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Dear Families,We have been publishing this guide for a full 10 years, and my, how the world has changed inthat time. My girls have become young women, the awe and wonder in their eyes giving way toa firm determination to forge their own ways in this new world. Yes, costs have risen, we have todrive more cautiously and take our shoes off in airports. Music, clothing, technology, the politicaland economic landscape all have changed, but some things have not. Those people and thingsnear and dear to us, our way of life and, as Tevye the milkman says, “Tradition”, tend to anchor usin a solid foundation of home, family and community. For these reasons, our milestone celebra-tions are especially sweet, reminding us that although the world turns faster and faster, somethings remain quite the same. It’s not just a catchphrase that family and friends are what is mostimportant in life. Wanda Hope Carter wrote: "Family and Friends are hidden treasures, seek themand enjoy their riches." We all want to enjoy, savor, and remember milestone events like births, mitzvahs and weddings.Special events give us a chance to see distant relatives and friends in a happy setting and to celebrate with them. And those people are also able to meet and/or visit with one another. Thisexperience also creates an example for and an impression on our children. Family and friends areimportant to us and we honor those relationships by including them in our celebrations. Andeven as clothing, music and the technology of celebrations change, the essence of the milestoneevents and the reason we celebrate, does not change.So, as you are planning your upcoming celebration, keep in mind the importance of the memoriesyou are creating and the heritage you are helping to continue. Mazel Tov to you and your family!

FeaturesThe Significance of the Day! . . . . . . . . . . . . . .4What is a Bar/Bat Mitzvah? . . . . . . . . . . . . . .4The Bar/Bat Mitzvah Booklet . . . . . . . . . . . . .5Honors & Alliyot . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .5Stay Involved After the Bar/Bat Mitzvah . . . .5Reception Ideas . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .8Sample Reception Agendas . . . . . . . . . . . . .10Candle Lighting Ceremony . . . . . . . . . . . . . .15Decoration Tips . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .19Bar/Bat Mitzvah Planning Timetable . . . . .20Let’s Get Organized! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .20Mitzvah Project Ideas . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .20Popular Party Themes . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .21Who Decides What . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .21Marriage License Requirements . . . . . . . . .24Honeymoon Planning Basics . . . . . . . . . . . .24Calendar of Jewish Holidays . . . . . . . . . . . . .25Frequently Asked Questions . . . . . . . . . . . . .28Out Of Towners’ Guide . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .29Jewish Weddings Section . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .33The Wedding Program . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .37Expos & Showcases . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .48Sample Budget Form . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .50Public Speaking Tips . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .60

Directory of ServicesBanquet Facilities / Hotels . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .6Caterers / Catering . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .12Clothing . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .17Decorations / Theme Design . . . . . . . . . . . .18Giftware & Judaica . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .23Honeymoon / Travel . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .24Invitations / Calligraphy . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .26Music / Entertainment . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .39Novelties / Favors . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .44Party / Event Planning . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .48Photography / Videography . . . . . . . . . . . . .51Rental Supplies . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .56Directory of Resources . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .57

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Mazel Tov to you and your family!Bar/Bat Mitzvahs and weddingsare the happiest of Jewish life-cycle events. But planning theseevents often causes feelings ofanxiety that take away from thathappiness. Maybe this is the firsttime you or your family has everorganized an event or shoppedfor unfamiliar goods and services.Perhaps you don’t fully understandall the elements necessary to hostthe event. You may just need afew pointers or a checklist so youdon’t forget something.We are here to help!B’nai Mitzvah & JewishWeddings™ is the area’s mostcomplete planning and resourceguide. Use this guide to spendless time planning your event andmore time enjoying the experi-ence. We help you understandand enjoy the religious experienceand traditions of Bar/Bat Mitzvahand Jewish Weddings and to plana memorable celebration!

Mona FreedmanPublisher/Editor

COVER PHOTOS BY:Bar Mitzvah Images by: Josh Barry Photography

Wedding Images by: Photography by Ellen

B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish WeddingsTM

Baltimore Edition-Spring 2009Our StaffMona Freedman, Publisher/EditorJay Freedman, General ManagerBeth Anne Bloom, Production ManagerJackie McGlothin, Production CoordinatorDebbie Barger, Account ExecutiveJonathan Freedman, Account ExecutiveRobbin Davlin, Distribution CoordinatorDenise Greco, Showcase Coordinator

Published Bi-Annually by Milestone Media Group, Inc.5360-E Enterprise St., Eldersburg, MD 217841-877-856-5490 | Fax 410-549-6467e-mail: info@bnaimitzvahguide.comwebsite: www.bnaimitzvahguide.comCopyright © 2009, Milestone Media Group, Inc. All rights reserved. Milestone MediaGroup, Inc. does not endorse any product or service listed or advertised in thispublication. We reserve the right to reject any advertisement or listing that we feel isnot in keeping with the publication’s standards. The publisher has made everyattempt at accuracy. We do not assume any and hereby disclaim any liability to anyparty for any loss or damage caused by errors or omissions in this publication.Reproduction of any part of B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish WeddingsTM is permitted onlywith written permission of the publisher.

The Freedman Family

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A Word About theBar/Bat MitzvahCelebration

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The Significance of the Day!

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B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish WeddingsTM

believes that all families should recog-nize the religious importance of theBar/Bat Mitzvah, the rite of passage, andthe whole Jewishness of the child. This

life-cycle event will have long lasting meaning to thefamily, relatives, friends and especially the honored child.Becoming a Bar/Bat Mitzvah symbolizes the child’s reli-gious coming of age and the beginning of life as a fullyparticipating Jewish adult. He/she will now accept reli-gious responsibilities and can perform the importantduties of Jewish life.The celebration of the event is an important componentbecause it honors the child’s accomplishments and givesloved ones and others the opportunity to show greatpride and joy for the child. This publication focuses onplanning the reception or celebration, but we recom-mend that you, as parents, participate fully in the wholeMitzvah and understanding the significance and mean-ing of the day. Remember, the party would be meaning-less without the ceremony. On our website is a partiallist of resources that helps the reader learn more aboutthe Torah, Judaism, and the spiritual meaning of theBar/Bat Mitzvah. Your Synagogue, local library, book-stores, stores in this guide that carry religious items andour online bookstore at www.bnaimitzvahguide.com mayhave these as well as other resources.

Here are some other ways tobring meaning to the day:• Attend synagogue with your children regularly, even if

they sit with their friends. Discuss the service and theRabbi’s sermon afterwards.

• Encourage your child to give to tzedakah (charity), asit is a responsibility for Jewish adults. Giving from thechild’s own funds is even more meaningful, even if itis a dollar or two.

• Encourage the Bar/Bat Mitzvah to practice his/herparasha (Torah portion) and perhaps haftarah portionfrequently. Even if it is awkward, listen to their practicing, as your child becomes a young adult.

• Meet with the Rabbi as a family, if this is the customat your synagogue, and allow your child to speakfreely.

• Discuss the Torah portion being read, both the Hebrewand the English translation. Relate the message inthat portion to events today in the world, in your owncommunity, or in your family.

• Participate in the service, if your synagogue allowsthis, by reading prayers, lighting candles, recitingblessings, or helping with the ark and the Torah.

• Perform a mitzvah with your child and/or encouragea Mitzvah Project. There are many worthwhile ideassome are listed on page 20.

What is a Bar/Bat Mitzvah?

Translated as “Son/daughter of the commandments”, one becomes a Bar orBat Mitzvah at age 13 (12 for girls in mostOrthodox congregations) independent of aceremony marking the occasion.

By tradition, because a Bar/Bat Mitzvah ceremony is acustom not a commandment, age 13 is when a childbecomes obligated to the ritual responsibilities of Jewishlife. This is referred to as the “commandment age”, the“age of majority”, or a “religious coming of age”. At thispoint in the young adult’s life, he or she is presumed tobe responsible for those religious obligationsindependent of the parents.Those obligations might include mitzvot, being part of aminyan (religious prayer quorum), fasting on Yom Kippur,leading the congregation in prayer or wearing tefillin.

Therefore, becoming a Bar/Bat Mitzvah is certainly animportant life-cycle event. In secular terms, this point ina teen’s life, often marks enormous growth and maturityreflected by several years of study and practice before thespecial day. Combined with the responsibility of Jewishadulthood, this event often brings an overwhelmingwave of emotion to parents and close relatives.This event is marked by participation in services, readingthe Torah and leading the congregation in prayer. Afterthe service, it is customary to celebrate with a specialmeal to commemorate the mitzvah. Over time, theparty, or simcha, has evolved. This is a way for familiesto celebrate a rite of passage, as well as bring extendedfamilies together to reunite for a joyous celebration.

Celebration has historically been anintegral part of the important rite ofpassage of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah.In the past, and again recently, the extent of somecelebrations has raised questions about the appro-priateness and dignity of the simcha. This is especially marked when there appears to be noconnection between the spiritual side of the eventand the party. Debate, of course, has always beenan integral part of the American experience, includ-ing American Judaism. We understand that cele-bration should be at the same time meaningful tothe family, respectful of Jewish law and tradition, and reflective of synagogue and community values. This is sometimes a difficult task to accomplish,especially after the events of September 11th andthe current violence in Iraq, Israel, Afghanistan andelsewhere. We do not propose the answers here,except to emphasize that personal choice is also animportant American and Jewish dimension.How important a party celebration is to one familywe cannot say. But the Bar/Bat Mitzvah only passesonce on the way to becoming a teenager, and therite of passage is undeniably sacred and important.After all, the celebration is not only for the act ofreading the Torah, leading the congregation inprayer and giving a speech. There has been deter-mined studying, learning and practicing. There hasbeen intellectual and spiritual growth. There havebeen mitzvot (good deeds), tzedakah (charity) andgemilut chasadim (non-financial giving) that helpbuild self-esteem and mold character. The Bar/BatMitzvah has earned the right to be part of a min-yan, be called for alliyot, or wear the tefillin. Thatthis should be celebrated in some way is undeni-able, but the intensity and extent of that celebra-tion, while ever debatable, is probably a matter ofindividual taste and preference. Whatever yourchoice may be, Mazel Tov to you and your family!

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Many congregations allow, even encourage, cre-ation of a Bar/Bat Mitzvah booklet or programfor the service. This is compiled and produced bythe family for distribution to congregants andguests by the ushers, or inserted into prayerbooks. It can have a variety of unique featuresaimed at relatives and friends, guests, congre-gants, non-Jewish guests, and so on. Here aresome examples:

• A short description of the worship service as conducted at your synagogue,

• A brief explanation of the meaning of aBar/Bat Mitzvah, event or an essay by theBar/Bat Mitzvah on the meaning of the dayto him/her,

• Poems or special readings,• A discussion of the current parasha,

or Torah portions,• A list or description of the mitzvot

performed by the Bar/Bat Mitzvah,

• Comments from close relatives,• Photographs of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah.

Be creative, but check with your Rabbi firstbefore making copies to distribute.

• Deborah Burman Carasso, of UniqueInvitations, (1-877-837-9122) explains howa program was used for a Havdalah/Hanukkah Bar Mitzvah: “[The program]explained to guests the order of the service,

the Haftarah portion, what it means, honorsgiven, page numbers to follow, explanationsof the Mitzvah Project, what Hanukkah andHavdalah service is along with what thespice bags are for, thanks to people whohave made this day happen...On the backhad the directions for the dreidel game. Itmade non-Jewish guests feel much morecomfortable now that they knew what wasgoing on.”And it serves as a wonderfulkeepsake of the special day!

Bar/Bat Mitzvah Booklet

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• Alliyot is the plural of alliyah. One person is assigned one alliyah. The family of theBar/Bat Mitzvah (or the groom, at an Ufruf) may get to assign several alliyot. It meansto come to the Torah and recite the blessings before and after a section of the Torah isread (b’rachot). An honor is a non-speaking part. The chosen person performs thehonor, for example, they may open or close the Ark or dress the Torah.

• Ask the Rabbi or Cantor how many alliyot you will be allowed. Consult with yourrabbi or cantor regarding participation of non-Jewish friends and relatives.

• Ask about any restrictions or limitations before you approach anyone to perform anhonor or alliyah.

• Attend other Bar/Bat Mitzvah services at your synagogue to see how others do it.• Always ask relatives and friends if they would like to participate, but let them know it’s

okay to say no. Those who say yes will be truly honored, and the others will avoid whatthey may feel is uncomfortable.

• Check with the Rabbi for written instructions, Hebrew and English transliteration, andeven English prayers.

Be A LeaderMiddle School Leadership Council (MSLC)Grades 7-8, Owings Mills JCCBy nomination Only (meets every 3 weeks)This group made up of middle schoolersworks on building leadership skills which areapplied to planning activities. They plandances, activities for after school and week-ends, trips for winter and spring breaks.

B’nai B’rith YouthOrganizationThe B’nai B’rith Youth Organization (BBYO) is ayouth led, worldwide organization which pro-vides opportunities for Jewish youth to devel-op their leadership potential, a positiveJewish identity and commitment to their per-sonal development. The youth participate indemocratically functioning small groupsunder the guidance of adult advisors and professional staff.Northern Region East - Balto. c/o JCC3506 Gwynbrook Ave., Owings Mills, MD 410 356 5200 x370 Jason Schwartz, CouncilDir. aphishbbyo@aol.com

JCC YouthFestival OrchestraThe JCC Youth Festival Orchestra's purpose isto provide an opportunity for teens and

young adults, 12–18, to make a diligentcommitment to music. Their participationenables them to maintain a level of compe-tency while sharing the experience with otheryouth. Under the leadership of VladimirLande, the orchestra members develop amaturity and professionalism in their music.Acceptance in the orchestra is based on musi-cal ability as demonstrated in the auditionprocess. Unlike other youth orchestras whoperform only symphonic pieces, this orchestrawill not only play music from operas, ballets,and musical theater, but will perform ethnicmusic also. For more information, call 410-356-5200, ext. 350

Get involved!Middle School Mitzvah Club (MSM) Grades 6-8, Owings Mills JCC (Meets once a month toplan, and once a month to do aservice project) Club MSM plans and partici-pates in community service projects.It is a great way to meet new people, earncommunity service hours, have fun, and makea difference. Projects include: Junior andSenior prom at a nursing home, Mitzvah Day,Sunday Funday, soup kitchens and more.For more information please contact LaraWellerstein at 410-356-5200 x339.

Stay Involved: After the Bar/Bat Mitzvah

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Honors and Alliyot

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You may want to ask the followingquestions when inquiring about facilities:1. How much do you charge for children’s meals and what is the age range?2. What is the price of limited bar versus open bar and the price for

non-alcoholic beverages?3. Do you serve buffet style or plated meals, and the prices for each?4. Do you have any upcoming renovations planned?5. Is your facility handicap accessible? What about accessibility of outdoor facilities,

such as a gazebo, garden, or patio?6. What colors are available for table linens and chair covers?

Are additional colors/styles available?

7. Are additional rooms available for teens /children / entertainment, or for a bridalroom for the wedding party? Is there a private room for family or bridal portraits?

8. Are packages available that include flowers, photos, decorations, invitations, etc.?9. What restrictions are there for decorations, entertainment, and outside catering

options? Are cakes/desserts allowed from outside? Is there limited electricor lighting available?

10. Is there a coat room with an attendant? Is there valet parking or convenient,onsite parking spaces?

http://www.sheratonbaltimorenorth.com/

Reception IdeasYour choice of reception style, location, and time will depend upon personal preference, family needs,local customs, budget and availability. Do not worry too much about pleasing others - you and yourfamily must be comfortable with the arrangements. Here are just a few variants and ideas to discuss:

Kiddush Luncheonat the Synagogue: This is probably the least expensive way to offer a cele-bratory meal away from home. It can be catered, or bringin platters prepared by you or some helpers (Note: Thiswill not be allowed in facilities where kashrut isobserved) . This can also be offered in addition to a moreformal evening affair or a kids-only party.

Reception at the Synagogue: Check to see if your Synagogue has adequate facilitiesand staff to accommodate your needs. Some Synagoguesalso have rules regarding kashrut, caterers, entertain-ment, photography, flowers and more. Consult with theSynagogue staff.

Non-Traditional Reception Sites:- Community Center or Conference Center- Social hall or Historic mansion- Country club (even if you don’t belong)- Boats and yachts- Museum or Zoo- Elegant restaurants- Theme restaurants

Kiddush Luncheon at a Restaurant: Can be very reasonably priced, particularly if it iscustomary to invite all congregants to a Kiddushluncheon at the synagogue.

Reception at a Hotel: This is often desirable, afternoon or evening, when manyguests from out-of-town are expected. Ask about roomrates and room blocks to reserve. Remember, too, thein-town guests who have to find the hotel and park,so make the location accessible.

Home Reception: Yes, it’s less expensive. But remember the extra work, theclean-up, the wear and tear - and you can’t walk awayfrom it after the party! Still, lovely home receptions havebeen done. Consider services such as a caterer, partyplanner, entertainers, coat check and clean-up help soyou can be a guest at your own party.

Kids-Only Party: Usually held in conjunction with a Kiddush luncheon,this can be held anywhere your Bar/Bat Mitzvah and youagree upon. Arcades, zoos, pools, amusement parks,kids’ museums, theme restaurants, bowling alleys, sportscenters, and skating rinks all are appropriate locations.Some have food, some you’ll need to bring. A D.J.,entertainer, or inflatable attraction can add to the funand please everyone.

Reception at a Catering Hall: These are often beautifully decorated and well-run,because that is their only business. Ask about packagesthat include other services (flowers, decorations,videography, etc.) that you may want or need.

Hilton Columbia (see our display ad page 9)

Visit us online at www.bnaimitzvahguide.comBanquet Facilities & Hotels8

Banquet Facilities & HotelsTell everyone you found it in B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish Weddings™ 9

WeddingEvening Hours (5 hours shown here)6:30 - 7:30 PMHors d’oeuvres, cocktails, backgroundmusic, greeting arriving guests. Weddingpictures are taken, if they weren't beforethe ceremony. Guest book is signed,and table cards picked up, if any.7:30 - 8:00 PMThe Master of Ceremonies formallywelcomes guests, introduction of theWedding Party, blessing over the wineand challah.8:00 - 9:00 PMDinner, light music. Toasts and speechesfrom the Best Man, Maid of Honor,Parents. Dinner ends with blessings or areprise of the sheva b'rachot.9:00 - 9:45 PMBride and groom have the first dance,cake cutting ceremony, more toasts. Horadance, traditional Jewish music.9:45 - 11:30 PMThe night continues with dancing. Bridethrows bouquet. Groom throws garter.Bride and groom change into going awayclothes and dance the final dance.Mezinke Tanz–a dance that honors par-

ents who have married off the last oftheir children. Parents thank guests andsay goodnight.

Bar/Bat MitzvahEvening Hours (4 hours shown here)7:30 - 8:15 PMHors d’oeuvres, cocktails, backgroundmusic, greeting arriving guests. Youngerguests entertained in another room withgames (Coke-Pepsi, scavenger hunt,etc.), caricatures, dance music, etc. 8:15 - 8:30 PMThe Master of Ceremonies formally wel-comes guests, introduction of the Bar/BatMitzvah family, blessing over the wineand challah.8:30 - 9:30 PMDinner, light music.9:30 - 9:45 PMCandle-lighting ceremony, Hora dance,traditional Jewish music.9:45 - 11:30 PMThe night continues with dancing.Videographer records family and friendsin a quiet location saying Mazel Tov tothe Bar/Bat Mitzvah.

Sample ReceptionAgendas

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When Choosing a Caterer...If you would like to hold your reception at the Synagogue or a hall, you will likely hire aprofessional catering company. Catering at your site offers maximum flexibility(casual, elegant, plated, stations, etc.) and includes silverware, set-up and clean-up. Ask about specialty diets such as Kosher, vegetarian, diabetic, etc. Is there a separatechildren's’menu? What about leftovers? How does the staff dress? Is gratuity included?When is the final count and final payment due? Look for both great food andpresentation–visually appealing dishes are an elegant part of the decor. Get a writtencontract that lists all the details, including menu, services provided, equipment to be used, financial information, dates, times and personnel to be included. It should have a guarantee and cancellation policy.Check our web site for more tips on Catering and Kosher Food:www.bnaimitzvahguide.com.

of Baltimore, MDMetropolitan RabbinicalKashrus AssociationMetro KSilver Spring, MD301-613-6699

Star-K Kosher CertificationBaltimore, MD410-484-4110

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Choosing a Catererby Bobby Mitchell, Putting on the Ritz Catering(See our display ad, this page 13)

The most important thing tokeep in mind when choosinga caterer for your Bar or batmitzvah is to remember thatit is your event, not the cater-

er's. You want to find a caterer who will sitdown with you, in person, and discuss thedetails that will make it a special day, not arerun of the party they did last week. Listento all of their creative ideas and determinewhich ones will fit into your plans. Catererscan also be very helpful with non-fooddetails, such as decorating, entertainmentand interesting sites at which to host yourparty.A good caterer will review all your options infood service, from buffets to stations toserved meals. Listen to how creative they canbe with selections of food geared towardsyour theme, should you choose to have one.Talk over all options from a luncheon to adinner. Many times you can save thousandsof dollars with a luncheon instead of anevening affair.Also remember to include the guest of honorin some of the decision making. Who knowsbetter than a thirteen-year-old what a roomfull of thirteen-year-old would like to eat.In choosing your caterer, make certain it is

someone with whom you have a good rap-port. You will be spending many hourstogether and you want to have someonewho will be easy to talk to and receptive tochanges. It is important to meet the personwho will be in charge on the day of yourevent. If this is not the person with whomyou have been dealing, make sure you aresatisfied with their choice.Always request a tasting. Everyone's palate isdifferent, and a good caterer will want tocustomize your meal for you. Make sure thatyour caterer is licensed and insured for thesafety of you and your guests.Recommendations from friends and familyare always good, but nothing is better thenfirst hand experience. If you were at a func-tion that you truly loved, call the host andask them who did the catering.Many halls and special occasion places willhave their own in-house caterer, and thosethat do not usually offer a list of preferredcaterers who are familiar with that site. Whilea good caterer can do a fine job at any loca-tion, it is often helpful to have one who isfamiliar with that site.Most of all, enjoy that special day with yourfamily and loved ones. Mazel Tov!

The word “kosher” describes foods thatmeet the requirements of “kashrut,” whichmeans fit or proper (www.jewfaq.org).This definition is fitting as planning akosher reception requires finding whatkosher certification or rules are fit andproper for your party. The ideas and reasons behind kosher lawshave various interpretations. RabbiMordechai Becher explains, in an “Ask theRabbi” segment AT ohr.edu that, “The mostobvious idea behind kashrut is self-controland discipline.” He describes a story inwhich his five-year-old son removes hisdesire for a candy bar after the simpleexplanation that the candy bar is notkosher. Rabbi Becher suggests there arefew other reasons that will stop desire. Inthe end of the segment, Rabbi Bechersums up the topic well with, “The laws ofkashrut allow us to enjoy the pleasures ofthe physical world, but in such a way thatwe sanctify and elevate the pleasurethrough consciousness and sensitivity.Kashrut recognizes that the essentialhuman need is not food, drink or comfort,but meaning.”General kosher rules suggest that certainanimals are forbidden, namely shellfish

and pork. The animal must be a ruminantand have split hooves. Meat preparation isspecific as butchers must have formaltraining in Jewish law. The butchers mustkill the animals quickly to inflict the lastamount of pain. In addition, the butchersmust drain all the blood, which is oftendone through salting. The animal or birdmust not have any injuries, diseases orirregularities. Meat and dairy cannot mix,including the utensils. Kosher kitchensmust have separate dishwashers and platesfor serving meat and dairy separately. Forwine to be kosher, the winemaker must beJewish. Most hard cheeses are not kosheras rennet, an enzyme in cheese, is notkosher. Rabbis at kosher certification companiesinterpret these rules to create their owngeneral standard for restaurants, caterers,or foods labeled with their symbol. Thesecompanies often use the letters to differen-tiate which foods are dairy and meat (“D”for dairy, “M” for meat and “P” for pareve,which means the food is neutral). Likewise, individuals interpret Jewish lawbased on what they deem fitting. Somefollowers maintain a strict diet of certifiedkosher foods. Those who follow the law

less-strictly may eat only kosher ingredi-ents, but not require that the ingredientsbe certified kosher. There are even somepeople who keep kosher in the house, butif they go out to dinner they will mix meatand dairy, or eat shellfish. Of course, theremay be many different combinations of thethree. When selecting a caterer and a certificationcompany, which often goes hand in hand,first consider your own requirements.Having some, but not all, kosher meals isan option. If you decide on a kosher recep-tion because of specific guests, consultwith them before selecting a certain com-pany or caterer. Oakleaf Catering Group inBaltimore, MD, suggests that some peopleopt for their kosher catering solely becauseof a family member. Research the caterers offering kosher-certi-fied parties and find one that fits your andyour guests’ needs.

Kosher Food Basics By Matt Tucker

CateringTell everyone you found it in B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish Weddings™ 13

Youth Group activities create a virtual chocolate box variety of choices for synagogue youth.Beth Israel in Owings Mills offers these activities beginning in 2nd grade and encouragesinvolvement in these informal education opportunities through high school. Our youth groups- Bonim, Machar, Kadima and United Synagogue Youth (USY) are the icing on that celebra-tion’s party cake. An amazing pairing is made when matching the informal programs with theformal education requirement in preparation for a Bar Mitzvah. The Bar Mitzvah is a celebration that begins long before the actual date and flows into thefuture involvement in synagogue life. Youth groups are extending the reason to be connectedto the community before and after the Bar Mitzvah date. A synagogue takes great pleasure innurturing the youth of the congregation frominfancy, toward their B’nai Mitzvot and to futuremilestones. The Mitzvah celebration is an experi-ence beyond the classroom. The learning contin-ues outside offices of the cantor, music teacherand Rabbi(s). Youth groups can extend theexcitement as an invitation apart from the for-mality. As the Youth Director, I oversee programming that ensures that the party does not end.Our youth groups are led by three enthusiastic and youthful professionals – Marcy Snow,Rachel Dressin and Josh Ackman. When asked to evaluate what they want out of synagogue youth programs for their children,the number one response is FUN. What approach can a parent take to get their preteenthrough the synagogue door beyond their formal studies? Grab a youth group event topic thatthey find exciting: a social action project, sports, art, music, study and activities as creative asthe youth board members will allow their imaginations to roam. Though your preteens areassuming their responsibilities as Jewish young adults, you are still key in this equation.Today’s Jewish teens have more freedom of choice. Today’s Jewish parents are finding ways toinfluence these decisions. Children pay attention and do hear the positive and negative tonesparents give in their reviews of synagogue activities. Membership in a youth group does not require one hundred percent attendance. Rather thanan all or nothing approach, Beth Israel’s youth groups encourage connection as the goal. The

method is similar to the adult population in which each synagogue member has a differentlevel off participation but all are connected. There are events attended by the majority andthen specific areas of interest that attract smaller groups. Parents can take the first step fortheir children by completing an application and having it signed by the perspective member.Your answer will be “Yes, Jewish youth groups are an important step in the Mitzvah celebra-tion process”. That is Beth Israel’s answer as well when families are given the gift of member-ship in Kadima, our middle school youth group, in memory of Rabbi Goldstein’s parents z”l. United Synagogue youth group memories are filled with song, Shabbatonim, life-long friend-ships, personal Torah connections and a growing bond to Jewish life and God. Jewish youthgroups challenge the young teen to reach higher than those heights reached as a preteen. AJewish neighborhood is created within the walls of the synagogue youth lounge in an era

when Jewish neighborhoods are disap-pearing. The youth group and lounge arean extension of the Jewish home. UnitedSynagogue youth groups can become anescape from being over-scheduled andbombarded by pop culture. Many Jewish teens disappear from syna-gogue life after their Mitzvah celebration.

Well recognized statistics note that two thirds of teens no longer remain committed to syna-gogue life. United Synagogue youth groups offer the next step to those families who wantthat continued commitment. We offer our youth inspiration and goals beyond their milestoneday of celebration. Check out our blog: www.biomyouth.blogspot.com and write to us for more information onbecoming a member of one of our youth groups: biomyouth@comcast.net Be sure to checkout your local synagogue’s youth groups as well.Sheri Knauth is the Youth Director at Beth Israel in Owings Mills, MD and has two future USYers – Charlotte (age 6) and Benjamin (age 3). Her husband of 16 years, David, is a Physics & Astronomy teacher at Franklin High School inReisterstown, MD.

Youth Group activities keep teens involved...with FUNby Sheri Knauth, Youth Director at Beth Israel in Owings Mills, MD

“Yes, Jewish youthgroups are an important

step in the Mitzvah celebration process.”

Children pay attention anddo hear the positive andnegative tones parentsgive in their reviews ofsynagogue activities.

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• Keep candle lighting poems/sayings short. Rhymes arenot necessary, but they can be entertaining and a nice touch.

• If you are having trouble developing your own poems,you may wish to hire a professional. There are servicesthat will assist you with finding just the right words.

• Group several lightings together in order to use the same song for groups of friends or cousins, like “We are Family”or the theme from Beaches. This will help the DJ/band transition between the candle lighters. Your Master of Ceremonies may need these song selections several days before the event.

• Some families offer a small token gift or something personalized to each honoree.

• You could plant a tree in Israel for each of the honorees and hand them the certificate when they are called to light a candle.

• Some families light a candle in memory of a recently deceasedrelative or a close relative/guest who could not be there that day.

Family/Friends:That’s What Friends Are ForThank You For Being A FriendYou’ve Got A FriendWhat About Your FriendsAnytime You Need A FriendYou’re My Best FriendEverybody Have Fun TonightFun, Fun, FunCelebrationCount On MeConsider YourselfAll You Need Is LoveAll My Lovin’I’m So ExcitedCousinsGrandparents/Parents:TraditionThrough The YearsTimes Of Your LifeWind Beneath My WingsTeach Your ChildrenGreatest Love Of AllYou Are The Sunshine Of My LifeI Just Call To Say I Love YouSunrise SunsetYou Light Up My LifeYou Mean The World To MeCircle Of Life

You’re The InspirationForever YoungMy Father’s Eyes Endless LoveMoreEverlasting LoveThat’s AmoréSiblings:Wild ThingBorn To Be WildBad BoysBad To The BoneHeroGirls Just Want To Have FunSistersThe Sisters SongThank Heaven For Little GirlsIf My Sisters In TroubleI Won’t Grow Up

(song from the movie “Peter Pan”)I’d Do AnythingHere She Comes Miss AmericaOut-of-TownersFrom A DistanceSo Far AwaySweet Home AlabamaTheme from the TV show “Cheers”Take Me Home Country Roads

Sample Candle Lighting SongsCourtesy of Ultimate Amusements, The OfficialEntertainment Company of the Millennium©,1-888-93-GAMES

Check out theseadditionalCandle LightingTips:

The CandleLightingCeremony

There is no historical orreligious precedent, com-mandment, or even spe-cial religious meaning tothe candle lighting cere-

mony at a Bar/Bat Mitzvah celebration.Nevertheless, it has quickly become acustom at Bar/Bat Mitzvah simchas herein America, and for good reason. Itallows the Bar or Bat Mitzvah to per-sonally honor and connect with lovedones or special friends, or pay tribute toan absent or departed relative who ismissed. It is sometimes hard for eyes tostay dry during these moments and isoften the most cherished part of a magical event.Thirteen candles are often used; some-times an extra one is added for goodluck (or to squeeze another honor in). Apoem, speech or short statement is readcalling the honoree to the table wherethey light the next candle with the pre-vious one or assist the Bar/Bat Mitzvahwith this. These are often special

moments and flashes click and videorolls. Music is sometimes played whilethe honorees make their way to thetable, and this is usually carefully coordinated with the DJ or bandleaderwell ahead of time.Candles are usually tall (nine inch)tapers, sometimes shorter. They can beset into or (more likely) behind a cake.Some families construct candle lightingboards. This can be a painted or decorat-ed foam board with candle holders, theBar/Bat Mitzvah’s name, or it could bean elaborate set piece. Make sure it isnot so tall that it blocks people behind itor that it has any decorations closeenough to the candles to catch fire. Also,check with Synagogue rules on candlelighting, if the simcha will be held there.Some synagogues prohibit candle light-ing on Shabbat or for safety reasons.You might then substitute toasts, pres-entation of flowers or hand-made crafts,trees planted in Israel, or some otherunique way of recognizing loved ones.

Photo by: Josh Barry Photography

Tell everyone you found it in B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish Weddings™ 15

Background Photo by: Josh Barry Photography

Your Son’s Bar Mitzvah Suit Can Help HimShowcase his Personal StyleBy Bonnie Brickman, Guys & Co. • www.guysandco.com

According to Jewish law, a Bar Mitzvah marks the occasion when a Jewish boy comes ofage. It’s a wonderful celebration, of course – and for virtually every young man nowa-days, it’s also the first time he’s taken to a clothing store to buy a suit.Unlike girls, most boys seem not to care about the clothes they wear, especially for suchspecial, once-in-a-lifetime dress-up events. By shopping together, you can help makeyour son’s Bar Mitzvah and all the special activities leading up to it a wonderful memoryhe will cherish forever.It’s important for your son to be a part of the process. As his parent, you have an idea ofstyle and fabrics that are most appropriate, but engage your son in the process of select-ing his tie and tallit. This is where he can showcase his personal style. Start shopping for his suit six to eight weeks before his Bar Mitzvah. This gives you ampleto time to make a selection, to get the suit altered so it fits properly – and to allow for agrowth spurt. Boys sometimes seem to grow an inch or two almost overnight! For thatreason, you don’t want to alter his new suit until at least two weeks before his BarMitzvah.You want the suit to be a little oversized, but not sloppy. The fit of the coat is most impor-tant; the bottom of the jacket should extend about an inch or so below his palm when hisarms are at his side and his fingers extended toward the floor. The coat should buttoncomfortably, with little overlap from side to side. But it should not be snug that a “V”forms across his mid-section when the coat is buttoned. It’s possible to alter the coat, ofcourse, but do as little as possible – it’s more complicated, takes more time and usuallycannot be altered again when he grows. When you son tries on the suit coat, have himwear a dress shirt. Trying on a jacket with a t-shirt will change the fit. And when it’s timeto make alterations in the suit you’ve selected, he should wear a dress shirt again. The suit pants, in contrast, can be altered relatively easily. Boys usually wear casual pants

lower than their dress pants, which should be worn at the waist. You will want him towear the shoes he will wear at his Bar Mitzvah so the tailor can make the pants “break”just over the shoe tops. And if you’re getting new shoes, make sure your son breaks themin so he is comfortable on the day of his Bar Mitzvah. Alter the length of the pants, making sure the tailor leaves as much material as possible.This extends the life of the suit, because your son will get taller as he grows.You can alter the waist, too – but not more than an inch or two.Don’t let the back pockets get pulled together when thewaist is taken in; this will “pull” the front pockets towardthe back of the pants and change the alignment of thecrease. When you return to the store to pick up his alteredsuit, it’s best to try on the suit while he’s there –and while he’s wearing his dress shirt and dressshoes. It’s best to give the tailor the opportunityto make minor alterations or corrections whenyour son is there. Your son’s sense of personal style can beexpressed in many ways…so let him choose histie or you select three or four you like. Give himthe final choice. You and your son never will forget his Bar Mitzvah,and helping him make sure he’s comfortable andlooks his best will enhance the day -- and your memories.

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The Wedding DressJewish tradition calls for bridal gowns tobe pure white, symbolizing the purity ofthe bride and the beginning of the maritalrelationship. (the groom often wears awhite kittel during the ceremony, as well).A strapless bra is handy when trying ongowns. Lift your arms when trying ongowns to see if you can easily movearound and dance in it. You can sewbeads onto an antique or ordinary dressto make it new and unique. Shop forcomfortable shoes, and break them inbefore the wedding day. Choose onlythose accessories that compliment yourdress, not distract from it.

Simcha

Tip!

Photo by: AHAVA Photography

Hair Care Tips to Rememberfor Your Special Day• All hair care products don’t always

work well on all hair types (dry, oily,permed, colored, normal). Chancesare what works for your best friendmay not work for you. Products real-ly do help style hair, hold a setlonger, give lift and protect your hair.It is important to read labels!

• Try several brands to determine theproduct that makes your hair shineand feel great!

• Did you know that bangs are in styleagain? To ensure picture-perfectbangs, try these suggestions:

• For large features, have bangs cutwider. For delicate features, narrowor wide bangs will work. To style,mist bangs with a volumizing hair-spray and blow smooth with a pad-dle brush.

• A few weeks before the big day, youshould try styling your hair severaldifferent ways to determine whatmakes you look the most beautiful.This will also give you practice insetting your hair to the desired styleso you will be less stressed for thebig event!

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Clothingclo

thingTell everyone you found it in B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish Weddings™ 17

Finding the perfect dress isone of the most excitingparts of a Bat Mitzvah. Alleyes will be on the younglady when she takes the

next step in her faith. There aremany important tips and ideasthat can help the shopper tomake this purchase go smoothly.First, it is very important to start

shopping for the dress six months inadvance. Shopping this far in advance willallow you to select something by specialorder. Also, if your dress needs to bealtered, tailoring time needs to be consid-ered. When shopping for dresses, priceranges should be kept in mind. Dresses forthis special occasion can be very expensiveand the whole event in general can bequite costly. It is important for parents and

the daughter to compromise on a reason-able and affordable price limit. The girlshould also have a lot of input when itcomes to choosing her dress. After all, sheis the one who is wearing it and shewants to look beautiful on this extraordi-nary day. The dress may be the girl’sfavorite color or somehow coordinate withthe theme and decorations. It is importantto remember that this is a special ceremo-ny. Dresses need to be appropriate andbranches of Judaism have different specifi-cations for dress codes. Dresses worn insynagogues need to be appropriate for thereligious surroundings and the standardsof the Congregation. Reform synagoguestend to be more flexible regarding dresscodes. For instance, dresses can be kneelength and shoulders can be shown.However, for those who are Orthodox,dresses should be full body length andshoulder should not be shown. Shoppingfor dresses is very exhilarating. There areso many choices to make and options toconsider. Make sure your dress reflectsboth your tastes and the sanctity (or cele-bratory spirit) of the occasion!

Finding the RightBat Mitzvah Dress

Background Photo by: Allen Lips Photography & Video

Mens’ & Boys’For mens’ and boys’ suits, start shopping twelve weeksfrom the event, leaving several weeks for alterations,which are usually necessary. Choose your clothing withcomfort in mind. Select a style and fabric that may beworn on different occasions. Color changes are madewith shirt and tie combos. Tuxedo rental should also bemade 3 months in advance, especially if an entire partyneeds the same style/color. Differences in shirts/ties/cummerbunds can distinguish party members.

Women’s & Girls’Start shopping at least six months before the event incase you need to order something or alter your selec-tion. Also, choose your clothing with comfort in mind.Let your Bat Mitzvah girl choose her own outfit,keeping appropriateness in mind andSynagogue policy. You may need to set aprice limit, but she should feel com-fortable, beautiful and special thatday. Don’t forget to bring an extrapair of hosiery for you and yourchildren that day.

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Decorations & Theme Design18

This section includes party stores, centerpiecedesigning services, balloon artists, florists,as well as businesses offering sign-in boards,decorated guest books, and other personal-ized services. These will be the biggestcontributors to a themed celebration. Askthem if delivery is included and if they coulddesign a sample to help you decide.

Make sure to choose a centerpiece that willnot overwhelm the table or block guests’ viewof each other.Consider some of following, in addition tothemed centerpieces, for a unique touch:• Special effect lighting, lasers, fog, snow• Fireworks or pyrotechnics• Candle lighting name display• Sign-in-boards and theme props, like cardboard cut-outs• Ice Sculptures

Place cards (or seating cards) are a crucial ele-ment at very special events. Place cards allowparty planners to be very creative, while serv-ing the simple function of assigning guests toparticular tables for their meal without confu-sion or additional assistance. The card typicallyhas the name of each guest and the assignedtable number (married couples are oftenassigned together on one card, eg. Mr. & Mrs.Paul Levy). They are often displayed on a tableoutside the reception hall, such as an assem-bly or pre-function hallway. Matching tablenumbers are placed separately or as part of adecorative centerpiece. You can ask your invi-tation dealer to supply these, or order fromanother source, such as www.mazeltovfa-vors.com.The price ranges for these cards vary greatlyand so do the options. Place cards can coin-cide with the theme of the wedding ormitzvah. Or, they can just be simple, ele-gant, elaborate or crafty. The options toexpress your creativity are endless. Here aresome imaginative seating cards to makeyour event even more fun:• Simple- Elegant yet simple cards can imi-tate the invitations that guests receive.White or beige along with black or navywork best.• Frames- Name cards can be placed in apicture frame (glass, wood, etc.), or a fun

display, such as an acrylic coaster or snowglobe frame (see www.partyfavorbiz.comand www.cadettmarketing.com).• Sweet- Purchase or make gingerbreadmen/woman, cookies, tiny tarts, or cup-cakes. Guest’s names can be written on thesweet treats with royal icing.• Toast- Champagne flutes can be etchedwith guest’s names (expensive) or namescan be written on a tag and then tiedaround the glass. As guests arrive at thetable and find their seats, servers can filltheir glasses with a bubbly beverage.• Clip it- Simple place card clips or fancycard holders, such as the metal chair figures(Elegance – 85156) found atwww.cadettmarketing.com, are available toadd a dash of pizzazz and keep your guestscommenting.The options above are just a few examplesof some original seating cards that will catchthe attention of guests. It is important, how-ever, to avoid making the place cards tooelaborate. Cards that are large in size and aretoo busy and may become distracting. Partyplanners want the guests to remember theexceptional day. Place cards that can betaken home serve as a wonderful mementoof the event and add style and fun to anyevent.

Place Card Ideas

Background Photo by: Ahava Photography

Decorations & Theme DesignTell everyone you found it in B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish Weddings™ 19

• Taste the food first before signing acontract with the caterer.

• Take the time to prepare lists for theDJ/band, photographer/videographer,and caterer (i.e. Aliyot honorees,which guests to photograph, candlelighting sayings, agenda etc.)

• Include in your contract the DJ/bandsand photographer’s arrival time forthe reception. You could have a bigproblem if these key people are late.

• Design a travel packet for your out-of-town guests with directions, rental carinformation, sights to see, etc.

• Consider not serving liquor. Childrenmay try to sneak it, guests will bedriving home, and it can beexpensive.

• Be prepared for “no shows,” it alwayshappens.

• The dance floor size is very important.People need lots of room to dance the“Horah” and other popular favorites.

• Have a family discussion about thetype of party you will have. Choosethe kind of affair that suits yourbudget and taste and not others’.

• Don’t forget to book a block of roomsfor out-of-town guests. The worstthing would be unavailability ofrooms on your weekend due to a holi-day or big conference/weddingplanned for the same time.

• You could arrange to have welcomebaskets delivered to the hotel roomsof your out-of-town guests.

• Slouch socks are nice to offer to thegirls, they like to kick off their shoesand dance comfortably.

• Be sure to check accessibility of hotelor reception choice for your disabledor elderly guests.

• Start checking the post office forstamps that could match envelopesfor color or theme.

• Order extra invitations for welcomeboard, memory books, and framing.

• Order Thank You notes at the sametime you order invitations.

• Place toiletries in restroom of thereception hall for your guests to use(Please check with the facilityowner/manager before you do this).

Words of Wisdom From ParentsWho Have “Been There”

Simcha

Tip!

DecorationsFormal or fanciful, simple or bold, decorations set the mood and tone of a party. The Bar/Bat Mitzvah has worked hard to get there, make the celebration festive, regardless of your budget!Table centerpieces usually coordinate with the theme (see page 21).Linens and napkins could coordinate with color themes, and they make a dramatic color statement. Some banquet facilities have a selection of colors, but rental centers will have a larger assortment. Consider chair covers, they add elegance to the setting.Check out the decor in your banquet hall or facility. Ask about upcoming renovations. Choose colors and decorations that will not clash with the surroundings.Don’t forget about decorations for the buffet tables, gift table, and band/DJ area. Clusters and arches of balloons are an inexpensive and dramatic way to add large splashes of color. Decorate tables with inexpensive glitter for a festive appearance. Remember to include a table with a sign-in or message book, keeping with your theme. An easel with a decorated photo collage or for sign-ins (don’t forget some colorful pens!) can add excitement to a room entrance and point the way for guests.A decorated welcome sign on an easel can be a beacon to guests and also set the tone of the celebration. Use balloons, cardboard cutouts, flowers, enough to identify this as a special time for the child and the guests.Decorate baskets filled with favors, socks for younger dancers (the girls always seem to take off their shoes), candy, or to place gifts.Make all your decoration arrangements well in advance. Many vendors will gladly deliver and set up for you, if you coordinate with the facility.Check with your synagogue or facility manager for any restrictions on decorations, set-up times, extra cleanup charges, etc. that may apply.

Visit us online at www.bnaimitzvahguide.com20

Regardless of the size ofyour celebration, you mustget properly organized.Build yourself a Bar/Bat Mitzvah or Weddingorganizer using a large(two inch or larger) three-ringbinder and use it as follows:• Place this magazine in the front pocket

for easy reference.• Insert section dividers for major areas such as

Reception, Invitations, Hotels, Transportation,Guest List, Decorations, Photography andVideography, Entertainment, etc. Keep all yourworksheets, brochures, call records, quotations,bills and receipts together for easy reference.

• Use a master budget form (copy the one on page24) to track over all expenses.

• Use punched envelopes to hold receipts.• Ask the facility for a floor or table layout,

keep handy for reference• On the front of each section, list everything you

want or need. Check them off when they havebeen finalized.

• Make a section for the synagogue that has yourlist of honors and alliyot, communication fromthe synagogue, copies of prayers to recite, gifts ordonations to the synagogue, etc.

• Leave a section for candle lighting poems orthoughts, notes for speeches, favorite music,sketches or examples of decorations, ideas for asign-in-book, and other personal notes.

• Collect invitations you receive to help with wording.

• Anything else that makes your life easier.

Believe it or not, these pagesmake a great memento orscrapbook of the occasion.

Let’s GetOrganized!

Many Synagogues encourage or require students to par-ticipate in or initiate a mitzvah project in order to con-tribute to the community and to help the less fortunate,as part of becoming a Jewish adult. The following aresome ideas for possible projects; check with your schooladministrator or rabbi before you begin.• Visit and assist at a local homeless shelter.• Serve meals at a senior center.• Collect coats and hats for the needy and donate to

a shelter.• Collect food for a local food pantry, or conduct a

drive for your Synagogue’s food pantry collection.You could coordinate this with Passover, as familiesclean the non-Kosher food out of their pantries.

• Assist at a local animal shelter, or conduct a driveto place homeless pets.

• Help organize a rides program for elderly and dis-abled members of your Synagogue to ensure thatthey can participate in services.

• Become trained as a respite care provider tobabysit children with disabilities. Donate some ofyour time to give relief to parents of these children, who rarely get a break.

• Organize a clean-up of a local park or volunteerto help with a stream reclamation project. Call

your County Department of Natural Resources orParks and Recreation Department.

• Offer to help build and decorate Sukkot for peoplewho are unable, or offer to help with the Sukkot atthe JCC or a Jewish nursing home.

• Collect books and magazines for hospitals andnursing homes, or for people in need.

Mitzvah Project Ideas

Getting married?

See page 33...

2 Years Before the Event• Obtain date from Temple/Synagogue.• Set your budget.• Decide on the type of event you want

(day, evening, formal etc.).• Estimate number of guests

and book reception hall or caterer.• Book the photographer/videographer.

1 1/2 Years Before the Event• Book the DJ/band.• Decide on your party theme and color scheme.

6-12 Months Before the Event• Your child will start formal lessons/training• Talk to florists about prices and floral designs.• Decide on centerpieces/balloon designs.• Start looking at invitation designs and prices.

6-8 Months Before the Event• Book a hotel block for out-of-town guests.• Start clothes shopping.• Send out “Save the Date” reminders

3-6 Months Before the Event• Order or design your sign-in board and guest book.• Order favors.• Order yarmulkes.• Order your invitations.

3 Months Before the Event• Finalize guest list.• Make a hotel packet for out-of-towners.• Try to make your final selections on

clothing and accessories.• Buy stamps.• Have completely assembled invitations

weighed to ensure correct postage.• Find a calligrapher.

6-8 Weeks Before the Event• Mail the invitations.• Make up a song list for the DJ/band.• Make appointments with florists/balloonist

and place your order.

1 Month before the Event• Make hair stylist and manicure appointments.• Have final fittings done for clothing.• Arrange catering for brunch.

2-3 Weeks before the Event• Choose people for Aliyot and honors.• Choose the people to be honored for the

candle lighting ceremony and write poems.• Meet with the DJ/band and make sure they know

the candle lighting songs.• Do guest seating arrangements and

send to the reception hall.• Order the food for Kiddush or Oneg Shabbat.• Make sure the arrangements are complete with

centerpieces, balloons, sign-in board, etc.• Write prayers or speeches.• Send final instructions to photographer/videographer.• Pay all Synagogue fees.

1 Week before the Event• Take formal pictures and pictures on Bimah.• Meet with the caterer to finalize guest count.• Make arrangements to get your guests

from the airport to the hotel.• Confirm your brunch arrangements.

Bar/Bat Mitzvah TimetableStart Planning Early!

Background Photo by: Ahava Photography

See more Mitzvah Project ideas on page 43

Tell everyone you found it in B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish Weddings™ 21

The Great Theme DebateWhether or not to add a theme to

a Bar/Bat Mitzvah celebration is notso much a matter of debate but ofpersonal preference. If a theme willdetract from your celebration,forget it! You don’t need oneto have a meaningful spiritual andfamily experience.

If a theme will add some fun to your celebration witout detracting from the experience, then go for it!Always consult the Bar/Bat Mitzvah for suggestedthemes, but remember, a theme often involves extrawork and expense, so be prepared. Here are a few ofthe many possible themes you might use.

Sports Theme• Use football, baseball, soccer ball-shaped balloons.• Favors could be personalized balls, rackets, puck’s etc.• Centerpieces could include miniature “sports” ball

or foam board cut-outs.• A blow-up of your child’s favorite sports pose.

Television/Movie Themes(Wizard of Oz, Star Wars, Gone With the Wind, etc.)• Use life-size cardboard stand-ups for

decoration (often found at party stores).• Name the tables different characters

(placecards could read: Mr./Mrs. Guest are seatedat the Rhett Butler table).

• Movie or TV props could be incorporated intothe centerpieces.

Hollywood Stars Theme• Your sign-in or welcome board could read:

“Now Appearing” or “The Star of the Show is(child’s name)” along with a blow-up pictureof the Bar/Bat Mitzvah child.

• Each table could be named for a popular stari.e., Tom Cruise, John Travolta.

• Centerpieces and namecards could includea Hollywood theme.

Israeli Theme• Each table could be named for a different city in Israel.• Decorations and balloons could be blue and white.• Israeli flags could be used in

the centerpiece.

Torah Portion• Lessons from the weekly torah portion come to life! • Tables named for figures, tribes, or

places prominent in the weekly reading. • Crafts to make include take-home

Israeli-style favors. • Create an Israel marketplace with cafe´

tables or pillow areas inside tents like ancient days.• “Torah” scroll sign-in book• Klezmer music and Israel dance instructor.

Candy Theme• Use Hershey® Kiss balloons in

the centerpiece.• You can give a solid chocolate 6-8 ounce Hershey®

Kiss to your candle lighting honorees.• Your female guests could receive a chocolate rose.• Use personalized king-size candy bars as favors

Oscar Party• Use Oscar-shaped invitations.• Tables: Medium sized silver bowls filled with

peaches and plums to be used ascenterpieces for each table. (They look verynice and serve a practical purpose.)

• To entertain your guests before or after the eventplay a home made video of the child and his/herfriends as if they are on T.V. by acting like theirfavorite actors and directors talking about howthey felt about winning an Oscar.

• Every kid receives miniature Oscar key chains(found at party store).

Grand Prix or NASCAR• Black and white checkered paper on tables

Decorate with checkered flags and red,white and black balloons.

• Remote control raceway as an activity Raceposters as souvenirs.

Stroll Down Broadway• Theatre marque, spotlights and flashing neon

to create atmosphere.• Each table could be named for a different play.• Sign–in board with the Bar/Bat Mitzvah on the

cover of a Playbill.

Simcha

Tip!

Stay Connected!Keep the office, pager, and especially cellular phonenumbers handy on the day of the event for caterers,party planners, entertainers, photographers, etc.If something goes wrong, or you have a lastminute change or request, you can easily contactyour vendors.

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Who Should Decide What?

What You Should DecideThe Size and Style of the Reception • Main Menu

Adult Guest List • How Many Kids • Location & Times• Professionals to Hire • Hora Music • Decorations

What The Bar/Bat Mitzvah Could DecideTheme • Kids Guest List • Kids’ Seating Arrangement

Dance Music • Clothing Alternate Entertainment • Candle Lighting Tributes

Decide As A TeamAlliyot and Honor Participants

Candle Lighting Honorees • Invitations

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Save TheDate PoemCourtesy of Claudia Pletterof It Could Be Verse, 732-679-8093

We want you to know what we have instore,Lasting memories, fun, celebrations andmore. It all begins, Friday evening at 8:00, At Congregation Beth Shalom...pleasedon’t be late.

Saturday morning…the B’nai Mitzvahwill take place, Your seat is reserved…we’re saving yourspace. Then off to the party at the Radisson,For great food, dancing and lots of fun.

From 9:00AM ‘til noon, the following day,We’ll be having brunch before you go onyour way! At the Radisson…if it is your whim,They have a pool, if you’d like to swim.

We’ll wine you and dine you, the wholeweekend through, We’re getting excited...can’t wait to see you!

Visit us online at www.bnaimitzvahguide.com22

• Alliyah - (plural, Alliyot) – Literallymeans “going up” to the Bimah to saythe blessings over the Torah Scroll.

• Bimah - The raised platform or pulpitin most Synagogues where the serviceis conducted.

• Chuppah - Wedding canopy that sig-nifies a home or shelter; literally means"that which covers or floats" inHebrew.

• D’var Torah - An explanation of theweekly Torah portion, or parasha.

• Haftarah - Readings from the biblicalbooks of the Prophets.

• Horah - Traditional circle dance. Thebride and groom, the Bar/Bat Mitzvahand their families are lifted up on achair during the dancing.

• Kashrut - The Jewish dietary laws. Ifprepared accordingly, food is certifiedKosher.

• Kiddushin - The betrothal ceremony -the first part of the wedding ceremony.

• Klezmer - Traditional Yiddish celebra-tory music.

• Mazel Tov! - Congratulations!

• Mikvah - Ritual bath for brides, andgrooms too.

• Mitzvah - An obligation of Jewish life.• Motzi - Blessing over the bread recited

before meals.• Nisuin - Nuptial ceremony - the sec-

ond part of the wedding ceremony.• parasha - The Torah portion of the

week. Also sometimes referred to asthe sedra.

• Simcha - A joyous event. Often usedto refer to a Bar/Bat Mitzvah ceremony,or other celebrations.

• Tallit - A prayer shawl.• Shabbat - Jewish Sabbath, beginning

Friday at sundown and endingSaturday at dusk.

• Sofer - A Hebrew scribe.• Torah - The word Torah means “teach-

ings.” Torah is also referred to as thefirst five books of the Bible or the fivebooks of Moses. Sometimes Torahmeans the whole Bible and everythingJews believe in.

• Tzedakah - Charity. The mitzvah ofsacred giving.

Hebrew 101Here are some commonly used terms that mayhelp you to better understand the event.

Giftware & Judaicagiftw

are&

judaica

Tell everyone you found it in B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish Weddings™ 23

These listings include Yarmulkes, Tzitzis,Tallisim, books, etc.as well as jewelry,portraits, and other mementos to honorthe child’s accomplishments. Many sellitems such as memory books, pictureframes, and music for Bar/Bat Mitzvahpresents. Many Synagogues have a Judaicashop for you to purchase these items.

Decorated Bar/Bat MitzvahMemory BookThis has places for invitations, seatingcards, photos taken by guests, copies ofspeeches, even the Torah portion.Personalized Picture FramesThese could have a name, a nickname ora theme. Better yet, insert a photo ofthe Bar/Bat Mitzvah child.Theme BookendsSpecialty shops have ones for any sportor hobby. We saw ones with famoussynagogues on them!Music/Jewelry BoxPick a theme or song that has meaningto you or to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah. Or lookinto engraved styles!U.S. Savings BondAlways a safe investment!Israeli Savings BondCall 212-644-BOND

Fine WatchesTry engraving a special wish!Monogrammed or PersonalizedPocketbook or WalletPerfect for young adults.CD’s and TapesAsk friends to help with the selection. Or purchase a gift certificate at a nearby music store.Personal CD Player, iPod, or BoomBoxCheck to see if they already have one.Again, a gift certificate at the local electronics store is a safe bet.Custom Mah Jongg SetThis is the latest rage with teens!Remember:Leave enough time for special order gifts.

• Tallit Set • Framed Blessing • Deluxe Yarmulke• Mezuzah • Menorah • Religious Jewelry• Yaad • Miriam’s Cup (Girls) • Deluxe Prayer Book• Kiddush Cup (Boys) • Shabbat Candlesticks

Great Gift Suggestions

Religious Gift Suggestions

Perfect for all your gift giving needs!• Treasured Gifts of Hand-Crafted Judaica• Sterling and Gold Jewelry• Talit Sets, Personalized Kippot• Sterling Kiddush Cups and Judaica• Israeli Tapes • CDs • Videos • Newspapers

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Simcha

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All Aboard!Think of the last time your youngster was invited to a Bar or Bat Mitzvah withouthis/ her parents. Fun for the kids, a shlep for the parents. To Synagogue in themorning. Pick them up at 1:00 PM, take them to a hall or restaurant. Pick them upat 6:00 PM. You can save other parents the miles and keep the Bar/Bat Mitzvahtogether with friends by hiring a bus, mini-bus, or limo to ferry the gang from thesynagogue to reception and back to the synagogue for pick-up. Everyone’s safe, andthere are no late arrivals!

Honeymoon TravelPlan ahead if you are leaving the country. A passport takes several months toobtain in some cases. If you are cruising from a US port, you will still need an origi-nal birth certificate, with a raised stamp, not a photocopy. What are the best destinations for honeymoons? In its December/January 2003issue, Modern Bride magazine published the results of its travel agent poll. See ourweb site for more: www.bnaimitzvahguide.com.

Marriage License RequirementsMaryland• Only one applicant needs to be present and they must bring with them a form of

identification with proof of age and Social security number for both parties. Residency is not required for bride or groom.

• Show all divorce decrees • License will be granted within 48 hours • Valid for 6 months• Couple must marry within the county they register. Cost is $35-$60 cash, varies by County.

1. Start out by doing your homework.Decide on a location, or a region,review tapes and travel books fromthe library or your travel agent. Askfriends or relative who have traveled;a personal recommendation is worthmore than a brochure.

2. Work with a trusted and knowledge-able travel agent. Look for an agencythat is a member in good standingwith The American Society of TravelAgents (ASTA). Again, agents whohave visited a particular location areproviding a valuable service. Ask lotsof questions and shop around. Decidea budget and know what is afford-able. Don’t forget anything, such asmedical issues or kosher meals.

3. The Caribbean is very popular, as wellas the western ski areas, Mexico,Florida, and Europe.

4. All-inclusives are just that: everything(that we list here) is included: one feecovers room, meals, drinks (exactrules vary by resort), tips, activities,entertainment, sports, etc. Manypackages include airfare and transfersto and from the resort (ask!).Realistically, you still need somemoney for tours, gambling, souvenirs,some water sports...All-inclusiveresorts cover the globe.

5. Couples-only all-inclusives offer anall-adult atmosphere with more adultactivities, including nightlife. look fornames such as Couples (Jamaica),Sandals and SuperClubs.

6. Cruises are similarly all-inclusive, buttypically do not include drinks andtips. Entertainment is often first rate,including Las Vegas-type shows, youget to visit several countries in oneweek, and the ocean breeze is irre-sistible. Again, bring money (or startan on board credit account, tied toyour credit card) for excursions, mas-sages, casino, portrait photos andshopping.

7. Destination weddings: Plan the wed-ding like a vacation. Decide whatlocation you want, research it, ask

about wedding packages. One coupleeloped to marry in Saint Lucia, thenhad a reception when they returnedto Maryland. A Washington, DC cou-ple, now in San Diego, had 26 rela-tives and friends meet them in PuntaCana, Dominican Republic, for abeach-front ceremony. Everyone hada 3-night vacation, and thenewlyweds flew to Hawaii for ahoneymoon.

8 . Get Insurance and pay by Credit Card.Stuff happens, such as illness, weath-er, world events, and dishonest com-panies. Protect yourself.

9. Plan to get a passport. This is currentlyrequired for much international travel,and new regulations will require onefor all US citizens traveling to theCaribbean beginning December 31,2006. A passport is a legal documentthat proves US citizenship; it getsstamped everywhere you go, so itslike a mini travel log. It costs least toapply at your local Post Office, but youmight wait five and up to eight weeksby mail. Look on the U.S. StateDepartment's Bureau of ConsularAffairs home page under passportinformation.

10. Pack with your location in mind. Dolaundry a few days early so every-thing will be clean and ready foraction. Start your packing list a weekbefore you leave and add items as youthink of them. Bring suncare andafter-sun products if you’ll be at thebeach. Pack moisturizer and lip balmif you’re skiing or visiting the dessert.Plan wardrobes to mix and match-some pieces get more than one useon vacation-and bring a few versatileshoes. Do not bring your entire shoerack, because you’ll either, bust yourzippers, bust your luggage’s zippers,or pay extra for overweight baggage(check your airline’s weight limit perbag). Opt for wrinkle-resistant fibers,pack items inside of each other tosave space, roll clothing to avoidwrinkles, and double-bag any loosebottles or tubes of liquids.

Honeymoon Planning Basics

Tell everyone you found it in B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish Weddings™ 25

The Jewish calendar has many festivals,holidays, and observances which areshared by the entire community. Bar orBat Mitzvahs, weddings and celebrationsattending the birth of a baby are alsocelebrated. These are all personal mile-stones in the lives of Jewish individuals.Every festival has a special significance,which is accompanied by its own stories,songs, music, activities, prayers, and letus not forget, foods.The Jewish year follows the 354-5 daylunar calendar, as opposed to the 365-6day solar year, so while each Jewish fes-tival falls on exactly the same date ineach year of the Jewish calendar, thedates will differ on a Gregorian calendar.For synchronicity, and also to keep themonths in their appropriate season, athirteenth month is added to the Jewishcalendar every two or three years.Therefore, in the northern hemisphere,Rosh Hashanah will always be celebratedbetween summer and autumn, whileChanukkah always welcomes winter andPesach brings in the spring, no matterhow different the actual dates will be onChristian calendars.

The Jewish holidays always begin at sun-down on the day before. The year of cel-ebrations starts around the month ofSeptember, with the Jewish New Year,Rosh Hashanah, and continues onthrough Yom Kippur, which is markednine days later. Sukkot, the harvest festi-val of thanksgiving, follows, ending withSimchat Torah. This is the great festival ofthe Torah. Then, around December comesChanukkah, the festival of lights. This isthe time of the year when traditionallygifts are exchanged. Tu b'Shevat, or theholiday of the trees, comes next, aroundthe month of February, and then is fol-lowed by Purim. This is the very flam-boyant festival where people dress incolorful costumes. This is often comparedto the Mardi Gras Festivals or Carnivales.Pesach marks Israel's deliverance fromEgypt. During this festival, which lasts foreight days, Jewish people eat certainfoods and drinks, excluding those called"hametz". Shavuot celebrates the Givingof the Torah, while Tish b'Av is a day offasting.Many Jewish communities also observeYom Hatsmaut, or Israeli IndependenceDay. This day is celebrated on May 14th

with different festivities, including out-door activities where falafel is eaten. YomHa Shoa, or the Holocaust RemembranceDay, is usually observed not too longafter Pesach. The most important festivalof them all however, is the Sabbath orShabbat. This festival is celebrated everyweek, and forms the model of all theother holidays. This day is for not doingwork, setting yourself free from all thehectic and hurriedness of the work week.This is a time when one concentrates on the spiritual, recognizes nature, and enjoys their families.

FESTIVALS, HOLIDAYS, and OBSERVANCESBy Moshe Aliel, Garden Fresh Market

Calendar of Jewish HolidaysAdapted with permission from B’nai B’rith (www.bnaibrith.org)

The Jewish day begins and ends at sundown. Thus, all holidays begin at sundown of theday preceding the date shown and end at sundown of the (last) day shown. Since theJewish calendar begins with Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish year always straddles two years

from the civil calendar. In other words, spring Holidays (such as Pesach and Shavuot)occur in the civil year following Rosh Hashanah. Note: Not all Jewish familiesobserve two days for holidays shown as lasting two days.

2009-20105770

2010-20115771

2011-20125772

2012-20135773

Rosh Hashanah - The Jewish New Year;start of the Ten Days of Penitence

Sat.-Sun.Sept. 19-20

Thurs.-Fri.Sept. 9-10

Thurs.-Fri.Sept. 29-30

Mon.-Tues.Sept. 17-18

Yom Kippur - Day of Atonement; a very solemn day of the year,devoted to fasting, prayer and repentance.

Mon.Sept. 28

Sat.Sept. 18

Sat.Oct.8

Wed.Sept. 26

Sukkot - First two days of Tabernacles; commemoratingthe dwelling of the Israelites in booths in the wilderness.

Sat.-Sun .Oct. 3-4

Thurs.-Fri.Sept. 23-24

Thurs.-Fri.Oct. 13-14

Mon. - TuesOct. 1-2

Shemini Atzeret - Eighth Day of Assemblyand Simchat Torah -Rejoicing of the Law.

Sat.-Sun .Oct. 10-11

Thurs.-Fri.Sept. 30-Oct. 1

Thurs.-Fri.Oct. 20-21

Mon. - TuesOct. 8-9

Hanukkah - Festival of Lights; victory of the Maccabeesand rededication of the Temple.

Sat.-Sat .Dec. 12-19

Thurs. - Thurs.Dec. 2-9

Wed. - Wed.Dec. 21-28

Sun.-Sun.Dec. 9-16

Purim - Celebrates defeat of plot to destroy the Jews of Persia.Sun.

Feb. 28Sun.

Mar. 20Thurs.Mar. 8

Sun.Feb. 24

Pesach - Passover; deliverance of the Jewish people from Egypt.The Seder service on the first two evenings recounts the story.

Tues.-Wed Mar. 30-31

Tues. - Wed.Apr. 19-20

Sat. -Sun.Apr. 7-8

Tues. - Wed.Mar. 26-27

The last two days of Pesach are also observed as full holy days.Mon.-Tues.

Apr. 5-6Mon. - TuesApr. 25-26

Fri.-Sat.Apr. 13-14

Mon. - TuesApr. 1-2

Shavuot - Feast of Weeks; marks the giving ofthe Law (Torah) at Mt. Sinai.

Wed.-Thurs .May 19-20

Wed.-Thurs .Jun. 8-9

Sun-Mon.May 27-28

Wed.-Thurs May 15-16

Order your invitations at least six monthsbefore the event. Check the wording carefully,you don’t want to inadvertently leave some-thing out. Ask your friends to show you anyinvitations they may have saved to use as areference, or examine wording arrangementsin the invitation books. Also, don’t rush thedecision, you may need to look at severalsample books over a period of weeks beforeyou make up your mind, especially if youare letting your child help you decide.Remember to order extra envelopes foraddress changes or if a mistake is made.Hire calligraphy service as soon as theinvitations arrive, to allow plenty of timefor the project to be completed.

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Invitations & Calligraphy26

While very original invitation wording canfollow almost any pattern, most invitationmessages follow a three-partconstruction: 1. The expression of sentiment followed

by the invitation to attend;2. Day, time, and place;3. Invitation to share a luncheon, dinner

or some other simcha with the family,bride and groom, or B’nai Mitzvah. Thisis sometimes expressed on a separatecard, allowing the option to exclude itin the envelope.

The following are some examples ofthe wording of the first portion:

B’nai Mitzvah• With pride and joy we invite you to

join us (or worship with us) as ourdaughter, Michelle Kim, is called to theTorah as a Bat Mitzvah...

• With special feelings of loveand pride...

• With pride and pleasure...• With pride and delight and mostly

with love...• We cordially invite you to share the Bar

Mitzvah celebration of our beloved sonAdam Eric on...

• We invite you to share a proud andspecial moment as we celebrate withjoy the Bat Mitzvah of our daughterRachel on...

• In the tradition of his ancestors ourdear son Phillip Mark will be called tothe Torah (or becomes a Bar Mitzvah)...

• With the richness of tradition and thepromise of tomorrow we invite you toshare this special moment as our sonHarris Simon is called to the Torah as aBar Mitzvah on...

• Share a special day with us whenour son...

• We would be delighted if you wouldjoin us at the Bat Mitzvah of ourdaughter Allison ...

• We invite you to share in our joy...• We invite you to share a special day in

our lives...• Dorothy and Alan Klein invite you to

share a special moment in their liveswhen their son Zachary David is calledto the Torah as a Bar Mitzvah...

• My family and I would like you to shareour happiness on the special occasionof my Bar Mitzvah on...

• Please join us to celebrate the BatMitzvah of our dear daughter Amy...

Wedding• Mr. and Mrs. Samuel Gish request the

honor of your presence at the marriageof Miss Louise Abrams to their sonAlan Gish on...

• ...request the honor of your presence atthe marriage of their daughter Eileen J.Gish to Mr. PaulGoldstein on...

• Miss Louise Abrams and Dr. AlanGish request the honor of yourpresence at their wedding on...

• We invite you to join us incelebrating the marriage of ourchildren, Eileen and Paul on....Joyceand Randy Bloom, Howard Fish.

• Our joy will be more complete if youcan share in the marriage of ourdaughter...

• ...will be joined under the chuppah...• We invite you you join us as we

begin our new life on...• ...invite you to join in the ceremony

uniting their children...

Sample InvitationWording

InvitationsStart on your database of invitees early. List everyone, select your final list later.Ask you calligrapher about lead times for invitations and seating cards. This will help determent the date you send invitations and the RSVP.Not everyone you invite will be able to attend. This should figure into your planning. Consult you caterer, calligrapher, or party planner for advice on how many more guests to invite, based on your circumstances, over the number of attendees you are planning.Sim

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!Invitations & CalligraphyTell everyone you found it in B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish Weddings™ 27

Visit us online at www.bnaimitzvahguide.com28

We just received our child’sBar/Bat Mitzvah date, what isthe first thing we should do?After speaking with your B’nai Mitzvah committee chairor coordinator about Synagogue rules, or consulting writ-ten policies and guidelines, discuss with your family thetype of party everyone wants and what the budget willallow. Then start looking at photographers and the hall.These two services seem to need more time to secure.Check the Planning Time Table on page 20How much will we, as parents, be asked to participate on the Bimah during the service?This question will have to be answered by your Rabbi orSynagogue staff. Depending on the Synagogue, someparents will make a speech, bless their child, or partici-pate in the service. This is truly an honor and a pleas-ure–don’t let stage fright ruin this precious moment. Should we choose an evening affair or anafternoon kiddish luncheon?Certainly, this will be a topic of discussion for the entirefamily. Often the choice has to do with how many out-of-town relatives you expect, the amount of money youwant to spend, the size of the affair, and many other vari-ables. Generally, it is more expensive to have an eveningsimcha, but an evening affair lends itself to a more for-mal atmosphere. You may want to offer a kiddish lunch-eon after the service for your guests or the entire congre-gation. In some synagogues, sponsoring a Kiddushluncheon and/or an Oneg Shabbat on Friday evening isexpected. So, afternoon and evening events are notmutually exclusive, you could have both. Your familyshould discuss what type of public event you want tosponsor and what role food will play in that event.

How can we make our non-Jewish friendsfeel more comfortable at my Bar/BatMitzvah service?You may want to explain the service to them ahead oftime. Rules regarding proper etiquette vary bysynagogue, so ask staff or your Rabbi for Synagogue rulesor policies. In some places kippot are required to be wornby all male visitors, for instance. You could explain thatthis does not make your guests Jewish, it is a sign ofrespect. Check with your Rabbi to be sure. See the featureon Bar/Bat Mitzvah Booklet on page 66. Also consultJeffrey Salkin’s Putting G-d on the Guest List, which hasan entire section on this subject, or How To Be A PerfectStranger: The Essential Religious Handbook, by ArthurMagida, both for sale on www.bnaimitzvahguide.com.What type of gift is appropriate for theBar/Bat Mitzvah child?If your child is attending their friend’s affair, generally acheck in the amount of $36 (double Chai) is a nice gift (ora multiple of Chai - $18.), depending on how close thefriendship. Some families offer checks, tributes, donations,or purchase presents, again depending on whether it is arelative or friend, closeness of the two families, or howmany people are attending from your family. Religiousitems, such as menorahs are also nice gifts. What is the appropriate attire to wear to aBar/Bat Mitzvah?At the Synagogue, wear whatever you would wear to atypical service. Some families buy new clothing for theoccasion. Remember to dress with appropriate respect forthe house of worship you attend.If you have a simcha at night or the next day, dressaccording to the theme, place and tenor of the affair.Remember to instruct guests in the invitations if you

have special dress requirements.To what extent can members of other religiousgroups participate in the Bar/Bat Mitzvah?Typically, non-Jews can participate by simply attending,observing, and following the service. If relatives or closefriends are not Jewish, they are sometimes affordednon-ritual honors. If you are concerned about involvinga relative or close friend who is not Jewish, consult withyour rabbi to find out what might be possible.If we can have a Bar Mitzvah on a Saturday, whycan't we get married on Saturday?Well, you can, but after sunset, when Shabbat is officiallyover. The issue isn't Saturday, it is Shabbat (Friday sunsetto Saturday sunset).B'nai Mitzvot are celebrations conducted as part of regu-lar services when the Torah is read aloud (Saturdaymorning). Jewish tradition recognizes that the Thirteen-year-old becomes a Bar/Bat Mitzvah independent of anycelebration. The congregation is part of the ceremony: ayoung person takes full responsibility for their own reli-gious obligations, starting with an alliyah for the readingof Torah, reciting the Sh'ma, leading the congregation inprayer, and presentation of D'var Torah. This coming ofage is shared by the Jewish community and is therefore apublic event. One that typically occurs on Saturday, butcan also occur on other days when the Torah is read.Weddings are private affairs that do not typically involvean entire congregation. And in contrast to the happy, cele-bratory nature of a wedding, Shabbat is a time for quietreflection and for rest. A wedding is work, and it involvesa legal contract, themes not suited for Shabbat. It is there-fore rare to find a Rabbi who will marry a couple onShabbat. Saturday after dark is OK, but Sunday is by farthe most popular day for Jewish weddings, especiallyduring the Summer when dusk on Saturday is so late.

Frequently Asked Questions

Get Some Manners: How to say “Thank you”By Lisa Norton

The big event is over, but the work isn’t done. Youare probably burnt out from party planning andmaking sure the event ran as smoothly as possi-ble, but you will have to have energy for this lastcritical hurtle—saying thank you to your guestswho took the time to celebrate you. Now you may be saying to yourself, “Of course I know howto say thank you. Excel spreadsheet, mail merge, standard‘Thanks for coming, loved the gift’ stamped in eachcard…and presto!” Unfortunately, if you really want tosay “Thank you” properly, the project requires a bit morework than a simple click of the mouse. But, never fear, youCAN write amazing “thank you” notes that will make yourguests feel appreciated but will not require you to stressout too much. Just follow these simple tips and you willbe on your way to being known as the best host/hostessamong all your family and friends.1. Before sitting down to write your notes, you must dosome pre-writing preparation. Make sure the gifts stillhave the givers’ cards attached to them. Go through eachof the cards and gifts and create a list of the namesappearing in the card and what the gift was. Here iswhere technology can be your friend because you canmake a nice spreadsheet containing all the necessary

information. This list will serve as the main reference forwriting “thank you’s.” Note: Check the guest list to see ifthere was anyone who came but did not give a gift—youstill want to thank them for coming to celebrate your bigday.2. Purchase formal note cards with matching envelopes.Appearance is everything, and you want to show that youtook the time to pick out charming cards and not any oldscrap of paper that was lying around.3. Handwrite the note. It shows that you put effort intosaying thank you. Make your friends and family feel likeyou really appreciated their presence at the event and theirpresent. 4. Addressing the note. Now there a couple options here.But first and foremost, the envelope should be addressedformally, “Mr. and Mrs. Smith, 123 West Oak Lane, etc. etc.”However, within the card, the greeting will differ based onyour relationship with the giver. If it is someone you arenot on a first name basis with—stick with the formalgreeting. However, if the person is someone you knowwell such as a childhood friend, a family member, a closeneighbor you have known all your life, you can feel free togreet them as you would normally—“Dear Auntie Diane,”“Hey Bob,” or use a nickname “Dear Nana.”

5. Make the note personal. Here iswhere that list you made will comein handy. Say something about thegift and how much you liked it, “Anew blender was just what Ineeded,” or “The necklace yougave me was so beautiful.”6. Sending them out. Make sureyou work diligently and getthose cards out ASAP.According to party etiquette,you should mail the “thankyou” cards within 3 weeksafter receiving the gift. Ofcourse, the sooner the bet-ter, but if you just had amassive blow-out of aparty, your guests willnot expect “thank you’s”the next day. And ifyou are feeling over-whelmed and stressed out, justremember a late “thank you” isbetter than nothing at all.

Tell everyone you found it in B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish Weddings™ 29

If you expect guests fromout-of-town to share the Bar/BatMitzvah’s or wedding couple’s specialmoments, consider the following:HHootteellssReserve early! Even if no holiday isapparent on your date, hotels fill upbecause of conventions, retreats, etc.Hotel rooms are usually reserved inblocks. Some charge fees to reserve. Thiscan be especially helpful if you have anumber of guests arriving during a peri-od when hotels are busy.Consider reserving rooms at two or morehotels for convenience and different pricelevels.A small “welcome package” from thehost family is a nice touch to make out-of-town guests feel at home. Hotels canarrange these for a fee, or you can pack-age them inexpensively and the hotelwill usually distribute them for free.Contents can include snacks, kosherfoods, home baked goods, toys and cardsfor children, soda, fruits, mementos, etc.Flowers for the room are also a nicetouch.A shuttle service is a convenient way totransport guests unfamiliar with local

roads to the synagogue or simcha site,especially for an evening event. Checkwith hotels for airport shuttles. You couldarrange ride–sharing for guests rentingcars and staying at the same hoteland/or arriving at the same time. Alsocheck into transportation companieswho offer packages or hourly rates. Seelimousine tips on our web site.IInnvviittaattiioonnssSend a “save the date” postcard to out-of-towners 6-10 months in advance toassure that other plans won’t conflictwith your special day. See a sample of a“Save The Date Poem” on our web site.Include a map and directions for allactivities during the day or weekend.Directions should cover from the hotel(s)to the synagogue, and, if applicable, tothe function hall. Try photocopying alocal map to locate the synagogue withlocation circled. Mapquest.com andTravelocity.com are helpful web sites.FFaammiillyy AAccttiivviittiieessAdditional activities add another dimen-sion to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah or weddingexperience and allow opportunities toenjoy relatives and friends that you maynot see frequently.

Consider the following: If your child isbecoming a Bar or Bat Mitzvah onSaturday Morning, invite guests to thesynagogue on Friday night to enjoy theservice and Oneg Shabbat. This alsoapplies to the Ufruf before the wedding.Family portraits can be arranged athome, at the reception site, or synagogue.A “morning after” brunch is a delightfulway to wrap up the simcha and allowfamilies and friends to be together onemore time. MMiisscceellllaanneeoouussYou may wish to schedule appointmentsfor manicures, hair, and make-upappointments for your guests who willnot be familiar with the area.

Consider a web site for the Bar/BatMitzvah or the wedding couple thatincludes weekend and hotel information,online RSVP, printable driving instruc-tions, explanations for non-Jewishguests, and much more. Photos can beposted here after the event, as well asthanks, thoughts and reflections, andpersonal messages.An agenda of weekend activities sentwith the invitations will help guestsschedule flights or travel plans, helpthem plan what to pack, and add to theexcitement of traveling. If guests may have some extra time toget out and explore, include brochures orcontact information for popular sightsee-ing destinations in the invitation or asubsequent mailing.

Out-Of-Towners Guide

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At Least 1 Year• Arrange for all parents to meet• Work out budget & review with your

parents, if they'll be paying for anypart of the event

• Interview & hire a wedding consultantif you are using one

• Decide on style of wedding • Decide who will officiate. Favorite

Rabbis may book up as quickly ascaterers and banquet halls. You willneed to consult this person regardingmany issues throughout your plan-ning. When necessary, book the syna-gogue sanctuary or chapel

• Make preliminary guest list & estimatefinal party size

• Choose your wedding party& call them

• Set wedding date & time• Pick a caterer, a ceremony & reception

location (if there will be one, for theengagement party, rehearsal dinner,after-wedding breakfast). Send adeposit when necessary

• Book a block of rooms forout-of-town guests

• Interview & choose photographers,videographers, florists, musicians,calligraphers

• Make transportation reservations • Make plans & shop for your

honeymoon• Shop for wedding gown.• Send a "Save-the-Date" card to

your "A" list guests10 Months• Choose a color theme • Order wedding gown & accessories

(have plenty of time if somethingshould go wrong)

• Make up your final guest list• Go House or Apartment-hunting with

your fiancé. Narrow choices to a few 9 Months• Decide what gifts you would like &

register for gifts (china, flatware, etc.)• Shop for & order invitations,

announcements, programs& any other printed materials

• Have your engagement party.Start a "thank you list" & mailnotes as soon as possible

• Have an engagement picture taken& submit to newspaper

• Create schematics for the processional,recessional, under the chuppah,reserved seating. Distribute them toparticipants

• If you are not having a weddingconsultant, arrange for someone to bein charge of keeping everyone onschedule & coaching the processional

• Select guests for honors (e.g., toast,speech, blessing on bread & wine, oneof the seven blessings, alliyah at theUfruf.)

8 Months• Discuss wedding attire with mothers

of the bride & groom• Order your accessory items &

bridesmaid dresses• Look at tuxedos7 Months• Decide on which ketubah text you

want & order a ketubah. Handdecorated ketubot take the longesttime to prepare.

• If you are buying a home, get seriousabout a contract. If you will berenting, place a deposit

6 Months• Select guests wedding favors• Order imprinted yarmulkes.• Order wedding invitations, programs,

& other stationery5 Months• Arrange for tuxedo rentals• Book your honeymoon• Included directions, as needed, in

Save-the-date &/or invitations. Take atrial drive to double check distances &landmarks

4 Months• Purchase wedding gifts

(for attendants & fiance)• Finalize floral arrangements.• Set hair, make-up, nail, & wax

appointments• Select a bakery for your wedding cake,

as well as cakes for pre-weddingreceptions & pastries forafter-wedding brunch

• Begin to address invitations or takefinal guest list to your calligrapher

• Select wedding bands. Place an order• Get change of address cards from post

office & get them ready to mail • Decide who will ride with whom &

where people need to be when • Prepare programs &/or a wedding

booklet for the wedding & assign oneto distribute them

• Have the groom select & ordertuxedos for himself, his groomsmen &the dads. If people are in differentlocations, mail the measurements

• Order table cameras. Make or buy areceptacle for them. Assign someonethe task of collecting the cameras

3 Months• Final dress fittings for you & your

bridesmaids• Finalize cake arrangements• Write your own vows• Buy cake knife, toasting glasses, guest

book & garter • Pick out associated events clothing.

Remember shoes (ballet slippers, san-dals) for the reception

• Find a hairdresser & make a test runwith your veil

• Send invitations (double checkpostage)(8-10 Weeks)

2 Months• Get name-change forms for social

security, driver's license, credit cards &bank. Review documents & makeneeded changes (e.g. insurance, lease,Health Care Proxy, Living Will, etc.)

• Get blood tests & marriage license • Make hair & nails appointments very

close to the wedding day• Finalize menu with caterer• Review your needs with your photog-

rapher & videographer. List your wed-ding party, a schedule of events, anytoasts or speeches planned, & anyspecial photos, memories or candidsyou want. It is best not to surprisethese professionals

• Meet with your entertainment (music,etc.). A schedule of events, favoritetunes, style of music requested, plus alist of toasts, speeches, etc. will ensurethat the MC & you coordinate

• Arrange the rehearsal dinner, as wellas other wedding-day-connected par-ties

1 Month• Make guest baskets & assign

someone to distribute them • Make sure all your groomsmen,

ushers, ringbearer, & fathers haveordered tuxedos

• Send change-of-address formsto post office

• Reconfirm all reservations& accommodations

• Confirm honeymoon plans • Start the seating plan for the

reception3 Weeks Before• Call guests who have not responded• Finalize reception seating

arrangements• Get your marriage license• Prepare wedding announcement

for the newspaper• Pick up your wedding bands• Fill out the table cards or give names

to your calligrapher.• Put fees & tips in envelopes (officiant,

soloist, maitre d' etc.) & give it tosomeone you assign in making thepayments

• Arrange with someone to bring itemsto the wedding venue, such as cakeknife, toasting glasses, programs,yarmulkes, emergency kit for thebride, wedding license, ketubah, etc. &to take them home

• Arrange for someone to return rentals(tuxedos, chairs, etc.)

• Arrange for someone to take yourbouquet & gown "home" put them inpreservation

• Pay all synagogue fees2 Weeks Before• Call caterer with final total of guests• Confirm directions, pickup & drop-off

points with transportation service.Confirm all other professionals

1 Week• Create a detailed schedule of your

wedding day activities• Get a manicure &/or pedicure &/or

other beauty services.• Pack for your honeymoon• Confirm post-wedding brunch

arrangements1 Day• Get a manicure• Attend wedding rehearsal• Pack wedding day emergency kit.

(extra pantihose, safety pins, thread &needle, steamer, brush & make-up)

• Get a good night's sleepYour Wedding Day• Eat a good breakfast• Have your make-up done• Have your hair done• Give yourself lots of ready-time• Relax & have fun!After YourWedding Day• Send thank-you’s &/or send gifts to

the special people who made yourwedding "happen."

• Send wedding photo &announcement to newspaper(s)

Wedding Planning TimetableTell everyone you found it in B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish Weddings™ 33Wedding Planning

The UfrufOn the Sabbath before the wedding, theGroom (Chatan) is traditionally given analliyah – the blessing before and afterthe Torah portion is read – and his familyusually sponsors a kiddush receptionafter services. Ufruf is Yiddish for "callingup". In congregations where women mayperform an alliyah, both bride and groommay be called up. Check with the Rabbito arrange this or to read a parsha (Torahportion). Is this reminiscent of your barmitzvah? Like your bar/bat mitzvah, you

may be able to call others in your familyfor an alliyah as well.Now for the fun part: The congregation, perhaps led by thewiseguys in your family, will shower you(pelt you is more accurate) with raisins,almonds and sweets to wish you a sweetlife and fruitful marriage to come! (Noteto wiseguys: please check withSynagogue staff before you hand outsweets, as some synagogues have poli-cies regarding this custom).

What makesa Jewishwedding Jewish?

There are very few require-ments for a Jewish wed-ding, which include a mar-riage contract (ketubah), thereligious ceremonies (kid-

dushin and nisuin), a plain gold bandaccepted by the bride, and the pronounce-ment that you are husband and wife.Therefore, most of what we recognize asmaking a wedding Jewish are a wide vari-ety of customs and traditions that aresteeped in history. But customs change overtime and location, even those in "traditional" weddings.Some traditions are adopted from placeswhere people live, where their ancestorscame from, or from other places or families.Some customs are modernized to reflectthe secular realities of life in the modernworld, including modern feminism, thecongregational practices and philosophies,and as an accommodation to Jews-by-choice and non-Jews. Ancient customs cansometimes survive only in terms of theirrelevance in a changing world. “We would like to have a wedding thatincorporates at least some of the wonderfultraditions of our forebears, a link to the past,but at the same time is meaningful to us.”Anita Diamant points out in The NewJewish Wedding that modern Jews cannotmarry the same way their parents did.

"The world has changed too much. Ourexpectations of marriage are not the same,"she states. "We are different kinds of Jews."This requires the bride and groom to makedecisions about the exact traditions theyintend to continue. Many of the followingrituals are practiced in traditional weddings.An interesting pattern has lately emergedthat the more exotic and ancient the cus-tom, the more it will be adopted as a trueexpression of authentic Judaism. This hasespecially become true among youngercouples who have been raised with expo-sure to the more modern customs. If youchoose not to strictly follow all these tradi-tions you may choose those elements ofthe ceremony that appeal to you, that oth-ers in your community or congregation fol-low, or those you adapt from secular events.Be sure not to adopt customs from otherreligions. In this way you customize (yes,the root word is custom) your Jewish wed-ding to meet the needs and desires of yourfamily and you. Will this be an easy process? Perhaps not,but it is part of the fun of planning a wed-ding, and not a part you can delegate toothers. Making choices about which ele-ments in a Jewish wedding will remaintraditional involves merging two or morefamilies, often with different backgrounds,values, and practices. Leave room for com-promise so that everyone feels that thewedding honors what is most importantto them.

The MikvahTraditionally observant brides and allconverts go to the mikvah, the ritualbath, before the wedding. This tradition isancient and is a law, not a custom. Theyare maintained by most Orthodox andsome Conservative and Reform syna-gogues, as well. The mikvah is a pool ofwater fed by a running source, asopposed to stagnant. A lake, pond, orriver is an ideal mikvah, but ratheruncomfortable most of the year. Indoormikvahs have an attendant and usuallyfull bath facilities.Because the mikvah is associated in theTalmud with the "impurity" of menstru-ating women, it has fallen into disfavorby some as a relic of archaic times, not

relevant to today. But mikvah is reallyabout spiritual purification, and a visit tothe mikvah before the wedding is a wayto ceremonially start again "rebirth". Theceremony is quite simple.. The bride-to-be is immersed completely in the poolseveral times, floating freely, and a sim-ple prayer is said when she comes up.This is a joyous occasion often followed,especially in the Sephardic tradition, by aparty with food and drink, sometimes bybridesmaids waiting right outside.Outdoor ceremonies can be done at someunusual locations with poetry, picnicsand whatnot. Some men have evenjoined the tradition with their own mik-vah visits (call well ahead for reserva-tions) and men-only parties that follow.

The Wedding DayThe customs of the wedding day createmomentum that culminate with thewedding ceremony itself, the kiddushin.Friends and family can be part of theevents just prior to the wedding.

Fasting on theWedding DayThe day of the wedding the chatan(groom) and kallah (bride) fast andrepent their sins, and they are guaran-teed that if they do so, all their sins areforgiven. Thus, they start out their newlife together with a clean slate. As onYom Kippur, this ritual fasting is notabout self-punishment, but about start-ing over (in this case, in union witheach other).

SeparationIt is customary for the bride and groomnot to see each other for three days to aweek before the wedding. The groom will not see the bride untiljust before the ceremony, at the veiling ofthe bride. Since this is usually an anxiousand nerve-rattling period, this customhas practical advantages that can saveyou tears and fears. Spend some timewith friends and family, and let theanticipation of the upcoming event grow.

Kabbalat Panim -Greeting the Brideand GroomSeparate receptions, called KabbalatPanim, are held just prior to the weddingceremony, when the honored ones hold

court in separate rooms. Check with yourrabbi since some do allow pre-weddingreceptions. Jewish tradition and law treatthe couple like a queen and king. Thekallah will be seated on a "throne" toreceive her guests. Some brides, jitteryfrom nerves, may limit guests to thebridal party. Others will have a more tra-ditional reception with songs, flowers,blessings, cake and wine. Perhaps themusicians will make a first appearance.Here the bride waits for the groom’sreception to end.The groom will be surrounded by his cir-cle of friends and relatives at a table, thetish, who sing and toast him. The groommay attempt to present a lecture on theweek's Torah portion, while his malefriends and family heckle and interrupthim. Despite the groom’s Talmudic

knowledge, or lack thereof, this is sup-posed to fun, not a serious undertaking.Other formats may involve a ‘roast’ of thegroom by friends. At the tish, the groom,witnesses and the rabbi might sign theketubah or, if both parties are signingtogether, they may do this in anotherroom, such as the rabbi’s study.In a more modern version of the tish,both bride and groom are entertainedand received together with blessings,songs, flowers, or music. The ketubahmay then be signed and the partyproceeds directly to the chuppah.There are many variations of the tish,so ask your rabbi, cantor, or eventplanner for more ideas. The popularityof the tish is increasing as a delightfulpre-wedding ritual.

Customizing Your Wedding!

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http://www.charmcitychuppahs.com/

Signing The KetubahWhether or not pre-wedding receptionsare held, a ketubah, or marriage contract,is signed and witnessed. In traditionalceremonies the Groom signs the ketubahin a separate room, in the presence ofwitnesses and the Rabbi, before thewedding can begin. The bride need notsign it, because it belongs to her alone,according to Jewish law, as proof of herrights and the groom’s responsibilities(financial and otherwise). It was a radicaldocument in ancient times, giving thewife important legal protection. It was alegal document, neither beautiful norromantic, and the traditional language ofthe document remained basicallyunchanged for centuries.The traditional ketubah does not neces-sarily reflect the realities of modern mar-riages or contemporary views on rela-tionships. Many couples have found newketubot, or have written language them-selves, that is more egalitarian. Many

ketubot now include parallel declarationsof commitment made by both bride andgroom with a joint declaration of faith inG_d and a connection to the Jewishpeople. It can be a way to remind thecouple of their moral responsibilities toone other. With many hand calligraphedketubot available, as well as many retailand internet sources of publishedketubah texts, couples have a large num-ber of choices to customize the text toreflect their particular values. You mustconfer with your rabbi before you decideon which text to sign, and certainlybefore any artwork is ordered. Since theyare legal documents, not all rabbis willaccept all texts. Moreover, only Orthodoxand Conservative texts are recognized inthe State of Israel.There are just as many choices with theart that often accompanies the text. Theketubah is often written among beautifulartwork, to be framed and displayed inthe home. Having a ketubah profession-

ally calligraphed and made even morespecial with customized decorations hasalso become popular. The artwork on onesuch ketubah at a recent wedding, incor-porated elements from the childhood ofeach half of the couple, merging intoshared experiences at the top.The ketubah is sometimes read to theentire assembly, and it can even besigned and witnessed after the reading,while under the chuppah.

The VeilingMany brides still choose to wear a veil,an ancient custom that has its roots inthe Bible. Others have rejected it as anantiquated symbol of patriarchal domi-nance. It may be seen as representing themodesty and dignity which characterizesthe virtue of Jewish womanhood. Theveil also conveys the message to theworld, symbolically, that physicalappearance is not as important as innerbeauty. It has biblical roots in the story of

the patriarch Jacob, who was first trickedby his father-in-law into marrying thewrong sister, Leah, her face well hiddenbehind a veil, instead of the girl he loved,Rachel, By placing the veil over theBride’s face himself, the Groom ensuresthe same type of switch isn’t made. A funtradition enhanced by a bit of history. If a veil is to be worn, the groom is invit-ed to the bedeken, lowering the veil ontothe bride. Accompanied by both fathersplus friends and relatives, the groom,who has not seen his Bride for a week,enters the bride’s chamber and lowersthe veil over the bride’s face. This can beseen to symbolize either his commitmentto clothe and protect his wife, setting herapart from all others, or an indicationthat he is only interested in her innerbeauty. In any case, this can be a charm-ing and emotional part of the wedding.An egalitarian twist has the bride placinga kippah on the groom’s head at thesame time.

The ProcessionKeeping with the practice of treating thebride and groom like royalty, a processionleading to the chuppah is quite tradition-al. Because a Jewish wedding is, aboveall, a family affair, the simplest processioninvolves the bride and groom, eachescorted by both parents, moving downthe aisle and under the chuppah. Thisdemonstrates the marriage is a union offamilies, not of individuals. But Jewishlaw does not govern the makeup of theprocession, and so couples are free todecide the exact arrangement of theirprocession. There are many variationsaccording to family situations anddynamics. Sometimes grandparents fol-low the rabbi or cantor, followed by theushers and bridesmaids (separate inOrthodox weddings), the best man, the

groom and his parents, more ushers andbridesmaids, the maid of honor, andfinally the bride and her parents.Variations allow grandparents to enterwith their side of the family. Secondmarriages, divorced parents, missing ordeceased relatives, the need for a verysmall or intimate service, etc., all requireadaptations to the order, which is per-fectly acceptable. The number of attendants is of no conse-quence, since they are not required. Onlytwo "Kosher" witnesses are requiredunder Jewish law. While we do not spec-ify what this may mean, clearly non-Jews do not qualify as witnesses (andthey must not be relatives). Ushers andbridesmaids certainly add a festive andregal air to the ceremony, and theyshould at least include any brothers andsisters. Sometimes a flower girl is used,

although in most Jewish weddings, thering is held by the best man. The bestman at a Jewish wedding, called ashoshbin, is historically a best friend whowould offer a large gift to the groomupon marriage, perhaps to defray thecost of an expensive wedding affair, andwas therefore entitled to celebrate withthe groom during the wedding week.The understanding was that this treat-ment would be reciprocated upon themarriage of the shoshbin, wherein theroles would be reversed.The arrangement under the chuppah ofthe people involved is also not proscribedby Jewish law. Many chuppahs arearranged so that the wedding party fac-ing the rabbi is facing Jerusalem.Hundreds of years of Ashkenazic traditioncalls for the bride to be at the groom’sright. Proponents of Jewish mysticism,

Kabbalah, claim that the question reflectsthe tension between the divine attributesof justice and mercy. The merciful, mas-culine aspect of G_d is identified withthe right side, and the just, female sidewith the left. Therefore the bride shouldstand on the left and the groom onthe right.Candles may be carried by escorts andattendants, making a lovely old-worldeffect, especially at dusk outdoors or in apartly darkened room. The candles sym-bolize the oneness that will come aboutas the couple is united under the chuppah. Check with the synagogue orreception hall staff, because fire codesmay prohibit it. Use dripless tapers,braided havdalah candles or jar candlesto avoid a real mess.

The Wedding Day Continued...

Visit us online at www.bnaimitzvahguide.com36

Background Photo by: Photography by Ellen

The ChuppahEasily the most recognized feature of a Jewish wedding, the ceremony takes place under a wedding canopy, or chuppah. The origin ofthe chuppah in the Talmud is certain, even if its exact form is not. In any case, the symbolism in the chuppah has many meanings.Chuppah means literally "that which covers or floats" in Hebrew. Traditionally, weddings occurred outdoors under the stars, and thecanopy created an intimate, sanctified space in which to take the vows. It also represents the new home for the married couple. Thechuppah is a reminder of the desert tents of our nomadic ancestors. For these reasons, some traditional reception facilities have skylightspositioned over the place where the chuppah will stand.A traditional chuppah is a fabric covering held up by four poles, open on all four sides. Since there are no legal requirements as to thechuppah's shape or dimensions, couples have created new chuppah traditions that express their unique personalities. Some customshave involved using a tallit, perhaps a family heirloom or your Bar/Bat Mitzvah tallit. Others have used craft-type projects such as quilts,embroidered or silk-screened fabric, or custom lettered projects. In fact, the chuppah can be a group or community project of specialsentimental value. See the ad on page 27 for Charm City Chuppah rentals.

The Wedding Service

Photo by: Rick Silsby • Chuppah by: Charm City Chuppahs

Continued on page 37

Tell everyone you found it in B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish Weddings™ 37

Live music during the procession is anold tradition, one that sets the moodand the pace of the occasion. A soloist or small group is usually best, but leaveenough lead-time to find and rehearsethe appropriate music. Cantors usuallycan assist in choosing the bestprocessional music.The logistics of the procession and stand-ing under the chuppah can cause frictionand anxiety, and for this reason aloneyou may wish to have a weddingrehearsal. Some rabbis dismiss this as awaste of time, while others will gladlyaccommodate your request, so be sureto ask.

CirclingWhen the couple first enters thechuppah, the bride circles the groomseven times, perhaps accompanied bymusic or a soloist, and sometimesescorted by both mothers. This is a veryold custom, the meaning and origin ofwhich has no consensus. It is neverthe-less a nice touch, beautifully moving ifnot a bit exotic. One explanation is that itrepresents the seven wedding blessingsand seven days of creation, and demon-strating that the groom is the center ofher world. Another comes from the Bible,which says that a woman encompassesand protects a man. While this phraseprobably refers to a courtship rather thanactually walking around, advocates of the

custom found it to be a convenientexpression.The circling was known in ancient timesto be a magical means of protection,building an invisible wall around thegroom, protecting him from evil spirits. Itcan be seen also as an act that defines anew family circle, binding the bride tothe groom and away from the parents.Mystically speaking, the bride may beseen as entering the seven spheres of thegroom’s soul. Joshua circled the wall ofJericho seven times, and then the wallsfell down. So, too, after the bride walksaround the groom seven times, the wallsbetween them will fall and their soulswill be united. These are obscure ideasfor a modern wedding, so you may wantto explain this and other customs in awedding booklet available to yourguests. Of course, circling has been rejected bysome Jews in the recent past as evidenceof the patriarchal and demeaning natureof the bride circling around her ‘master’,marking her territory from other women.But it can also be seen as a strong act ofdefinition: Here is the space we will sharetogether. Some couples have also mod-ernized the ritual by circling one another,first the bride around the groom clock-wise, then the groom around the bridethe other way. This mutual circling is astatement of balance and reciprocal

respect in declaring a space together andthe breaking down of barriers.

KiddushinThe Jewish wedding ceremony has twoparts, kiddushin and nisuin, which areperformed together under the chuppah,but which have distinct differences.Kiddushin, which translates as "sanctifi-cation" or "dedication", is actually abetrothal ceremony, a bonding of twosouls into one with each other and withG_d. The bride and groom establish anexclusive relationship. The Rabbi greets everyone and makestwo blessings over a cup of wine. Aswith all Jewish simchas, wine is a sym-bol of abundance and joy. The bride andgroom take a sip of wine. Next comes thering, the essential part of the ceremony.The groom places a plain gold ring, with-out any stones or embellishments, on theindex finger of the bride’s right hand, thefinger thought to be directly connectedto the heart. The groom repeats theblessing: "Behold, you are consecrated tome with this ring according to the lawsof Moses and Israel." This thousand-year-old practice, the act of kiddushin, com-pletes the betrothal. The kiddushin hasaccomplished kinyan, the symbolic act ofthe bride acquiring something of valuefrom the groom, and Jewish law nowconsiders them married.

In a double ring ceremony the bride thenrepeats the process with a similar, butgender-corrected, version of the sameblessing. This is often not allowed bymore traditional rabbis because it is saidto invalidate kinyan, the formal act of thebride acquiring something of value fromthe groom (since an exchange is beingmade). In that case the bride may pres-ent the groom’s ring, and the bride’s ringplaced on her left ring finger, after theceremony (and forever after).If wedding vows, or "I do’s" are desired,and the rabbi agrees to speak them, theywill be exchanged at this point. Somereally beautiful vows, mutual promises orpoetry, often written by the bride andgroom affirming their devotion for oneanother, can be added as a powerful per-sonal statement to the ceremony.

NisuinThe second part of the wedding ceremo-ny, nisuin, the nuptials, completes themarriage. Because the two parts of theceremony, kiddushin and nisuin were his-torically separated, the ketubah is readaloud before the nuptials as a way ofclearly separating the two halves. Thetext is usually read aloud in Aramaic,often repeated in English. The ketubah isthen stored away for safe keeping, or itmay be displayed on an easel for gueststo inspect. The rabbi may then say a few

The Wedding Service Continued...

A Wedding Programserves a similar functionas the Bar/BatMitzvah booklet forthe service. Theprogram is com-piled and pro-duced by thefamily for distribu-tion to congre-gants and guestsby the ushers, orinserted into prayerbooks. It can havea variety of uniquefeatures aimed atrelatives andfriends, guests, con-gregants, non-Jewishguests, and so on. Thesealso make great keep-sakes of the wedding.

Program Examples: • A step-by-step description of the

ceremony,• A brief explanation of the meaning of a

Jewish Wedding ceremony,• Comments by the bride and groom on

the personal meaning of the day,• Poems or wedding vows, etc.• A description of the history and

tradition behind the ketubah, thechuppah, or rituals such as circling, theSeven Blessings, and breakingthe glass,

• An explanation of the music usedin the processional or during theceremony,

• The text of your ketubah,• Copy of the wedding invitation,• Comments from close relatives,• Photographs of the bride and groom.

Creative, additions like ribbon or laceare nice. Check with your Rabbi firstbefore making copies to distribute.

The Wedding Program

Photo by: Golden Memories By Hazel

One of the oldest and most importanttraditions of a Jewish wedding ceremo-ny is the chuppah, or wedding canopy.The word chuppah literally means “cov-ering” and has been interpreted to sym-bolize everything from the tents of theHebrews wandering through the desertto the new home that the couple willmake together. It is said that the chup-pah invites not only the presence of G-d, but also the spirits of beloved ances-tors to witness the marriage ceremonyof their descendants. There are many beliefs about the historyand evolution of the chuppah. Inancient times it was the custom to placethe chuppah outdoors as a reference toGod’s promise to Abraham to make hisseed as numerous as the stars. It is saidthat in Biblical days, trees were plantedwhen babies were born. When theymarried, branches from the trees wereused as the poles of the chuppot; today,poles are often adorned with treebranches to represent this tradition.

These days, chuppot can be found onbimahs, in gardens, on rooftops, andfrom beaches to mountaintops.Regardless of where a chuppah stands,the space beneath it is always sacred –the place where the bride and groomstand before G-d and their family todeclare their love and commitment toeach other and take their weddingvows. The requirements regarding the struc-ture of the chuppah are very simple: itmust have a canopy top made of cloth,be held up by four poles, and have allfour sides open. A chuppah can beeither freestanding or hand-held. If it ishand-held, it is an honor to be a chup-pah pole bearer. A chuppah can be assimple as a family tallit or as elaborateas creativity and the imagination willallow.

The Chuppah by Renee Kahn

Wedding Planning

Continued on page 38

words about the couple, particularly ifhe/she has known the couple, or one ofthem, for a while, or he may launch intoa longer sermon.The nisuin begins with the seven bless-ings, sheva b'rachot, and ends withyichud, or seclusion, after the ceremony.The seven blessings begin with anotherfull cup of wine. They may be recited bythe Rabbi or by various guests the couplewish to honor. Although it’s usually not aproblem, they must be recited in thepresence of a minyan, a formal quorumof ten adults. In addition to a blessingover the wine, there is praise for G_d ascreator of the world and of men andwomen; a prayer for the newly marriedcouple and of the ten degrees of rejoic-ing. The blessings also include a prayerthat Jerusalem will be fully rebuilt andrestored with the Temple in its midst andthe Jewish people within her gates,showing wishes not only for the individ-uals but the community in which theylive. The couple then drinks from the sec-ond cup of wine. The Rabbi pronouncesthe couple officially husband and wife.

The GlassThe traditional ending of a Jewish wed-ding is probably the most recognizedfeature: breaking the glass. It is an oldcustom that is not formally part of the

ceremony, yet pages have been writtenabout its meaning, which has beenwidely interpreted. A glass is placed onthe floor, often wrapped in cloth or anapkin to prevent injury, and the groombreaks it with his foot. Some coupleseven choose to break it together, which isfine. The crowd shouts "Mazel Tov!" andjoyous music begins (Siman Tov andMazel Tov is a favorite!). But what doesbreaking the glass represent? Here aresome opinions:• Even during times of great joy, we

should remember the tragic destruc-tion of the Temple in Jerusalem, sym-bolizing all suffering by Jews every-where;

• a representation of the fragility ofhuman relationships;

• a reminder that marriage transformsthe lives of individuals forever;

• it represents a break with childhoodand the parents’ home;

• in contrast to the solemn moments ofthe ceremony, the loud crash signalslevity and celebration to begin;

• a symbol of the irrevocability ofmarriage;

• this is the last time the groom getsto "put his foot down."

Yichud-SeclusionAfter the couple leave the chuppah, tra-

dition calls for them to retire to a privateroom where they might spend ten or fif-teen minutes together alone inyichud–seclusion. This is historically a rit-ual reserved only for married couples,and they are escorted to the room bywitnesses and the door is closed. This is awonderful time to reflect on the union oftwo souls without interference, to hugand kiss, to take a breather before you areonce again the center of attention. It iscustomary to eat together as a marriedcouple for the first time, breaking fast(except for those sips of wine during theceremony) if you have fasted. Chickenbroth has been served in Ashkenazic tra-dition as a symbol of prosperity to come.Sephardic tradition calls for a meal ofdoves symbolizing marital peace.Another idea is a glass of champagne and a plate of cocktail hour hors d’oeu-vres that you might otherwise nevertaste (talk to the caterer or ask a friend tobring this). Eat something here because,given the excitement and schedule ofevents, many couples do not eat much attheir own wedding. This is also a goodtime to place the rings on the correct fin-gers, remove the veil, tallit and other cer-emonial garb. When you emerge from

the yichud, you are the newest marriedcouple in the room.

As a practical matter, this time gives thecaterer and guests a few minutes to tran-sition into the dining hall or cocktail area,to visit the rest rooms, congratulate theparents, and so on. It also avoids thereception line, at least immediately afterthe ceremony, which leaves guestswandering around while waiting forthe line to end.

The Reception LineThis has become a standard at manyAmerican weddings, even Jewish ones,so you may still wish to have one, espe-cially if you are not observing yichud. Ifso, it may be held immediately after theceremony, after yichud, or after a cocktailhour. The format is often the same,including both sets of parents, bride andgroom, maid/matron of honor andbridesmaids. The best man and ushers donot participate, particularly since ushersare not required at Jewish weddings. Thisis the place for guests to express congrat-ulations and for parents to kvell-swellwith pride. Keep smiling, be gracious, butdon’t chat too long. It’s OK to ask namesif you don’t know; most folks are glad tointroduce themselves.

The Wedding Service Continued...

Background Photo by: Photography by Ellen

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Music & Entertainment

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Tell everyone you found it in B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish Weddings™ 39

This section features DJs, Live Bands, Karaoke, Vocalists, Magicians, and Caricaturists. You may want to ask the followingquestions when hiring your DJ or band:• Are you familiar with the

Bar/Bat Mitzvah routine andhave you done them before?

• Will you play songs/gamesusually seen at these events:i.e. hoola hoop, dance con-tests, chicken dance, hokeypokey?

• What type of music do youplay?

• Do you have a song list?• How long do you play and

how many breaks do youtake?

• What is the price, depositamount,and when is the balance due?

• Do you have references?

Investment Corner: Using TheGelt Wisely by Douglas D. SmithEverything went perfect. The guests had awonderful time. The photographer got all ofthe pictures you wanted. The hall even let theband play for an extra half hour. You wake upthe next morning and learn the power of mul-tiplication. All of those envelopes collectedturned into thousands of dollars. And it’s alltheirs. Your child may now be an adult, butmaking smart money choices will still take acouple of years to master. We hope we caninfluence these choices.A good place to start is to give Tzedakah. Let yourchild make the decision as to the recipient,whether it’s a Temple fund, Trees for Israel, or NewYork firefighters. Some research into the recipient’sactivities is a good learning tool. Probably the nextdecision is "How much do I get to Spend"!Hopefully, we keep it reasonable.Now comes the tough part. In previous issuesI’ve suggested avoiding high risk stocks. Whiletheir upside is fabulous, it’s difficult to explain toa young adult a significant loss in value. We maybe still trying to accept our retirement fund loss-es. Consider instead dividend reinvestment plansof high quality, high dividend companies. Theseare the gifts that keep on growing, and becomedifficult to dispose of. Certificates of deposits arenice if you want to guarantee that money willbe there in five years, but the returns now arequite low.One method to avoid all of these problems anddecisions is to give the gift to the Bar/BatMitzvah utilizing the Uniform Gifts to Minors

Act. This acknowledges that the accountbelongs to the child, but until the age of 18 iscontrolled by the donor. The donor then makesthe investment choices.Some unique gift suggestions for donors wererecently enhanced by the Government, specifi-cally College Savings Plans. These plans areenacted in all states, but let’s use Maryland’splans for this discussion. You can contribute upto $175,000 for each child. You can front end 5years worth of $10,000 gift tax deductions. Allearnings are tax free, provided they’re used forqualifying expenses. Maryland also has a pre-paid fund, where you can lock in tomorrow’scollege costs at today’s prices. Sign up for aslittle as $25 per month, and guarantee collegetomorrow. These two plans will be managedby T. Rowe Price, and are guaranteed byMaryland. You even get up to a $2,500 taxdeduction (10 year carryover), worth about$200 in tax money. These plans started takingcontributions December 1, 2001. For moreinformation log on to www.collegesav-ingsmd.org. Other resources include www.sav-ingsforcollege.com and "The Best Way to Savefor College" by Joseph F. Hurley, CPA.For thetruly creative and tax savvy, GRATS are back.Low interest rates and recent courts decisionshave generated lots of interest in this estateplanning tool.Mazel Tov to you and your family!Douglas D. Smith, CPA410-517-2280 raven23s@msn.com

Visit us online at www.bnaimitzvahguide.comMusic & Entertainment40

Think about it. There's a “cookie-cutter same-ness” to most Bar and Bat Mitzvahs andJewish weddings. (An hour of hors d'oeuvres,standard introductions, toasts, the cutting ofthe cake, a video montage, etc.) These are all

important parts of any celebration, but finally, here's achance to add something so wonderful, so unique, yourguests will not only appreciate and enjoy it, they'll be heardsaying “Wow, was that special…what a great time we had!”

At the Bar/Bat Mitzvah Too much “Bar” and not enough “Mitzvah” isn’t good for your“Simcha”. DJ's today can include MTV type dancers at yourparty. Bar and Bat Mitzvah themes range from Star Wars to"Elvis." These are certainly fun and exciting, but with theexception of "Uncle Sidney" doing the motzi (the blessing onthe bread), no one would have a clue what they're reallythere to celebrate. As a result, more and more people are choosing a very “new”theme lately. It's called “Bar Mitzvah!”What a concept!Actually, you don't even have to abandon any of your cre-ative and fun ideas, but to paraphrase the title of Jeffrey K.Salkin's popular book on Bar Mitzvah's …Don't Forget toPut G-d on the Guest List!Whether it's having as a centerpiece a basket of cannedgoods to be donated to Sova, or a Klezmer band playing dur-

ing the cocktail reception, there are ways to add someJewishness and have fun! There's also a variety of Jewishthemes such as; The Tree of Life, Jewish Hero's, Israel (com-plete with a back drop of The Western Wall), or as a designfor each table or food station, famous Synagogues through-out the world. A "Grand Entrance" is also an opportunity to add some tradi-tion. Instead of the "typical" entrance, where DJ's announcethe Bar or Bat Mitzvah honoree, programs like The AmazingBottle Dancers, (yes…they really dance with bottles of wineon their hats!) feature authentic Klezmer music, and bringwith them a sense of the old country, as they carry in the BarMitzvah boy high atop their shoulders, or the Bat Mitzvahgirl in on a throne fit for Queen Esther!

At the WeddingOld-fashioned Jewish weddings are making a come back.Why not? They're not only filled with beautiful symbolism,but they can be even more romantic than anything you'veever imagined. The good news is, it doesn't have to be eitheror. You can have a very contemporary wedding, with thehottest band or DJ, with just a few touches of tradition as well. Let's start with the ceremony. In the old days after theSabbath ended, villagers would traditionally walk to thetown square where weddings were held. They accompaniedthe bride and groom and their families carrying candles,

which magically lit a beautiful path. It is possible to recreatethis beautiful tradition. Each guest is given a candle uponleaving the cocktail reception area for the short walk towhere the ceremony is held. It is a beautiful sight to behold,and works to connect everyone as well. Another nod to tradition is to use Klezmer musicians (live orCD), who always led the procession to the town square inthe Old Country. This brings the unmistakable sound of theclarinet, violin, accordion, and bass fiddle to fill the air. Thejoyous music has the bridal party walking down the isle withbig smiles on their faces, and all of the guests clapping intime. What a difference from the formal, graduation-likemarch down the isle.While the reception can include a very contemporary band,save something special as a prelude to the Horah. A surpriseappearance of The Amazing Bottle Dancers recreates an age-old tradition celebrated at Weddings. The dancers, with theirblack beards, hats and robes performed a spectacular dancethat today could only be described as a cross between CirqueDu Soleil and Zorba, the Greek.The important thing to remember as you plan your event isto avoid sameness by adding some unique touches. Makesure your wedding is everything you want it to be and more.Fill it with beauty, romance, love and at least a few surprises…and by the way, a little tradition.

At Your Celebration, Don’t Forget…A Little Tradition Never Hurts!by Michael Pasternak, creator of The Amazing Bottle Dancers, www.bottledancers.com (See our display ad, this page)

Music & EntertainmentTell everyone you found it in B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish Weddings™ 41

Tips On Selecting A DJ: The Ultimate QuestionBy Joe Pachino, Entertainment By Joe Pachino, 410-653-2596, (See display ad, this page)

DJ “PRIME TIME”Have you been assigned your Bar or BatMitzvah date yet? Due to vacations andcamps, there are seldom summer Bar orBat Mitzvahs scheduled. My son’s birthdayis July 22. His Bar Mitzvah was pushed upto May 1! (And remember, springtime isWedding season, too.) September andOctober Saturdays will get the August Baror Bat Mitzvah birthdays booked, as well.December Saturdays are devoured by officeChristmas parties. So, never feel pressuredto hire a DJ. But a word to the wise: DJsraise their rates regularly and book theirdates from several months to even a yearin advance. And Bar or Bat Mitzvahs arereally the only type of affair that can bookover two years in advance. All DJs willaccept the first job that comes along forany date. So, as soon as you determineyour DJ comfort level, GO FOR IT! Lock inyour date, lock in your rate, book him andLOOK FORWARD TO YOUR PARTY!

LET’S REVIEW & SUM UPI Think about the white-mustached, GOTMILK? advertising campaign. Your questionmust go well beyond GOT MUSIC? Ofcourse, he’ll have music. It’s a given. After

all, you’ve got plenty of CD’s. You could haveyour cousins take turns on a boom box. So the next level is GOT ENTERTAINMENT?Your DJ’s service must go well beyondpushing the “play” button. His entertain-ment value includes the HOURS spent withyou well prior to your affair, consulting thecaterer, photographer and others immedi-ately prior to your affair and taking theburden off of your shoulders during theaffair. Your party may be four hours, butcounting the multiple consultations he’llhave with you months, weeks and daysbefore your Mitzvah and his set-up anddismantling time, any DJ may put in twicethe time of your actual function. Countingthe time spent hiring subcontractors,obtaining party favors then removing thecellophane wrapper from each one, prepar-ing contests, producing and timing yourCandlelighting Ceremony and maybe evenfinding that obscure song that brings backa special memory for you, perhaps it’s triplethe time of your actual party. Your DJ sim-ply cannot “wing it.”He’s got to prepare. So your ultimate question should be GOTTALENT? I mentioned one of the questionsto your DJ should be “What type of mixerdo you use?” but I know you have no real

concern regarding ohms or watts or whatgauge cable wire your DJ provides. You justwant things to function properly andsound clean. Your DJ is not selling a prod-uct. He’s selling a service. Himself. Hire aname, not just the occupation. I’ve beenflattered to once have a client change froman evening affair to a luncheon due to mylack of nighttime availability on their date.If a DJ is a real “catch”and you have enoughleeway, consider changing your actual datein order to book this guy. Farfetched? AllDJ’s play tunes. It’s the interaction prior toand during the affair that sets us apart.Your DJ should ask you about your child,your wishes and your expectations for thisaffair and LISTEN. He should TAKE NOTES,not talk. After all, he must fulfill your fond-est dreams. During your initial consultation,you’ll size him up immediately. Again, hisfocus should be on you and your family,not “me, myself and I.” He won’t have asecond chance to make a good firstimpression so what you see (or hear) iswhat you’ll get. If he makes you feel stress-free and carefree regarding this affair...howfantastic! If you feel he’s well organizedand can provide a beautiful flow to yourparty...how lucky you found him. If yourtown offers “slim pickin’s,” import a DJ! He

has a vehicle. Pay him for the extra drivetime. It’s money well spent.If your Bar or Bat Mitzvah is eighteenmonths away and you feel “he’s the guy,”book him now. (You’re getting a discount!Even if he were available, I can assure youthat his fee in eighteen months will behigher than it is today.) He’s a professional,not a hobbyist, and he brings a lot to thetable for you. He’s more than gear andmusic. He’s a fraction of your total day’sexpense, but HE’S WORTH MORE THANYOU’RE PAYING. He’s your trump card.Don’t skimp. If you were a fly on the wall,as your guests left you’d certainly ratherhear “Wow, that was so much fun!” than“At least there was nothing good on TVtonight!” Let’s face it, if your DJ can evenmanage to get Aunt Edna up to dance, youmay call him The Miracle Worker.Remember, THERE ARE NO DO-OVERS!The preceding was excerpted fromDJ’s Secrets Revealed! How To Select(And Get The Most Out Of ) Your Baror Bat Mitzvah DJ by Joe Pachino.For more valuable tips visitwww.djs-secrets.com. Joe Pachinohas been a Radio and Mobile DJ inBaltimore since 1974.

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Tell everyone you found it in B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish Weddings™ 43

Before the ServiceIn the invitation, ask people to bringclothes, canned food, sports equipment,all the loose change they have, babyitems, etc. to the reception or service,which would be taken to an organizationafterwards. Include an envelope addressed to a charity. With this, your guests could sendmoney to that charity, instead of or tosupplement giving a gift to you.Send food to a less fortunate family for aholiday such as Passover, Purim, RoshHashanah, etc. through an agency whichwill locate a family and give it your food. The Points of Light webpage(www.pointsoflight.org) shows wherevolunteer centers all over the US are,where you could volunteer for variouscommunity service projects.At the ServiceDonate the bimah flowers used duringyour service to shelters, hospitals, or otherlocal groups where flowers would makethem much happier. You can invite Jewishelderly people from local retirementhomes to come and enjoy your service. During the ReceptionInstead of flower centerpieces, you can doseveral things. Contribute the savedmoney to Tzedakah. Make a centerpieceout of books, and donate them to organi-zations such as Headstart. Use basketswith cans of food, which are to be later

donated to an agency or shelter to begiven to the hungry. Find a way to arrangegloves, hats, and mittens into centerpieceswhich look like flowers, and then donatethem. Hold a Tzedakah fair, where each tablerepresents a different charity, with infor-mation on the charities and ways to con-tribute. For information on Tzedakah fairs,contact bigabba@aol.com.Instead of a party for your friends, or afteryour party, you and your friends could goand provide services to your community.You could help repaint an older syna-gogue. You could entertain people inretirement homes, disabled children, orsick people in hospitals. Make it a fungroup event. After the Bar/Bat MitzvahTour the local Tzedakah agencies, shelters,and other charities. After the reception,you could give some of your gift money tothese organizations as you see fit. Find out about specialized charities bygoing to the Ziv Tzedakah Fund(www.ziv.org) or the Charitable Choicesweb site (charitychoices.com). You could organize a program for your syn-agogue which allows the synagogue to givea Tzedakah box to each Bar/Bat Mitzvahreminding them to continue givingTzedakah even though they are not inHebrew school anymore.

Oy! Even More Mitzvah Project IdeasAdapted from Alex Rosenthal athttp://members.aol.com/mitzvah99/mypage

B’nai B’rith (212-490-3290,www.bbint.org) sponsors a number ofworthwhile programs locally in whichyoung people can participate:Food For the PoorSince providing for the poor is a majoringredient to the observance of Purim, youcan get connected to a food program inyour community and determine the bestmeans of how you can help bring food tothe needy. Several projects that focus onfood collections are available through theCenter for Community Action.Project H.O.P.E.Project H.O.P.E. - Helping Our PeopleEverywhere - is what this communityaction project is all about. The major goalof Project H.O.P.E. is the collection and dis-tribution of packages of food to poor, iso-lated, elderly Jews during Passover."East-West Connection"The program is nationwide,asking localcommunities to conduct a food drive,

during the month of October as a coordi-nated nationwide effort. Goods collectedwill be distributed in each local communi-ty where the drives are held.Seders for AllThis project can provide you with theopportunity to share Passover with otherJewish agencies as well as cross the reli-gious lines and create a learning experi-ence for a group of people and exposethem to the meaning of Passover. Thisprogram helps to establish ties withinyour community by breaking down cultural barriers.B'nai B'rith, through its Center for JewishIdentity, sponsors and coordinates, in theUnited States, the international Holocaustmemorial project, "UNTO EVERY PERSONTHERE IS A NAME". This project is spon-sored by the Speaker of the Israeli Knesset,Dan Tichon, and the Yad Vashem HolocaustMemorial Center in Jerusalem.

Mitzvah Project Ideas from BBYO

Mitzvah Project Resources

That’s right - no misprint. The aboveusage of the words “Bar/Bat Mitzvah” isincorrect. The title applies to the child, notthe ceremony. A Bar/Bat Mitzvah is achild who has reached the age of maturityin Jewish law. He/she is now permittedto take place more fully in the life of theJewish community - and there’sthe rub! You see, Bar/Bat Mitzvah is all about community. And for the last two thousandyears, community has begun and continues to begin in the synagogue. Sowhy should you seek out a synagogue celebration of your child becomingBar/Bat Mitzvah? For… Community - celebrate with the peopleand the institutions in which your child isnow ready to take a place; the institutionsto which he/she will bring unique giftsover the years and from which he/she willdraw support and companionship in timesof passage as well as in the daily flow oflife. Context - the meaning of becomingBar/Bat Mitzvah is part of that flow. In afragmented world, celebrating so signifi-cant an event as part of a holistic journeyof life is what renders it meaningful. Thesynagogue and the relationships uponwhich it is built are the framework ofthat journey.

Content - Becoming a Bar/Bat Mitzvah isabout more than just a set of skills. It isabout a body of knowledge which rendersone literate and capable of participating inthe community’s life. The synagogue isthe place where that body can be acquiredand developed. Connection - Celebrating becoming aBar/Bat Mitzvah in the synagogue creates anopportunity for forging relationshipsbetween the individual, the family, and thepeople who can be there for you throughoutthe life journey described above. Lifelongrelationships with Rabbis and Cantors canbless all of us at the time of the celebrationand later life events at which those relationships can make all the difference. Core values - The entire approach of thesynagogue and the tradition it teaches isvalues-driven. The message of a communalcelebration provides a key balance in values.In a culture which is increasingly “Me”- oriented, the child learns that the greatestvalue of his/her being lies in becoming acontributing member of a greatercommunity. We celebrate your child bycelebrating his/her place among us. Talk to the local synagogue representa-tives today. Choose a path of meaningupon which to celebrate the sacred mean-ing of your child’s life and special day.

The Rabbi’s Corner:View from the BimahWhy You Want a Synagogue Bar/Bat Mitzvah forYour Child (with apologies for misusing the title!)By Rabbi Rex Perlmeter, on behalf of the Reform JewishCommunity of Baltimore

Photo by: AHAVA Photography

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Some families give customized items orfavors to the children attending the receptionportion of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah. This sectionincludes ideas for give-aways, contest prizes,and supplies. Wedding guests are usuallytreated to a favor or memento, as well asspecial gifts for the bridal party.Alternate EntertainmentAlternate entertainment is great for entertaining youngsters whileadults are eating and socializing.Set up a separate area or room for alternative entertainers,such as those listed under the Novelties/Favors section.Plan your entertainment around the ages of the children attending. Lots of younger cousins or siblings may enjoy an activity in which they canparticipate.Alternate entertainers may be perfect for synagogues that do allow outside music on Shabbat.

http://www.acephotofavors.com/

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Simcha Tip

!

• Personalized Sport Bottles• Imprinted Boxer Shorts• Personalized Balls or

Sports Equipment• Monogrammed

or Imprinted Towels• Keychains• Personalized Fortune Cookies• Customized Wrapped Candy Bars• Photo Favors• Custom Playing Cards• Caricatures• Imprinted T-Shirts• Bracelets for Jewish Pride

Keeping Small ChildrenOccupied at the ReceptionIf small children are invited, fill a plastic sand pail with coloring books andgames from the dollar store, and set them at the place settings. This willkeep kids occupied while the parents can enjoy the reception

Great Favor Ideas

Hint: Photo Favors Vendor and Caricature Artists at your partyare great entertainment, as well as a source of favors.

Novelties & FavorsTell everyone you found it in B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish Weddings™ 47

Doing Mitzvot as a requirement forB’nai Mitzvah is like stretching before a run. It prepares us for the journeyahead. The hope for every Bar/BatMitzvah student is that their journey as adults is filled with mitzvot.

Rabbi Batsheva Meiri Temple Emanuel of Baltimore

Suggested ReadingYou can find these and other titles of interest online at:www.bnaimitzvahguide.com

Bar/Bat MitzvahDavis, Judith, Ed.D., Whose Bar/Bat Mitzvah is this Anyway?, A Guide for ParentsThrough the Family Rite of Passage, St. Martins Griffin, New York, 1998.Goldin, Barbara Diamond, Bat Mitzvah: A Jewish Girl’s Coming of Age, New York:Viking, 1995. Greenberg, Gail, MitzvahChic, New York: MitzvahChic, LLC, 2003.Kimmel, Eric, Bar Mitzvah: A Jewish Boy’s Coming of Age. New York: Viking, 1995.Kushner, Harold, To Life! A Celebration of Jewish Thinking and Being, New York:Little Brown, 1993.Leneman, Helen, editor. Bar/Bat Mitzvah Basics: A Practical Family Guide toComing of Age Together, Woodstock, VT: Jewish Lights Publishing, 1996.Olitzky, Rabbi Kerry M. and Isaacs, Rabbi Ronald H., Rediscovering Judaism: Bar andBat Mitzvah for Adults. KTAV, 1997.Rossel, Seymour, and Cutter, William, eds. A Spiritual Journal: The Bar Mitzvah andBat Mitzvah Handbook, 1996.Salkin, Jeffrey, Putting G-d on the Guest List: How to Reclaim the SpiritualMeaning of Your Child’s Bar or Bat Mitzvah, 2nd Ed, Woodstock, VT: Jewish LightsPublishing, 1996.

Jewish WeddingsBrownstein, Rita Milos, Jewish Weddings: A Beautiful Guide to Creating theWedding of Your Dreams, New York: Simon & Schuster, 2002.Diamant, Anita, The New Jewish Wedding,New York: Simon & Schuster, 2001.Heftner, Wendy Chernak, The Complete Jewish Wedding Planner, Psp Printing, 1993.

Latner, Helen, The Everything Jewish Wedding Book, Holbrook, MA: Adams MediaCorp., 1998.Rapp, Lea Bayers, Mazel Tov! The Complete Book of Jewish Weddings, New York:Kensington Publishing Corp., 2002. Sabar, Shalom, Ketubah, The Art of the Jewish Marriage Contract, New York: RizzoliInternational Publications, 2001. Shire, Michael, Mazal Tov!: The Ritual and Customs of a Jewish Wedding,Stewart,Tabori & Chang, 2002.

Jewish Life & LearningDiamant, Anita, and Howard Cooper, Living a Jewish Life: Jewish Traditions,Customs, and Values for Today’s Families, New York: Harper Perennial, 1991.Jewish Wisdom: Ethical, Spiritual, and Historical Lessons from the Great Worksand Thinkers, New York: William Morrow and Co., 1994.Strassfeld, Sharon and Michael, Siegel Richard. The Jewish Catalog, 3 Volumes.Philadelphia: Jewish Publications Society.Telushkin, Joseph. Jewish Literacy:The Most Important Thing to Know About the Jewish Religion, Its People and Its History,New York: William Morrow & Co., 1991.

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More and more families rely on party and event planners to assist them in making the right deci-sions, ordering goods and supplies, hiring disc jockeys, bands, and other services. Some partyplanners may offer to design and make all of the decorations. They may charge a flat fee forplanning the affair and then charge an hourly rate to coordinate the event. Some offer an hourlyrate for all their services.

EXPOS & SHOWCASESCharm City Brides & Grooms ExpoJune 4, 2009Pier 5 HotelBaltimore, MD5pm-8:30pm410-549-5490bridesandgroomsexpo.com

Jewish Health, Wealth & Lifestyle Expo410-549-5490jewishbusinessconnection.comAugust 23, 2009Bolger CenterPotomac, MD 12 noon-5:00pmNovember 15, 2009Hilton PikesvillePikesville, MD 12 noon-5:00pm

Baltimore Bridal Shows1-301-WEDDINGBaltimoreBridalShow.comAugust 16, 2009Baltimore Marriott WaterfrontBaltimore, MD11am-5pmFebruary 6 & 7, 2010Baltimore Convention CenterBaltimore, MD11am-5pmBar/Bat Mitzvah & JewishWedding Simcha ShowcaseOctober 18, 2009White Flint MallN. Bethesda, MD 12 noon-6:00pm410-549-5490bnaimitzvahguide.com

Party & Event PlanningTell everyone you found it in B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish Weddings™ 49

It’s a Matter ofDollars and SenseNeed to stay within budget? Here are sometips to help stretch your dollars:

Sample Budget FormNote: Include tax and tips in all expenses

Bar/Bat Mitzvah Cost Cutting Tips1. Use more traditional style invitations, which tend to be more economical.

Ask your invitation professional to suggest more cost-cutting tips that areappropriate for your situation.

2. Explore the possibility of using package plans for the entertainment,photography, and other services.

3. You can decorate and personalize the welcome board and guest bookby using glitter pens and markers.

4. Generally, Saturday is the most expensive day to hold the Simcha. Consider yourchild becoming a Bar/Bat Mitzvah on another day when the Torah is read.

5. Favors can be bought at gift or toy stores. Personalize them with labels createdon your computer or they can be personalized/monogrammed where purchased.

6. Consider an afternoon Kiddush luncheon which may be less expensivethan an evening reception.

7. Chicken dishes are usually less costly than beef dishes. 8. Balloons are usually less costly than flowers.

Wedding Cost Cutting Tips1. Use more traditional style invitations, which tend to be more economical.

Ask your invitation professional to suggest more cost-cutting tips that areappropriate for your situation.

2. Avoid serving liquor at the reception, or only serve for limited times. Alternatively, fea-ture beer, wine, and a champagne fountain. These all cost less than a full open bar.

3. Shop around for the best deal on flowers. Some florists mark up arrangementsthat are designated for weddings, a so-called “wedding mark-up”.Avoid exotic flowers, opting instead for seasonal and regional (local) flowers.

4. Looking for bridal gown bargains? Borrow from a friend or relative, buy one at aconsignment shop, purchase a sample gown, or look at shops further from themetropolitan area.

5. Avoid wedding dates near holidays when florists, hotels, limousines,and other services charge a premium.

6. Avoid oversized invitations and lots of inserts that require extra postage,and make the response card a post card, which costs less to send.

7. DJ’s are often less expensive than live music. If you are planning several typesof live music, look for a Klezmer band that also plays pop. oldies, swing, etc.You get two bands for the price of one!

8. Consider a Sunday afternoon luncheon that may be less expensive than an eveningreception.

9. Chicken dishes are usually less costly than beef dishes. Do not assume thata buffet is cheaper than a served meal–ask for prices on both.

10. Order a small tier cake for photographs and sheet cakes, which cost less, to feed guests dessert.

All-Around Best Advice1. Shop well in advance for most service to get the best price. Book as early as you

can, since most professionals are forced to raise prices from time to time, you willlock in a lower price, and some professionals will even offer discounts to book wellin advance.

2. Especially when money is tight, stay with professionals who KNOW and WANTyour Jewish event business, such as the advertisers in this guide. These are folkswho know all about these events and won’t let you down, and who will cover allthe bases. Pros who otherwise handle only a few Jewish events, or who are doingyou a “favor” may very well forget to include an important, or expensive, extra thata Jewish event specialist may be throwing in for free, or be able to arrange at anominal cost. And then there is the stress factor resulting from coordinating services that are unfamiliar with your type of event. Don’t be “penny wise andpound foolish”.

SERVICEOR VENDOR

ESTIMATEDCOST

ACTUALCOST

DEPOSITDUE

BALANCEDUE

Banquet Hall

Caterer & Bar

DJ/Band

Photography

Videography

Decorations

Invitations /Postage

Entertainment

Florist

Event Planner

Favors & Gifts

Judaica

Clothing

Cake

Fri. NightOneg Shabbat

Sat. KiddushLuncheon

PersonalExpenses

Rental Items

Transportation

Morning AfterBrunch

Synagogue Fees/Officiant Fees

TOTAL

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Photography and more recently videography is used to capture the joy, the charm, and the magic of the event. Whether a portrait artist, photojournalist, mood recorder or storyteller, your professional photographer and videographer should understand you and what you want to capture and remember of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah.

Do you have references? Ask for names of previous clients and to see a portfolio and/or sample albums or tapes.Be sure to call these references for their comments.

Some questions to ask when choosing aphotographer and/or videographer...

What is your background and experience? Make sure they have recorded B’naiMitzvahs before. Experience often makes a difference in the end product, but it can costmore as well.Do you have an assistant?What is his/her experience? Many experienced professionals use assistants for lightingand backup equipment.What is the cost for your services?It is best to research prices by receiving several price quotes from other photographersand videographers. But the least expensive is not always the best. Ask photographershow many photos will be taken, will candids and tables be taken (if these are importantto you), number of hours taking pictures, are proofs and/or negatives offered for you tokeep, are packages available? Some synagogues only allow bimah/Torah photos hours ordays before the event–can this be accommodated? Likewise, videography is often sold in packages and may include simple music and edit-ing, or may include visual effects, photo montages, guest interviews, professional titlesand headings, and more! Price is often a function of experience, technology, and the fea-tures and complexity you need and want.What lighting will be required?Different cameras, ambient room lighting, moods, and portraiture all require differentlighting. If lighting equipment is necessary, know this up front to assure that it does notbecome obtrusive to congregants, guests, and staff.A Digital Memory: The latest technology is digital photography and videography. Because it is relatively new,both traditional and digital equipment is currently in use, sometimes side-by-side.Satisfactory results are available in standard and digital photography–ask the photogra-pher to explain – but the end result should be clear, crisp images in the sizes you want.Digital video can easily be delivered on a DVD, and if this suits you, it can be a welcomeaddition to your collection. But if you play video on a VCR, you can have great results fromeither video format.And don’t forget...It is very important that you communicate well with the photographer/videographer and that his/her attitude and personality is in sync with yours.

Visit us online at www.bnaimitzvahguide.comPhotography & Videography52

http://www.joshbarry.com/

Video can recreate the life of an event in a way that cap-tures the action and emotion of the day. It is often one ofthe most important elements in planning an event.Early event videos were crude by today's standards, buttoday’s videos are quite advanced and professional, thanksin part to the Wedding and Event VideographersAssociation, WEVAVideography is a serious profession, not just a hobby.Professionals now have the latest video and computer-based editing systems and often produce network-levelresults. Digital Video Disk (DVD) is growing as a specialevent video distribution medium.

Here are some issues to considerwhen choosing videographers.1. Ask for sample videos. The number of cameras, lighting,microphone placement, artistic ability, technical qualifica-tions don’t mean that much if you don’t like the videogra-pher's work. Look for smooth camera work, natural edit-ing, sharp sound (remember to consider the location).2. Request at least 3 references. Are past clients happywith the results? Were they happy during the event? Washe/she easy to work with? The professional should betechnically competent, likeable and easy to work with.3. Ask for membership with professional associations,such as WEVA. 4. How many weddings or Bar/Bat Mitzvahs do they

video each year?5. Ask for an explanation of what "Unobtrusive" means tothem. Wireless microphones? Low-level lighting? Multiplecameras? How will being unobtrusive affect the final pro-duction? For instance, there may be a trade off betweenexternal lighting and accurate color reproduction.6. Ask for proof of insurance.7. Determine what end product (ie tape, DVD, basic, mon-tage, music, full Hollywood production, etc.) you want.Different budgets and expectations require you to considerquality, type of end product, level of editing, budget, andthe extent of coverage. When you have this defined foryourself, searching for the right videographer is easier. Is a"love story" intro for a wedding video important to you?Or do you have to have a pre-event birth-to-nowcollage, set to music? Price and capabilities areaffected by these needs. For instance, while a30-40 minute composite video may seem"less" than a full event video, it involvesthe same amount of shooting plus moreextensive editing.8. How are services billed? By the hour,flat fee, packages with options?9. How do they coordinate with thewedding photographer? The two need towork closely together without interferingwith each other. 10. Tell your brother to leave his video-cam

at home. Consumer cameras today often deliver grainyfootage and muffled sound. Amateurs also lack the experi-ence to plan and coordinate to blend with the flow of theevent, and they can be plagued by insufficient batterycapacity, insufficient or excess equipment, poor lightingand sound. There is no substitute for a professional whocomes prepared with the right knowledge and equipment,understands the religious tradition, and is focused on cre-ating your video rather than being a guest. Most problemswith intrusive video occur with non-professional videomakers.

Finding the Right Videographer

Photo by: Loremy Video Productions

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Photography & VideographyTell everyone you found it in B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish Weddings™ 55

Visit us online at www.bnaimitzvahguide.comre

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PROFESSIONALCOAT CHECK

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Rent equipment, furniture, and linens to make your life easier during yourevent and at home. Consider the following:• Tables and chairs for a simcha or morning-after brunch.

Don’t crowd your existing rooms, expand into adjacent areas with extra seating.• Portable beds for overnight guests (real folding beds that are off the floor!)• Coordinate linen colors with your decor or theme. Table linens and chair covers add a

striking and elegant appearance to any event. Many dramatic fabrics are available thattransform ordinary surroundings into extraordinary and memorable occasions.

• Table and outdoor lighting, including area lighting and softer light strings.• Coat racks, easels, lecterns • Serving pieces, punch and coffee service. These are indispensible and well worth the

cost. Avoid cheap, disposable trays and opt for professional equipment that performsbetter, doesn’t ruin food, and looks classier.

• Tents, including heat, and chuppahs. • Dishes, flatware, and glassware. White paper plates are fine for a backyard barbeque,

but use the good stuff for a real simcha.• Cooking equipment• Popcorn, cotton candy and snowcone machines. Entertain the kids and adults

for a memorable fun event. Some vendors rent sand art, pucker powder,and frozen drink machines.

• Inflatable activities such as moon bounces, gladiator joust and sports cages, or virtualreality and arcade games all add fun for everyone, whether during a Bar Mitzvah,a Sunday afternoon-after party or a backyard bachelor party.

Every Jewish child deserves tobecome a Bar/Bat Mitzvah.When planning a service foryour child with a disability, it isimportant to know how flexi-

ble the Rabbi will be for the day of the serv-ice. A good way to make your child morecomfortable is to first familiarize him/herwith the sanctuary well in advance of the cer-emony. With your child’s comfort levelincreased it will be easier for them to remainpatient throughout the ceremony. Dependingon your child’s abilities, you may find some ofthe following suggestions, adapted from theAl Pi Darco – According to Their Ways – ASpecial Needs Educational Resource Manual(permission courtesy of the Union forReformed Judaism), quite helpful for accom-modating and making the ceremony specialfor your child.For those children that have trouble sittingstill, try having breaks throughout the cere-mony or allowing the child to use the entiresanctuary as the bimah. If your child has dif-ficulties staying quiet, ask the Rabbi to tell themidrash of the child who does not know the

prayers but yells out random letters, so thatG-d will gather the child’s offerings and placethem in the proper order to form the words ofprayer. If your child cannot verbalize he couldinstead use sign language, play an instru-ment, dress or undress the sefer torah, openthe ark, hold up a Kiddush cup or have a fam-ily member read the service while the Bar/BatMitzvah points with the yad. For those chil-dren who are wheelchair users, ask the rabbiif the entire service could be held with thecongregation sitting down. If your child is notable to carry the sefer torah a family membercould do so in their honor and they couldinstead hug the torah. There are many optionsto make this day special foryour child. Be sure to talk with the Rabbi,Cantor or synagogue staff in preparation forthe special event and make arrangementswell in advance. Also, be sure talk with yourchild to incorporate their input into this joyousoccasion. For more ideas and inspiration, seeour website atwww.bnaimitzvahguide.com.

When the Bar/Bat Mitzvahhas a Disability:Strategies for Having a Joyous Occasion

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Directory Of Resourcesd

irectory o

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Banquet Facilities & HotelsBaltimore Coat CheckBaltimore, MD443-506-9683 or 443-250-8692(see our display ad, page 56)Professional coat check service. Let us put thefinishing touch on your Bar/Bat Mitzvah, wed-ding, or any special event at affordable rates.Coat check, door and restroom attendants!

Harbor Magic Hotels (Admiral Fell Inn,Brookshire Suites, Pier 5 Hotel)711 Eastern Ave.Baltimore, MD410-649-5327www.harbormagic.com(see our display ad, Inside Front Cover)There are no cookie-cutter events at HarborMagic, only incredible, gorgeous, fun andimpeccable catering experiences. One-of-a-kind venues. Unique accommodations in theheart of it all for you and your guests!

Hilton Baltimore401 West Pratt St.Baltimore, MD443-573-8725 or 1-800-HILTONSwww.baltimore.hilton.com(see our display ad, page 10)The new hotel offers 757 stylish and wellappointed guestrooms–including 20 luxuryand hospitality suites–with views of CamdenYards and the Inner Harbor. Facilities offer60,000 sq. ft of flexible meeting/functionspace–including a 25,000 sq ft GrandBallroom and a 15,000 sq ft Junior Ballroom.

Hilton Columbia5485 Twin Knolls Rd.Columbia, MD410-997-1060www.columbia.hilton.com(see our display ad, page 9)Nestled in a park-like setting, we specialize inmagical celebrations from 50 - 250 guests.The Hilton Columbia....award winning serviceand attention to detail.

Hilton Pikesville1726 Reisterstown Rd.Pikesville, MD410-415-6216 or 410-653-1100www.pikesville.hilton.com(see our display ad, pages 30-31 )171 exquisitely appointed rooms, including 2deluxe suites. Ten meeting/banquet roomstotaling 11,800 square feet. The PreaknessBallroom boasts 7,000 square feet and theTriple Crown Junior Ballroom offers 2,100 sq. ft.

Hyatt Place Baltimore/Owings Mills4730 Painters Mill Rd.Owings Mills, MD410-998-3630 or888-HYATT-HP (492-8847)www.HyattPlaceOwingsMills.com(see our display ad, page 9)Group rates available. Hotel includes: compli-mentary continental breakfast, FREE WI-FI,spacious guestrooms with 42” HDTV’s,beer/wine bar, indoor pool and fitness center,24/7 food service.

Intercontinental Harbor Court550 Light St.Baltimore, MD410-234-0550www.harborcourt.com(see our display ad, page 11)Where fairytales come true. Enjoy theEuropean ambiance of an English ManorHouse combined with a picturesque backdropof Baltimore’s Inner Harbor. Our rooftop gar-dens provide a lovely setting for cocktailreceptions or a garden ceremony.

National Aquarium501 E. Pratt St.Baltimore, MD410-576-3800aqua.org(see our display ad, page 11)Dine near the dolphins or dance by the water.Marvel at more than 16,000 animals. Withspectacular new exhibits, locations on andunder water, and a skilled team of event plan-ners, the Aquarium is truly magical. OfficialCaterer - The Classic Catering People.

Padonia Park Club12006 Jenifer Rd.Cockeysville, MD410-252-2046www.PadoniaParkClub.com(see our display ad, page 8)Indoor/outdoor catering venues. 30 acrecountryside setting. Parties, weddings, recep-tions, corporate meetings, picnics, holidaycelebrations, Bar/Bat Mitzvahs. Summerswim and sport options, too.

Putting on the Ritz4 Locations

The Great Room, Savage, MDSavage Manor House, Savage, MDTen Oaks Ballroom, Clarksville, MDThe Gathering Place, Clarksville, MD

1-800-213-7427 or 301-725-4220www.PuttingOnTheRitz.com(see our display ad, page 13)Full service catering for over 20 years.Gourmet station menus and served meals aspeciality. On-site and off-site catering. Comeand check out our new hall in Clarksville, MDcalled The Gathering Place that holds up to300 guests.

Radisson Hotel at Cross Keys5100 Falls RoadBaltimore, MD410-532-6900 or 1-800-532-KEYSwww.radisson.com/baltimoremd(see our display ad, page 10)Great full service accommodations central toPikesville, Towson, downtown and OwingsMills with free parking. Courtesy shuttle dailyto Inner Harbor. On-site shopping, spa.

Scottish Rite Masonic Center3800 N. Charles St.Baltimore, MD410-243-3200www.ScottishRiteRentals.com(see our display ad, page 9)Celebrate Memorable Events in our BanquetHall that seats 665. Dance on Charm City’slargest dance floor. Enjoy the breathtakingarchitectural elements in the Auditorium.

Sheraton Baltimore North Hotel903 Dulaney Valley Rd.Towson, MD410-321-7400www.SheratonBaltimoreNorth.com(see our display ad, page 7)Now that you’ve found that perfect someoneor finally have your Mitzvah date, find theperfect place for your special celebration. TheSheraton offers two magnificent ballrooms toaccommodate every occasion, from the small-er intimate gatherings to the grand receptionsfor up to 350 guests.

That’s Amoré10400 Little Patuxent Parkway, #G1Columbia, MD410-772-5900www.thatsamore.com(see our display ad, page 6)Now your favorite Italian restaurant has spacefor your wedding, bridal shower or Bar/BatMitzvah. Special packages available! Call ustoday! Now, That’s Amoré!

The Walters Art Museum600 N. Charles StreetBaltimore, MD410-547-9000 Ext. 313www.thewalters.org(see our display ad, page 8)Have your next event at The Walters ArtMuseum. Dine and dance among a collectioncovering 55 centuries of world class art in anItalian Palazzo Court with a 62 foot high glassceiling.

CateringNote: Caterers who also have banquetfacilities are indicated by an asterisk (*)

Catering By WeissBaltimore, MD443-394-8338 or 1-800-459-0009 www.cateringbyweiss.com(see our display ad, page 12)First class Kosher catering providing meat anddairy cuisine. Traditional, Contemporary, andGourmet. Call for a free consultation. Cateringavailable at all Synagogues and many hotelsand catering facilities, or venue of your choice.

*Hilton Columbia5485 Twin Knolls Rd.Columbia, MD410-997-1060www.columbia.hilton.com(see our display ad, page 9)Nestled in a park-like setting, we specialize inmagical celebrations from 50 - 250 guests.The Hilton Columbia....award winning serviceand attention to detail.

*Padonia Park Club12006 Jenifer Rd.Cockeysville, MD410-252-2046www.PadoniaParkClub.com(see our display ad, page 8)Indoor/outdoor catering venues. 30 acrecountryside setting. Parties, weddings, recep-tions, corporate meetings, picnics, holidaycelebrations, Bar/Bat Mitzvahs. Summerswim and sport options, too.

*Putting on the Ritz4 Locations

The Great Room, Savage, MDSavage Manor House, Savage, MDTen Oaks Ballroom, Clarksville, MDThe Gathering Place, Clarksville, MD

1-800-213-7427 or 301-725-4220www.PuttingOnTheRitz.com(see our display ad, page 13)Full service catering for over 20 years.Gourmet station menus and served meals aspeciality. On-site and off-site catering. Comeand check out our new hall in Clarksville, MDcalled The Gathering Place that holds up to300 guests.

*Sheraton Baltimore North Hotel903 Dulaney Valley Rd.Towson, MD410-321-7400www.SheratonBaltimoreNorth.com(see our display ad, page 7)Now that you’ve found that perfect someoneor finally have your Mitzvah date, find theperfect place for your special celebration. TheSheraton offers two magnificent ballrooms toaccommodate every occasion, from the small-er intimate gatherings to the grand receptionsfor up to 350 guests.

*That’s Amoré10400 Little Patuxent Parkway, #G1Columbia, MD410-772-5900www.thatsamore.com(see our display ad, page 6)Now your favorite Italian restaurant has spacefor your wedding, bridal shower or Bar/BatMitzvah. Special packages available! Call ustoday! Now, That’s Amoré!

ChuppahsCharm City ChuppahsEldersburg, MD410-549-5490 or 1-877-856-5490www.CharmCityChuppahs.com(see our display ad, page 35)Elegant, hand-crafted chuppahs made fromthe finest fabrics, perfect with or withoutflowers. Available for rental or purchase.Delivery and set-up available in many areas.Chuppah showroom open in Reisterstown,MD. Call for an appointment.

ClothingSynchronicity BoutiqueHooks Village25 Hooks Lane, Ste. 105Pikesville, MD410-486-8866www.SynchronicityBoutique.com(see our display ad, page 17)THE GO-TO PLACE for Bat Mitzvahs - thelargest in-stock inventory in theBaltimore/Washington area, with one-stopshopping for tweens, teens and juniors.Specializing in "hard-to-find and hard-to-fit"with superior customer service! Dresses -Suits - Skirts - Tops - Gowns - Gifts -Accessories- Judaica and much more!!!

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Visit us online at www.bnaimitzvahguide.comDirectory Of Resources58

Teens N UpStevenson VillageStevenson, MD410-484-1125(see our display ad, page 17)Best selection in the state for Bat Mitzvah andspecial occasion dresses. We have the largestselection of CW Designs in the area. Byappointment only to provide you with thevery BEST service. Under the same ownershipfor over 27 years.

Decorations &Theme DesignMona’s Candle Lighting CreationsEldersburg, MD410-549-5490 or 1-877-856-5490 www.bnaimitzvahguide.com/candlelighting.htm(see our display ad, page 18)Honor your friends and family with tradition,elegance and style. Huge selection of stylesand colors for any theme. Great as photobackdrops or stand alone decorations.Reasonably priced and delivered to your door.Everyone will remember it!

Parties by TerryeOwings Mills, MD410-581-1080www.PartiesByTerrye.com(see our display ad, page 48)We offer custom design centerpieces, roomdecorations, helium balloon arches, doublehung ceiling balloons, floating columns,escort table, sign-in boards/books, placecards, favors, yarmulkes, and much more. Weplan, create, set-up everything down to thelast detail. Each Mitzvah is the Perfect Party.

Giftware & JudaicaIsraeli Accents4838 Boiling Brook Pkwy.Rockville, MD1-800-420-9610 or 301-231-7999www.IsraeliAccents.com(see our display ad, page 23)The area’s outstanding selection of handcraft-ed giftware and Judaica in sterling silver, glassand ceramic. Featuring an excellent choice ofinvitations and ketubot. All items are discounted 20% except Ahava Skincare andIsraeli newspapers.

Kardwell International, Inc.Nationwide1-800-233-0828www.customplayingcards.comwww.customwedding.com(see our display ad, page 44)Playing cards for party favors. Full deck of 52playing cards, personalized/color-coordinat-ed. Use one of our designs, your design, or aphoto. FREE brochure and samples.

Synchronicity BoutiqueHooks Village25 Hooks Lane, Ste. 105Pikesville, MD410-486-8866www.SynchronicityBoutique.com(see our display ad, page 17)THE GO-TO PLACE for Bat Mitzvahs - thelargest in-stock inventory in theBaltimore/Washington area, with one-stopshopping for tweens, teens and juniors.

Specializing in "hard-to-find and hard-to-fit"with superior customer service! Dresses -Suits - Skirts - Tops - Gowns - Gifts -Accessories- Judaica and much more!!!

Honeymoon & TravelBest Connection Travel, IncAnnapolis, MD410-224-4555 or 1-800-451-8782www.BestConnectionTravel.com(see our display ad, page 24)Lani Bloom Ragan is your Best Connection forHoneymoons, Kosher tours, Bar/Bat MitzvahTours and Independent Travel.

Invitations &CalligraphyBy Invitation Only - MarilynBaltimore, MD410-484-7790 or 410-484-8911(see our display ad, page 26)“By Invitation Only” offers a wide variety ofInvitations, Informals, Yarmulkes, Napkins,Placecards, Party Favors, Unique Sign-inBooks and a lot More… Always at a Discountwith a Personal Touch!

Classic Calligraphy Design & PrintBaltimore, MD410-484-3783www.ccdesignandprint.com(see our display ad, page 27)Custom invitations, programs, menus, uniqueseating cards, gift tags and more. The perfectmatch for all occasions and all with a personaltouch.

Entertainment by Joe Pachino& DJ Mike-on-the-MicBaltimore, MD 410-653-2596 or 1-800-296-2596www.DJs-secrets.comwww.DjMikeOnTheMic.comwww.Pachino.MakesParties.com(see our display ad, page 42)All invitations for any occasion discounted33%! Choose from the lines of Winsted, CastPaper, Encore, Regency, Lemontree, CarlsonCraft, Birchcraft Studios, or Checkerboard. Whypay more?

INVITATIONS - 33% OFF, ALWAYS!Marlene PachinoPikesville, MD410-653-2596www.JoePachino.com/invitations(see our display ad, page 26)Select Mitzvah or simcha invitations andaccessories from every major line in everyprice range. ALWAYS 33% OFF! Sign-in books,very unique & inexpensive favors too!

Kindly R.S.V.P. Designs3311 Katewood Ct.Baltimore, MD410-935-1413www.kindlyrsvpdesigns.com(see our display ad, page 27)Custom invitations for every occasion. We alsocan create favors, table numbers and seatingcards. Kippas available. We offer affordableprices.

Sugar Bloom Invitations613 St. Paul Ave.Reisterstown, MD410-526-5553

www.sugarbloominvitations.com(see our display ad, page 26)I give personal attention to your specific needsand find the perfect invitation to fit yourbudget. I offer wedding and reception acces-sories, sign-in-books, plates, and boards, nap-kins, Bar/Bat Mitzvah accessories, yarmulkes,placecards & business/personal stationery.

Music & EntertainmentBANDS & DJS

Adler EntertainmentBaltimore, MD410-668-5572 or 1-888-235-3735www.adlerentertainment.com(see our display ad, page 40)Dynamic, interactive MCs and DJ entertainers,dancers, video screens, light shows & karaokefor the ultimate mitzvah celebration.

Electric EntertainmentReisterstown, MD410-878-2804 or 301-370-1125www.thedjs.net(see our display ad, page 1)Baltimore’s best high-energy entertainers, fea-turing lighting, staging, videography, multime-dia production, personalized customer service,and complete event planning for a truly unforgettable affair.

Entertainment by Joe Pachino& DJ Mike-on-the-MicBaltimore, MD 410-653-2596 or 1-800-296-2596www.DJs-Secrets.comwww.DJMikeOnTheMic.comwww.Pachino.MakesParties.com(see our display ad, page 42)Bar & Bat Mitzvahs are our “niche”and we’reyour one-stop shop! INVITATIONS ARE ALWAYSDISCOUNTED 33%! Unique Games, Dancers,Lights, Wholesale Favors, Pucker Powder,Montages and Music Videos. GOT A MITZVAH?GET A PRO! Joe Pachino, author of “DJ SECRETSREVEALED! How to Select (And Get the MOSTOut Of) Your Bar or Bat Mitzvah DJ.”

Golden ProductionsOwings Mills, MD410-356-6444www.goldprousa.com(see our display ad, page 39)Serving entire Baltimore/Washington Area!Featuring Neil Goldberg, voted one ofBaltimore’s most talented individuals by Fox45-TV. Specializing in B’nai Mitzvah DJServices, karaoke, lights, game shows,dancers, etc.

Party Central Artists301-330-6999www.partycentralrocks.com(see our display ad, page 40)Party Central, an experienced licensedEntertainment Company, generates fun, music& energy, for the best events in the metropol-itan area. Meet with us once, and see the difference!

T.K.’s Party Entertainment8106 Derby LaneOwings Mills, MD410-654-2220(see our display ad, page 39)High-energy, interactive Bar/Bat Mitzvah DJ.A party experience you will never forget!

Washington Talent, Photo & Video Owings Mills, MD410-356-1500www.washingtontalent.com(see our display ad, Inside Back Cover)We do it all; DJ’s, MC’s, Photography, Video,Plasmas, Lighting, Montages, CocktailEntertainment, Bands and More! Package ourservices & SAVE big! One Call. One Company.

OTHER ENTERTAINMENT

Ace EntertainmentNationwide1-877-291-8344www.acephotofavors.com(see our display ad, page 45)Unlimited, all digital photo favors for you andyour guest. Unbelievable quality with an out-standing selection of framing. Look no fur-ther! Ace Entertainment will WOW you withits Great pictures and its Fun gaming enter-tainment.

Amazing Bottle Dancers1-800-716-0556Baltimore & Nationwidewww.bottledancers.com(see our display ad, page 41)Add some “tradition!” Our 20-minute programis the perfect ADDITION to your DJ or band!Spectacular “Grand Entrances!” CALL FOR OURFREE AMAZING DVD.

Carbone EntertainmentSilver Spring, MD1-888-590-0039 or 301-572-7717 www.CarboneEntertainment.com(see our display ad, page 46)Airbrush - shirts, hats, tattoos & faces, tele-scopes - keychains & other photo novelties,photo booths, patch hats, henna tattoos, hair-wraps & braids, fortune tellers, jewelry making& crafts, walk-around characters & more!

Party Central Artists301-330-6999www.partycentralrocks.com(see our display ad, page 40)Party Central, an experienced licensedEntertainment Company, generates fun, music& energy, for the best events in the metropol-itan area. Meet with us once, and see the difference!

Snaps, LLCPikesville, MD410-602-1769www.snapsphoto.com(see our display ad, page 44)Providing the largest variety of photo favors inMaryland. We customize to the theme of yourparty. Visit us to see what we can do for you.

Novelties & FavorsAce EntertainmentNationwide1-877-291-8344www.acephotofavors.com(see our display ad, page 45)Unlimited, all digital photo favors for you andyour guest. Unbelievable quality with an out-standing selection of framing. Look no fur-ther! Ace Entertainment will WOW you withits Great pictures and its Fun gaming enter-tainment.

Directory Of ResourcesTell everyone you found it in B’nai Mitzvah & Jewish Weddings™ 59

Andies Candies8054 Main St.Ellicott City, MD410-465-8333www.AndiesCandies.com(see our display ad, page 46)Finest quality hand-molded lollipops andfavors for your Bar/Bat Mitzvah or Weddingcelebration. Many styles available! CandyFilled Themed Gift Baskets perfect forCenterpieces. Custom embossed foil-wrappedchocolate coins and bars make great favors!

By Invitation Only - MarilynBaltimore, MD410-484-7790 or 410-484-8911(see our display ad, page 26)“By Invitation Only” offers a wide variety ofInvitations, Informals, Yarmulkes, Napkins,Placecards, Party Favors, Unique Sign-inBooks and a lot More… Always at a Discountwith a Personal Touch!

Carbone EntertainmentSilver Spring, MD1-888-590-0039 or 301-572-7717 www.CarboneEntertainment.com(see our display ad, page 46)Airbrush - shirts, hats, tattoos & faces, tele-scopes - keychains & other photo novelties,photo booths, patch hats, henna tattoos, hair-wraps & braids, fortune tellers, jewelry making& crafts, walk-around characters & more!

Fortunately Yours, Inc.Nationwide1-800-337-1889www.fortunatelyyours.com(see our display ad, page 47)PERSONALIZED Fortune Cookie & ChocolateCandy Bouquets. Items that YOU DESIGN, CandyBags, Chocolate CD’s, Candy Bar Wrappers andmore! All items affordable and Simply Delicious.

INVITATIONS - 33% OFF, ALWAYS!Marlene PachinoPikesville, MD410-653-2596www.JoePachino.com/invitations(see our display ad, page 26)Select Mitzvah or simcha invitations andaccessories from every major line in everyprice range. ALWAYS 33% OFF! Sign-in books,very unique & inexpensive favors too!

Kardwell International, Inc.Nationwide1-800-233-0828www.customplayingcards.comwww.customwedding.com(see our display ad, page 44)Playing cards for party favors. Full deck of 52playing cards, personalized/color-coordinat-ed. Use one of our designs, your design, or aphoto. FREE brochure and samples.

Kindly R.S.V.P. Designs3311 Katewood Ct.Baltimore, MD410-935-1413www.kindlyrsvpdesigns.com(see our display ad, page 27)Custom invitations for every occasion. We alsocan create favors, table numbers and seatingcards. Kippas available. We offer affordableprices.

Mazel Tov Favors.com1-800-485-4461www.mazeltovfavors.com(see our display ad, page 15)We specialize in imprinted items for your spe-cial event. From 50-200.From guitar pics toChocolates 24/7.

Photo Fun PlusOwings Mills, MD443-465-5809www.photofunplus.com(see our display ad, page 47)Let us help make your Bar/Bat Mitzvah ofWedding special with our novelty photos andvery affordable videography. We specialize in“Growing Up” photo montages. Check out ourwebsite to see a sample.

Simcha Shots!1-877-856-5490www.bnaimitzvahguide.com/cameras(see our display ad, page 44)When was the last time you were at a Bar/BatMitzvah and saw a special moment and did-n’t have a camera to capture it? Simcha Shotssolves that! Place one on each table. Or giveto guests for take-home party favors.Everyone loves taking pictures! Styles avail-able include stock Bar or Bat Mitzvah, customMitzvah, custom Wedding.

Snaps, LLCPikesville, MD410-602-1769www.snapsphoto.com(see our display ad, page 44)Providing the largest variety of photo favors inMaryland. We customize to the theme of yourparty. Visit us to see what we can do for you.

Sugar Bloom Invitations613 St. Paul Ave.Reisterstown, MD410-526-5553www.sugarbloominvitations.com(see our display ad, page 26)I give personal attention to your specificneeds and find the perfect invitation to fityour budget. I offer wedding and receptionaccessories, sign-in-books, plates, and boards,napkins, Bar/Bat Mitzvah accessories,yarmulkes, placecards & business/personalstationery.

Party & EventPlanningCastle Computer Technologies973-847-0147www.castlecomputer.com(see our display ad, page 49)Easy to use party planning software. Trackguests, RSVPs, table seating, etc. Keep all yourimportant data in one safe place. Printenvelopes, mailing labels, place cards and more!

Hilton Pikesville1726 Reisterstown Rd.Pikesville, MD410-415-6216www.pikesville.hilton.com(see our display ad, pages 30-31)171 exquisitely appointed rooms, including 2deluxe suites. Ten meeting/banquet roomstotaling 11,800 square feet. The PreaknessBallroom boasts 7,000 square feet and theTriple Crown Junior Ballroom offers 2,100 sq. ft.

Parties by TerryeOwings Mills, MD410-581-1080www.PartiesByTerrye.com(see our display ad, page 48)We offer custom design centerpieces, roomdecorations, helium balloon arches, doublehung ceiling balloons, floating columns,escort table, sign-in boards/books, placecards, favors, yarmulkes, and much more. Weplan, create, set-up everything down to thelast detail. Each Mitzvah is the Perfect Party.

Photography &VideographyAHAVA PhotographyPikesville, MD410-415-0876 or 1-800-787-1132www.ahavaphoto.com(see our display ad, page 55)While there are many photographers tochoose from in the Baltimore-Washingtonarea, none specialize in Jewish Weddings, andB’nai Mitzvahs the way we do.

Asiphotos, Inc.212 Evans LaneStevensville, MD410-643-0302 or 1-888-306-3686www.asiphotos.comServing Baltimore, DC, VA and the EasternShore for over 30 years with video and photoprices to keep you smiling.

Bradley Images Photo & Video1498 Reisterstown Rd., Suite 101Baltimore, MD410-902-6664www.bradleyimages.com(see our display ad, Back Cover)For the past 16 years we have been one ofBaltimore’s most innovative and advancedphotography and video companies. Call to setup an appointment. Come visit our new stu-dio/gallery.

Electric EntertainmentReisterstown, MD410-878-2804 or 301-370-1125www.thedjs.net(see our display ad, page 1)Baltimore’s best high-energy entertainers, fea-turing lighting, staging, videography, multime-dia production, personalized customer service,and complete event planning for a truly unforgettable affair.

Focal Point ProductionsOwings Mills, MD410-902-9066www.focalpp.com(see our display ad, page 52)Our staff can meet your needs, exceed yourexpectations and stay within your budget!

Imagine That StudiosColumbia, MD410-884-9333www.imaginethat.net(see our display ad, page 54)Elegant Weddings. Exciting B’nai Mitzvah. Wehave the experience, skills and energy for itall. You have fun, we’ll do the photography!

Josh Barry Photography6182 Grant Ct.Harrisburg, PA1-888-517-6374 or 717-541-0681 www.joshbarry.com (see our display ad, page 53)If they gave awards for great Bar/Bat MitzvahPhotography we’d be thanking the academy!Call or visit the website for a free informationpackage.

NorthSide ProductionsOwings Mills, MD410-982-6756www.northsidevideo.com(see our display ad, page 52)Northside Video Productions is the areas #1shop for all your video needs. “TurningMoments into Memories.” NorthsideProductions is now in association withHoward Photography.

Photo Fun PlusOwings Mills, MD443-465-5809www.photofunplus.com(see our display ad, page 47)Let us help make your Bar/Bat Mitzvah ofWedding special with our novelty photos andvery affordable videography. We specialize in“Growing Up” photo montages. Check out ourwebsite to see a sample.

Photography By Ellen3706 Timber View WayReisterstown, MD410-526-2752www.photographybyellen.net(see our display ad, page 51)Unique, Creative, Beautiful Photography. Askabout special Mitzvah packages.

Visual Concepts VideoBaltimore, MD410-979-6682www.visualconceptsvideo.com(see our display ad, page 55)“SPECIAL”Bar/Bat Mitzvah Reception coverage$999.00!

Washington Talent, Photo & Video Owings Mills, MD410-356-1500www.washingtontalent.com(see our display ad, Inside Back Cover)We do it all; DJ’s, MC’s, Photography, Video,Plasmas, Lighting, Montages, CocktailEntertainment, Bands and More! Package ourservices & SAVE big! One Call. One Company.

Rentals / LinensBaltimore Coat CheckBaltimore, MD443-506-9683 or 443-250-8692(see our display ad, page 56)Professional coat check service. Let us put thefinishing touch on your Bar/Bat Mitzvah, wed-ding, or any special event at affordable rates.Coat check, door and restroom attendants!

Continued on page 60

Visit us online at www.bnaimitzvahguide.comDirectory Of Resources60

OtherBaltimore Jewish TimesBaltimore, MD410-752-3504www.jewishtimes.com(see our display ad, page 22)The Baltimore Jewish Times is Maryland’slargest Jewish weekly publication and a cherished weekly tradition. Founded in 1919by David Alter, the publication has attractedand retained a large and loyal audience ofreaders who value its news and advertising information.

The Shoshana S. Cardin School -Baltimore’s Independent Jewish High School7310 Park Heights Ave.Baltimore, MD410-585-1400, ext. 207www.shoshanascardin.org(see our display ad, page 5)We are Baltimore’s Independent Jewish HighSchool. We welcome capable students ingrades 9-12 to participate in a unique educa-tional experience—one that combines aca-demic excellence with individual discovery ina rigorous college-preparatory program. Ourunwavering commitment to the diversity ofthe Baltimore Jewish community offers allstudents a place where they belong, enablingthem to realize their intellectual, spiritual, andcreative potential.

Speaking Anxiety? Tips to RelaxBy Matt TuckerYou’ve got your Torah por-

tion down pat. A littleHebrew never hurt anyone.Of course, your family stillheckles you every dayabout practicing which onlymakes you more nervous.You hate speaking (andsweating) in public andyou’re not too happy abouthaving to do a speech.

The comforting news, according to theUniversity of Mary Washington (UMW)Speaking Center (http://www.umw.edu/spkc/resources), is that, “You’ll appearmore confident than you feel.”Tips for making your speechsound awesome and you morecomfortable:1) Make a list of your concerns: You’ll putyour fears into prospective and fine waysto fight them. 2) Practice your speech: You’ve heard thisa million times, but hear this. You canover practice. If you lose interest in the

speech and speak too fast when practic-ing, stop. Make sure you go throughthe speech slowly. Speakingquickly may help your speech endquicker but it will not eliminateyour nervousness and mistakes.3) Perform the speech once atthe temple: Same goes withyour Torah portion. It’s reallydifferent speaking in the syna-gogue or place of service.Acclimating yourself to the sur-roundings will help you feel moreate ease on the big day. 4) Know the introduction: Your anx-iety is highest at the beginning ofthe presentation, so knowing theintroduction well can help you getthrough the rest of the speech. 5) Use your nervousness:When you step up to the stageand you feel nervous, youhave extra energy floatingaround that your body has no ideahow to use. Use this energy productivelyby stressing important words and mak-ing gestures.

6) Pick three spots: Instead of lookinginto the faces of family and friends,

try looking just to the left, right,or even better, above. It willappear as if you’re lookinginto their faces. Find a blem-ish on the wall, a book inplain sight, or anything thatyou can focus on while youreiterate what you’ve practicedso well. Using three of these

spots/objects allows you tomove your head around the room

as if you’re a master of eye contact.7) Don’t think too much: Whileyou’re speaking, make sure you knowwhat line you’re on and what thesentence means so that you canintonate properly. Other than that,

don’t think. Furtherthought could makeyou nervous.

8) Eat sleep and lookgood: If you eat properly,

sleep enough and give yourselftime to get ready in the morning, yourbody will be ready for public speaking.Tyler Mondres, a recent Bar Mitzvah,

suggests using notes for intonation andpauses. Simple notes-to-self such as“look up” and “go slow” on paper helphim when he speaks. Another helpfultool, according to Tyler, is the relevance ofhis speech. He related his Torah portionto all aspects of his life. While it may behard for Tyler to speak extensively on sto-ries in the Torah, he has no qualms aboutspeaking on football, school grades, fam-ily, and even addressing the crowd. If you are still nervous, videotape yourselfand go over possible problem areas withyour parents, keeping in mind you willlook 100 times smaller to people on thebig day. Remember, family and friendscannot see everything you see on video.Besides, we all know your family will benuts about you no matter how you thinkyou perform. No matter what happens,you cannot avoid the “you’re so adorable”and “my, you sound so grown-up” com-ments. In the end, after everyone kissesand congratulates you, you’ll be tooexcited to remember why you worried.

Far too often the children of divorced couples face their child’sBar/Bat Mitzvah with mixed emotions. The family, extendedfamily and friends get together to celebrate a coming of ageevent marred by the pain and anger brought by severed maritalrelations. Judaic traditions and law of the get present manychallenges, but there remains some of the sex role imbalance.As an example, only the husband may obtain a sefer k'ritutfreeing the wife to re-marry. This is about the children and their rite of passage into adult-hood, placing the Torah in the keeping of the new generation.They work for many years, study and tolerate substantial per-formance anxiety to read the Torah and Haftarah before familyand friends. After the service there is a celebration. Whose cele-bration is it?Most children just want it over. Ask them, they’ll tell you. Thecelebration becomes an event for the parents and grandpar-ents. To make it a good memory for the children and keep thetradition alive and happy, it is incumbent on the parents tomake it a joyous event for them too.Of course, everything depends on the relationship of the par-ents. If they had a hostile breakup, coming to agreements mayjust not happen, but they will already have child-rearing andemotional or behavioral problems with the celebrant. We canonly guide them toward family therapy and hope.If there is a formula for making the Bar/Bat Mitzvah affair

happy, it is the same as for child rearing: early restoration ofjoint parental authority. Get an agreement and stick to it. I’veheard some divorced couples say they offered each other adirect split of the cost while keeping it to a minimum. Anyextras were on the requester’s tab. An equal number of guestsaccompanied this agreement. Honorifics, especially at theTemple were, likewise, divided equally and no editing of eachother’s guest list was permitted.It is as if two affairs were occurring. If such were not agreedupon, it may be possible for one parent to have a smaller affairand the other could do as they wished. I know of more thanone split family having a very small affair and a second BarMitzvah with the other parent, grandparents and siblings inJerusalem. Animosity is the enemy here and memories of B’nai Mitzvotstay with us through our lives, regardless of religious fervor. Inour legacy to our children, we must remember who is receivingthe Torah to pass along. Pass along how Judaism can still bringtogether families, for no matter the legal status of the family,we don’t divorce our children and the family structure doesn’thappen by court order, it is a law of G-d and nature.Dr. Kotkin is a Clinical Psychologist in private practice in Merrick

and Melville. You may contact him at (631)643-0924 or viaemail: LKOTKIN128@AOL.COM.

Split Blessings: Advice for Divorced Parents By Lawrence R. Kotkin, Ph.D. (Reprinted from our Metro New York edition)

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