Design By Humans pg. 10 Tweak Your Melon pg. 16 Why Are You Smiling? pg. 17

INSIDE THIS WEEK'S ISSUE s nthesis

JOURNEY INTO THE BASSMINT Brave Howl goes into the BassMint to experience this underground (literally) DJ scene and bring us the deets. With Jordan Layman as his tour guide, he gets the scoop on how it started. Will Howl survive his foray into the deep dark bass/ electronica scene? Is it a rabbit hole of drugs and noise? Or was it a totally existential mind-blow of good clean fun?

THE HUMANS ARE HERE Make way for the future. You've probably heard about Design By Humans by now, they've been in Chico for about a year and they're getting ready to bust out an expansion and a remodel at their facility on Humboldt. These innovative business badasses are taking T-Shirts to the next level - socially, environmentally & artistically. Check out what they're up to and go to www.

designbyhumans.com to get engaged.

PAULY WANT A CRACKER If you remember when MTV actually played music videos and their VJ's were icons, then you are in luck. You're about to get blasted with Pauly Shore-isms in Jen's preview of the comedian's return to Chico. He's quintessential 90s and we're going to let our nugs hang and weaze alllll your grindage so don't tax our gig too hard-core, cruster. Go check out Pauly Shore at the El Rey this week, it'll be like you died and came back as a leotard.

IMMACULATE 05 INFECTION

PUT A FORK 06 IN IT

COMICAL 07 RUMINATIONS

WHY ARE 17 YOU SMILING?

MAKE ROOM 20 FOR DANNY

syn.the.sis The composition or combination of parts or

elements so as to form a whole b: the production

of a substance by the union of chemical

elements, groups, or simpler compounds or by

the degradation of a complex compound c : the

combining of often diverse conceptions into a

coherent whole; also : the complex so formed

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LETTER FROM THE EDITOR Sara Calvosa sara@synthesis.net

How Does Your Garden Grow? No Really ... How Did You Do That? In spite of my "earthy" upbringing and deep connection with dirty fingernails and eating things I found in the woods, I'm not really a super-enthusiastic gardener. I love it in theory, I just don't love all that manual labor. I like to pick things, cook, and eat fresh-picked gardenfruit, but digging and sweating in the sun sounds like a fairly fetid thing to do on a perfectly good Saturday. That being said, I'm gearing up to give it a shot this year.

I yearn for sustainability skills, to tell people that compost doesn't smell (people always say this to me, but I'm fairly cer­tain they're lying or their sniffers are busted), and to use my children and their tiny raccoon hands to weed beloved beds. I mean, I know how photosynthesis works and that's like half the battle right there.

In our family, I'm definitely the namby-pamby whimsy machine. Everybody else is logical, rational, and into math. My significant otter took his tape measure out to the garden -ing beds to determine the volume of the space that needed to be filled with dirt. It came out to like ... way too much dirt. Then he wanted to get this fancy dirt from some guy outside of town that apparently makes the foie gras of soil - a fine vintage dirt blend of poo and garbage. The master concoc­tion of stuff to track in on your shoes. $10,000 later, I'm sure we're going to have the most kickass garden in town.

My parochial unheeded suggestion? Go get dirt in a bag from somewhere (the dirt bags with the Frog on the front) and empty them into the boxes. Make holes in the dirt with your thumb, put seeds in holes, water, wait, and profit. But since I don't really want to get my hands dirty, I'm sort of aced out of the whole decision. In spite of finding out all we really don't know about gardening, learning something new is pretty fun. It's exciting, it's a total family effort, and together we're going to be stuffing our faces and munching the fruits of our labor come summertime ... or whenever stuff gets ripe, I'm not sure.

This week we have a pretty sweetass issue. We take a peek inside the brainchildren of the Chico bass music scene and find that it's more than just music. It's a movement. Also, Jen Cartier previews the upcoming Pauly Shore show, and basically sends us all spiraling into flashbacks of the 90s when all we cared about was nugs, chillin; and grindage. So get down to the El Rey on Thursday, I hear they're ridin' the Vapor in reverse.

MARCH 4 - MARCH 10, 2013 3 I

Locals Only

BUTTE HUMANE SOCIETY OFFERING REDUCED-COST PIT BULL SPAY/NEUTERS

Only 51 Spots Remain through March 31 for Grant-Funded Discount!

CHICO, CA- Now through March 31, Butte Humane Society's Low-Cost Spay & Neuter Clinic is offering a $40 discount on all spays and neuters of pit bull terriers. This discount, subsidized by a recent grant, is available on a first-come, first-serve basis. Only 51 spots remain!

To schedule an appointment, contact Butte Humane Society's Low-Cost Spay & Neuter Clinic at 530-343-7917 ext. 202.

To see the price list for Butte Humane Society's clinic services, go online to buttehumane.org/dinic. The clinic facility is located at 587 Country Drive in Chico.

I 4 MARCH 4 - MARCH 10, 2013

Crossword Challenge

•••o••••••••••••• DDDDD••·········· •••D••D••DDDDD••• •DDDDDD••••D••••• •••o••o••••o••••• ••••••o•o••om•••• ••••DDDDDD•D••••• ••••••D•D•DDD~D•• ••••••o•o••o•o••~ ·····~DDDDDDDD••D ••••••••o••••o••o ·······~···••D••D ••••~DDD••••~DDDD •••••••o•••••o••• ·······~DDDDDDDD• •••••••••••••o••• ·······~DDDDDD••• ACROSS DOWN 2. His mother, Mitzi Shore, owns the Comedy ___ _

4. Witch Project spoof

on Blair Witch Project

6. Like Jon Stewart, Pauly Shore is also ___ _

8. Character's name in Encino Man 9. Father's name - ___ _

Shore

12. Age at which Pauly began his

standup

14. Juice wheezed in Encino Man

15. Plays Conway in In

the Army Now

16. Slang style used by Shore's

characters 17. Pauly's MTV Show from 1990-

1995, Pauly

Crossword created by Bethany Johnson

1. Character's name in Son-In-Law

3. He recommends you go to ____ if you don't like his

style.

5. The four food groups according

to Pauly Shore

7. Pauly Shore AKA The

10. Pauly's middle name

11. His father, a comedian, opened for ___ _

13. Semi-autobiographical 'mockumentary', Pauly Shore is

synthesis y y g

remained to provide a forum for entertainment, music, humor, community

awareness, opinions, and change.

PUBLISHER Kathy Barrett

kathy@synmedia.net

MANAGING EDITOR Sara Calvosa

editorial@synthesis .net

EDITOR Nolan Ford

nolan@synthesis.net

DESIGNERS Michaela Warthen

Paige Cloke Tanner Ulsh

graphics@synthesis.net

DELIVERIES Joey Murphy Molly Roberts

CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Arielle Mullen. Bob Howard. Bryan Lex, Danny Cohen, David Neuschatz. Dillon Carroll. Evan Billman. Guy Starvist. Howl. Jack Knight. Jen Cartier. Josie Hall. Jeremy Gerrard. Kenneth

Kelly, Koz McKev. Ky Junkins. Matt Olson. Molly Lex. Ryan Hawkley, Steve Swim. Tommy Diestel

PHOTOGRAPHY Jessica Sid

Vincent Latham

CALENDAR Bethany Johnson

calendar@synthesis.net

NERD Dain Sandoval

dain@synthesis.net

ACCOUNTING Ben Kirby

DIRECTOR OF OPERATIONS Karen Potter

OWNER Bill Fishkin

bill@synthesis.net

The Synthesis is both owned and published by Apartment 8 Productions. All things published in these pages are the property of Apartment 8 Productions and may not be reproduced. copied or used in any other way. shape or form without the written consent of Apartment 8 Productions. One copy (maybe two) of the Synthesis is available free to residents in Butte. Tehama and Shasta counties. Anyone caught removing papers will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law (and our law!). All opinions expressed throughout the Synthesis are those of the author and are not necessarily the same opinions as Apartment 8 Productions and the Synthesis. The Synthesis welcomes. wants. and will even desperately beg for letters because we care what you think. We can be reached via snail mail at the Synthesis. 210 W. 6th St .• Chico. California. 95928. Email letters@synthesis.net. Please sign all of your letters with your real name, address and preferably a phone number. We may also edit your submission for content and space.

210 West 6th Street Chico Ca 95928

530.899.7708 info@synthesis.net

SYNTH ESISWE E KLY.COM

IMMACULATE INFECTION Bob Howard madbob@madbob.com

Thoroughly Enjoying The Collapse Of Society As We Know It The "1 %" is back in the news, having fared

pretty well during this continuing period of

relative economic stagnation. It turns out that the economic "recovery" we are currently

"enjoying" is really primarily being recognized

by those upper-income earners - the people

who make $350K and up, annually. For the rest

of us it's barely get by, as usual. What's new?

Not much.

This makes sense, though. We get awfully

caught up in dollars, but I think we lose sight

of the fact that they are supposed to represent

a tangible value. The upper class generally

control the means

of production,

meaning they

control the engines

that generate value and hence, dollars.

This is the reason for the truthful, but

not necessarily true,

adage about the

1 % being the "job creators:' Yes, if you

control the means

of production, you

can create jobs.

But on the other hand, if you're

hoarding all the

means of production, you can also be stifling

and limiting job creation. The real revolution

will come when we realize we the people can

control the means of production, and cut the

suits right out of the equation.

This is happening as we speak. One of the

more glaring examples is in music production,

where the major record labels are on the verge

of extinction. They are scrambling to find a

toehold on a crumbling mountain, while the

independent artists are growing increasingly

savvy about creating and accessing their own

markets. Film and video production is nipping

at the heels of the indie and DIY musicians.

This is great news for us, for the revolution.

We're seeing it in food production, where

people are going back to old models of

farming. We suffered a long period of

consolidation, wherein the big farms bought

up the little farms and grew bigger. Well, the

small farms are making a comeback. People are

recognizing the value of knowing your local

farmer, and of consuming a quality, locally­grown food product. This is it, we're witnessing

the cutting edge of a major breakdown, a

positive erosion of overgrown systems.

Vote With Your Butt

That concept needs to be expanded. I come

back to toilet paper - it's something I think about a lot, because

in our society it is

ubiquitous. It is so common that we don't

even really see it. But it

is a huge commodity.

The notorious Koch Brothers, financial

backers of the TEA

Party and other far

right-wing political movements, have

made vast fortunes

from toilet paper. You can't buy a widely

distributed paper

product without lining

their pockets. But

why? Why can't we produce our own toilet

paper locally? Or better yet, why can't we forgo

toilet paper? What about reusable cloth, or the

installation of bidets?

This is the thinking that makes the 1 %

shudder. Why the aversion to solar energy?

Because you can't charge people for the sun. It's already a stretch to lay claim to the resins

that lay beneath our feet, but they justify it by

citing the expense of extraction. I dislike the

us-versus-them paradigm, but if that's the way

they want to play it... we need to wrench the

means of production away from the powers

that be. We can do it in small steps, one

business at a time. In spite of the media hype, the collapse of the system doesn't have to be

calamitous. In fact, it might just be fun.

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I 6 MARCH 4 - MARCH 10, 2013

"We clean to YOUR specifications!"

PUT A FORK IN IT Jen Cartier blushcatering@gmail.com

Anthony Bourdain Says Food Is Sex. That's Because It Is. I touched on this idea a couple weeks ago, but

I'm going back to it because I just can't stay

away. I end up hovering over this subject like that favorite place on a lover's collarbone - that

place that feels so secret, like maybe you're

the only person who's ever appreciated your

lover's beauty in exactly that way. A way they

probably didn't know they deserved to be

appreciated. The simple adoration of this silly

little spot on their collarbone. But still, you

like the way your

breath brushes

sweetly against it,

while your bodies

move together ...

and the way you

fill your lungs with desire, and the

scent of their skin

when you finally

inhale.

Or, you could

have a quickie and

forget all about

that passionate

shit. Finish up, get

what you need,

and move on.

But Ia rather

hover. I'd rather hum and stir,

while onions

slowly caramelize.

I'd rather make buttercream the hard way: over

a bain-marie, rhythmically whisking sugar and

egg whites until they come up to temperature.

Then, whisking the hot mixture into stiff peaks

as it cools, working in sticks of butter until the

frosting is smooth and sweet. Ia rather make

it from scratch; feeling every texture, sampling

every flavor, experiencing the sensual nature of

creating and eating everyday food.

Of course, there are times when a quickie

is necessary. Sometimes you've only got 15

minutes. Sometimes you need to be full more

than you need a sensual experience.

We could blame Food Network and the fact that we're an overworked and under-pleasured

society, but I just can't deal with quick and easy

recipe gimmicks. Sorry Rachel Ray, quick and

easy is just that: quick. and. easy. I want more authors, more chefs, and more Food Network

stars to say, "This recipe will take you all day, but it's worth if' The way I knew my grandma's

tamales were.

Somehow, we've

created a culture

where pleasure is

expected to come in an instant, and

then we're surprised

when it doesn't last

or satisfy. Next, we

blame our appetites.

We say things like, "I just want too

much, I need too

much, I should just

be fine. You know what, I am fine. I

don't need that/

him/her." Then,

we stuff our faces

with cheap white

bread and shitty

chocolate.

It's because

we're starved.

We're starved for

affection, connection, comfort, and security.

And you know where we find that? We look

for it everywhere, but where we really find it is in the homes we share, the meals we eat

together, and the people we snuggle up with.

Sure, we have our shit. Nothing is perfect (if you haven't noticed), but it's pretty damned

beautiful if we take a little time to appreciate it.

So eat good food, today. Look at the stars,

tonight. Make love; first to yourself, then to your world. And don't forget the collarbones.

SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM

COMICAL RUMINATIONS Zooey Mae zooeymae@synthesis.net

Ride-By Grabbing Greetings, nerds. This week I'd like to direct

your attention to the streets of Chico, where

there seems to be a disturbing trend emerging.

I'm not talking about the recent fires and

rampant degenerate activity in the area of West

5th and Ivy, although that is troubling as well.

For longtime

readers, I'd like to

revisit a column I

wrote a little over a

year ago describing

my encounter

with a ride-by

grabber. During

this incident,

I was walking

down 3rd street

downtown at night with a friend,

when a guy on a dark-colored

cruiser came riding

toward us on the

sidewalk. When he

was parallel with us, he reached out

and fumbled at my

chest area like a nervous 13-year­

old, then rode

away on his bike. At the time, I thought that

heo started to fall, and reached out to steady

himself, which is a stupid thing to think but,

in my defense, I'm not used to being publicly

molested.

I had all but forgotten about this unfortunate

incident when I found out a friend experienced

something recently that reminded me of my

brush (or fumble) with the ride-by grabber.

Early one morning, she was jogging through

Bidwell park when she saw a guy with a

cruiser crouching behind some bushes ahead.

Understandably wary, she gave him a wide

berth as she passed that spot and continued on.

When she had nearly reached her destination

downtown, she saw the same guy following

her on his bike. Before she knew what was

happening, he rode up, slapped her ass, and

sped away. The only description she could

glean was that he was on a dark cruiser and

wore a sweatshirt with his hood up.

Even though time has passed, I feel confident it's the same dickless piece of human trash

that also grabbed

me. So, if any of

you Chico ladies

have experienced

something close to

what I've described,

please email me

here at zooeymae@

synthesis. net,

because I'd really

like to get a better

description of the

shit bucket that's

been doing this;

not because I want

to get the police involved - I think

we can all agree they won't do

anything - instead,

I'd like to make an

effort to get the

word out, maybe

organize a posse,

get a lead on some pitchforks and torches, and then, who knows? We'll just see where it

snowballs from there. But seriously, email me

if you have any information because I can't

believe this guy is still out there.

Lastly, if you're concerned about being safe,

then I have just the product for you. The

Spraytech Self-Defense iPhone Case includes

a detachable pepper spray cartridge. You can

pick one up at www.spraytect.com. Just be

careful not to spray yourself in the face while

you Instagram your food. Just kidding, there

are multiple safety features that would prevent

that.

image source: spraytect.com

FACEBOOK.COM/CHICOCA • SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM

H RE

We pay cash for your recyclables!! CRY ALUMINUM CANS $2.00/Pound

E-WASTE! We pay 5¢ per pound for TV's, Computers, Monitors and Laptops!! And, as a courtesy to our customers, we'll accept all other consumer electronics, such as lax machines, printers, VHS players, etc. as a drop-011, with no payments* * Some restrictions may apply

Call for more information on getting cash for other recyclable materials.

llJ BRR ND NEW DRNCE PRRTY FERTURING THE HOTTEST DJ'S IN CHICO! 9PM-2RM I 21+ · $1/2/3 DRINK SPECIALS

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MARCH 4 - MARCH 10, 2013 1 I

Last month, I was given a seemingly simple assignment: research the DJ/dance scene in Chico. I had no idea what that meant, much less where to start. I knew I was person­ally interested in real artists; people bringing brand new music to Chico, as opposed to top 20s DJs. Then I remem­bered Beta - that dubstep thing that used to happen at Lost On Main all the time. I decided to start there, armed with a pen and some questions. What is cool about dubstep? Is it all called dubstep? What's it feel like to dance to it? What drives these DJs? Do they make good money? Do they tour?

The first person I could track down was Jordan Layman, former affiliate and manager of Beta. During Beta's resi­dency at Lost, Mike Z and Simple Science threw down the beats, while Layman watched the wallet, booked touring acts, took care of press ... that sort of thing. Through him I gained general insight into our scene and some direction concerning where to go next.

What Happened With Beta Mike Z had a history of being a photographer for Lost On Main, and eventually traded in his camera to pay for some mixing equipment. Through his photo connection, he was given the unique opportunity to DJ a dubstep one-off at Lost on August 29th, 2009. Graduation Day.

Layman recalled. "[There was] a sort of attitude that was like, 'Well we'll give these kids a huge night, they'll blow it, and we won't feel bad about sending them away: But that

I a MARCH 4 - MARCH 10, 2013

night, the party exploded. Lost wanted us to play weekly after that:'

And so it commenced. As dubstep went viral across the country and the world, Chico had its own microcosm phenomenon happening bi-weekly on Main street. Tour­ing DJs from around the country - particularly from the

Bay- were making sure they stopped in Chico to experi­ence the totally awesome gig known as Beta.

"We'd never planned on it reaching the success it did;' expressed Lay­man. "Original­ly, it was just a one- time thing. Pretty much the whole time we were just breaking even.

It was really for the experience of sharing, for providing a space to be weird and hear new music that you couldn't get anywhere else around here:'

Things between the boys of Beta and Lost got strained over time. Quite simply, the people coming out to listen to music just didn't drink very much.

Layman explained, "People weren't coming out to get ham­mered or to get tripped out. We were there to dance and be with the people we love. Lost didn't understand that. I remember them asking me, 'How do you get so many people together without any fights?' and I was confused. Why would we fight? Who gets together to fight? We're here to listen to music. This is meant to be a welcoming party geared toward sharing good music:'

Beta may be currently defunct, but through Layman I was turned onto BassMint: the underground dance party being thrown every Friday night. The journey continues!

Howl Goes To BassMint In the lobby was a pleasant young man taking money and stamping hands. Behind him were stairs descending into that magical, Chinese culinary world known as Peking. Delicious bass beats were drifting up the stairs, instead of the usual aroma of bomb-ass orange chicken. When I took those stairs, I left the Chico bar scene behind and found myself in a low-lit, low-ceilinged lounge straight out of the film, Tokyo Drift.

I settled down with a beer to observe. The low lighting was pleasant. The space was mostly in shadow, with deep greens and violets providing highlights. In that room, ev­eryone's features took on this stylized, light/dark contrast. The room was sparsely filled, the music was chill, and I was a bit uninterested at first. "No one's dancing;' I thought. "Is there somewhere the party is actually happening?"

I got restless and decided, "Fuck it. A good story will only happen if I have a good time:' I got up and started to throw down, joined by about 15 other brave souls in front of the DJ.

The night quickly got more interest­ing. I danced, I listened, I zoned out in front of the subwoofers, I took sit-breaks to drink and get hit on by young women, and then

SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM

I would do it all over again. As I got more engaged in the night, the night got more engaged with me.

When I had talked with Jordan, he made it clear that, more than just dubstep, these artists were interested in

"bass music:' When I stood in front of that sound system, my body understood; this is a celebration of bass.

I could FEEL bass; a visceral quality that couldn't ever come through headphones. I stood by the speakers for long periods just to be enveloped by it. Standing so close to the sound forces you to adapt - to engage your body and shake loose the resistance against being pummeled by sound. Resisting the volume in that room causes ten­sion and boredom. Relaxing, and letting the waves flow through me, delivered a sensation of spaciousness ... and fun. Sometimes I danced and sometimes I stood still, floating on the surface of an aural ocean. I loved how penetrating the low-spectrum bass waves were, how it felt to have my insides vibrating with the huge beats. It was very cathartic.

Before I knew it, it was last call. rn thrown down for a couple hours, dancing with more cute women than I knew I had a right to, and I didn't even need to get trashed to do it.

Questions Answered Layman identified two of the more prominent artists, Eyere Eyes and ALO, as the champs holding the BassMint torch. I met them both for coffee to pick their brains and answer some of the questions I had from the previous night at BassMint. First off, what the hell were those DJs doing with all those buttons and dials?

"Those black boards in front of the Macbooks are MIDI controllers, which those guys use with Ableton Live;' explained ALO. "They can control effect levels, bring up multiple songs at once, and play different pieces of each one ... the two of us use MIDI control­lers, turntables, Serato, and Traktor. With the turntables, we can work with two songs at once and slow shit down or speed it up. When you see either of us up there working, we're busy auditioning tracks to put up next. We never know what the set's going to be 'til we're up there in it. So you'll see us working one song ahead of what's actually playing:'

It came out in the conversation that, like the boys of Beta, they're currently breaking even week-to-week. Any extra

FACEBOOK.COM/CHICOCA • SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM

cash they make gets held onto, so they can pay for touring artists. So why do they stick around to perform for free?

"It's a rare thing to find a creative outlet unique to your­self, and it's even more rare to have the means to pursue it;' Eyere Eyes said. "We both have that luxury, and this [BassMint] just feels right...like going to church on Sun­days. I wouldn't feel like a real human if I wasn't express­ing and sharing like this for others:'

"It's just a great community space;' ALO continued. "Friday is the night where we can connect with the people we like, and listen to music the way it's meant to be heard:'

Howl Throws In The Towel We tend to pigeonhole these events as drug holes; people go to this deep, dark, dirty place to get high and listen to walls of noise. If I learned something from all of this, it's

that our preconception of the bass/electronica scene is a bit flawed. Yes, it's definitely dark and deep, but in a good way. You go to the darkness inside yourself voluntarily, in order to release it consciously. This is a loving, respectful com­munity, with a simple desire to share the drug that is qual­ity bass music. You can have some too, if you want.

BassMint happens every

Friday night in Peking from

9:30PM to 1:30AM. Local

performer nights are $2 before

lOPM and $3 after, while

touring performer nights are

$3 before lOPM and $5 after.

21+ only.

MARCH 4 - MARCH 10, 2013 9

10 MARCH 4 - MARCH 10, 2013

If there's anything that gives me hope for the future of Chico and the future of Earthlings, it's finding new busi­nesses sprouting with a social conscience. Design By Humans has only been based out of Chico for about a year, but they're already gearing up to expand their operation on Humboldt Road. Selling one badass T-shirt at a time to regular humans, they've managed to build an enormous community of artists, fans, and a reputation for making commendable philanthropic efforts.

Owner and manager, Jeff Sierra, told me about what Design By Humans is up to. "We're an artist-based com­munity; artists and T-shirt lovers from around the globe. There are about 15,000 artists that we work with on a continual basis:' It's all crowdsourced. Artists submit their designs and then challenge the public to go vote for their favorite artwork. Based on the amount of engagement, the voting, and the trends, they select a design to print on a T-shirt. After the design is printed and thrown up on the website for sale, the artist gets royalties based on the sale of that shirt. They're empowering artists to tell their story through wearable art.

The shirts are manufactured in Los Angeles and in Chico. Everything is printed in the USA using eco-friendly inks, and they're guaranteed to be 100% sweatshop and child-labor free. I have a strong appreciation for a business that builds this kind of accountability into their business model. I'm hoping that, as the consuming public becomes more demanding of transparency, and more morally aware of injustices - both human and environmental - that bud­ding, local entrepreneurs will follow this example.

I asked Jeff what he thought about the entrepreneurship scene in Chico. "It's not easy. I'm not gonna lie. But having key people to help build a company is pretty paramount:'

DBH is all for innovation, networking, and building relationships. They often host themed contests that guide trends, while simul­taneously engaging artists. They're also frequently invited to form partner­ships with other companies. One of the biggest partner­ships they've worked on was with Warner Bros. and The Dark Knight Rises - big doings afoot at the local T-shirt shop.

I took a tour of their facilities out on Humboldt Road and it reminded me a lot of the Synthesis office. All the cool kids were working hard, but ready to play foosball on their lunch breaks. It was an open and collaborative setting, with models of the Millennium Falcon and other Star Wars paraphernalia dangling from the ceiling. Sierra told me that DBH is gearing up for an expansion and remodel that will give their facility a 2013 polish. There's a great little park across the street, a cafe down the road, it's close to downtown, and it's got oodles of potential. It sounds to me like Humboldt Road is about to undergo a gentrifica­tion? "It would be really cool to make this into like a little tech hub;' said Sierra.

All T-shirts are shipped out of the Chico warehouse. The warehouse was stacked high with T-shirts sporting vari­ous designs. Sierra showed off some of his most popular designs including a crazy, zombie-looking guy with facial guts, exposed tendons, and oozy, bloody open wounds; a dinosaur, just being a badass dinosaur; as well as designs of asteroids, aliens, Dia de los Muertos/Grateful Dead mashup art, bears in bowler hats, and anything else you could imagine. It was like the shelves were overflowing their racks with creativity and vision. Again, a lot like being at the Synthesis on a Friday - but with less bears in bowler hats, I guess.

With companies like this contributing to our local and global economy and setting a good example for those Chi­co State Business majors, I think our boat might eventually start turning in the direction we're steering it. Go to www. designbyhumans.com to learn more. You can even log-in to Facebook and start voting for your favorite designs. My favorite, so far? Dr. Hoot.

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MARCH 4 - MARCH 10, 2013 11 I

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14 MARCH 4 - MARCH 10, 2013

THURSDAY, MARCH 7rH

The Sad Bastards with Widower, Chris Keene, and_ Beth Knight CAFE CODA The Sad Bastards have been laying low lately, but all it took to break them out of hibernation was the arrival of Seattle mid-tempo folk outfit, Widower. The night is sure to be relaxing, beautiful, and depressing all at the same time! Rounding out the bill will be intimate acoustic performances by Chris Keene of Surrogate and Beth Knight of The Railflowers. This all-ages show begins at 8PM and costs $5.

SATURDAY, MARCH 9rH

Father of the Bride Premiere

CHICO THEATER COMPANY Did you know there was originally a version of this Steve Martin classic made in the 1950s? Well, now that you know, you have an important decision to make. Will you be lazy and fire up that trusty ol' VHS? Or will you make it down to the CTC's premiere theatre production this Saturday? Synthesis knows you'll do the right thing and support commu­nity theatre. The production starts at 7:30PM and costs $20 for adults and $12 for children.

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • 4MONDAY The Bear: Bear-E-oke! 9PM. Cafe Coda: KZFR presents

"Sinatra Night" at 1st Monday Jazz. Doors 6:30PM, Show 7PM. $10@ door. Partial benefit for KZFR. Cafe Flo: Jazz Happy Hour w/ Carey Robinson Trio. 5-7PM. Followed by Word Play - Poetry Open Mic and 2 round poetry slam. 7-9PM. DownLo: NEW 8-Ball In-House League. Ask bartender for details. Last Call Lounge: Karaoke. 8PM. Maltese: Open Mic Night -Acoustic Music. Signups @ 8, Starts@9. Mug Night 7-11:30PM. Senator Theatre: Black Veil Brides. Doors 7PM, Show 7:30PM. $18 Adv. Woodstock's: Spelling Bee For the Grown Ups. 6:30- 7:30PM.

STUESDAY I OOth Monkey Cafe & Books: Dreamwork Circle - Share dreams & explore techniques for discover­ing their secrets. 6:30-8PM. $10. The Bear: Bear Wear! 1/2 off while wearing Bear Wear. Mug Club 4-1 OPM.

Cafe Flo: Open Mic with Aaron. 7-9PM. Crazy Horse Saloon: All-request karaoke. 21 +. DownLo: Game night with DJ DannyK. 7PM LaSalle's: '90's Night with DJ Sana. 21+. Lost On Main: For the Fans Tour - The Convalescence, Kleos, A Plague Upon Her, Taunis Year One. 8PM. Maltese: Karaoke 9PM-Close. Studio Inn Lounge: Karaoke 8:30PM-1AM. The Tackle Box: Karaoke 9PM. Woodstock's: Trivia Challenge. Call @ 4PM on date to reserve a table. 6:30 PM.

6WEDNESDAY IOOth Monkey Cafe & Books: Open Mic. Singers, songwriters, musicians, vocalists and comedi­ans. All ages welcome. 7PM. The Bear: Trike Races. Win t-shirts and Bear Bucks. Post time lOPM. Mug club 4- lOPM. Cafe Flo: Draw to live jazz. Bring your sketchpad. 5- 7PM. Followed by The Blue Merles 7-9PM.

Crazy Horse Saloon: Wild dance lessons, mechanical bull, Crazy Horse Girls, DJ Hot Rod Ent. 8-lOPM. Chico Women's Club: West Afri­can Dance with Imelda Mata. Live drumming. Fun for men, women, and kids. 5:30-7PM. $10. Fol­lowed by Ecstatic Trance Dance. Live Trance music played by the TranceFormation Band. 7:15-8:30. DownLo: NEW 8-Ball Tourna­ment.Sign-ups 6PM, starts 7PM. Duffy's: Dance night! DJ Spenny and Jeff Howse. 9PM. Feather Falls Casino: Dance Club. Dress to impress! 9:30PM. $5 cover includes one drink. LaSalle's: Big Tree Fall Down, Glitter Dick, Island of Black & White. 9PM. $3. Maltese: Heavy Deavy Metal Wednesday DJs! 9PM. Tackle Box: Beginner Swing Dancing Lessons. 7-9PM. Towne Lounge: Black Fong. 9PM. VIP Ultra Lounge (Inside The Beach): Laurie Dana. 7-9PM. Wismer Theatre: CSU, Chico presents "12 Ophelias''. 7:30PM. Woodstock's: Trivia Night plus Happy Hour. Call @ 4PM on date to reserve a table. 8PM.

7THURSDAY Cafe Coda: The Sad Bastards, Widower, Chris Keene, & Beth Knight. 8PM. $5. Cafe Flo: Improv Jam. 5-7. Com­edy Open Mic - Last Stand at Flo. 8-9:30PM. Chico Women's Club: Chicas International Women's Day Non­Profit Exhibition. 6:30-9PM. DownLo: Chico Jazz Collective every Thursday. 8PM. Graduate: Red Bull Movie Night. lOPM. Has Beans: Open Mic Night. 7-lOPM. Sign-ups start@6PM. Lakeview Restaurant (Oroville): Carey Robinson Jazz. 6-9PM. LaSalle's: Happy Hour: The Jeff Pershing Band. 6-9PM. Lost On Main: The Dancehall Ft: AZ Redsmoke & cootdog. 9PM. Maltese: Karaoke. 9PM-Close. Panama's: Eclectic Nights- Buck Night & DJ Eclectic spinning favorites of today and yesterday on the patio. 9PM. Quackers: Karaoke Night with Andy. 9PM-1AM. VIP Ultra Lounge: Acoustic Per­formance w/ Bradley Relf. 7-9PM.

SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM

SATURDAY, MARCH 9No

Broken Rodeo CD Release Show with Alec Chumbley and Spiff & Bullet CAFE CODA Broken Rodeo has been making a slow and steady rise through the Chi­co music scene over the last couple of years. Their debut album, Beginner's Luck, was a humble triumph, and their next release promises to be just as comfortably countrified. Acoustic acts, Alec Chumbley (East Bay) and Spiff & Bullet, will warm up the crowd with their own original folk tunes. 8PM. $5. All ages.

FRI & SAT, MARCH srH_9rH

2nd Annual Chico Silent Film Festival CHICO WOMEN'S CLUB This Friday and Saturday, come see what Norma Desmond in Sunset Boulevard meant when she said, "They didn't need dialogue, they had faces:' In celebration of the lOOth anniversary of the Chico Women's Club, Friends of the Arts presents the 2nd Annual Chico Silent Film Festival, featuring 13 silent films accompanied by Frederick Hodges on the club's newly restored Steinway grand piano. Prices range from $10 per film showing, to $49 for an all-festival pass, or $100 for the festival plus cham­pagne brunch. www.FriendsOJTheArtsUpstate.com

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • Wismer Theatre: CSU, Chico presents "12 Ophelias''. 7:30PM. Woodstock's: SOTA Productions and Songwriters Music Guild present "Chico Unplugged" -Singer/Songwriter Showcase. 7-9PM. FREE

8 FRIDAY lOOth Monkey Cafe & Books: Writing Group - Write, share, and workshop your pieces. 3:30-SPM. Ayres 120, CSUC: Chicds International Women's Day Women Speakers. 7:30-9PM. The Beach: DJ 2K & Mack Mor­ris. 9PM-close. $2, $10 VIP. Chico Women's Club: Friends of the Arts present Chico Silent Film Festival - Fundraiser for the Chico Women's Club. 6PM. Duffy's: Pub Scouts. 4- 7PM. El Rey Theatre: Actor I Come­dian Pauly Shore and friends. Doors 8:30PM, Show 9PM. $22 adv; $25 door. Kelly's Tavern (Oroville): Kara­oke with Mora Sounds. 7-llPM. LaSalle's: Chico Scene presents Keep Calm Chico ft. Mack Mor­ris. Hosted by The Hooliganz w/ J. Pigg & DJ Babyface. SPM.

Lakeview Restaurant (Oroville): Carey Robinson Jazz. 6-9PM. Lost On Main: Fever Fridays w/w/ DJ Marvel with guest DJ Freakbeatz. 9PM-2AM. Maltese: Drag Queen Show. 9PM. Peeking: BassMint - Electronic Dance Party. 9:30PM. $3-5. Quackers: Live DJ. 9PM. Sierra Nevada Big Room: Hooker Oak School hosts Spring Fling - Dinner and Silent Auc­tion to raise funds for classroom needs. Featuring performance by All Fired Up! 6-10:30PM. $35. T-Bar: Live music 7-8:30PM. Tackle Box: Live music with Dead Man's Hand. 9PM. Tortilla Flats: Latin Nights. Espanol & English DJ dancing with DJ (El, Kora) de Chico. Towne Lounge: ClubOl #Twerk

- Bootie Poppin' Dance Party. DJ set hosted by JPEG. 9PM. Wismer Theatre: CSU, Chico presents "12 Ophelias''. 7:30PM.

9SATURDAY I OOth Monkey Cafe & Books: Knitting Circle. 2-4PM. Cafe Coda: Broken Rodeo (CD Release Party), Alec Chumbley, and Spiff & Buffet. SPM. $5.

Cafe Flo: Song Circle with Robert Catalano. l -4PM. Cal Skate: Adults Only Skate Night. 9-11:30PM. $6. 18+ Chico Women's Club: Friends of the Arts present Chico Silent Film Festival - Fundraiser in honor of the Chico Women's Club.12PM. DownLo: Hippie Trap. SPM. LaSalle's: 1980NOW! SPM. Laxson Auditorium: Chico Performances presents Yuval Ron Ensemble. 7:30PM. $15 - $27. Lost On Main: Ranchero Show and Salsa Night with DJ Tun Tun. 9PM. Maltese: Live music with Outta Nowhere (metal covers). 9PM. Pageant Theatre: Chicds Inter­national Women's Day Women's Films. 1-4PM. FREE Quackers: Live DJ. 8:30PM-1AM. No cover. Rowland-Taylor Recital Hall: Final Round of the 15th Annual Kruschke Piano Competition. 12PM. FREE Tackle Box: Hot Flash. 9PM. Towne Lounge: Liter of Cola. 9PM. Wismer Theatre: CSU, Chico presents "12 Ophelias''. 7:30PM.

lOSUNDAY 5th Street Steakhouse: Holly Taylor & Eric Peter Jazz Duo 6-9PM. Cathedral of the Blessed Sacrament: Sacramento Choral Society presents Sound and Spirit

- Spirituals, Chant, Folksongs from the Global Village. 3PM. Chico Women's Club: Recep­tion for Chicds International Women's Day featuring perfor­mance by MaMuse opened by hula dancers. 4:30-7PM. $25. Crazy Horse Saloon: Sunday Funday. LaSalle's: Karaoke. SPM. Maltese: DJ JPEG-01 Sunday Social 3-7PM. Trivia SPM. Sierra Nevada Big Room: Poor Man's Whiskey. 7:30PM. $15. The Tackle Box: Karaoke with DJ Shelley. SPM. Wismer Theatre: CSU, Chico presents "12 Ophelias''. 2PM.

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MARCH 4 - MARCH 10, 2013 15

I 16 MARCH 4 - MARCH 10, 2013

I have fond, adolescent memories of the '90s film, Encino Man; Pauly Shore and Brendan Fraser wheezing the juice (which, for the record, has its own definition on urbandiction­

ary.com ), and discussing "grindage" (the four food groups). Milk Duds made up the dairy group, Sweet Tarts the fruit, Corn Nuts took care of the vegetables, and microwaveable bur-

ritos handled the meat group.

And then I grew up to be a snobby food writer.

But who couldn't relate to a young, funny guy who loved junk food, loud outfits, and causing a ruckus? There was something liberating about the characters Pauly Shore played - usually ones who didn't adjust well to growing up - and a lot of us felt the same. As his character, Stoney, said to Dave in Encino Man, "High school is over, buddy. Get into it. We're 10-00-serrrrs:' Or at least, we had a long way to go to figure it all out.

I recently spoke with Pauly Shore, which was dreamy because I always had a slight, strange crush on him, even through the days of the (cringe and shudder) long curly hair from Son- In-Law. I loved his style of humor, his quirky syntax, and - as a high school kid who had discovered the joys of marijuana - I appreciated when he planted Purple Sticky Pu-unch, which became an important element in rebalancing the homeostasis of the Bio Dome. Who didn't love The Weasel?

When I asked Pauly Shore how he connects to young people today, he said, "[I'm] not in the public eye as much as someone like Bruno Mars, [but] I think some of those movies I did ... the people that saw them have a soft spot for them. [They think] those are some good times. That was a really fun movie:' A few of those movies

ended up becoming cult classics.

The 45-year-old standup comedian began his career at the same time as Chris Rock, Brad Pitt, David

Arquette, and appeared on 21 Jump Street

with Johnny Depp. Although he was great when he was younger, time has been good to Pauly Shore.

Blame it on good genes. Pauly's dad, Sammy Shore, is a stand-up comedian who once opened for Elvis. He's now 86 years-old, and is still touring. His parents, who divorced when Pauly was three, both worked in comedy. His mother, Mitzi Shore, owned The Comedy Store (a Los Angeles comedy club), where Pauly began his standup career at the age of 17.

What was it like growing up with comedic parents? He said, "Whoever wanted stage time (at The Comedy Store) and wanted to get on my mom's good side would take care of me:' He was raised by a village of comedians, and always knew what he wanted to do.

"Comedy isn't something you choose. It chooses you;' he said. Even though his brothers and sisters grew up in the same surroundings as Pauly, they didn't "get the bug:' Pauly just liked to make people laugh.

He's coming back to make Chico laugh Friday, March 8th at the El Rey Theater. 'TH go anywhere, as long as there's a crowd;' he said. "I think the smaller the town the better, for me ... a lot of people don't come to smaller towns ... I'll boldly go where no comic has gone. Even Chico:'

According to Pauly, he had a great time during his first visit to Chico (a couple years back). He enjoyed the col­lege atmosphere and looks forward to returning for more.

As an added bonus, Pauly is bringing along some friends to open for his act. Although he wouldn't mention names, he assured me that he's bringing a few really great come­dians from The Comedy Store, who tour with him often.

Oh, and if you don't like his style, he recommends going to Chipotle instead.

Chico, we're in for a treat!

Catch Pauly Shore at the El Rey Theater this Friday, March

8th at 9PM. The show welcomes little weasels of all ages

and costs $22 in advance.

By Jen Cartier

SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM

WHY ARE YOU SMILING? Kenneth Kelly kenneth.kellyl2@gmail.com

Falling Into The Creek There is a veritable shanty town developing underneath the bridge next to my workplace. Ordinarily, there are a couple homeless people living down there as trolls would, but unlike trolls, they don't even have the courtesy to be interesting and ask riddles of passersby. Usually, they're run out by the cops or driven out by the flooding creek, but they appear to

man in the creek had already done so. I was disappointed I didn't get to make the call. To me, it would have been the same as getting to lick the brownie batter off the spoon.

I felt a basic human sympathy for this poor woman who fell the 15 feet off the bridge, but I also felt slightly annoyed. Not only was

I going to be staying for the long haul.

They've constructed tents out of old sheets, built

"Not only was I going to have to stay at work later, but I didn't get to lick the

have to stay at work later, but I didn't get to lick the hero spoon. It wasn't until a paramedic shined a flashlight on the woman's face that I actually saw her human form. Blood poured from her nose as she writhed in the mud.

hero spoon." a bathroom area, and established a rudimentary parliament. I've been jok­ing with my coworkers that soon the UN will recognize it as its own Shanty-City State, and any

NO. JUMPING Off BRIDG

acts of aggression would constitute a dec­laration of war. The fragments of humanity down there are nothing more than a joke to us surface-dwellers.

The other night when I was closing up, I could hear the sound of what I thought was the beginning of a hobo fight. Now I like laughing at a good hobo fight like any other red-blooded American, but I was minutes away from finishing my shift. There would be other hobo fights, and this one sounded pretty one-sided. It was just a dude yell-ing something unintelligible. He continued to shout for a few minutes until the new guy said to me, "Hey, some lady fell off the bridge:'

In the darkness I saw a man kneeling beside a prone figure. Heroically, I thrust my hand into my pocket to dial 911, but noticed the

Witnessing her agony made me regret my choice to ignore what I now know were cries for help, but the remorse dissipated when I saw the stolid, uncaring expressions on the paramed­ics' faces as they slowly extracted her from the creek. They would've been moving much quicker if she were in danger.

I later made a couple jokes to the new guy about the situation. They aren't funny enough to repeat in print, but the situation made me realize something. I have a dark creek bed running in my mind (and maybe you do, too), to which I exile fragments of humanity to become, in addition to a trag­edy, a joke for me and those callous or brave enough to laugh with me. Whether it's right or wrong is a question best left for philoso­phers. I just know I would rather laugh than cry.

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PHOTOS BY JESSICA SID ON THE TOWN

MARCH 4 - MARCH 10, 2013 11 I

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I ta MARCH 4 - MARCH 10, 2013

SCENE REPORT by Howl • photo by Nik Burman

Into The Open Earth Tour Kickoff with Armed For Apocalypse and lo Torus

Wednesday Feb. 27 1078 Galler

Sporting a glorious ginger beard, Io Torus frontman Austin Lynx's voice sounded like a sort of screaming ogre/banshee/cat. The aggressive vocal presentation contrasted sharply with his gentle, between-song stage banter. Every member of Io Torus were exceedingly proficient at their instruments, and they all showed it at the same time. Occasionaly, the sound was huge. Other times, the arrangements were confusing. But most of the time, it was really fucking heavy. These young musicians deserve to be received by Chico as the very unique and creative group they are, so I'll refrain from drawing comparisons between them and Between The Buried And Me (whoops).

As we waited for the boys of Armed For Apocalypse to set up, local musician, Alex Coffin put some strange, sad pop on the PA for us to sway and snap our fingers to - ah! As I write this, I'm being told that it was Surrogate. Now I know. I stepped out for a beer and came back about 10 minutes into A4A's set.

For those of you who still don't know who Armed is, just know that they're heavy. They've probably toured more than your band. Their guitar tone is beautiful; like mountains falling into the ocean at circle­pit velocity. Their songs have three speeds, actually - "Circle Pit," "Headbang," and

"Super-Heavy-Breakdown Headbang." The formula works wonders, and it helps that all four performers obviously put their hearts into giving a quality performance, every time.

The reason this concert happened was to show support for Into The Open Earth before they embark upon a short Pacific Northwest tour. I haven't seen these guys in a while, but apparently they've acquired a new Orange guitar cabinet (best speakers ever) and two painted backdrops. The paintings were illu­minated by lights behind them, and made for

a pleasant visual addition to the show; imagine drummer, Casey Schmidt, flanked by two blazing headdress skulls, as he dominated the kit.

I had reserva­tions about how Into The Open Earth would deliver after such an immense performance from Armed, but I forgot all about such reservations as soon as they

started playing. It's not often that a metal band inspires an audience to dance, but ITOE provided plenty of opportunities to do so (in the most metal, manly way possible, of course). Their sound balances just enough hooks with the right amount of chaos, producing a live experience that is quite addictive. They were way too loud, but every­one was way down, because ITOE pounds.

SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM

Reutews-Tan lines Mixed Emotions True Panther Sounds by Josie Hall

In March of 2012, Brooklyn experimental dream-pop duo, Tanlines, debuted their first LP, Mixed Emotions - an aptly-titled album stradling the spectrum of emotional tensions that accompany the common experience of"getting older." Demonstrating a stirring percep­tion of life 's highs and lows, Tanlines members, Jesse Cohen and Eric Emm, strike an impressive balance of lyrical profundity and instrumental buoyancy. The album features a range of tracks that cover the works: people changing, lovers changing, ourselves chang­ing, and the constant clash between resisting and accepting such changes.

Leading off is the airy, mid-tempo dance beat of"Brothers," paired with lyrics encom­passing the plagues of indecision and living too much inside our heads. At the halfWay point, the thematic track "Not the Same," boasts a catchy, synth-driven sound with darker­toned vocals exploring the conflict of making changes to our lives while maintaining a convincing identity. Later in the album, the duo mellows out with "Rain Delay," a somber, floaty break-up melody that painfully and accurately reveals how harsh reality can be.

The reality for Tanlines, however, probably couldn't look any better after their debut album. After forming in 2008 and producing a well-received EP in 2010, all Cohen and Emm had to do was expand on their successful sound. Mixed Emotions is a dazzling debut LP that successfully captures the intimate struggle between who we were and who we have become.

ALO Sounds Like This Universal Republic by Tommy Diestel

From the moment it hits the speakers, ALO's Sounds Like This enraptures one with crisp bass grooves and funky melodies. The album's mix of upbeat and laid-back tunes create the perfect soundtrack for a good time. Floating keyboard lines and synthesizer effects compliment riffs of guitar wahs. ALO's latest release delivers their classic Santa Barbara chill vibes, while also being surprisingly danceable. It's a good blend of soft rock n' roll and funk without being too poppy. After six previous studio albums, ALO have really crystalized the sound they've nurtured throughout the years. The recording also does a great job capturing the high energy of the band's live shows.

Sounds Like This is a solid effort throughout its entirety. From start to end, it delivers relaxing, good-time dance music that's easy to get down to. And for long-time fans, check out alomusic.com for access to nearly two decades of archived music by the band.

FACEBOOK.COM/CHICOCA • SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM

PHOTOS BY JESSICA SID ON THE TOWN

MARCH 4 - MARCH 10, 2013 19

20 MARCH 4 - MARCH 10, 2013

MAKE ROOM FOR DANNY Danny Cohen

Hiking With Ghosts "You must eat almonds and romaine." -My mom's Hindu friend, before reincarnating

I do, now, but also hors d'oeuvres, canapes, and garnishes. The Saddhu took us to Dante's View (in Griffith Park, above the observatory), then to Dupar's, where he ordered a cheeseburger without the burger. He lived in the Penthouse at the El Royale on Rossmore. When we moved to the valley, I hiked in Topanga and saw a werewolf and UFOs.

Now I hike in the Paradise cemetary. I left my glasses there, retrieving them the next morning, before the first wave of lowlifes. A slug fell from the case, and slimed my drawing. Wiping only darkened the paper. Erasing caused the dissolved pulp to shred.

I write this column in the cemetary, in Thanatotic repose. Once, a crazy lady apologized for standing nearby. Then, she came to my door in a walker (I didn't recognize her as she switched from a babyless stroller). She'd seen the "for sale" sign and "wanted to know where the front door was," thinking no one was home. Was she a homeless squatter or garage raider? I said, "Don't come back!" I tried calling the police, but they didn't answer all day (there were signs all over Paradise, asking for volunteers!)

She had the same gait, posture, height, build, and clothes as my mom, and it was my mom's birthday. Was she a "Haint" who'd

usurped a dead body? The face was almost identical to a deranged lunatic the cops had shot and killed in the cemetary. Chills went through me. I had the slack-jawed, wide-open face of Don Knotts (sounds like a Robert Goulet song). The creature had the air of a Japanese dowager ghost from a Lefcadia Hearn story. Corporeal? Broad

daylight? A walker? "This just can't be!" (-The Stooges' landlord, after they wallpapered).

My neighbor's son confirmed my final suspicion. She was stalking me! I feared she'd do something drastic. Earlier in the week, a hot young co-ed had ogled me at a library table. As I

rose to flee, she sucked on a lollipop and gave me a Lolita-look that said, "This could be your dick! Everybody wants me." (-Mamie, in Attack Of The Mushroom People).

My mom passed three days before her birthday. I had a card then, but she was comatose when I arrived with the family, an hour after a Hospice nurse called me, only intimating a massive dose of morphine. February was her time. She liked Lincoln, blossoms, and the Academy Awards. I turned them on for her (just because all the hosts bombed in a skittish room was no reason to use a young dork, and have an old dork {William Shatner} chastise him from the bridge of the Enterprise). My sister would take me to her grave up north a week late because she made a clay head that blew up! I told her to glue the pieces together and paint it. It would look cool. She felt this monument would bring "closure."

SY NTH ESISWE E KLY.COM

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The Graduate Down Lo

Liquor Bank Eye Of Jade Tattoo

Cafe Coda (LOST)

Has Beans Peet's Coffee

(on Humbolt) Woodstock's Pizza

Beatniks University Bar

Downtown Liquor Kona's

Gordo Burrito Upper Crust

El Patron- Lowe's Aca Taco

Cal Java Bella's

Tackle Box La Salle's

The Maltese Marcell i's

Angie's Poker Club Sacred Art

The Roost Celestin o's

Cafe Flo Madison Bear

Has Beans Garden

Kinder's Deli Care

Monstros Pizza Butte County

Cheese Steak Shop Library

Cafe Mondo In Motion Fitness

La Familia Big Chico Burger

Doughnut Rising Celestina's Pizza

Mama Celeste's Donut Nook

Aca Taco Holiday Inn

Oasis Grilla Bites

Ray's Liquor's End Zone

Craig Hall Farm Star

Mountain Mike's Sin of Cortez

Pizza Sol Mexican

Empire Coffee Nash's

Joe's Cookie Shop

5 & Eye Mangrove Bottle

Riley's Shop

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MARCH 4 - MARCH 10, 2013 21 I

ARIES You begin the week with a sense of

enthusiasm and a desire to try and

do things differently. Your imagi­

nation is activated in ways that

might relate to the public at large.

Creativity will have to include a sense of surrender. Be willing to

apologize and admit when you're

wrong. Avoid bullies and insensi­

tive people. Help those that are

isolated in prisons, hospitals, rest

homes, or other institutions. Pay attention to dreams and your sub­conscious. Have some alone-time

in nature.

TAURUS With Venus now in your elev­

enth house, along with a bunch of other planets, the emphasis is

on future-planning and friends.

Good people show up just when

you need them to. You'll find a way

to appreciate your specific social

niche. Throw a party; or be a part of a big social event. You are free

to be who you are in the weirdest

of ways. By mid-week, you should

be experiencing magical coinci­

dence and a sense of good fortune.

Dancing is good.

GEMINI It looks like you're running things

this week. It's a good thing that

you have such varied interests because now is a time when you'll

need to use everything you've

got. Sharpen up every talent and skill that you have. Being a leader

requires that you let nothing ruffle

your feathers. You are in complete

understanding of what needs to be done. If you're in the market for

a new job, your prospects should improve this week. Confidence is

what you need to display.

CANCER You're in a positive flow. Begin

the week working toward what you feel is worthy service. A little mid-week romance is more than

just possible, but likely, if you have

an open mind Travel, education,

and sage-like wisdom are your themes. By the weekend, you'll see

the many ways in which you are

more fortunate than most. Help

others and more good karma will come of it. This is a great time for

publishing a book or producing a

movie.

LEO Everyone has, or will experience,

some sort of torment during their

life. You've been negotiating a

more difficult period emotion­

ally. Much of your resources may

be tied up in other people's busi­ness. Otherwise, you may be in

debt or others are in debt to you.

The beginning of the week has

you being your best. Stop fearing

things that haven't happened yet.

Fortunately, not all of our fears come true. Accept help and give

help freely. Pray for the miracle

you need

VIRGO Partnerships are everything this

week. How you come across to others is the big deal this week.

Begin the week by honoring older

family members. Tuesday after­

noon through Thursday look great

for creative expression, being lov­

ing, or taking a joy ride. Sunday is a high day for romance, and surren­

dering to love can be like a drug to

you. Make a positive, honest effort

in all your work. Kindness is the

power of caring along with actions

that inspire generosity.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY: Steve Schuman 3/5/58, Maurice Spencer-Tei/man 3/8/78

LIBRA There is no free lunch, but take

heart that the tastiest things in life

are worth working for. Discovery

comes when you make yourself

vulnerable to a new condition or

situation. Hard work is all around you. This is due to your sixth

house being activated. You may

want to pay attention to small

pets, and uncles and aunts as well.

Friday and Saturday are your

power days this week. You'll get in touch with what is bothering you,

as well as what is working for you.

SCORPIO Getting the miracle you need may seem like a challenge; however, if you let go of outcome scenarios

and ask the universe to be more

sensitive to the good that is out there, you'll find that good fortune

is already smiling down upon you. Say "thank you" more often. Do a random act of kindness for some­

one. Give yourself a present, as

well. Help build up other people's

confidence. Ignore the mistakes of

the past. Work toward a more cre­

ative, loving, and positive future.

SAGITTARIUS You've received a lot of love and

support from your partnerships.

Now is a time to focus some of

that good fortune on your family. You're conscious that you'll need a

firm foundation in order to be able to climb up to your next lofty goal.

The week begins strong with the

moon in Sagittarius. People will be focused on too much of a good

thing. Easy street may not be the

best street to live on. Pay attention to your feelings and to the people

around you that you consider to

be family.

CAPRICORN You've heard the saying that

ignorance is bliss. Keeping one's head buried in the sand like an ostrich won't stop the outside

world from doing what it's doing.

You're spending more time gath­

ering information and educating

yourself. The moon will be in Capricorn Tuesday late afternoon

through most of Thursday. Stay

in touch with siblings and friends

from school days. Be more pas­

sionate about working with your

hands. Know that what might be a truth today could easily be a lie

tomorrow.

AQUARIUS Your vision for the kind of future

you want is clear. The challenge

will be getting other people on

the same page with your values.

Money, food, and putting on a

new face are your main issues during this time. One of the main

components of creating wealth is

being happy and resourceful with

what you have. The moon will

be in Aquarius Thursday night

through most of Saturday. You demonstrate a practical common

sense that is appreciated during

this time of urgency and fear.

PISCES Changes that you want to make

are more than possible. You take center stage as the flavor of the

month this week. By Sunday, when the moon is in Pisces, there will be

seven illuminaries in Pisces: the sun, the moon, Mercury, Mars,

Venus, Chiron, and Neptune. Anything that you want to make

possible is more possible than

ever. Kindness, compassion, imag­ination, and intuition are all Pisces

virtues. Be sensitive to being lov­

ing in the best way possible during each and every situation.

Koz McKev is on You Tube, on cable 11 BCTV, is heard on 90.lFM KZFR Chico, and also available by appointment for personal horoscopes. Call (530)891-5147 or e-mail kozmickev@sunset.net

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