be together even after your chil-

dren (far, far in the future!) leave the nest.

THINK ABOUT THE

LONG RUN

Right now, you might be

a full-time mom, but this

stage of your life won’t

last forever—even if you

are raising the equivalent

of two baseball teams like

reality TV mom Michelle

Duggar. “I encourage

mothers to stay connected to paid work in the long run,”

says Tiemann. The economy may make it tough right now,

but if you can fi nd something that fi ts with your schedule,

you’ll expand your world. You’ll also meet new friends and

gain experiences and stories to share with others. The pos-

sibilities are up to you: It could be freelance website build-

ing or waiting tables on the weekends while your little ones

are at soccer practice. Whatever your current situation,

staying in the loop means some networking, whether in per-

son, by phone, or by e-mail. With the abundance of online

social networking tools (Facebook, Linked In, blogs, virtual

communities), it’s easy to do without having to leave home.

“You need to nurture your ties so that those connections

are available to you when you’re ready for them. I think of

it as keeping a small fl ame

glowing, even in challeng-

ing times, so that you have

a spark to restart your bon-

fi re later,” says Tiemann.

ADD YOURSELF TO

YOUR SCHEDULE

Take a look at your cal-

endar—Gymboree class?

Check. Kids’ dance les-

sons? Check. That mommy

time we mentioned a min-

ute ago? That’s what we

thought. You need to actu-

ally put time for yourself

on your calendar. By for-

malizing a standing com-

mitment to “me time” in

writing you’ll get a sense

of permanence—and you’ll

be more likely to make a

habit of it. Agree to meet

with a friend every Sun-

day, for example, or read

for half an hour after

lunch. You should also feel

free to take a spontaneous

breather when you need to,

whether downtime is on

your schedule or not. Even

Superwoman took a siesta

or had a cocktail with the

gals every now and then.

Resist the urge to simply power through when you know

you need a break. Hanging out with the girls might give

you a few more ideas about new museum exhibits opening,

a must-try restaurant in town, a play you’d like to see, or an

art studio o� ering Tuesday night pottery classes. P&C

TAKE YOUR TIME

AMY LEVIN-EPSTEIN has been published in Glamour, Self, and

Prevention Pregnancy. Read more of her work at amylevinepstein.com.

You deserve time to

develop your personal

identity. It’s great for your

mind, body, and soul.

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”