slow opening

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Copyright © 2011 by Chase Amante.

All rights reserved. Except as permitted under the U.S.

Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this publication may be

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without the prior written permission of the publisher.

Girls Chase Books

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The Girls Chase name and logo are trademarks of Girls

Chase, Inc.

The publisher is not responsible for websites (or their

content) that are not owned by the publisher.

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INTRODUCTIONINTRODUCTIONINTRODUCTIONINTRODUCTION ................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................1111

WHY OPENING CAN FEELWHY OPENING CAN FEELWHY OPENING CAN FEELWHY OPENING CAN FEEL UNNATURAL UNNATURAL UNNATURAL UNNATURAL........................................................................................3333

MYTHS AND SAYINGS ...............................................5

SUICIDAL OPENERS ...................................................8

CHASING ...............................................................10

THE ENTERTAINER...................................................11

MISTAKES MEN MAKE INMISTAKES MEN MAKE INMISTAKES MEN MAKE INMISTAKES MEN MAKE IN OPENING OPENING OPENING OPENING............................................................................................................13131313

TALKING TOO FAST.................................................13

COMING IN TOO HARD...........................................15

PROJECTING EXPECTATIONS .....................................18

WAITING FOR HER RESPONSE...................................23

RUSHING THROUGH THE OPENER .............................27

TAKEAWAYS...........................................................29

SLOW OPENINGSLOW OPENINGSLOW OPENINGSLOW OPENING........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................31313131

WHY IT WORKS.....................................................34

WHEN TO USE IT....................................................37

THINGS TO KEEP IN MIND .......................................38

CONCONCONCONCLUSIONCLUSIONCLUSIONCLUSION ........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................42424242

SLOW OPENING CHASE AMANTE

1

IIIINTRODUCTIONNTRODUCTIONNTRODUCTIONNTRODUCTION

Ever notice how contrived it can sometimes feel

when you first go up to meet a new woman? You

walk up to her, and it feels like this big presentation,

as though this huge burden and a great deal of

pressure has been placed upon you: she expects

something incredible out of you, and you expect

something incredible out of yourself, and anything

short of that is going to be anti8climactic and a big

let down. Sometimes you’re able to surprise her and

yourself and pull off an opener that lives up her

expectations and your expectations, but even if you

do that, now you’ve set an expectation that the rest

of your interaction is going to be completely

amazing as well – and even the most talented men in

the world are rarely going to have interactions that

are completely amazing.

With many traditional openers, a man also runs the

risk of starting off on the wrong foot – the

“entertainer” foot, to be more specific. We’ll take a

look at why that is in this book, and why that’s best

avoided.

We’ll also take a look at some of the common

mistakes men make while opening – speaking too


2

fast, coming in too hard, projecting “expectations”,

waiting for responses, or, conversely, stringing

everything so tightly together in their openers that a

woman doesn’t have the chance to respond or

involve herself in the conversation.

Finally, we’ll put all the pieces together, and take a

look at Slow OpeningSlow OpeningSlow OpeningSlow Opening – a natural way of opening

that communicates all the right things and engages a

girl on a normal, conversational level rather than on

the “I’m here to impress you” level that most men

come in on.

Once you’re using the techniques covered in this

book consistently and reliably, you’ll find opening

goes a lot more smoothly – and a lot more naturally.


3

WWWWHY HY HY HY OOOOPENING PENING PENING PENING CCCCAN AN AN AN FFFFEEL EEL EEL EEL UUUUNNATURALNNATURALNNATURALNNATURAL

You walk into an electronics store, and instantly feel

eyes on you. You want to buy something, you think,

maybe… or maybe you just want to look around. But

suddenly, there’s this unspoken pressure on you.

And you notice one of the sales people meander,

slowly but noticeably, over in your direction. “Great,”

you think, “now I’m going to have him come over

and bother me, and I have to let him know I’m just

looking.” He walks up to you and, sure enough, asks

you if you need anything or if there’s anything he

can help you with today, and sure enough you reply

that you’re just looking.

“Okay,” he says. “Let me know if you need any help.”

When many men open women, this is how it goes. A

man spies a woman; he targets her and locks on;

then he moves in for the kill. Just like the customer

in the electronics store, the woman notices this – it

isn’t subtle.

Intuition though – most folks have this, they just

ignore it. If a guy feels even a slight feeling that he's

putting himself out there too much, that's his

intuition kicking in to tell him he isn’t being subtle.


4

But is subtle even something we want? What’s the

advantage of being subtle?

Imagine two scenarios. In scenario one, a cool,

confident guy walks across a room, heading more or

less directly for a woman, and begins talking to her.

In scenario two, a cool, confident guy ends up next

to a woman, and casually engages her.

Scenario one works okay if the man is incredibly

confident, knows exactly what he’s going to say, and

if the woman is receptive. If he isn’t incredibly

confident, he doesn’t know exactly what he’s going

to say, or the woman isn’t receptive though, he’s just

walked across a room and had things not go very

well. He looks a little foolish, and he’s got himself

into a bit of a hole to climb out of.

Scenario two works okay in much broader

conditions. If a man is incredibly confident, knows

exactly what he’s going to say, and the woman is

receptive, it works. In fact, it works a bit better than

if he walked across the room, because it feels more

natural and more effortless – he put in less effort to

meet her, and women assess men’s value as relative

to the results they get compared to the effort they


5

put in to get those results (more results with less

effort equates to the greatest level of attractive

qualities in a man. Lesser men work harder and get

less for their efforts). But in addition, scenario two

works okay much of the time as well even if a man

isn’t incredibly confident, doesn’t know exactly what

he’s going to say, or the woman isn’t entirely

receptive. Because he’s put in less effort, he can get

less impressive results and still stay afloat than the

more obvious man who put in more effort. Because

he was more effortless, women give him more

leeway.

This concept of putting in less effort and receiving

more results as being a key factor in a man’s

attractiveness and social power is something I call

the Law of Least EffortLaw of Least EffortLaw of Least EffortLaw of Least Effort, and we’re going to keep

returning to it throughout our discussion of opening

here. The Law of Least Effort is important

everywhere, but it stands out in importance even

more in the most critical, extreme situations in a

seduction – one of which happens to be opening.

Myths and SayingsMyths and SayingsMyths and SayingsMyths and Sayings


6

I’ve heard a lot of different opinions about that

moment when a man first meets a girl. “It doesn’t

matter what you say, so long as it gets her talking to

you,” is one. “It’s essential to make a strong first

impression,” is another. “It’s not what you say but

how you say it,” is one more.

There is some truth to all of these, but also some

fallacy. It very much does matter what you say when

you start off an interaction – it sets the tone for the

rest of the time you spend with a woman. Though it

is true that more important than the actual words

are the general thrust of the opener and the

meaning that a girl takes away from it – so in that

sense, what you say word8wise is far less important

than the message those words convey. This same

explanation holds true for “It’s not what you say but

how you say it.”

And you can certainly recover from a weak or

neutral first impression. I’ve had interactions that

started off with really very bland, boring openers,

and ended with me taking the girl to bed. But there

is also the matter of fundamentals – those nonverbal

cues like eye contact, body language, voice tone, and

the rest – and those things contribute to that initial

impression as well, quite significantly, so it’s not just


7

the words establishing it. You can use bland or even

cheesy opening lines but if you have incredibly tight

fundamentals you will still do fine, much of the time.

Regardless though, making a strong first impression,

while not absolutely essential, will make the rest of

the interaction easier, and it provides reinforcement

down the road – women don’t often consider the

middle of an interaction when they think back on it

later, but typically rather the beginning and the end.

So if you start strong, and you end strong, those are

the things a girl you've met will remember most

about you after your time with her has ended, and

that strong beginning and strong ending will make

her more likely to want to talk to you or see you

again in the future, and even a bit more likely to

accompany you to another venue or to your home

while she's still with you.

Any of the myths from mainstream sources or

people who don’t know what they’re talking about,

of course, you can probably toss without much

consideration (e.g., “You need a great opening line,”

or, “Women won’t talk to men who do XYZ thing or

say ABC to them”). We won’t talk about them, but

you’ll know them when you hear them – pieces of

advice that are thrown about like common


8

knowledge without any attempt made to back them

up with solid evidence, rationale, or counterpoints.

We only want to use things that have been tested

and found effective, and stay away from advice

bandied about by those who haven't actually tested

out that advice themselves to any real extent.

Suicidal OpenersSuicidal OpenersSuicidal OpenersSuicidal Openers

Some men use something I refer to sometimes

“suicidal openers.” These are opening lines that guys

use because they either really think they work, or

just have no idea what else to say. They include

things like:

• Telling a girl she’s so beautiful

• Using a clichéd pick up line

• Asking a girl her name

• Introducing himself right off the bat

• Using a boring question as an opener

Now, mind you, these can be used if they’re done

right, but most men have no idea how to do them

right. For these to work, these openers demand

outstanding fundamentals and a man who’s exuding


9

sexuality. They work under pretty much no other

circumstances.

We’re going to look at doing some things a little bit

simpler here, under the assumption that most people

reading this book have yet to master their

fundamentals and are still working on exuding the

proper amount of steamy sexuality. If you’re reading

this and you have those things handled already, you

can maybe skim over the parts of the book that

relate to understanding the mistakes guys make, and

perhaps skip down to where we talk about slow

opening in and of itself.

For the rest of the cats, avoid suicidal openers.

They’re lame, every boring guy in the bar or the

bookstore uses them, and if a girl is half8decent

looking she’s heard each of them a million times and

is conditioned to automatically shut down any man

using them on her (just as you may be conditioned

to turn down those people who stand on the street

corner trying to hand you flyers, or the homeless

people who walk up to you shaking the coins in

their cups; you don't even think to consider them,

you just respond automatically). You might be the

best man a girl'd ever end up having in her entire

life, but if you use a suicidal opener and your


10

fundamentals aren’t telling her to stop and give you

a minute to win her over, she’s going to be

dismissive and shut you down.

ChasingChasingChasingChasing

The reason suicidal openers feel so crappy to women

(and to most men with any sense of social

intuition… just because a man’s saying something

doesn’t mean he doesn’t realize it’s probably not the

best thing he could say) is that they are used in a

very clear context of a man pursuing a woman.

But what has she done to win his pursuit? If he’s

chasing in the opener, he doesn’t know anything

about her. He doesn’t know if she’s smart or dumb,

educated or a high school drop out, fun or boring,

insightful or dull, vivacious or laconic, affectionate

or cold, artistic or uncreative, open8minded or

closed, adventuresome or conservative. And even

more, she hasn’t made any effort to provide value to

his life.

If a man chases from the outset, he communicates

that he has no better options in his life. A man with

beautiful women in his life who is living a life he’s


11

happy with does not chase. He does not go much out

of his way to pursue women he doesn’t even know.

He won’t waste the time or effort.

The EntertainerThe EntertainerThe EntertainerThe Entertainer

There is another dread thing that many men do in

opening that make their openers feel unnatural:

being the entertainer. A man who comes in very

high energy, telling jokes, telling stories, and trying

his hardest to be interesting is a man who is seeking

to entertain.

A lot of men seem to think that entertaining women

is the key to those women's hearts. But let me ask

you this: if a girl came up to you and immediately

began telling you jokes and sharing wild stories with

you and telling you all about how flashy her life and

experiences were, would you fall for her? Or would

you be more… reserved? Might you wonder why it

is she felt she had to tell you all these things? Even a

pretty girl loses a lot of perceived value if she starts

entertaining like this – if she has to do this to get

your attention, you feel like, there must be

something missing that she’s trying to compensate

for.


12

If we can say men feel this way about women who

entertain, why would women feel any different

about men who entertain? Short answer: they

wouldn’t, and they don’t. Longer answer: women

view a man trying to entertain them as a man who’s

trying too hard to hold their interest and impress

them. In other words, he’s a man putting in more

effort than he should be to get the same result – and

because of that, he’s not nearly as attractive as a man

who puts in less.


13

MMMMISTAKES ISTAKES ISTAKES ISTAKES MMMMEN EN EN EN MMMMAKE IN AKE IN AKE IN AKE IN OOOOPENINGPENINGPENINGPENING

We could almost call this section “fundamentals of

opening” – these are the things beyond words that

have great impact on a man’s success meeting new

women. When he eliminates these mistakes and

begins doing things technically correct, opening

goes much more smoothly, and his consistency in

getting strong receptions from women off the

opener goes up.

TalkingTalkingTalkingTalking Too Fast Too Fast Too Fast Too Fast

Lots of less experienced guys rush through their

openers, and that’s bad. In fact, they rush through

talking in general, and it’s bad in general, but it’s

particularly harmful in opening. The opener is a

woman’s first moment of interacting with you; she

does a lot of hard assessing really fast in the couple

of seconds it takes you to open. There are a bunch of

things she’s looking at, and how quickly you're

speaking is one of them.

Think about it like this: imagine the most powerful,

masculine, sexy men you can think of. How many of

them talk fast? None of them, right? They all talk in

Filipe

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14

a slow, unrushed manner. A man who speaks too

quickly communicates that he’s trying to spit

everything out and make his point fast, because he’s

afraid someone will cut him off. A man who speaks

slowly, on the other hand, communicates two things:

• That he isn’t afraid of anyone cutting him

off, and

• That he isn’t overly concerned about the

social repercussions to himself even if

someone does.

You’ll notice that strong, powerful men in general

do a lot of things that communicate their defenses

are down, and speaking slowly is one of them. A

powerful man does not need to spit everything out to

defend his position in a conversation; he can take his

time to get there.

People size other people up very quickly based on

their speed of speech. It’s not fair – I’ve known some

very cool guys with very interesting things to say

who spoke very quickly. But it’s the way things are.

And if you want women to be more receptive to you

off the opener, you really ought to pace yourself

when speaking – don’t talk too fast.

Filipe

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Filipe

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15

Coming in Too HardComing in Too HardComing in Too HardComing in Too Hard

Not every guy does this, but enough of them do that

it’s a problem you’ll see fairly often. That is, coming

in too hard – or opening a woman like you’re trying

to barrel your way into conversation with her.

Needless to say, no one likes feeling like they’re

being pushed or pressured or forced into a

conversation, and women are no exception – and it’s

hands8down an attraction killer.

A guy who comes barreling in and talking very

loudly and acting very cocky with women might

think he’s coming across strong and dominant, but

the women he’s meeting are going to tend to think

he’s being oafish and annoying. Loudness is good, to

an extent, and confidence is always attractive, but

these guys take it too far and it seems rather…

artificial. Tryhard, if you will.

Women can tell when a man is trying. The reason

why is it’s one of the things they screen for: they

want to know which men are genuine, and which

ones are the charlatans. It’s an essential thing to

screen for; anytime you’re dealing with people; you


16

want to know what you’re getting. And if a girl can

tell that she’s being spoken to by a man who is

putting on his best front to try and get together with

her, she’s going to be blocked from feeling much

attraction for him.

So, I’ll give you an example. Say a woman is leaning

up against a bar, thinking deep thoughts and

waiting for her friends to return from the dance

floor. She’s a prime target for men out meeting

women; if she’s standing there by herself, it’s

reasonable for a man to assume she’s open to

meeting someone new (while occasionally women

are by themselves because they’re in sour moods and

don’t want to talk to anyone, more often if a

woman’s by herself it’s because she’s more in the

mood for relaxing and potentially meeting a cool,

attractive guy than she is for partying and dancing

and gossiping with the girlfriends).

Lots of guys will come in very hard, busting on this

girl, trying to be witty, trying to be creative and

funny and interesting. “Wow, did you see that fight?”

they might ask. Or they might loudly and facetiously

tell her she needs to calm down. Needless to say, to a

woman who’s relaxing and low energy and

specifically avoiding the wildness of her girlfriends,


17

a guy coming in hard and high energy and wild is

going to be exactly what she doesn’t want.

It took me, oh, a few years to really learn this lesson

myself. When you first start out and you’re new to

going out and meeting lots of girls, you base your

learning on what gets reactions, and being high

energy and wild and crazy and coming in hard gets

reactions. So it often seems to be working. But it

gives a false confidence.

These days, I come in chill and low energy, and

women’s reactions to me are similarly subdued. No

more wild crazy receptions like I used to get; no

more girls bouncing up and down, laughing,

jumping, frantic bantering – they don’t do that with

me anymore. But what they do do, instead, is they

accompany me home a lot more often and a lot more

easily.

For a long time, I was trying to figure out the magic

solution to transition from the high energy opening I

was doing into the seductive energy needed later to

move the interaction forward. Eventually I realized

the solution was simply being chill and seductive

from the outset – it removes the problem of having

to tone things down.

Filipe

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Filipe

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This is a bit harder to do when your fundamentals

aren’t as tight just yet. There’s a bit of a learning

curve that goes hand8in8hand with your progress in

other aspects of personal development. That said,

this is something you should definitely, absolutely,

positively keep an eye on as you progress – and

when you catch yourself losing women because

you’re coming in too hard and too wild, take that as

a sign it’s time to start toning things down and going

sexy from the beginning. Once you get that running,

you’ll have your opening in top shape.

Projecting ExpectationsProjecting ExpectationsProjecting ExpectationsProjecting Expectations

Projecting expectations is an area of opening that

most men aren’t aware of, but that kills a lot of

beginners. Before explaining what I mean by this, I’ll

illustrate an example for you to make it clear:

You’re at a used car lot, and a man who’s

obviously new at his job and inexperienced

walks up to you and asks you if he can give

you a hand. You notice he’s standing rather

far away from you, his full body pointed at

you, and his arms are crossed and he seems

Filipe

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19

visibly uncomfortable and maybe a bit

nervous. Seeing him looking like that makes

you feel uncomfortable, and you

automatically want to tell him you’re just

looking so he’ll leave you alone.

Ten minutes later, while you look at

another car, another man walks up, clearly

more experienced a salesman. He leans up

against the car next to you and gets

comfortably close to you, but his body is

turned away from you. His head is toward

you though, and he smiles warmly and

makes some idle chit8chat about the car,

the city, the weather, the playoffs. You

instantly feel more at ease, and ask him if

you can take the car for a test drive. He tells

you to wait there a moment and he’ll go get

the keys.

There’s a little bit of coming on too strong in the

inexperienced guy example there – he gives most of

his body to the customer, making the customer feel

uncomfortable that he’s coming on too strong. But

by staying far away, being visibly uncomfortable,

and looking nervous, he makes you feel very

uncomfortable being in his presence.


20

Contrast that with the experienced guy. He gets

close, in your space even, but his body is turned

away so it doesn’t feel like he’s coming in too hard.

He’s comfortable, natural, and nonchalant. As a

result, you’re far more open to working with him.

What’s the big difference between those two guys?

The inexperienced guy was projecting an

expectation of you not wanting to work with him –

and, like the self8fulfilling prophecy it is, that made

you not want to work with him. The experienced

guy, on the other hand, projected both a cool

confidence that of course you’d be relaxed with him

and talk to him, and also a lack of neediness or

expectancy or any kind of reliance on your actions.

He seems calm and self8composed; you feel more

comfortable letting your guard down around him.

This is what we’re talking about when we discuss

projecting expectations. It’s this communicating via

body language and other nonverbal signals of how

you expect an interaction to go that is a big factor in

determining how it actually goes. Funny, huh? How

you project expecting an interaction to go influences

how it actually goes.


21

There are a number of things to watch for here, but

I’ll give you the most important. These are the things

to watch for and correct if you notice yourself doing

them wrong.

• Staying far away.Staying far away.Staying far away.Staying far away. A woman's friends don’t

stand far away from her when they talk to

her. Neither does her family. And certainly

her past lovers and boyfriends didn’t. Can

you imagine a sexy, suave, romantic man

she’s just met keeping a big gap of space

between the two of them while he talks to

her? Feels awful uncomfortable, doesn’t it?

If you catch yourself doing this, force

yourself to start closing these gaps. Being

the outsider is never what you want to be.

• Protecting yourself.Protecting yourself.Protecting yourself.Protecting yourself. Humans have some

instinctual body language that they use to

protect themselves when they’re feeling

fearful or apprehensive at all. These include

folding the arms over the chest to protect

the upper abdomen, and crossing legs

closely together while seated to protect the

genitals. Be aware of these behaviors and

scratch them out. You can add arm8

crossing back into your body language later


22

on for a handful of strategic purposes that it

can be useful in, but if you’re like the

majority of people, crossing your arms and

not even being aware of it any time you feel

a little uncomfortable, I strongly advise you

nix this behavior entirely so you stop

signaling discomfort when you aren’t

aware of it.

• Grimacing.Grimacing.Grimacing.Grimacing. This was a thorn in my side for

such a long time. A grimace is that awful

fake smile you make when you’re trying to

force yourself to smile, but you’re really not

feeling like smiling at all. Solution? Purse

your lips, rub your hand over the corner of

your mouth, do anything to stop smiling.

Usually you want to smile when you first

meet a girl, but it doesn’t have to be a big

grin; it can be a small, seductive smile you

flash her way instead. Save the big fake

grimaces for silly photographs, and choose

a smaller smile or no smile at all when you

don’t feel like grinning ear8to8ear.

Clean this stuff up if you’re doing it, and you’ll

greatly reduce any negative expectation projection

you have going on right now. And if you start


23

projecting at least neutral – then, as you improve,

positive – expectations, women will start receiving

you more warmly and more openly.

Waiting for Her ResponseWaiting for Her ResponseWaiting for Her ResponseWaiting for Her Response

“It’d be a crime if I didn’t come say hello to

you when I noticed how ravishing you look.

I’m Tim,” a man says to a woman he’s just

met. Then, he waits. And waits. And says

nothing. He is waiting for her response.

“Nice to meet you too,” she says, finally.

“Well… goodbye!” Then she rushes off.

What happened?

Waiting for women’s responses is not something you

want to be doing early on in an interaction all that

much, at least not until you’re seasoned enough to

be able to tell when waiting will work to your

advantage and when you ought to keep moving

instead.

There are two reasons a man might wait for a

woman’s reply:


24

• He’s not sure what to say next, and wants to

base his next conversation on her reaction,

or

• He’s not sure if she likes him or not, so

wants to gauge her reaction to find out

before proceeding

Neither of them, needless to say, communicates

anything all that great about the guy. In reason one,

he’s uncertain and a bit tentative; in reason two, he’s

uncertain, tentative, and unconfident.

Let’s look at the other side of the coin. What are the

reasons a woman might not reply to a man right

away?

• She was off in her own world and is a little

surprised to suddenly be in a conversation

• She’s not sure how to respond to what this

new man’s just said

• She didn’t fully understand what he said

• She hasn’t made up her mind how she

wants to react to him yet


25

Which of those do you think the man will benefit

from this girl having a little extra time to decide?

Which do you think him standing there waiting for

her to come to a decision on proceeding will be a

good thing for him?

That's right – none of them.

If a girl's surprised or not sure how to respond to a

man's opener, it’s often easier for her just to end the

conversation and leave. If she didn’t understand, it

might feel too awkward to tell him that, so again she

may rather just leave. Or if she hasn’t made up her

mind how to react, if he stands there waiting while

she does so, he doesn’t look terribly good in the

process. Why is he standing there waiting to be

judged, unless he isn’t confident she’ll judge him a

desirable man?

Now consider the following scenario:

“It’d be a crime if I didn’t come say hello to

you when I noticed how ravishing you look.

I’m Tim,” a man says to a woman he’s just

met. He waits a split second, but no

response. “What brings you to the market

this fine day?” he asks.


26

She smiles softly. “I just wanted to get out of

the house and do some shopping,” she

replies.

“Great,” says Tim, “I know the feeling. How’s

your shopping going so far – any big

purchases?”

He’s gone in, made his strong opening statement,

then noticed that she seemed a bit quiet and may

have been overwhelmed by his opener for one

reason or another. So, he toned things down and

asked her a basic situational question. He’ll make a

little chit chat with her for a few minutes, then

perhaps ask her to accompany him to a shop

somewhere to look at something, or if they get along

very well he’ll ask her to join him for a coffee or

some food.

He didn’t wait for her response here; he gave her a

split second to reply, so that if she’d been excited

and wanted to say something right away, she had

the opportunity. Then, he moved onto the next part

of the conversation, making the judgment call that if

she didn’t have something to jump in with right

away, she probably needed more help feeling


27

comfortable in the conversation, so he continued

things on to help her reach that place of comfort

and ease.

RushingRushingRushingRushing Through the Opener Through the Opener Through the Opener Through the Opener

Sometimes a man would rather burn through his

opener and get it over with and get onto the

conversation. Understandable; that initial opening

can be one of the most nerve8wracking aspects of

meeting women. But just because it’s nerve8

wracking is no reason to rush through it – while you

always want to be moving fast, rushing haphazardly

through any stage of your interactions does some

things that hurt you.

“I saw you here and I said to myself, ‘Wow,

now there’s a girl I have to meet.’ You have

this really cool way about you. I’m Bill.

What’s your agenda tonight? Out drinking

or partying or just chilling with the girls? I

figured I’d come out and get some fresh air;

I’ve been cooped up in the office all week.”

First, rushing through an opener can create anxiety

for a woman. She picks up on the man’s rush to get


28

through it and starts feeling jittery herself. Second, it

tends to come off a little strange and confusing –

“Why’s he talking like that?” a woman might think

to herself.

Third, and perhaps most important, when a man

throws this much at a woman in quick succession,

without letting her get a word in edgewise, it makes

her feel like he’s afraid she’ll cut him off and excuse

herself if he gives her the chance to. And if a woman

feels like a man might fear that, that tells her it

happens to him fairly often – which also tells her

there must be a good reason other women cut him

off and excuse themselves. And so, she picks up on

his desire to rush through the opener, and becomes

far more likely to excuse herself and leave – as soon

as he gives her the chance to, anyway.

Finally, even if she doesn’t excuse herself

immediately, a woman’s going to be left feeling

unconnected from the outset if a man burns through

his opener this aggressively. She hasn’t had a chance

to participate in the conversation, have her voice

heard, or contribute at all; it’s almost as though she’s

watching the guy on TV and he’s just going on and

on without room for feedback.


29

TV isn’t something we use for choosing mates,

though. We use it for entertainment, or we change

the channel. For a man trying to meet women, “TV”

is the last thing he ought to be.

TakeawaysTakeawaysTakeawaysTakeaways

Those are the primary mistakes men make when

opening. They are:

• Talking too fast

• Coming in too hard

• Projecting expectations

• Waiting for her response

• Rushing through the opener

You'll most want to target getting these down:

• Talking at a metered pace

• Coming in smoothly

• Avoiding the projection of expectations

• Keeping conversation flowing without

necessarily waiting for a response, but

• Not moving so quickly that a woman can’t

get a word in edgewise

Filipe

Highlight


30

Get these handled and you’re on your way to a very

successful opening. But there’s one more thing you

can learn that will take your opening to the next

level, and that's what the next chapter is all about.


31

SSSSLOW LOW LOW LOW OOOOPENINGPENINGPENINGPENING

Here it is, the chapter this book was named for. Slow Slow Slow Slow

openingopeningopeningopening is a very specific, very natural way of

opening women you can start putting to use right

away. It’s simple, natural, and very effective, and it

works off one of the same basic principles as chase

framing; namely, that a woman is more comfortable

with something once she’s encountered it, given

time to turn it over in her mind at least briefly, then

encountered it again later.

Just like when the idea of intimacy with a man is

seeded to her gradually and with subtlety, she

becomes more open to it, so does opening slowly

make a woman more open to a man’s approach.

This is something I have worked on for a few years,

and it’s quite good when implemented correctly. It

goes quite basically like this:

BriefBriefBriefBrief situational or situational or situational or situational or lowlowlowlow8888intensity intensity intensity intensity genuine genuine genuine genuine

inteinteinteinterestrestrestrest open open open openerererer �� pause, break pause, break pause, break pause, break

conversation and let eye contact drift away conversation and let eye contact drift away conversation and let eye contact drift away conversation and let eye contact drift away

�� reopen four to six seconds later, this reopen four to six seconds later, this reopen four to six seconds later, this reopen four to six seconds later, this

time fully engaging.time fully engaging.time fully engaging.time fully engaging.


32

So, three steps. You make a brief statement engaging

a woman, then let the conversation die. Stay quiet

for a moment, look away, then reengage, this time

beginning the conversation in earnest. Here’s an

example of how this looks in an actual interaction:

Man: Well, this is fun, waiting in this

long line.

Woman: Yeah, really.

Man: [pause]

Man: What’ve you go there?

Woman: Just a few things for a friend

having a birthday.

Man: Oh, I love birthdays. Lots of cake

and ice cream. Booze too,

hopefully.

Woman: Haha, I don’t know if it’ll be that

kind of party. What are you

buying?

Imagine for a moment that that conversation could

begin two ways: one with the pause, and one

without. Which one feels more smooth, normal, and

natural? The one where the man blazes right in

without pausing feels very practiced and as if he’s

starting in on the woman. The one with the pause

seems as if he was just making a natural remark,


33

then realized that, oh, I might actually like to get to

know this girl, and began speaking with her again.

Here’s another example; this one’s actually how I

started a conversation with a very pretty girl I met in

an elevator, who went on to become my girlfriend.

She was a great girlfriend, very kind and

considerate, good career as an architect, and an

absolutely killer body. We spent some very good

times together, and she helped me to learn a little of

the local language.

Me: Leaving so soon?

Girl: [smiles, looks away]

Me: I’ll take that as a yes. [pause. We take

the short elevator ride down together

quietly]

Me: [as we leave the elevator] How was

your night?

Girl: Good.

Me: So I’m guessing you must be from

around here. This is your town?

Girl: I’m from another city. Where are you

from?

As it turned out, this girl was quite conservative, and

I was the first foreigner she’d ever dated. She said


34

that normally when foreign men would talk to her,

she’d simply ignore them… but she sensed I was

different. She also noted that I seemed quiet, while

most of the foreigners she met just talked all the

time.

This seemed mostly to reference the opener. Had I

barreled in there guns blazing like most cats do and

gone opener � conversation, I likely would’ve come

off too strongly for her, no matter how I proceeded,

and the two of us would never have gotten together.

Why It WorksWhy It WorksWhy It WorksWhy It Works

Women are accustomed to men walking up to them,

initiating conversation with them, and then not

letting up until the conversation ends, then leaving.

Slow opening is a way to break that mold and come

in differently, and it says some wonderful things

about you. Such as:

• That you’re confident enough to let a That you’re confident enough to let a That you’re confident enough to let a That you’re confident enough to let a

conversation die momentarily, and start it conversation die momentarily, and start it conversation die momentarily, and start it conversation die momentarily, and start it

back up againback up againback up againback up again. Most men are like pitbulls;

they latch onto a woman and then won’t let

her go or let the conversation die out of a


35

fear of losing her. Letting her go briefly

shows a degree of confidence most men

lack.

• That you’re confident enough to reengageThat you’re confident enough to reengageThat you’re confident enough to reengageThat you’re confident enough to reengage.

Most men, the instant a conversation dies,

they feel it’s over, and go hang their heads

in defeat. When you reengage, you

communicate that you’re confident a

woman will want to keep talking to you.

• That you’re intriguing and hard to win That you’re intriguing and hard to win That you’re intriguing and hard to win That you’re intriguing and hard to win

overoveroverover. Assuming she’s a beautiful woman,

most men when they meet her flip out, go

crazy, and start chasing immediately. A few

guys play it a little more smoothly, and they

open her and start talking to her right

away, but more calmly. Then a guy like you

comes along, makes a brief comment to her,

then lets it die… then restarts it again. She

doesn’t know exactly why, and one of the

ideas she may float in her head is that you

only decided you liked her after first

speaking with her. When a woman feels

she’s won you over a bit, but that winning

you over isn’t easy, it makes her feel quite


36

special and makes her like you a lot for

making her feel that way.

And there’s one more thing it does very well for you:

• It puts women on an emotional It puts women on an emotional It puts women on an emotional It puts women on an emotional

rollercoasterrollercoasterrollercoasterrollercoaster. An attractive, sexy guy talking

to her is very exciting for a woman; and an

attractive, sexy guy letting the conversation

die before it even got going is very

saddening and disappointing. When you

reengage, she will be many times more

excited than the first time you began

speaking to her – it almost feels for her as if

she just received a second chance with you.

She will appreciate you far more for having

had you, then lost you, then having you

again, then she would have had she had

you from the beginning and never lost you.

That last one’s a doozy, and it’s hard to quantify. But

I will attest I’ve seen slow opening work with

women that I normally have a very hard time

getting to open (like the girl who became my

girlfriend). Quiet girls, conservative girls, girls in

bad or unsocial moods, girls with very high

standards, girls who aren’t sure about you on the


37

initial approach – your odds with all these girls

improve substantially when you slow open them.

No joke, this works.

When to Use ItWhen to Use ItWhen to Use ItWhen to Use It

I tend to be a very low energy, relaxed guy, so slow

opening very nicely fits my style. I’m not a huge fan

of running around going crazy expending huge

amounts of energy doing stuff; I prefer to move

smoothly, calmly, and… organically, you might say.

When you’re operating this way, slow opening

works like a dream. It gels perfectly with your vibe,

and seems like the most natural thing in the world

for you to be doing; far more natural, normally, than

opening and launching immediately into follow8up

without a bit of a pause.

I wouldn’t advise slow opening when you’re very

high energy. If the environment is high energy, but

you’re low energy, it can still work; if the girl is high

energy, but you’re low energy, it may also still work,

although it won’t be as effective.


38

If you’re high energy, though, it’s usually going to

seem a little strange. What high energy boils down

to, basically, if you keep the concept of effort in

mind, is someone who’s expending a lot of effort.

And if you’re expending a lot of effort, it would seem

a little unnatural for you to open a girl, then pause,

then resume talking to her.

So, slow opening is best used when you yourself are

moving at a slow tempo. It’s dynamite then. If you’re

feeling energetic or wild, maybe put the slow

opening on the backburner until things quiet down

a bit.

Things to Keep in MindThings to Keep in MindThings to Keep in MindThings to Keep in Mind

Although it’s a fairly straightforward manner of

getting to know a woman, there are a few, shall we

say, rules of engagement that you’d do well to follow

when using this style of conversation initiation. They

are as follows.

Filipe

Highlight


39

YYYYour First our First our First our First WordsWordsWordsWords Must Be a Must Be a Must Be a Must Be a StatementStatementStatementStatement, or , or , or , or

You Must Follow Up with One Before You Must Follow Up with One Before You Must Follow Up with One Before You Must Follow Up with One Before

PausingPausingPausingPausing

This is essential. You must use statements, not

questions. If you begin with a question, you must

follow it up with a statement before pausing.

I’ve tested this out a number of different ways, and it

seems to be that if you first ask a question, whether

the girl responds or not, if you do not follow up with

a statement, your re8opening rates go very far down.

I’m not completely sure why this is – my current

theory is that it feels more you’ve been thrown off

balance, or it feels odd – why did you ask a question,

then be quiet after, then reengage? The conversation

seems to feel unconcluded without ending on a

statement, and therefore the pause feels more like

the man paused because he simply didn’t know

what to say, rather than because he was naturally

concluding the conversation.

On the other hand, when you end with a statement,

it seems to feel like a natural conclusion to the

conversation, and the woman gets that jolt of

sadness at seeing it end so early. When you

reengage, it’s a welcome return to engagement.


40

Wait No More Than Four to Six Seconds to Wait No More Than Four to Six Seconds to Wait No More Than Four to Six Seconds to Wait No More Than Four to Six Seconds to

ReengageReengageReengageReengage

The most challenging aspect of slow opening for

beginners will be the chance of a second bout of

hesitation or anxiety before reengaging a girl. This is

just something you’ll need to get over and get used

to, and recognize that so long as you reengage while

feeling a bit of anxiety, your results will necessarily

suffer a bit. Don’t dismiss the technique because of

this, just work on getting to the point where you can

reopen with less anxiety (which will also come

naturally once you’re a bit more practiced with the

technique and have seen some good results from it).

Beyond that, make absolutely certain you’re not

waiting any more than six seconds. Beyond that, and

your odds of successfully reopening seem to begin a

steep decline, the longer you wait before reopening.

There is only a limited window to pull the reopen off

during; you must be fairly precise.

Avoid VERY SAvoid VERY SAvoid VERY SAvoid VERY Slow Openinglow Openinglow Openinglow Opening


41

There might be a temptation, if a woman isn’t fully

responsive when you reopen, to give her a few more

pauses and ended conversations and reengagements.

Don’t fall prey to this way of thinking. Do a slow

opening once, and it’ll increase your mystique and

allure. Do it twice, and it starts seeming gimmicky.

Thrice, and you might as well be a one8trick pony.

Slow opening is like a special power, of sorts; you

can only use it once with each girl.


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CCCCONCLUSIONONCLUSIONONCLUSIONONCLUSION

In this book we’ve covered the reasons why opening

can feel unnatural and the chief mistakes men make

in opening, as well as what to do to avoid making

them and instead open well. We’ve unveiled slow

opening, a very natural, exciting way of meeting and

talking to women, and we’ve looked at the nitty

gritty in how it works, what situations to use it in,

and the most important points to keep in mind.

Armed with this knowledge, your opening should

grow more confident, more effective, and more

natural than ever. I hope you’ve enjoyed reading.

Thanks very much for buying my book, and I’ll see

you sometime soon in another book or on

GirlsChase.com.

Chase Amante, March 2011

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