The hole she left in my heart, big as it is, has been filled by

Raoni Monteiro and all things Rip Curl Pro Portugal. Distractions

are a wonderful thing when all you can think about is what

could have been. And this morning Raoni caused the biggest

distraction of all when he knocked out Kelly Slater giving a

breezy looking Parko even more room to breeze. Mick too would

no doubt be happy. John John Floz would be happy also. The

Word Title race had officially been thrown wide open by Raoni

and everyone cheered the Brazilian as he came up the beach. I

should say that I wasn’t hoping Kelly would lose. I want no man

to feel pain. That’s a side effect of getting dumped. Empathy.

When Kelly lost today with no score close to troubling the

four point range I wanted to hug him. I wanted to say, “Man

you know what? To heck with the ocean, man. She gives you so

much but she can take it away whenever she wants. It’s on her

terms, man. I get that. I really do. Let’s go get a bottle of

wine and some sardines and ride this out together. Love hurts

my brother. Love hurts.” But I didn’t. I just watched as Kelly

surfed four waves after his heat had ended at $500 per wave (a

fine stipulated in the ASP rulebook for guys who surf into the

next heat) and wondered which poor bastard from the ASP would

be giving him the invoice. – VB

THE PERFECT DISTRACTION

BROTHER WHERE ART THOU NO LONGER

Kolohe Andino’s euro leg has been a far cry from his board punching meltdown in Fiji. On the contrary, the grom has rediscovered his love for pro surfing and it was no more evident than on his first wave in the no-loser younglings heat of round four. Against John John and Gabby Medina, Kolohe got the first wave, sliced across open face before launching himself into a mondo extreme first turn air rev so monstrous that when he landed it Matt Wilkinson’s nipples started lactating. Although Gabby went on to win the heat and Kolohe lost in the very next round to Josh Kerr, it was wonderful to see Brother lose the shackles of expectation and do what he does best. Go surfing.

1. THE SURFEndless opportunities. It’s the sickest joint to get barrelled.

2. SARDINESI’ve never eaten one but the smell of Peniche reminds me of Matt Bemrose’s breath and he’s a good friend.

3. COASTLINEThe cliffs and the castles. They make me feel like some kind of William Wallace except that I’m in Portugal and not Scotland.

4. COFFEEThe coffee is outrageously strong here. Just one little short black in the morning and you’re flying all day. And the smell reminds of Bemmy’s armpits and he’s a good friend.

5. PEOPLEThere are so many good people here and they are all so enthusiastic about surfing. There’s a lot of passion and I have a lot of good friends. Everyone rules except for that thief they busted – he can suck a sardine.

KAI OTTON’S FIVE FAVOURITE THINGS ABOUT PORTUGAL

DOUG GETS SLOTTED AGAIN

I know what you’re thinking.

You’re thinking: “Everyday I

read the Sardine and every day

there’s a story about this Doug

character, and every day I wish

I could just quit my life and

be Doug. What a life that would

be! To be Doug!” And you’re

right to think that. Doug’s

life is way better than yours.

Sorry to say but it’s true.

Need more proof? Look at the

barrel he got this morning at

the comp only minutes before

Kelly Slater paddled out and

couldn’t get anything over a

3.6! Even Kelly Slater wants to

be Doug. Go on ask him. He’ll

say “I want to be Doug.” Don’t

worry Kelly. We all do.

OWEN VS MICK

Is there a word to describe the heat between

Rip Curl stablemates Owen Wright and Mick

Fanning yesterday afternoon? Yes there is:

Amazeballs. It was at this event in 2009

Mick and Owen were supposed to surf a semi,

but Owen hurt his neck and Mick got a walk

through to the final – which he then went on

to win. Conspiracy theories abounded. Parko

at that stage had a huge lead in the ratings

and there was chatter Owen had been forced

to throw the heat so Mick could get valuable

points. Yesterday, with the ratings looking

very similar to 2009, Mick and Owen met up in

Round Five. Mick started the heat in a flurry

and had Owen comboed before the halfway mark.

But then Owen got the wave of the day and

parked his caboose in a big hollow cave for a

perfect 10. And then a small priority error

by Mick gave Owen his choice of waves in the

remaining eight minutes which he used to pull

out a last minute victory. Did someone say

amazeballs? Yes, we did. And it was.

ROLL UP ROLL UP

“John John versus Joel Parkinson some time today. A World Title heat with wild implications. Getcha peanuts. Getcha hotdogs. Roll up roll up to the greatest show on earth!”

EVER WONDERED?Everyone knows what the

front of an event site

looks like, but have you

ever wondered what’s out

back? The Sardine brings

you this exclusive: The

backside of the Rip Curl

Pro Portugal.

DOWNLOAD THE FREE RIP CURL PRO APPCUSTOMISED NOTIFICATIONSFAVOURITE SURFER HEAT ALERTSLIVE WEB STREAMINGLIVE SCORES WITH LIVE AUDIOEVENT STATUS, RESULTS & NEWS UPDATESGALLERIES WITH SOCIAL SHARING

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ISSUE 09