difficult conversations
DESCRIPTION
Difficult Conversations. Objectives. Why we don’t like difficult conversations No action Vs. Action 3 steps to handling difficult conversations. Why we don’t like difficult conversations. Takes time Emotions (ours and theirs) Conflict. No action Vs. action (1/2). No Action - PowerPoint PPT PresentationTRANSCRIPT
Boston University School of Management
Difficult Conversations
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Objectives
Why we don’t like difficult conversations
No action Vs. Action 3 steps to handling difficult
conversations
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Why we don’t like difficult conversations
Takes time Emotions (ours and theirs) Conflict
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No action Vs. action (1/2)No Action Problems escalate Legal complications
• More people get involved• Cost of time, money, resources
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No action Vs. action (2/2)Action• Improved working
relationships, reputation• More productive,
efficient, collaboration• Feel – fair process,
listened to - valued• Develops your skills,
increased confidence
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3 Steps to handling difficult conversations
Step 1: Gain clarity
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Make your message clearNot clear ClearYou didn’t present that topic well. I would have found more detail to be helpful.
You need to improve your communication skills.
?
You have a poor attitude. ?
Your work is not professional. ?
You’re not being strategic, and you’re missing the mark.
?
Are you crazy? That’s a half baked idea if I ever heard one.
?
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Make your message clearNot clear ClearYou didn’t present that topic well. I would have found more detail to be helpful.
You need to improve your communication skills.
Spend a little more time listening and paraphrasing the client’s needs.
You have a poor attitude. Try showing a little more enthusiasm towards this project.
Your work is not professional. I think if your work was proof read and reviewed more carefully before being presented to your clients, it would be more effective.
You’re not being strategic, and you’re missing the mark.
I think this project requires a more long term approach. It would be better if your plan included a forecast of the project over time.
Are you crazy? That’s a half baked idea if I ever heard one.
I think this idea requires a little more thought. Have you considered how this would work at our company?
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Make your message clearNot clear ClearYou didn’t present that topic well. I would have found more detail to be helpful.
You need to improve your communication skills.
Spend a little more time listening and paraphrasing the client’s needs.
You have a poor attitude. Try showing a little more enthusiasm towards this project.
Your work is not professional. I think if your work was proof read and reviewed more carefully before being presented to your clients, it would be more effective.
You’re not being strategic, and you’re missing the mark.
I think this project requires a more long term approach. It would be better if your plan included a forecast of the project over time.
Are you crazy? That’s a half baked idea if I ever heard one.
I think this idea requires a little more thought. Have you considered how this would work at our company?
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Step 2
Overrule avoidance
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Step 3
Deliver the message
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Direct or Indirect Vs. Sensitive or Insensitive
4. It’s part of my job to point out problems and ensure
we’re as effective as possible. Lets work together to figure out how to do that
effectively.
3. Is there any chance there’s something here
you’re not seeing?
2. You’re passing the buck, and you have to
change.
1. There is a problem with the way you work.
Sensitive
Insensitive
IndirectDirect
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Your turn
Match statements to the relevant box
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Direct or Indirect Vs. Sensitive or Insensitive
4. I received feedback that others are having
difficulties working with you. Lets explore how to
change that.
3. Have you thought at all about how you
interact with others?
2. People don’t like you, you have to get better at working with others or
else.
1. We have poor working relationships with each
other.
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Direct or Indirect Vs. Sensitive or Insensitive
4. I received feedback that others are having
difficulties working with you. Lets explore how to
change that.
3. Have you thought at all about how you
interact with others?
2. People don’t like you, you have to get better at working with others or
else.
1. We have poor working relationships with each
other.
Sensitive
Insensitive
IndirectDirect
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Techniques to avoid
Ordering, directing: ‘you have to…’ Warning, threatening: ‘you’d better
not…’ Preaching, moralizing: ‘you ought
to…’ Advising, giving solutions: ‘why
don’t you…’ Evaluating, blaming: ‘you’re
wrong…’ Interpreting, diagnosing: ‘you need
to…’
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You Vs. I ‘You’ language (ineffective)
‘I’ language (effective)
You are constantly asking for exceptions when it comes to proper documentation.
I see the documentation procedures being sidestepped, and I want to explore with you how to make it better. I would like to begin meeting with you once a week to look at specific tension spots and brainstorm solutions…
You are continually late and you show up unprepared for your meetings.
I have noticed that your meetings aren’t as effective as the rest of the team’s, and I want to discuss how we can improve them. What do you think is important for an effective meeting?
You aren’t collaborating with the rest of the team and you’ve managed to make them all dislike you.
I received feedback that team projects aren’t getting much of everyone’s full attention and I would like to change that so that every team member is helping them. Let’s talk about how we should be contributing to these projects.
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You Vs. I ‘You’ language (ineffective)
‘I’ language (effective)
You are constantly asking for exceptions when it comes to proper documentation.
I see the documentation procedures being sidestepped, and I want to explore with you how to make it better. I would like to begin meeting with you once a week to look at specific tension spots and brainstorm solutions…
You are continually late and you show up unprepared for your meetings.
I have noticed that your meetings aren’t as effective as the rest of the team’s, and I want to discuss how we can improve them. What do you think is important for an effective meeting?
You aren’t collaborating with the rest of the team and you’ve managed to make them all dislike you.
I received feedback that team projects aren’t getting much of everyone’s full attention and I would like to change that so that every team member is helping them. Let’s talk about how we should be contributing to these projects.
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Overview
Step 1: Gain clarity Step 2: Overrule Avoidance Step 3: Deliver the message
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Questions?