section 4 - エダンズグループジャパン · understanding of what tpack is, and the way...

Effective writing 2

Section 4

Effective writing

Nature’s guide to authors:

Nature is an international journal covering all the sciences. Contributions should therefore be written clearly and simply so that they are accessible to readers in other disciplines and to readers for whom English is not their first language.

www.nature.com/nature/authors/gta/index.html#a4

“I should use complex words to make my writing more impressive.”

Effective writing

To ascertain the efficaciousness of the program, we interrogated the participants upon completion.

To determine the success of the program, we questioned the participants upon completion.

Simple language

Effective writing Complex words to avoid

Prefer Enough Clear Determine Begin Try Very Size Keep Enough End Use

Avoid Adequate Apparent Ascertain Commence Endeavor Exceedingly Magnitude* Retain Sufficient Terminate* Utilization *OK in certain fields (magnitude of earthquakes, to terminate gene expression)

Effective writing

Avoid At a concentration of 2 g/L At a temperature of 37C At a wavelength of 340 nm In order to In the first place Four in number Green color Subsequent to Prior to

Prefer At 2 g/L At 37C At 340 nm To First Four Green After Before

Unnecessary words

Effective writing

In the first place, in order to determine the critical point of the material, we incubated it at a

temperature of 95°C until it became black in color.

In the first place, in order to determine the critical point of the material, we incubated it at a

temperature of 95°C until it became black in color.

First, to determine the critical point of the material, we incubated it at 95°C until it became black.

28 words

18 words

Unnecessary words

Effective writing

“A number of studies have shown that the charged group...”

“...as described in our previous study.”

“...at a flow rate of 1.0 mL/min.”

“As a matter of fact, such a low-temperature reaction…”

“That is another reason why, we believe…”

“It is well known that most of the intense diffraction peaks...”

Unnecessary words

“A number of studies have shown that the charged group...”

“...as described previously in our previous study.”

“...at a flow rate of 1.0 mL/min.”

“As a matter of fact, such a This low-temperature reaction…”

“That is another reason why Therefore, we believe…”

“It is well known that most of the intense diffraction peaks...”

Effective writing

1. You deserve the funding, but the study design is not perfect.

Which sentence suggests that you

will get funding?

2. The study design is not perfect, but you deserve the funding.

Academic English writing style 1

Effective writing

The study design is not perfect, but you deserve the

funding. The grant will be awarded in two stages.

Stress position

Topic position

Readers focus at the end of the sentence for what is important. Information in this stress position can also introduce

the topic of the next sentence (useful for explanations and processes).


Effective writing

The local government has been striving to introduce Information and Communication Technology (ICT) in education. In college science education, technology was introduced through the ICT-Connect-TED project. The program aimed at improving the quality of lecturers through the use of ICT. ICT-Connect-TED recently provided computers and a networking infrastructure to selected tertiary colleges.

idea idea idea idea

Topic link

sentence

Adapted from: Kafyulilo et al. Educ Inf Technol. 5 May 2015; DOI 10.1007/s10639-015-9398-0


Effective writing

Almost all participants indicated a high level of satisfaction with the content, sequence and relevance of the ICT professional development program they attended. Only a few lecturers reported that the duration of the professional development program was too short. However, the majority of the lecturers reported that they developed an understanding of what TPACK is, and the way technology can enhance teaching and learning of difficult scientific concepts through the collaborative design of technology-enhanced clinic sessions in teams. “I developed an understanding of how TPACK can be applied in the design and teaching of a technology-enhanced lesson” said one of the pre-service lecturers. A lecturer from College C said if it was not the professional development he attended, he would not know how to use technology in teaching.

The pre-service lecturers had the opportunity to further develop learning about technology integration in teaching after the professional development program had finished. They were invited to use their TPACK knowledge in workshops organized by the Ministry of Education and Vocational Training…

Topic sentence

Stress sentence Topic sentence

Supporting sentences


Adapted from: Kafyulilo et al. Educ Inf Technol. 5 May 2015; DOI 10.1007/s10639-015-9398-0

Please see Activity 3 in your Workbook

Activity 3: Effective writing

Methods and Results 1

Section 5

Methods and Results

What did you do?

Methods

What was done

• Variables measured • Processes, treatments, measurements • General to specific

• Quantification; models/equations • Statistical tests (& P level) • Consult a statistician

What was studied

• Tests, controls • Number of samples/sets of tests • Materials/equipment (+ maker)

Data analysis

(1) Caution notices for dangerous substances/processes…No incidents occurred; researchers have to be qualified and trained, and use suitable

protocols, precautions, and facilities; (2) Ethics declarations

Methods and Results

Established techniques

• Cite previously published studies • Briefly state modifications • Use flow chart/table if needed

• Explain purposes; justify choices • Give enough detail for reproducibility • Use Supplementary Information

Organization • Arrange in (titled) subsections • Keep parallel to the display items • Use topic sentences

New techniques

Methods/Experimental

Methods and Results

“We used NMR spectroscopy to determine the structure of the polymers.”

We name of

technique investigate

name of property.

study

measure

confirm

determine

used to

Method------------------------------Purpose

Method – Purpose

Methods

Methods and Results

“To determine the structure of the polymers, we used NMR spectroscopy.”

we name of

technique.

used

Purpose-----------------------------Method

Purpose – Method

investigate

name of property,

study

measure

confirm

determine

To

Methods

Methods and Results Describing processes

PVA

PVA solution Titanium and

niobium powder

Dry body

The PVA and water were mixed to form a PVA solution.

Implant

The PVA solution and titanium and niobium powder were mixed to form a mixed paste.

The mixed paste was dried to form a dry body.

The dry body was heated to give the implant.

Water

Mixed paste

Methods and Results Describing processes

PVA and water were mixed and then combined with titanium and niobium power to form a mixed paste. The mixed paste was dried overnight at

to form a dry body, which was then heated at to give the implant.

Add full details

The PVA and water were mixed to form a PVA solution. The PVA solution and titanium and niobium powder were mixed to form a mixed paste. The mixed paste was dried to form a dry body. The dry body was heated to give the implant.

Avoid redundancy

Methods and Results Check the logic of lists

The variables included family size, personal and household incomes.

The variables included family size and personal and household incomes.

The recorded times were 1 hour, 20 minutes, and 360 seconds.

The recorded times were 60 minutes, 20 minutes, and 6 minutes.

The cities comprised Tokyo, Japan, London, UK, and Chicago, USA.

The cities comprised Tokyo, Japan; London, UK; and Chicago, USA.

Methods and Results Respectively

Oxygen detector flow Nitrogen detector flow Hydrogen detector flow

85 mL/min 7 mL/min 4 mL/min

Respectively – example

Oxygen, nitrogen and hydrogen detector flows were set at 85, 7, and 4 mL/min, respectively. 15 words

The oxygen detector flow was set at 85 mL/min, the nitrogen detector flow was set at 7 mL/min, and the hydrogen detector flow was set at 4 mL/min. 28 words

Activity 4: Methods


Methods and Results 2

Section 6

Methods and Results Results

• Synthesis, characteristics • Group, subgroups • Algorithm, trial, improvement

• Each subsection relates to one figure and method

• What you found, not what it means

• Use Supplementary Information

• Data accessibility

Logical presentation

Subsections

Factual description

What did you find?

Methods and Results

a

Combined Results–Discussion

Results Interpretation

Figure 1


Figure 2


Figure 3


Figure 4

Synthesis

Logical presentation

Characterization

Application

Methods and Results

A B

Describe relationships

(a) A is 4 times larger than B (b) A is 4-fold larger than B (c) A is 4 times as large as B

Which of these statements are correct?

Methods and Results

A B

Describe relationships

(a) B is 4 times smaller than A (b) B is 75% smaller than A (c) B is 25% the size of A

Which of these statements are correct?

Comparing data; Method–Purpose; Condition–Effect; Reason–Result; Cause–Effect; General–Specific; Contrast;

Similarity; Sequence; Addition; Exemplification

Methods and Results

Treatment A reduced soil lead levels by 32.7% and increased soil pH by 12.3%. Treatment B reduced soil lead levels by 22.3% and increased soil pH by 15.6%. Treatment C reduced soil lead levels by 38.1% and increased soil pH by 6.9%.

Describe relationships among your results

Methods and Results

Treatment C reduced soil lead levels (38.1%) more effectively than treatments A (32.7%) and B (22.3%). However, treatment B increased soil pH levels (15.6%) more effectively than treatments A (12.3%) and C (6.9%).

Describe relationships among your results

“showed a greater reduction”

Methods and Results

Compared with is for saying how things are different

The accuracy of the new program was reduced

compared to the previous program.

The accuracy of the new program was reduced compared with that of the previous program.

The accuracy of the new program was lower than that of the previous program.

Avoid mistakes 1

Methods and Results Avoid mistakes 2

Use parallel terms

The values were higher in group 1 than for group 2.

The values were higher in group 1 than in group 2. The values were higher for group 1 than for group 2.

Writing involves many skills: planning, preparing, drafting, and you need to check carefully.

Writing involves many skills: planning, preparing, drafting, and careful checking.

Methods and Results

Present large amount of data quickly and efficiently

Keep it simple: use separate panels if necessary

Must be able to stand alone: clear labels and

figure legends

Usually the first thing readers will look at

Figures, graphs & tables

Display items

Methods and Results

SEM images of Bentheimer sample 1 before and after damage (10 g/L barite). (a) and (b) show the undamaged plug, only quartz crystals can be seen, (c) and (d) show the sample after damage, adhesion between quartz (gray) and barite (white) can be seen, (e) and (f) show the adhesion between barite particles in the damaged plug. The black arrows point towards barite-quartz and barite-barite interfaces.

Figures

Clear figure legend

Al-Yaseri et al. J Petrol Sci Eng. 2015; DOI 10.1016/j.petrol.2015.01.018.

Title of the experiment

Key findings

Clear indicators

Methods and Results Tables vs. graphs

Type A Type B Type C

0

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

Aluminum

Gold

Figure 1. Efficiency of various solar cell types using aluminum and gold electrodes

Effi

cien

cy (

%)

Which electrode gives a more efficient solar cell?


Figure 1. Efficiency of various solar cell types using aluminum and gold electrodes

Type A Type B Type C

0

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

Aluminum

Gold

What is the highest efficiency achieved?

?

Effi

cien

cy (

%)


What is the highest efficiency achieved?

Table 1. Efficiency of solar cells using aluminum and gold electrodes

Methods and Results

Independent variables

Table formatting

Raj et al. PLoS ONE. 2014; 9: doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0106210.

Symbols defined

Dependent variable;

N numbers given

Table 1. Demographic profiled of ever-married women aged 20–24 years for most recent Demographic Health Survey data from Bangladesh, India, Nepal, and Pakistan.

Clear and concise table title

Methods and Results Line graphs

Zhu et al. Sci Rep. 2013; 3: 3163.

Quantized water transport: Ideal desalination through graphyne-4 membrane

The uniaxial stress-strain curves of graphene sheet (GR), as well as graphyne-1 to graphyne-6, along (a) the reclined chair direction, and (b) zigzag direction.

Dependent variable

Independent variable

Use colors and shapes to differentiate lines

Define abbreviations

Methods and Results Results dos and don’ts

Do… • Use descriptive headings to break up your results • Group your results • Refer to all figures and tables at least once

Don’t… • Repeat unnecessary information from tables and figures • Use “significantly” when writing without relevant

statistics • Interpret the results if separate from the Discussion

Activity 5: Results


Introductions

Section 7

Coverage and Staffing Plan

Introductions Introduction

Why is your study needed?

Current state of the field

Background information

Aim

Problem in the field

Previous studies

Current study

General

Specific Importance/Hypothesis

Worldwide relevance? Broad/specialized?

Up-to-date, International Not too many self-cites

Specific aim/approach/contents Check if Results can be previewed; extra sections?


Introductions Example introduction

Scaffold-based tissue engineering involves the combination of cells, bioactive factors and structural scaffolding materials to promote repair and regeneration of tissues.1-3 Researchers have recently developed many scaffold materials for specific injury sites. These scaffolds effectively support cell attachment and growth…. Integrating electrospun scaffolds with cells remains challenging. It is often difficult for cells that are cultured on electrospun fibers to penetrate into pores…. Optimizing both porous and mechanical features of scaffolds for tissue engineering would be a crucial step in simulating the extracellular matrix…. This study aimed to design and fabricate poly(glycolic acid) scaffolds using electrospinning to consistently allow cellular infiltration into the scaffolds…. We report on the fabrication of five scaffolds and their effects on tissue development.

Background

Current state

Problem

Importance

Aim/approach

Contents


Introductions Indicating problems

However, …an alternative approach… …presents a new challenge …a need for clarification… …a problem/weakness with… …has not been dealt with… …remains unstudied …requires clarification …is not sufficiently (+ adjective) …is ineffective/inaccurate/inadequate/inconclusive/incorrect/unclear Few studies have… There is an urgent need to… There is growing concern that… Little evidence is available on… It is necessary to… Little work has been done on…


Introductions

For lithium manganese spinel electrodes, obtaining substituted spinels of a general formula Li[LiqMn2-q]O4 and decreasing the size of particles by pyrolysis lead to better cycling ability….However, particles exhibit fast aggregation upon thermal treatment with citric acid pyrolysis in air.


Your aims must directly address the problem

Study sample

Variables Outcome

Lithium manganese spinel electrodes

Excess lithium ions Particle size/aggregation

Pyrolysis conditions

Improved physical and electrochemical

properties Modified from: Potapenko et al. Mater Renew Sustain Energy. 2015; 4: 40.

Writing the Introduction


Introductions

Your aims must directly address the problem

We describe the properties of Li[Li0.033Mn1.967]O4 after pyrolysis in an inert atmosphere. Its particle size is smaller, the degree of aggregation is lower, and high-rate properties are better that for its analogue pyrolyzed in air.

Study aims

Modified from: Potapenko et al. Mater Renew Sustain Energy. 2015; 4: 40.

Writing the Introduction

For lithium manganese spinel electrodes, obtaining substituted spinels of a general formula Li[LiqMn2-q]O4 and decreasing the size of particles by pyrolysis lead to better cycling ability….However, particles exhibit fast aggregation upon thermal treatment with citric acid pyrolysis in air.



Introductions Common mistakes in the Introduction

Ideas are not logically organized

Introduce topics that are not discussed later (Results/Discussion)

Not introduce important topics that are discussed later (topics introduced in the Discussion)

Cited studies are not up-to-date

Cited studies are geographically biased

Why study needs to be done?

Keep focused

Write last

<5 years

International

Activity 6: Introductions


section 4 - エダンズ グループ ジャパン · understanding of what tpack is, and the way...

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section 4 - エダンズグループジャパン · understanding of what tpack is, and the way...