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How to Pick a Bad Fantasy Team

Every year, many try, and many fail. Once again this year, Bobby E is going to unveilfor you some of the subtle secrets of picking a bad fantasy football team. Aiming for theToilet Bowl? These ! simple rules should help"

. #ick kickers early$%e&ll start with the obvious, and there&s no sign more glaring that a fellow owner spendstoo much time watching 'oey reruns than picking a kicker in the (th round. )eriously, ifyou&re e*pecting Blair %alsh to outscore most decent second+tier wideouts on a regularbasis, you&re destined for lushing -eadows. onsider picking your first kickersometime after the %orld )eries celebrations are over.

/. 0 gave up studying in college$%hat, me study? 1es indeed" you study, 2eico pitchman. 0f you think a 3uick glanceat /45 stats is enough preparation for your draft, consider applying for a 6ob with the

7aiders organi8ation. )eriously. 1ou know why the 9ions haven&t sniffed the playoffssince 'on 2ruden got canned? Al :avis no study. 0t&s true. )ee /445+on.

5. 0 haven&t seen a doctor in yeeaaaars.)o you don&t like to read the in6ury report? %ho does$? 0n6uries can be so gruesome,and it&s hard to tell if Bill Belichick is telling the truth. Actually, it is" if an in6ury concernsa #atriots player, don&t worry. ;nless of course it&s a running back, in which case grabanyone else from :enver with 7B+eligibility. 0t&s written into the

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en6oyment of knowing all those other suckers got ripped off by a team of guys who can&tpossibly do this for a living. an they? ;mG

(. Okay, so 0&ll listen to 6ust one e*pert.The only mistake worse than not reading any e*pert advice is reading only one e*pert.

%hy? Because he could be wrong. )eriously, dead wrong. -ore wrong than Billlinton as the Ifirst gentlemanJ in the %hite >ouse. And honestly, despite the morbidfascination of seeing a first husband hit with adultery charges, who do you think really

wants to see that?

H. 2rab that e*tra KB early$:rafting too many too early of any one position with the hope that you can trade one islike playing hooky on a half+day of work. %hile it&s always fun to play hooky, you can&thelp but think you might 6ust have blown an opportunity to make a better choice. %hileyou&re waiting to find a trade partner three or four weeks into

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5.Bye weeks" give everyone a break at once$Another surefire way to sniff the toilet biscuit is to draft without considering the effect ofbye weeks on your roster. )ure, you might get lucky and draw the #erennial 9eague9oser #99 during the week when you&re resting both starting 7Bs and your KB, but theshame of losing to the #99 should outweigh that optimism.

!.)chedules are for die+hards.-an, with so much to worry about, why bother figuring out who&s got the most difficultschedule? After all, performers perform, right? 7ight. Ask rank 2ore what he thinksabout playing the )eattle : twice in one season. And any guess why 'amal harles isalways smiling? or starters, he plays Oakland twice a yearG

9ack of preparation has already begun for this year&s Toilet Bowl. Best of luck, owners$