modern family spec script- the sleepover
DESCRIPTION
Luke goes to his first Sleepover. Cam wants to pursue a career in Day trading and Jay has an obsession with the game of scrabble.TRANSCRIPT
ACT ONE
INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - KITCHEN - MORNING
Phil is reading the newspaper as Claire puts breakfast on
the table. Alex looks to Phil.
ALEX
Dad you might be the only person in
the world today who still reads the
NEWS on PAPER.
PHIL
(points to paper)
This right here is America’s
past-time.
ALEX
Pretty sure that’s baseball.
PHIL
Whatever. It’s in the past.
(defensive)
It’s relative and important.
Luke enters with a Disney themed sleeping bag of Snow White
and the Seven Dwarfs.
LUKE
I found this in my closet, what is
this?
Claire moves towards Luke.
CLAIRE
Oh my God I completely forgot about
this!
She grabs it and shows it to Phil.
CLAIRE
Phil remember we got this sleeping
bag for him as a joke when he was
going through the "GRUMPY" stage.
PHIL
(to Claire)
What kid didn’t want to wear socks
as a toddler, still can’t find one.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 2.
ALEX
(to Phil)
Wow. That implies you go looking.
LUKE
Inside jokes at an early age could
have really messed me up. You guys
lucked out with me.
ALEX
We dodged a bullet there.
Luke sits down at the table.
PHIL
Hey honey if I were a "Dwarf" which
one would I be?
Claire lifts her finger about to speak. Haley enters
abruptly while texting on her phone.
HALEY
Mom don’t answer that.
PHIL INTERVIEW
PHIL
Everyone remembers their first
sleepover. The anticipation, the
thrill letting your guard down as
you sleep in a foreign
environment. It’s something you
don’t forget.
(beat)
Much like war from what I hear...
INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS
PHIL
Who’s holding the festivities my
man?
Luke is chowing down on french toast.
LUKE
Samantha Johnson. She lives right
around the corner so I can walk
it. Unless my shins start acting
up again then I might need a lift.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 3.
CLAIRE
(cleaning dishes)
Samantha? That’s a strange name
for a boy.
The family averts their eyes away from Claire.
PHIL AND CLAIRE INTERVIEW
CLAIRE
(frazzled)
Co-ed sleepover? Oh no.
PHIL
Oh yes. I think it’s fantastic.
CLAIRE
(to Phil)
I’m sorry what? When was your
first co-ed sleepover honey?
PHIL
Our wedding night.
CLAIRE
That’s right.
PHIL
Didn’t get much sleep though.
He nudges Claire.
CLAIRE
I did.
INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS
Luke is at the base of the stairs holding the sleeping bag
under his arm. Phil is right beside him.
LUKE
Did I say something wrong?
PHIL
Of course not, why would you think
that?
Luke peaks over Phil’s shoulder.
LUKE
Because mom’s looking through all
my baby pictures and it’s still
light out.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 4.
(beat)
And she doesn’t have a glass of
white wine in her hand.
Phil takes a peek at Claire in the kitchen.
PHIL
Oh she’s fine. She’s just
overreacting, but I didn’t tell you
that.
Luke nods.
PHIL (CONTD)
It’s your first sleepover. Get
excited! It’s a big deal in a
young man’s life.
LUKE
I guess.
Phil grabs the sleeping bag from him.
PHIL (CONTD)
Let’s find you a cooler one. Maybe
a Rambo theme?
LUKE
What’s a "Rambo"?
Phil hugs Luke.
PHIL
(whispering)
Growing up so fast.
EXT. JAY AND GLORIA’S HOUSE - MORNING
We pan towards the house.
INT. JAY AND GLORIA’S HOUSE - KITCHEN - MOMENTS LATER
Jay is at the kitchen table squinting at the Scrabble board
game in front of him. Gloria enters.
GLORIA
Jay it’s a beautiful day
outside. Come let us go for a
walk.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 5.
JAY
Yeah give me a minute.
GLORIA
You said a minute twenty minutes
ago, I’ve been waiting for half an
hour.
JAY
Close enough.
GLORIA
You are obsessed with that stupid
game, now come on get up!
Gloria tries to get Jay off the stool.
JAY
You’re going to need to put your
back into it if you want to get any
satisfaction out of this.
Manny enters and covers his eyes.
MANNY
Not where I make my Cordon Bleu!
Gloria gives up and lets go of the stool.
JAY
How did I end up with so many W’s?
MANNY
Jay I gave you more than enough
time.
JAY
Yeah, just give me one more
minute. Where’s the fire?
JAY INTERVIEW
JAY
I am a very competitive person by
nature. It’s how I was raised. My
father taught me never let your
guard down even in the most mundane
situations imaginable.
6.
INT. FOOD STORE - PAST
Jay is in the vegetable section. He sees another customer
eyeing the last watermelon. He quickly grabs a cauliflower
and throws it down the isle to cause a distraction. The man
looks away. Jay grabs the watermelon.
JAY INTERVIEW (CONTD)
JAY (V.O)
Because when you think about it,
it’s the smallest feats that
determine who you are as a man.
INT. COFFEE SHOP - PAST
Jay is in line to get coffee. The customer in front orders
first.
CUSTOMER
Yes I’ll have a grande Caramel
Macchiato with a hint of cream
please-
Jay interrupts.
JAY
(to worker)
Make mine a vente, no cream, all
caramel, no need for a coaster my
calluses naturally diminish the
heat.
The worker looks at Jay.
WORKER
(to Jay)
Sir, I’ll get to you in a second.
JAY INTERVIEW (CONTD)
JAY
Make them scared.
INT. JAY AND GLORIA’S LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Gloria takes Manny into the other room.
GLORIA
This needs to stop.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 7.
MANNY
The man’s longest word so far is
"Fiat" and I didn’t have the heart
to tell him it was a proper
noun. He puts this on himself,
poor guy.
JAY (O.S)
(yelling)
A Wawa! That’s a bird isn’t it?!
INT. MITCHELL & CAMERON’S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY
Cameron is on the computer. Lily is beside him. Mitchell
is getting ready to leave for work.
MITCHELL
Hey a few of the guys want to go
out for a drink tonight with a new
client. An Italian with a six pack
to TAN for.
Mitchell laughs. Cameron is unenthusiastic.
CAMERON
Have fun.
MITCHELL
OK what’s wrong? Even the video
with the baby on a trampoline
didn’t get a reaction.
CAMERON
(looking at computer)
It was obviously staged
Mitchell, the cinematography was
gorgeous.
Mitchell walks up to Cameron.
MITCHELL
You’ve been glued to the computer
this whole weekend.
CAMERON AND MITCHELL INTERVIEW
CAMERON
Look, I am a stay at home
parent. I chose this path.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 8.
MITCHELL
Hmm...did you?
CAMERON (CONTD)
But that doesn’t mean I’m useless
or a pushover when it comes to
contributing to this family.
MITCHELL
OK, correction, no one ever said
you were useless or a
pushover. Taking care of Lily when
I’m gone is a job in itself and I
am fully aware of that.
CAMERON
Well I guess every family needs a
backbone.
MITCHELL
And I am happy to take that
responsibility.
Cameron motions a hand gesture.
INT. MITCHELL & CAMERON’S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS
Mitchell is over Cameron’s shoulder looking at the screen.
MITCHELL
(reading)
Pretty in Portfolio...sounds about
right.
CAMERON
They let you pick your own user
name. Why that wasn’t already
taken I don’t know.
CAMERON INTERVIEW
CAMERON
Day trading is the perfect fit for
me. Little known fun fact; I
received my associate’s degree in
Business Finance simultaneously as
I went through Clown School. So
come to me if you want to crunch
numbers and find out how many
clowns you can really fit in that
car. I’m very anal like that.
MITCHELL INTERVIEW
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 9.
MITCHELL
(affirmation)
He said anal didn’t he?
END OF ACT ONE
INT. MITCHELL & CAMERON’S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS
MITCHELL
Is this a personally funded venture
or-
CAMERON
Does it matter?
MITCHELL
Well I like eating.
CAMERON
Oh I see. You don’t trust me with
our money.
MITCHELL
No.
(beat)
Yes, I don’t.
CAMERON
500 dollars to start, that’s all
I’m asking.
MITCHELL
400. Consider it charity.
CAMERON
450. Trading fees build up.
MITCHELL
425. Final offer and I’m going to
be late.
CAMERON
600. Cher FAREWELL TOUR final and
I set the clock’s 10 minutes fast
for times like these.
Mitchell starts to walk out the door.
MITCHELL
550! Case closed, change back the
clocks, and don’t bring Cher into
this!
10.
Cameron smirks.
EXT. SAMANTHA’S HOUSE - DAY
Phil, Claire and Luke are on the porch. They ring the
doorbell.
PHIL
(to Claire)
Look happy.
CLAIRE
(to Phil)
I am happy.
PHIL
(to Claire)
Your foot looks like it has a
motor.
Claire’s foot is tapping furiously. A young girl answers
the door.
SAMANTHA
(to Luke)
Oh hey Luke! Perfect timing. We
just ordered pizza and got some
cookie dough.
LUKE
Awesome! It’s the best when
uncooked.
Claire slides in between them.
CLAIRE
Hi Sam.
PHIL
(correcting Claire)
It’s Samantha dear.
CLAIRE
It is so nice to see you again,
we’ve met once before.
SAMANTHA
Yes I remember you from the parent
teacher meeting. You asked a lot
of questions.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 11.
PHIL
Howdy ho Samantha Jo. I’m Phil,
Luke’s dad.
SAMANTHA
(to Phil)
Hey!
(to Luke)
You’re right he does look like
Shaggy with short hair.
Phil strokes his hair. Samantha’s parents come to the door.
THE JOHNSON’S
Phil and Claire Dunphy!
PHIL
Hello...you two!
Phil and Claire Interview
CLAIRE
Phil is terrible with names.
PHIL
I couldn’t remember Claire’s name
until our 3rd date. I had to steal
the receipt from dinner just to
keep as a reminder.
CLAIRE
(looking up)
Oh yes I did pay for that meal.
EXT. SAMANTHA’S PORCH - CONTINUOUS
CLAIRE
So what’s the sleeping arrangement
going to be like? Same room,
separate room, across the hallway,
guest room-
SAMANTHA’S MOM
Oh we’ll leave it to the girls to
decide.
CLAIRE
Girls?
SAMANTHA’S DAD
Yeah Luke isn’t the only one
staying over.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 12.
CLAIRE
But there are other BOYS staying
over.
SAMANTHA’S DAD
Nope, I think Luke’s the man of the
house tonight.
Claire struggles to say something.
PHIL
(to Luke)
OK well we have to head out, but we
shall see you tomorrow buddy. You
have everything, right?
Phil takes out a notepad.
PHIL (CONTD)
Your toothbrush, toothpaste, nasal
spray, underwear, extra underwear,
Q-tips, pillow, protection-
(to Claire)
by protection I mean the pillow
case for his pillow.
Samantha and Luke head inside.
CLAIRE
(to Luke)
Luke you call me if you need
anything or you can always run
home.
PHIL
(to Claire)
Did he bring contact solution?
CLAIRE
He doesn’t wear contacts.
INT. SAMANTHA’S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS
Samantha looks at Luke’s sleeping bag. It’s a "Terminator"
theme.
SAMANTHA
What is that?
LUKE
It’s sleeping bag. It’s a 90’s
thing.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 13.
We hear a few girls in the background giggling.
SAMANTHA
We’re going to start with the
Notebook tonight, ever see it?
LUKE
I’ve seen a notebook.
INT. PHIL AND CLAIRE’S CAR - DAY
Claire is driving. Phil is in the passenger seat.
PHIL
Look, we can’t help that Luke is a
ladies’ man, it’s in his jeans.
CLAIRE
He must have borrowed a pair.
PHIL
OK that was a good one.
Phil goes for a high five, but Claire ignores it.
CLAIRE
Phil, have you given him the talk?
PHIL
We talk. We’re best friends.
CLAIRE
You are a father first, a best
friend second.
PHIL
We talk about a lot of
things. Like will there be cars
that can drive other cars
eventually. Or my favorite, who
would win in a fight? A giant ant
or a shrunken anteater? Pick your
poison.
CLAIRE
Tomorrow you talk to him. And you
find out what he’s feeling.
PHIL
Of course I will. It’s his first
sleepover, I want to know
everything.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 14.
CLAIRE
(under her breath)
More like a slumber party.
PHIL
You don’t forget your first
sleepover.
CLAIRE
Why do you keep saying that? You
need to stop.
PHIL
OK you need to stop.
CLAIRE
Excuse me? I will not stop until I
get answers.
PHIL
(yelling, pointing)
No. No. You really need to
stop. Car!
Claire sees a car crossing in front of her.
CLAIRE
Oh Jesus!
She slams on the brakes.
EXT. STREET - CONTINUOUS
The car is stopped. Phil pleads.
PHIL
(to Claire)
Don’t hurt anybody.
Claire forcefully gets out of the car and starts walking to
the other car that went through the stop sign, it is stopped
in the middle of the road.
CLAIRE
(walking)
Hey buddy! Was the stop sign not
red enough for you to see, do I
need to put another one beside
it! I will paint this town red!
Phil is trailing behind her.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 15.
PHIL
God help whoever is in that car.
Claire goes up the the driver seat window and starts
knocking.
CLAIRE
Come on let’s take a look at ya.
The window is tinted and begins to draw down. It’s Jay.
CLAIRE
Dad? What are you doing?
He leans toward Claire.
JAY
Alright look, I will give you 100
dollars in cash right now and this
never happened.
Phil creeps up from behind.
PHIL
Think about this Claire they have
these new coffee makers that make
coffee quicker and they look really
cool...think about the coffee.
Claire sees Jay’s phone on the dashboard.
CLAIRE
You were texting weren’t you?
PHIL
Honey your dad doesn’t text he’s
way too ol-
Jay looks over to Phil.
PHIL (CONTD)
(stuttering)
awesome to be doing that.
JAY
I was searching the internet
looking for words that start with
W.
CLAIRE
Why?
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 16.
JAY
I appreciate the help, but that
will only get me 10 points. I need
something more.
CLAIRE
Where are you going?
JAY
Gloria’s sending me out to pick up
red velvet cup cakes. It’s a ploy
to get me out of the house.
CLAIRE
You need to give that game a rest.
JAY
This is no game.
Jay starts to roll the window up.
CLAIRE
Don’t forget dinner this Friday.
JAY
I’ll bring the cupcakes.
Jay drives away.
PHIL
(to Claire)
They now have different flavored
coffees in a cup and you just place
the packet in the container-
CLAIRE
I know Phil! Ive seen it, I’ve
seen it.
INT. MITCHELL & CAMERON’S HOUSE - DAY
Cameron is at the computer with Lily on his lap.
CAMERON
(pointing to screen)
Look Lily see this? This one is
priced at 6 dollars a share and is
only valued at 4 dollars a
share. So that means this is
overvalued. And its parent company
is JC Penny, so you know its
exterior may have some flash, but
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 17.
CAMERON (cont’d)the internal workings are very
cheap.
LILY
I’m thirsty.
CAMERON
OK, you stay right here and let me
fetch you something.
Cameron gets up to go to the kitchen and Lily stays on the
chair near the computer. She grabs the mouse. She clicks
the mouse around.
LILY
Look what I did Daddy.
Cameron rushes back to take Lily off the chair.
CAMERON
Lily sweetie this is not a
toy. Here’s your juice, go sit
down.
Cameron sits down and looks at the screen.
CAMERON
Oh dear.
INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
Claire is in the kitchen cooking a pot of soup and Phil is
on the couch with a blanket over him, Haley and Alex are
also on the couch. They are watching a scary movie.
Moments later we hear the microwave beep.
PHIL
That’s the kettle!
He quickly gets up to get it.
HALEY
(to Alex)
This is lame I want to go out with
my friends.
ALEX
(to Haley)
Why do you have the urge to go out
every night?
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 18.
HALEY
(to Alex)
You don’t get it, when you find
friends you’ll understand.
Phil passes Claire.
PHIL
Smells good honey.
CLAIRE
Maybe I should call the Johnson’s.
PHIL
No you shouldn’t.
He plops himself back on the couch between Haley and Alex.
PHIL (CONTD)
Alright what did I miss?
Haley’s phone goes off.
HALEY
(on phone)
Hello, yes?
(beat)
I would love to do that thing with
you right now.
She gets up and leaves the room.
PHIL
(to Alex)
I wonder what Luke’s doing right
now?
INT. SAMANTHA’S ROOM - NIGHT
Luke is in the middle of the couch wrapped up in his
sleeping bag with the five girls surrounding him. They are
watching a movie and eating ice cream.
LUKE
(to Samantha)
Why wouldn’t she stay with him?
What they had was so real.
SAMANTHA
(to Luke)
But was it really real Luke?
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 19.
LUKE
(pondering)
I don’t know.
INT. BAR - NIGHT
Mitchell and his colleagues are out with a potential new
client. It’s towards the end of the night and they have
been drinking. The Italian client, Marco, yells for the
waitress.
MARCO
One more round!
He looks around to the other guys, pointing.
MARCO
One more round?
MITCHELL
You know it’s getting pretty late
and I have a little one.
MARCO
One More!
Mitchell’s phone rings.
MITCHELL
Sorry fellas I’m going to have to
take this.
He heads towards the back of the bar near the bathroom.
INT. BAR - CONTINUOUS
Mitchell is leaning on the side of the door talking on the
phone.
MITCHELL
Hey I am trying to get out of here,
but Balboa is going all 12 rounds.
CAMERON
Lily bought 100 shares of stock.
MITCHELL
Should I ask "why" or can I assume
that you will explain.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 20.
CAMERON
(upset)
I left her alone on the computer
and she got clicker happy and
bought an overvalued stock.
Mitchell chuckles.
CAMERON
Do you find this funny?
MITCHELL
Of course not. It’s the sugar in
the Mojito.
CAMERON
You were right Mitchell. This was
a bad idea. I was in way over my
head.
MITCHELL
It’s seriously fine. Don’t worry.
CAMERON
I know, but it’s the principle and
I hate losing.
MITCHELL
Who knows maybe the stock will
surprise you and spike up.
CAMERON
It’s a company that makes tassel
accessories for prom shoes
Mitchell, there can only be so much
growth in an industry like that.
MITCHELL
Markets fluctuate.
CAMERON
Yes and so do seasons. It’s down
50% from what Lily bought it at.
MITCHELL
Missed that, what?
CAMERON
OK see you soon.
Cameron hangs up.
21.
INT. SAMANTHA’S ROOM - NIGHT
The girls and Luke are sleeping. It’s pitch black. Moments
go by and Luke’s eyes open. He sits up to look around. His
face displays shock.
EXT/INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - DAY
Luke and Phil walk into the house.
PHIL
(Arnold Terminator voice)
Look who’s back!
Claire comes from the kitchen.
CLAIRE
Luke honey how was your night?
LUKE
It was good.
CLAIRE
Oh...well that’s good.
Claire glances over to Phil.
PHIL
(to Luke)
Here let me help you with this?
He grabs the sleeping bag and starts to walk upstairs.
LUKE
It’s not that heavy, but OK.
PHIL INTERVIEW
PHIL
Detective Dunphy on the scene.
INT. LUKE’S ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Phil puts the sleeping bag in the closet, Luke sits down on
his bed.
PHIL
So tell me what did you do?
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 22.
LUKE
We watched movies and ate junk
food.
Phil sits down next to Luke.
PHIL
Sounds awesome. Must have been
awesome. Was it awesome?
LUKE
Yeah.
INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS
Claire is peeping through the door, eavesdropping.
INT. LUKE’S ROOM - CONTINUOUS
PHIL
OK, well I’m glad you had a good
time and I will see you downstairs
when you decide to come downstairs.
Phil gets up and slowly heads for the door.
LUKE
Hey dad?
Phil turns around with haste.
PHIL
Yes? Ask me anything or tell me
anything that’s on your mind I am
your father and your friend, in
that order.
He pats Luke on the back.
LUKE
I have to ask you something, but
could this just be between me and
you.
PHIL
Lay it on me.
Luke whispers into Phil’s ear.
23.
INT. HALLWAY - MOMENTS LATER
Phil opens the door and sees Claire peeking around the
corner.
PHIL
(whispering)
Are you spying on me?
CLAIRE
(whispering)
What did he say?
PHIL
(whispering)
Nothing. He had a good sleepover,
we can lay it to rest, no pun
intended.
CLAIRE
(whispering)
He didn’t say anything else?
PHIL INTERVIEW
PHIL
He said something else.
END OF ACT TWO
INT. JAY AND GLORIA’S BEDROOM - NIGHT
We hear Jay in the shower. Gloria comes into the bedroom
and sees the Scrabble game resting on the bed. She moves
towards it. Jay comes out in a towel with the water still
running.
JAY
What are you doing?
GLORIA
I saw a bug on your board game so I
was trying to swat it away.
JAY
What kind of bug?
GLORIA
A big one?
Jay picks up the board game and brings it to the bathroom.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 24.
JAY
I’m just going to leave it in
here. You never know when the
inspiration will hit.
INT. PHIL AND CLAIRE’S BEDROOM - NIGHT
Phil is in bed, Claire is in the bathroom getting ready for
bed.
PHIL
How’s the soup coming along?
CLAIRE
It will be ready by tomorrow.
(beat)
I guess I did get a little worked
up over the sleepover.
PHIL
Yeah I was thinking, maybe you
could toss some meat or some juicy
black beans in your soup.
CLAIRE
You snuck a taste already. What,
does it not have flavor?
PHIL
No, no, it has flavor I just think
maybe it’s lacking substance.
(beat)
Are there spices added?
CLAIRE
Yes Phil there are spices in the
soup. What is the problem?
PHIL
The problem is that I love you too
much.
Claire gets into bed. Phil kisses her then grabs an oatmeal
cookie from under the covers.
PHIL
Want a midnight snack?
CLAIRE
No thanks it’s all yours babe.
Claire turns the lights off. It’s pitch black.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 25.
CLAIRE
How long was that under there?
INT. MITCHELL & CAMERON’S HOUSE - DAY
Cameron is face first on the bed with his head in the
pillow.
CAMERON
What’s the damage?
Mitchell is on the computer.
MITCHELL
Cam? You’re green.
CAMERON
I know because I’m going to throw
up. Is there a trash bag in
reaching distance or a diaper?
Either one will do.
MITCHELL
No. Your account is in the green.
Cameron perks up and gets out of bed. He goes to the
computer.
CAMERON
That doesn’t make any sense. How
is that possible, I saw Lily buy
it.
MITCHELL
She didn’t buy it, she shorted
it. So you made 250 bucks.
CAMERON
She must have been really listening
when I told her my evaluation.
MITCHELL
Yes or she just wanted to click the
mouse. She is 3.
MITCHELL AND CAM INTERVIEW
Lily is on Cam’s lap.
CAMERON
Not going to lie, it was stressful
at times, but I have no
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 26.
CAMERON (cont’d)
regrets. And I think a very
special girl deserves a very
special gift from the Gap.
MITCHELL
One day of day trading.
INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - BATHROOM - DAY
Phil sees the light on in the bathroom, he advances towards
the door and then opens it fast.
HALEY
Dad! What are you doing?!
Haley is brushing her teeth, we barely make out what she is
saying.
PHIL
I am so sorry sweetie, I thought I
smelled something funky coming from
over here.
HALEY
Like what?
He sniffs. And looks to the vents and the ceiling.
PHIL
You don’t smell anything?
HALEY
Ah, no dad, do you mind?
PHIL
You didn’t-
HALEY
I didn’t what?
PHIL
Nothing. It must be coming from
somewhere else.
PHIL INTERVIEW
PHIL
Luke witnessed a girl pass
gas. There I said it. And how can
I help him cope if I never
experienced it myself? The twenty
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 27.
PHIL (cont’d)years I’ve been with Claire and not
once. It’s time to get my hands
dirty.
INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - FOYER - NIGHT
The door bell rings and Claire opens the door. It’s Gloria
and Manny.
CLAIRE
(to Gloria)
Hey where’s dad?
GLORIA
I don’t know. Why don’t you ask his
flat chested lover.
She moves to the side so Claire can see Jay walking up
cautiously to the door with the Scrabble board in hand.
JAY INTERVIEW
JAY
I have 4 letters left and Manny is
all out. All I need is one more
word. I’ll get some grub in my
stomach, fuel the tank and finish
this thing by dessert.
MANNY INTERVIEW
MANNY
I never tried so hard to loose at
something.
(tosses hands in the air)
I can’t win.
INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - FOYER - CONTINUOUS
GLORIA
Here I brought cupcakes.
She hands them to Claire as she walks passed her, flustered.
28.
EXT. DUNPHY HOUSE - MOMENTS LATER
We see Cam and Mitchell walking up to the door with
Lily. Lily is in a turquoise blue gown. Cam is holding the
back up so she doesn’t trip.
INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - FOYER - CONTINUOUS
Claire reacts to Lily’s dress.
CLAIRE
My, Lily looks nice.
(to Mitchell)
What’s the occasion?
Cameron walks up to Claire.
CAMERON
If you have it, don’t hide it
Claire.
INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS
Mitchell sees Jay with the Scrabble board beside him on the
table.
MITCHELL
What’s this doing here?
CLAIRE
(to Mitchell)
You know about this too?
MITCHELL
Yes, I played him. It took a week
to finish one game.
JAY
OK I am going to leave this board
over here.
He places the board in the living room.
JAY (CONTD)
Touch it and you’re out of the
will. Going to the little boys
room. Phil, I’ll take the Merlot.
PHIL
Yes sir.
Jay leaves the room.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 29.
CLAIRE
Raise of hands, who here has played
a game of Scrabble with Dad?
Everyone in the room raises their hands, including Luke.
CLAIRE (CONTD)
OK keep your hand raised if you
beat him.
Everyone keeps their hand up.
GLORIA
(to Luke)
Really?
CLAIRE
Oh this makes much more sense.
Haley and Alex enter the kitchen.
HALEY
Dinner ready?
GLORIA
Alex have you played your
Grandfather in Scrabble?
ALEX
Yeah.
GLORIA
Did you win?
ALEX
What do you think?
GLORIA
(to Haley)
And you?
HALEY
He kinda sucks at that game.
GLORIA
Great. So everyone here has beaten
him except Manny.
Everyone looks at Manny.
CLAIRE
(to Manny)
You know what you have to do.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 30.
MANNY
It’s out of my hands. He has the
last move.
CLAIRE INTERVIEW
CLAIRE
My Dad does not like to lose. And
if Haley and Luke can beat my
father in a vocabulary game then
maybe the Mayans are right about
everything.
INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - KITCHEN - MOMENTS LATER
Everyone is seated at the dinner table. All the parents
have a glass of wine, except Claire.
CLAIRE
Phil, why did you get me glass of
soda?
PHIL
Oh I could have sworn I heard you
say you wanted soda.
CLAIRE
Nope. Wine would be great.
PHIL INTERVIEW
PHIL
This is happening.
INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - KITCHEN - MOMENTS LATER
Claire is eating the soup and notices something odd.
CLAIRE
(to Phil)
There is brisket and chunks of
potato in this Phil. Did you add
this when I wasn’t looking?
MANNY
Mine is mostly broth, should I be
concerned?
PHIL
(to Claire)
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 31.
PHIL (cont’d)
Oh that was the experimental bowl,
we had leftovers and I thought why
not. Do you like it?
CLAIRE
Actually...
(chewing)
it’s pretty good.
PHIL
(smiling)
I had to get rid of it somehow.
JAY
(to Claire)
It was lovely dear. Excuse me.
Jay leaves the table and goes into the living room.
GLORIA
And there he goes.
Haley notices Lily’s gown.
HALEY
Wow Lily that’s a very beautiful
dress.
ALEX
It’s a very bright dress.
CAMERON
Well she deserves it, you know how
day trading can be.
MITCHELL
(to Cameron)
No, they don’t.
CAMERON (CONTD)
You have your ups and
downs. Fortunately for us gravity
was on vacay.
CLAIRE
(looking at Lily)
Vacay in the Bahamas it looks like.
CAMERON
(to Claire)
Try Island of Capri. Come on
Claire you’re better than that.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 32.
Phil is egging Claire on.
PHIL
You want seconds?
CLAIRE
I’m not even done my first.
GLORIA
(to Jay)
Jay! Manny told me he quits
because his head hurts. You win!
(to Manny)
Right Manny?
MANNY
Um, yeah, my head is having a
headache. Automatic
disqualification.
JAY
(staring at board)
I’m too close. No backing out
now. And Manny doesn’t get
headaches, only sinus pressure from
whole milk.
MANNY
(to Gloria)
He knows me too well.
Claire takes another spoonful.
PHIL
There we go...good.
Phil grabs the spoon and tilts it up to Claire’s mouth.
CLAIRE
(to Phil)
Will you stop that.
Luke hasn’t touched his soup and is very quiet.
CLAIRE
What’s the matter Luke? Not
hungry?
LUKE
I have no appetite.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 33.
PHIL
Luke is full from all that fun he
had at his FIRST sleepover.
MITCHELL
I miss those days. You know, at
what age does the term sleepover
transfer to "spending the night?"
ALEX
Don’t like where this is going.
CAMERON
It’s a dying tradition. I blame
technology really.
(points to Lily’s gown)
But I reward technology for
THIS, just rest your hand on this
material.
GLORIA
In Columbia we didn’t call them
sleepovers, more like headcounts.
MITCHELL
Well I can not wait for Lily’s
first sleepover, it’s going to be
Disney Princess extravaganza.
CAMERON
(to Mitchell)
It won’t be your day lets keep that
in mind.
PHIL
I remember my first sleepover.
The table is expecting a story.
PHIL (CONTD)
That’s it.
HALEY
Cool story Dad.
ALEX
It’s really not a big deal.
CLAIRE
Well when your first sleepover is a
co-ed sleepover then it’s a big
deal.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 34.
Claire takes a gulp of her wine. Jay is still in the living
room trying to find a word. He overhears.
JAY
Co-ed sleepover. That a boy!
GLORIA
Jay get over here!
JAY
Not a chance.
MITCHELL
(to Luke)
Co-ed gathering.
CAMERON
That’s a different beast.
CLAIRE
Um no. It’s the same beast. There
is no change in beasts.
CAMERON
(to Luke)
What was the ratio?
LUKE
(to Cameron)
Math is not my strong suite.
PHIL
My son was the man of the house.
(He spells the letters out)
P. I. M. -
Claire interrupts.
CLAIRE
P-lease someone pass me the bread.
PHIL
(to Claire)
We have extra garlic and olive oil
in the garage. Just throwing it
out there.
CAMERON
Sounds like a fun slumber party.
CLAIRE
(to Cameron)
No. Not a slumber party. Lets not
go that far.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 35.
CAMERON
I’m not going far. Only brought my
carry-on this flight.
PHIL
(to Claire and Cameron)
Easy you two, the plane you boarded
crashed and you both died on
impact.
MANNY
Little dark for my taste, but I got
it.
MITCHELL
(to Luke)
Oh you must have so many questions.
CLAIRE
No, he had a pleasant and normal
sleepover. Alright people?
CAMERON
He saw girls after hours. He’s
seen things now.
CLAIRE
Luke has seen his sisters after
hours, no difference.
HALEY
Um, eww.
PHIL
(to Claire)
Are you sure you don’t want
seconds?
CLAIRE
No Phil! I want you to help me
release some tension in this room
right now.
PHIL
(to Claire)
Believe me I am trying.
JAY (O.S)
Boom!
Jay jumps up.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 36.
JAY (CONTD)
I spell "fart!"
Phil jumps out of his seat.
PHIL
(to Claire)
Ah ha! He called it! I knew you
couldn’t resist! Only a matter of
time!
CLAIRE
What!?
Jay comes back into the kitchen with the board game.
JAY
"Fart" for 22 points and the win.
PHIL
Oh boy.
MANNY
Congratulations Jay.
(shakes his hand)
You beat me fair and square.
MANNY INTERVIEW
MANNY
Oh what’s this?
He reaches in his pocket and pulls out extra letters.
MANNY (CONTD)
I guess I forgot I left these in my
pocket.
He tosses them behind his back.
INT. DUPNHY’S HOUSE - KITCHEN - MOMENTS LATER
CLAIRE
(to Phil)
Are you accusing me of putting my
foot on the gas pedal!
PHIL
Who else could it be Claire? You
were the only one who had the
experimental bowl.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 37.
CLAIRE
Oh my god. Oh my god. You wanted
me to.
JAY
This is not how I thought my
victory was going to pan out.
CLAIRE
With the oatmeal cookie, the soda,
the beans in the soup.
HALEY
(to Phil)
Is that why you spied on me in the
bathroom? To see if I was a silent
killer?
CLAIRE
Wow, what?
Cameron points to the cupcakes.
CAMERON
Not to change the subject, but are
these cupcakes up for grabs yet?
CLAIRE
No, let me have some. I bet that’s
what Phil wants.
Claire stuffs the cupcake in her mouth.
PHIL
OK this has gotten way out of hand.
GLORIA
(to Phil)
You find some pleasure with a
woman’s release? That is sick.
JAY
Well when you say it like that-
CLAIRE
(mumbling)
Why Phil? Why?
PHIL
(to Luke)
I was trying to help Luke, sorry
buddy.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 38.
CLAIRE
In what way, shape or form would
that help Luke.
PHIL
Because hurricane Johnson did
damage at the sleepover-
CAMERON
(whispering)
Slumber party.
PHIL (CONTD)
and he came to me for advice. And
I had nothing.
(to Claire)
You’ve never passed gas in front of
me so how can I be a father figure
slash role model to my son if I’ve
never heard or smelt a woman’s
breeze.
PHIL INTERVIEW
PHIL
This is ACTUALLY happening.
INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS
CLAIRE
Well Phil you are right about one
thing. Luke will never forget his
first sleepover.
PHIL
I wouldn’t know because I never had
one.
LUKE
(to Phil)
Really?
PHIL
(to Luke)
That’s why I was so excited for you
Luke. I wanted to live through
your experience. It’s what all
dads do when they miss out on
something special.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 39.
ALEX
Sleeping over a house that’s not
your own?
LUKE
It’s OK dad. You can live through
my experiences any day.
PHIL
Thanks buddy.
They hug. Claire gets the hug later.
LUKE INTERVIEW
LUKE
I guess I should be phased by all
this. But I’m really not. And I
think that’s what scares me the
most.
INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - KITCHEN - MOMENTS LATER
JAY
Come to think of it Gloria, have
you ever in front of me...
GLORIA
Have you?
Mitchell and Cameron look at each other.
MITCHELL
Oh hell no.
CAMERON
Amen.
Lily shrugs. Haley and Alex look at each other.
HALEY
I never.
ALEX
Me either.
Manny comes up to Luke.
MANNY
Congrats soldier.
Luke nods.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 40.
JAY INTERVIEW
JAY
Being a competitive person is never
a bad thing.
INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - FOYER - NIGHT
We see Mitchell and Cameron and Lily coming through the
front door in pajamas and sleeping bags.
JAY (V.O) (CONTD)
But I’ve come to realize that every
once in a while it’s good to let
your guard down.
INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - GARAGE - NIGHT
Gloria is also in her pajamas. She tucks the board game on
a shelf all the way in the back so no one can find it.
JAY (V.O) (CONTD)
Because if you take things too
seriously, you will have a hard
time cherishing the little moments.
INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS
The whole family is in their pajamas and getting ready for
bed.
JAY (V.O) (CONTD)
Those are important.
JAY INTERVIEW (CONTD)
JAY (CONTD)
And it’s nice to have that balance.
INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
The whole family is passed out. Phil and Luke are on the
floor eating cupcakes watching a movie. It’s pitch black,
the light from the TV reflects on their faces.
PHIL
This is so awesome.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 41.
LUKE
I know, right? We are the only
ones awake right now.
Phil looks to the TV. We can hear a movie in the
background.
PHIL
I can’t believe I have never seen
this.
LUKE
Oh its a tearjerker.
They continue to chow down the cupcakes. Phil rubs Luke on
his head.
PHIL INTERVIEW
PHIL
You never forget your first
sleepover.
END OF SHOW
FADE TO BLACK.