duck wrap and other stupid poems - frank anthony
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Duck Wrap
And other Stupid Poems
Written & Illustrated by
Frank Anthony
This work is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-
NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License. To view a copy of this
license, visit http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/3.0/ or send a
letter to Creative Commons, 444 Castro Street, Suite 900, Mountain View,
California, 94041, USA.
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Contents
The Lizard n' the Wizard 1
Showbiz 2
I Wonder Where's my Underwear 3
There's no Grater Greater 5
Duck Wrap 7
From a Seesaw once... 9
Desperation 10Dead Poems Society 11
Pink Pickled Poet 12
Free Market 14
Scrawny Scribbling Scribe 15
Yester & Yonder 17On A Tree 17
Sleepy Time Blues 18
Night Terrors 20
Mixed Marriage 22
Je ne regrette.... 22Introduction
I wrote many of these poems back around 2004, about the
same time I discovered my enjoyment of creating cartoons.
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When I draw I tend to either work in pencil and ink the
outline later in pen, or draw directly with the pen, rarely re-
drawing. Some of the images were coloured with artistswatercolour and others using the Gimp (www.gimp.org).
Creating this e-book brought back to me the sheer delight of
this kind of doodling and was a great reminder of the creative
possibilities of free play.
I make no apology for the simplicity of the poems. As aclown, performer and 'poet' I have a great love of stupidity
and couldn't imagine doing a job that was anything less than
stupid!
I hope you enjoy the book.
Frank Anthony
7th October 2013
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The Lizard 'n the Wizard
A passing flying lizard
hit a wizard in the gizzard
The wizz he fell down flat
and turned quite blue
I helped him to his feetand fixed his robe so it looked neat
And so he magicked up this book
to give to you!
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Showbiz
Life is hell
and my armpits smell
and my knickers are falling apart
As for my finances,
they're even worse than my chancesAnd my health?
Well just don't even start.
Of hope, day to day, there's nary a ray
the Repo man's repo'd my floor!
I'd go to work - but I can't stand that
cos' my boss is a big stupid bore.
No, the Stage is the place where I ought to be!
Exotic dancing at nights!
Then taking my bow, to the roar of the crowd,
in my sparkly costume and tights!
*As with all artists, the author struggles withthe necessity of a day job
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I wonder where's my underwear?
I wonder where's my underwear?
I left it here, I did! I swear!
S'not under here, not under there.
Didn't drop 'em on the stair.
What's worse, I've only got one pairof purple spotty underwear!
Oh, it really would be too unfair
If someone's nicked my underwear!
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There's no Grater Greater (or Greater Grater)
written while grating cheese for cheese sauce
There's no grater greater than the grater I own!
There's no greater grater than mine!
When grating I use just this grater alonealbeit of simple design.
These new-fangled graters with electric rotators
I just cannot help but malign!
for all other graters I simply disown
and I'll stick with this grater of mine!
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Duck Wrap
Ah'm a duck Ah go quack
Ah got feathers on mah back
Ah bin swimmin' all day s
so ah gotta hit the sack!
Ah'm a man-duck (that's a drake)Ah like swimmin' in mah lake
An' when it comes to bread...
Man, Ah'm always on the take.
Ah can swim and ah can fly
Ah can be wet. Ah can be dry
But ah don't like no orange sauce!
Man, that stuff makes me cry!
'Duck Wrap was written prior to running a poetry workshop for
Hackney City Farm I realised none of my poems were very rap-likeand thought I'd better display some range!
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From a seesaw once...
From a seesaw once I saw a sea
as I seesawed up and down
And the sea I saw was a saucy sea
all sticky, thick and brown.
On the sea seesawed a sailing shipseesawing wild and free!
The saucy sea seesawed the ship
and the seesaw seesawed me.
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Desperation
If I could just nip behind that tree
things'd be great, 'cos then I could pee!
Or better still, just there on the hill
there's a shop with a looyou just ask at the till!
I've pee'd in a train
and even a 'plane
and back at my house
I go time and again!
Oh, I really do wish I could go for a pee!
But I can't get down
from this elephant, see?
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Dead poems society
Yesterday my poem died
half-written on the page
A work that really should have been
A Wonder of the Age'T'would have been an awesome work
to stand the test of Time
Alas, it came to nothing
for the words just wouldn't
match up.
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Pink Pickled Poet
Once, at the insistence of my pushy Papa
we drove to a pickling plant in his car
Pink peppered pickles was the product they made
and Papa hoped I'd learn the pickling trade.The manager met us and said Son, you'll go far
popping pink pickled peppers in a pickling jar!
Said I Thank you kindly, but I must follow my star
and can't pause to pop pickles, pink though they are!
Pink pepper popping's not for people like me!
My potential is purely in poetry, see?
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Free Market
The things I'd do if I were free!
I'd dance! I'd sing! Write poetry!
Out amongst the trees I'd run
And build a treehouse just for fun!
Oh, such a life, if I were free!
I'd walk for miles beside the sea!
Pick wild flowers, smell the air!
Not sit in an office au contraire!
But sad though it is, I have to say
My life has not worked out that way
Tho' I'd give my arms to be free
The fact remains my bank owns me!
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Scrawny Scribbling Scribe
A scrawny scribe who scribbled scrawled a script
With rhythmic ribald rhyming his pen dripped
Until a pious portly priest passed by
And upon the scrawny scribbler cast his eye
O scrawny scribe thou scribblest crap! sayeth heWhen thou coulds't pen pious poetry like me!
At this the scribbling scrawny scribe just laughed
What? Pen pious priestly poppycock? That's just
daft!
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What? Pen pious priestly poppycock? That's justdaft!
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Yester and Yonder
Yester and Yonder went for a wander
over the brow of a hill.
Yester dallied all day, Yonder wandered away
so Yester's a day behind still.
On a tree
I think that I shall never see
a tree as beautiful as me
It lacks my form, lacks my grace
Good grief, it even lacks a face!
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Sleepy Time Blues
Up, down, left, right!
I don't know how to sleep tonight!
Curled up or stretched right out?
It's something I just can't work out!
I wriggle round, I toss and turnAnd count some sheep
And suck my thumb
And kick the covers from my bed
But I'm just not a sleepyhead!
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Up, down, left, right!
I don't know how to sleep tonight!
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Night Terrors
A zorgle bird is a bird to shun
It's a great big thing with eyes that stun!
And the flurgle snail you'd best avoid
If you touch it's slime you'll be destroyed!
And never go near a flabber beastUnless you want to be deceased!
But the scariest kind of monster pest
Is an alien toad in a wooly vest!
If disturbed it'll zap you dead!
But they can't get me, 'cos I'm safe in bed!
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And never go near a flabber beast
Unless you want to be deceased!
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Mixed marriage
The funniest man in the world
married the saddest woman on Earth
yet despite their deep affection
he laughed himself to death
This made her sadder than everand she died with barely a sigh
And when they found out,
their kids didn't know
whether to laugh or cry.
Je ne regrette...
The things I never cared about
As I was growing up
Have all conspired to create
A useless grown-up
If I could have that time againThose happy carefree ways!
I wouldn't care about them still
I'd laze around for days!
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About Frank Anthony
Frank Anthony is a London, UK based performer with
interests in modern Commedia and clowning. He trained as
an actor at London's City Literary Institute between 1996 and
98 and has performed at the Greenwich Millennium Dome
(now the O2) as well as many private, corporate andcommunity events.
He and has worked widely in street theatre, where he
developed an interest in clowning, Commedia and
improvised comedy. He has a passionate interest in
creativity in general and the importance of free play and
imagination.
Frank is available for performance and workshops. For more
information visit: http:franklystupid.weebly.comor email
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