the fuddler june 2011

When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

D & G SHORT

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you’re looking for - you’ll find it in The Fuddler’!As always we very much hope you enjoy the edition and if you decide that you would like to advertise with us all our contact details are on page four of ever issue. We look forward to seeing you next month for our 9th Birthday edition!

Hi everyone and a very big welcome to this June edition of your Fuddler.You’ll find lots of fun and nonsense inside, also information about local events plus of course those all important messages from our advertisers! Do have a careful look through because ‘Whatever

Thai Chilli HouseAuthentic Thai food serving from5 10pm daily (Sunday closed)

EAT FOR £10 3 COURSE SELECTEDMEAL EVERY WEDNESDAY/THURSDAY

EVENINGPrivate parties catered forTakeaway collection only

Inside the White Hart of Ampthill

Telephone 01525 406910

kevinreynolds Kevin Reynolds of Ampthill is pleased to announce a huge expansion of the premises

HAIR STYLISTS NOW REQUIRED ON A ‘RENT-A-CHAIR’ BASIS -

VERY, VERY GOOD TERMS!

• Also: hair stylist required

Tel: 01525 841992

Staples Garden Centre, Fordfield Rd, Millbrook, MK45 2HZ Telephone 01525 402959

Workshops & Clubs available - please come in for details We stock card making supplies, decoupage, water colour supplies and much more! DMC Silks, Jewellery, beads and findings. Stockists of wool - Robin, Bretts, Peter Pan & Wendy. NEW

WOOLDUE IN BY11th JUNE

Book a workshop in June for you and a friend and only pay for one. Please bring this ad with you to claim discount.

Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

33, RUSSELL DRIVE AMPTHILL

With Summer arriving, isn’t it time you considered replacing those doors and windows? Or maybe a new conservatory to enjoy. Don’t compromise on style - call into our showroom and see our stunning range of doors and windows including “The Composite Door”.

No window or glazing job too small.

THE

www.thefrenchhornpub.comTel: (01525) 720122

Richard and Laurencesecure long lease,

preventing misery of a managed house!

RESTAURANT Food served Monday to Friday 12 - 3 pm and 6 - 10 pm,

Saturday 12 - 10 pm and Sunday 12 - 9 pmPub open all day

Church End, Steppingley, Bedfordshire MK45 5AU

The French Horn Pub


We are sad to have to tell you of the passing of Phil Cottier in the early hours of the 28th May. Long time Ampthill resident Phil will be remembered fondly by the many pupils he taught at Redborne School and more recently by the locals on The Isle of Man to where he moved on retirement. Many Fuddler readers will also remember his witty and sometimes ludicrous rants as super-hero ‘Traffic Warden Hypnoman’! There is to be a Memorial Service at St Andrew’s Church Ampthill at 12.00 noon on the 5th July to which all are welcome.

AS PART OF AMPTHILL FESTIVAL

Sunday 26th June sees the splendid Ampthill Open Gardens event from 1.00 pm - 6.00 pm. At the time of going to press there will be 16 gardens that will open this year. There are 6 gardens from last year plus 9 new ones including some large ones in the centre of town, plus the Kings Arms Path garden. We understand that there are also 3 refreshment points dotted around the town plus the Flittabus has been booked for the occasion so visitors can make use of a ‘hop on, hop off’ service. Entrance price to the gardens is £4.00 which includes the Flittabus, and children are admitted free. Entrance programmes are available from the Market Square on the day, or before the event from Angie Murdoch on 01525 403076. Email: [email protected]

Ampthill Singers meet on a Tuesday evening at the Ampthill Methodist Church in room 3. We are always looking for new members and at the moment we need more male voices, so if you think you can hold a tune then please come along or call Keith on 01525 406560.

37 Russell Drive Ampthill MK45 2TX Phone: 01525 402509

Mon – Sat: 6.30 am to 6.00 pm Sun: 7.30 am to 12.30 pm

Bank Holiday: 7.30 am to 12.30 pm

OPENING TIMES:

Off licence, lottery, food, snacks, plus ... Newspapers delivered

to your door!And ... There’s parking right outside the shop!

The designer auction, to be held at the prestigious Woburn Sculpture Gallery, will be a lavish affair, and with the same date as Ascot Ladies Day it's a great excuse to get dressed up! Come along for a great evening where you may just get the opportunity to 'bag' a designer bargain! And don't forget to bring your friends! T i c k e t s a v a i l a b l e a t www.zigzagpreschool.org.uk/events This is a fundraising event in aid of and organised jointly by Keech Hospice Care Registered Charity no. 1035089 and Zig Zag Pre-school, Clophill Registered Charity No. 294572

Sharman LawS O L I C I T O R SIncorporating Sharman & Trethewy

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1 Harpur Street, BedfordTelephone: 01234 30 30 30

Email: [email protected]: www.SharmanLaw.co.uk

88 Dunstable Street, AmpthillTelephone: 01525 750 750

Lush BeautyBio Sculpture Gel overlays

Hands £20.00

Toes £15.00

Hands and Toes £30.00 (together)

Summer Special for toesMini Pedicure

Cuticles, hard skin removal & exfoliation with

Gel overlay, OPI Shatter or Nail foils. £25.00

Call Alison today on 07956 467352Based in Flitwick

Evening andWeekend appointments

Loyalty card & Gift vouchers Available

Individual Eyelash

Extensions * Glue test required

Full set £40.00

Maintenance £20.00

Lush Beauty‘Sunjunkie’ Spray Tanning

Spray Tan PartiesGet all the girls together in the comfort of yourown home and have a spray tan party, girly night

in, hen party or for a special occasion.Book this month and receive a special offer.

Call Alison today on 07956 467352Based in Flitwick

HOME VISITS, WEEKEND AND EVENING APPOINTMENTSAVAILABLE


“The Fuddler” i s pub l i she d by MDA Publications and printed by Fidelity. The views expressed herein are not necessarily those of the publisher. No part of this publication may be copied in any form or by any means without written permission of the Publisher. Copyright MDA Publications. Like to book an ad, or ask about our absurdly low rates please ring Martin on

Across: 1 Perks, 4 Greased, 8 Ripieno, 9 Shako, 10 Greer, 11 Nonstop, 13 Easy, 15 Nobody, 17 Emerge, 20 Adze, 22 Panache, 24 Dared, 26 Usurp, 27 Uncover, 28 Pottery, 29 Lorry

Down: 1 Perigon, 2 Rupee, 3 Steered, 4 Groans, 5 Essen, 6 Shatter, 7 Droop, 12 Oyez, 14 Ayah, 16 Banquet, 18 Medical, 19 Elderly, 21 Deputy, 22 Plump, 23 Copse, 25 River

• Marjorie sends her sincere apologies! Two clues were incorrect last month: 10 across should have read Germaine ?, and 3 down should have read Piloted.

LORD DEE’S PONDERINGS

I have advised Check-It-Out and Duster that

I am dusting off my topper and tails ready for Royal Ascot Ladies Day on the 16th June.

Talking of ladies, I must proffer Birthday

felicitations to ’HQ’ on the 16th June and

to Janet Johnson on the 28th.

By the way, I have told Duster he cannot wear

a bonnet at Ascot. Ciao

A BRIANISM A man cannot live

on beer alone. Occasionally he’s got to have a pork

scratching.

Visit our showroom. Over 70 modern andtraditional fireplaces and stoves on display.

1, Woburn Street, Ampthill, Beds

Tel: 01525 841199 www.ampthillfireplaces.co.uk

Mon - Fri: 10am - 5pm Sat: 10am - 4pm

FLAT FOR RENT IN AMPTHILL Available early June

2 Beds/Lounge/Kitchen/Bathroom CAR PARKING

£550 PER MONTH Contact 01525 403609/403015


‘It’s Summertime - and we make choosing your carpets so easy!’


1 2 3 4 5 6 7

8

9 10

11 12

13

14 15 16

17 18 19

20 21 22

23

24 25

26 27

And here’s another crossword that Marjorie has kindly sent to us!

Erroneous

U

E

R

S

R O

NE

0

Sandra’s working her way through another big book (dictionary?) so she’s found lots more words for us! See whether or not this one jumps put at you. (Answer at the bottom of the page if it doesn’t!)

Across: 1 Oceanfront (5) 4 Helping (6) 9 Novice (7) 10 Accede (5) 11 Water jug (4) 12 Galvanize (7) 13 Coal bucket (3) 14 Singing voice (4) 16 Roster (4) 18 Cambridgeshire city (3) 20 Refuge (7) 21 Darts line (4) 24 Sheep like (5) 25 Two coloured picture (7) 26 Faith, Religion (6) 27 type of duck (5)

Down: 1 Quarters (6) 2 Ease (5) 3 Female deer (4) 5 Commerce (8) 6 Exact (7) 7 Gemstone (6) 8 Interlace (5) 13 Unattainable (8) 15 Trellis (7) 17 Test (3,3) 18 Musical composition (5) 19 Facade (6) 22 E.g. Cirrus (5) 23 Tree trunk (4) Thanks very much again for this one Marjorie.

*Maintenance *Drainage *Driveways

*Landscaping *Fencing *Patios

Contact: Andi Brackenridge T: 07789 681252Email: [email protected]

Fully Qualified Apprentice Served Established 28 years Experts in all aspects Quality Guaranteed Public Liability Insured Reliable Professional Service Interior & Exterior FREE ESTIMATES

Tel: 01525 280176 Mob: 07759 240 414


Memory Foam Mattresses Direct from the manufacturer

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Benedictus of the ‘9Tails’....... ….Benedictus was once again confused…for the little church he knew had changed yet again as he found himself catapulted into a century ahead of time, for it was now 1662. Things were the same yet different. This was muddling to say the least. The church had a West tower and somehow the whole building seemed much lighter. Benedictus noticed this was because all the stained glass in the windows had gone and was replaced by plain glass. Gone too were the wonderful wall paintings. There were other differences but Benedictus did not wait to study further he simply ‘slunk’ into the tower to

consider his next move! However, from the tower Benedictus could see right up to the table against the East Wall which was now draped with a beautiful velvet cloth and surround by these rather striking wooden rails…. As he desperately tried to get his head round his very ‘being’ he heard a voice….he could not see anyone or anything…. he just h e a r d t h i s v o i c e … . h e recognised it immediately as t h a t o f G r e a t U n c l e A b r a h a m … ” W e l l d o n e Bennie…you have managed 2 turns of the key…the first turn represented ‘kindness’…now you have another challenge, that of ‘bravery’…and then the voice was gone. Benedictus shivered with fear…it was not the voice which worried him it

was the fact that he could not see Great Uncle Abraham not could he understand the message. Finding an old piece of matting in the corner of the tower Benedictus curled up to take a nap in an effort to ‘shut out’ the echo from the voice.…but that was not to be because forming before his very eyes was a shape…a large shape and Bennie was aghast as the shape became clearer and clearer unt i l i t became fu l ly distinguishable as that of a great big grey cat with enormously flowing whiskers. Not just any old grey cat, oh no, it was old ‘Featherstone’ Luke, the kindly old cat who lived in the bakery when Benedictus was a kitten. Living in the bakery was probably why he was so

enormous – all the ‘tip bits’ which earned him the sarcastic nick name of ‘Featherstone’ ……”follow me Benedictus…we have worked to do in town”. This was just all too much for this home loving church cat “Not again” thought Bennie, “not back to town” Quick as a flash out of the door scampered ‘Featherstone’ Luke with Benedictus in hot pursuit....... (Copyright reserved)

‘I fink that ‘I fink’ is the silliest thing I’ve said this month!’

The Jolly Green Gardeners - Mowing - Weeding - Garden Clearance - General Garden Maintenance Call Andrew (07896748953) or Lawrence (07795250782) today for a friendly and cheap service!

AT HOME OR WORK Full and part valets, Hand washed and polished

Seats and carpets cleaned Call Nigel on 01525 261485

Mobile 07977 605987 email: [email protected]


NISA Store is arriving at Westoning Post Office and Stores

very soon now! Telephone: 01525 712675

AS YOU KNOW - THE STORE IS UNDER NEW MANAGEMENT

We have been completely refurbishing the store which is currently nearing completion.

OUR GRAND OPENING WILL BE SHORTLY!Longer opening hours ...

Monday to Friday 6am to 8pmSaturday 7am to 8pmSunday 7am to 2pm

Post Office 9 am to 5.30 pm Mon - Fri, Saturday 9 am to 12.30 pm

Special offers in store and leaflets will be arriving through your door soon .....

Come in and see the changes and meet the friendly staff and ownersHarvey, Sarina, Tara and Kay

Debit & Credit Card Payments accepted - ATM Machine arriving soon


By Julio Van Peebles 1) Why do so many people do their shopping in slow motion? 2) Why does a duck's quack have no echo? (Fact) 3) Why does throwing a few loose stones on the road constitute a new road surface? 4) Why don't women lift the seat when they're done? 5) Has anyone ever been able to lick their elbow? Julio’s Top Tip: Confuse the local car park attendant by randomly moving your vehicle to a different part of the car park throughout the day.

With Jimmy The Voice JTV has been playing b u i l d i n g i m p o s s i b l e structures with his carpentry set, but is it impossible? ....

..... you decide - we’recertainly not sure!

June 4th Happy

Birthday to Mr Magoo

from Sue and you know who!

Petro - Congratulations on your 85th Birthday on the 26th June - have a drink on me for no reason whatsoever!

Your Lord and Master

Congratulations Jim and Sue on your

Coral (35th) Wedding anniversary on the 19th June and Happy Father’s Day to my Dad Jim the

same day.

Have a wonderful day you guys with all my love Rich and Super-

dog Boris xxxxxxx

ANTIQUES TO SELL?

Talk to Elfyn at Town Hall Antiques. Established in 1993 we are always looking to buy,

from single items to whole collections. Market Place, Woburn, Beds. MK17 9PZ Open Every Day

Tel: 01525 290950 email: [email protected]

Investigates, determines and treats the cause of disease for a wide range of common health issues in people of all ages eg eczema and other skin complaints, hayfever, whiplash, anxiety, depression, period pain and other menstrual problems, recurrent infections eg tonsillitis, chest infections. Specialist in women’s, babies and children’s health.

Plus:

Constantia Clinic, Rectory Road, Steppingley, Bedfordshire, MK45 5AT 100 yards from French Horn pub *Not a registered medical practitioner

Classical osteopathic medicine Homeopathy Ayurvedic medicine Meditation Help with conception & pregnancy

Cranial Osteopathy Allergy diagnosis and treatment Life coaching Stress management Help with childhood asthma, eczema etc

Constantia Clinic www.constantiaclinic.co.uk 01525 719588

Primary Care Physician* in Natural Medicine Dr Julia Spivack BSc (Hons), DO, MSCC, MICO, Dip Hom, MSc (Ayur)


Babs was driving along on a lonely country road when a police patrol car pulled her over. ‘Ma’am, is there a particular reason that you were weaving all over the road?’ Babs replied, ‘Oh officer thank goodness you’re here. I almost had an accident! I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me. I swerved to the left and there was another tree in front of me. I swerved to the right and there was yet another tree in front of me.’ Reaching through the side window to the rear view mirror, the police officer replied: ‘Ma’am .. that’s your air freshener.’

Beauty tip: Never use yellow lipstick. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. My friend’s husband is so silly that he thought you really could buy waterproof tea bags. If you are depressed from living in a tower block, put a bottle of whisky in the elevator. Every day your spirits will be lifted. If he says he can’t live without you he’s not sweet, he just can’t feed himself. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog. Never learn how to iron. Bad decisions make good stories. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again. The more inaccessible you are the better. 1 Rita Hayworth, 2 Sheep, 3

Hand, 4 20, 5 1830, 6 Trains, 7 Jane Austen, 8 Fish, 9 Janet Fielding, 10 Hertfordshire

1. By what name is ‘Margarita Carmen Cansino’ better known?

2. What is a ‘Norwegian Fur’? 3. Where is the Mount of Jupiter? 4. How many faces does an

‘Icosahedron’ have? 5. In which year was Belgium

proclaimed an independent Kingdom?

6. I f y o u s u f f e r f r o m ‘Siderodromophobia’ of what are you afraid?

7. Who wrote the novel ‘Lady Susan’?

8. What is a ‘Mummichog’? 9. Which actress played Dr. Who’s

assistant ‘Tegan Jovanka’? 10.Where is in the UK is a place

called ‘Nasty’?

Front of house staff required for The French Horn

in Steppingley Tel: 01525 720122

Good rates of pay. Please send CV to

[email protected]

Garage Door Solutions LtdYour local garage door expert for:

Replacements, Repairs and Spares

All makes & designs available 24 Hour repair service No call out charge All work guaranteed Free quotations

Call us now on: 01525 721615 / 07761 093468

Website: www.garagedoorsolutionsltd.co.uk Or see the yellow pages

3, Woodcock Walk, Flitwick, Bedfordshire, MK 45 1RD

Electrical Contractor Domestic and Industrial

Your local Electrical Contractor All types of testing and certification undertaken

FREE QUOTATIONSNICEIC Approved Contractor

Working with Ampthill Town Council 11 Cedar Close, Ampthill, Bedford, MK45 2UD

Tel & Fax: 01525 714057


CANCER (June 22-July 23) With the full moon in the next week or so, you should find that you a full of fresh ideas and inspired thinking. A good time for a new project.

LEO (July 24-August 23) There could be some good news coming to you soon about a work idea or perhaps a new venture. Take care to pay close heed to those who know.

VIRGO (Aug 24-Sept 23) You could be contemplating a long trip in the near future, which may well lead to something you hadn’t quite expected.

LIBRA (Sept 24-Oct 23) Now would be a good time to spring clean your thoughts, decide what you want to do and then set out a firm plan to get to where you wish to be.

SCORPIO (Oct 24-Nov 22) As we approach the summer months you may find that there will be a pleasant surprise coming your way. Take advice before making a decision.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov 23-Dec 22) Changes in the way you work are likely with the current planetary alignments. You could be pleasantly surprised at the outcome.

CAPRICORN (Dec 23-Jan 20) At present you could have a strong desire to take a chance and opt for a complete change in the way things are going. Listen carefully to others.

AQUARIUS (Jan 21-Feb 19) Your love life looks to be very strong right now with joy and harmony being the key words. Enjoy things as much as you can.

PISCES (Feb 20-March 20) If you set yourself an achievable goal then this is the time to go for it. Taking a chance could lead to and excellent outcome.

ARIES (March 21-April 20) It appears that you have a strong determination to achieve what was previously regarded as impossible. Stick to your guns.

TAURUS (April 21-May 21) The forthcoming few weeks could well hold many changes for you probably in more than one direction. Just go with the challenge.

GEMINI (May 22-June 21) Be careful not to allow others to influence the decisions that you are going to be making. Trust your own gut instincts.

The Number 1 Ironing and Laundry Service

Professional, high quality and friendly service

Dry cleaning & alterations

Free delivery and collection

Drop-in and collect service available ( Open from 8 am daily )

Optional same day service

For further information contact

LOUISE on01525 841114

Or see our website at www.pressed4time.info

31, Russell Drive, Ampthill MK45 2TX


Well here we go again, and yes my written piece was late again, So before I start, sorry Martin for being such a pain.

But next month I will try so hard to get my rhyme in on time. Well first I would just like to remind you,

that Father’s day is coming soon, The date you need to remember is Sunday the 19th of June.

We, as usual have some great cards and gifts out on display, To help make it a great Father’s day.

So let me tell you about some newspaper deals that have only just begun,

This great new offer is with The Times, News of the World, and The Sun.

So if you would like these newspapers, delivered to your door, It must be for at least ten weeks, or just a little more. Then we will send you some vouchers for the sum

of twenty pound, To use in M&S and Argos, see what a great offer, we have found.

We are also still running the 12 week half price offer with the Daily Mail,

Which would be a saving of £28.80, I hear you all go wow. There are also other great newspaper offers which are on

display inside our store And also many leaflets that will also explain the offers a lot more.

Our business is delivering newspapers, and magazines which will be pushed right through your door,

And with our great customer service who could ask for more. Oh and while I remember we have a new phone number

for the shop, So if your still using the old one, its time, you need to stop.

The new one is 01525 404096. From your local Newsagent, 17 Church Street, Ampthill

SUMMER’S HERE ARE YOU READY?!

We’ve lots of picnic-ware, lolly moulds, cool packs, ice cube trays, sundae dishes, BBQ stuff and lots more to enable you to enjoy the good weather to the max!

PROMS IN THE PARK HAMPERS, SATURDAY 9 JULY 2011

We will again to offering hampers for you to enjoy at the Proms evening! Pre-set hampers are available or you can create your own! Pop into the shop for more info.

CHEESEBOARDS AND PICNICS If you’re having a dinner party or going on a picnic, we’d be delighted to create a cheeseboard for you! Just give us a ring or drop in to the shop to place your order.

Open 7 days a week Mon - Sat 9.00 - 17.30 + Sun 11.00 -17.00!

4b Bedford Street, Ampthill Tel: 01525 402023

Registered Member of The British Chiropody and Podiatry Association HPC Registration No. CH17913

THERESE GRAY FSSCh. Dip Pod Med. MBChA. Chiropodist/Podiatrist Surgery By Appointment

Telephone: 01525 841845 Email: [email protected]

Your feet are made up of 52 separate bones, and

over 7,000 nerve endings.

It takes 2,000 steps to walk one mile.

The average person will walk twice round the world over the course

of their life.

Running trainers last an average of 500 miles,your feet will last you

a lifetime.

Book an appointment today to give your feet the

care they deserve. Physiotherapy Sports & Spinal Clinic,

35A Russell Drive Ampthill MK45 2TX

Tel: 01525 841845


On Saturday 25th June and Sunday 26th June there is to be a ‘Wall Painting’ at the swimming pool in Crawley Road with local graffiti artists ‘Mef & Kem’ who are going to paint a 3D scene on the 30 meter wall that runs alongside the pool! A barbeque will be available from 12.00 until 3.00 pm and there is free entry to the event for non swimmers. An unusual weekend’s entertainment for all the family.

Now is your opportunity to book a stall at the famous Woburn Oyster Festival’s annual Antiques Fleamarket. By public demand the Fleamarket will be at The Pitchings on both the 10th and 11th September this year. So if your are a stall holder and would like to book your pitch please ring Elfyn or Elaine at Town Hall Antiques on 01525 290950.The Craft Fair at the Oyster Festival will also operate on the 10th and 11th September at the Churchyard. If you are interested in having a stall at the Craft fair please ring Ken or Sue on 01525 290352.

Little Brickhill is holding it's village open gardens on 25th and 26th June 2011 between 2 -6 pm. There will be at least 6 gardens open with teas, cakes, plants and on Sunday a miniature railway! The entrance fee will be £3.00 and maps for the gardens are available from the village hall.

TRADITIONAL FREEHOUSEPUB AND RESTAURANT

WITH LARGE PATIO GARDENLouise and James welcome you to their realcountry pub in a fabulous village location

only a couple of minutes fromWoburn Safari Park.

Traditional home cooked food, real alesand wines by the glass

Plus …‘The Hogman’Pig or Lamb Roast

Any Occasion, Any LocationJust the Spit or full Buffet including Bar

The Green ManChurch EndEversholtMK17 9DU

Telephone – 01525 288111Website www.greenmaneversholt.com


Come &visit us

at our 3600

sq. ft sto

re

only20m

inutes from

Ampthill

& area

END OF SEASON20% off

all Seeland Harkila

Whilst Stocks Last


Thought for the month ... What we are never changes,Who we are never stops changing

By Henry Flagstaff Gladys had popped off to do some shopping with her friend Mrs F., everything was all right with the cat, so once again I toodled off to the library to see what literary tome I could find. I was browsing the crime shelves when a book by the excellent writer Sandra Brown caught my eye. Entitled ‘Smash Cut’ I was intrigued. On the reverse of the cover it explained: ‘Do you know what a smash cut is?’ ‘It’s an abrupt edit. A

sudden shift of scene. Used to shock the audience. Very effective. Lots of impact. It’ll be like that. No one will see it coming. Especially her.’ So starts an absolute blockbuster of a book. F a m i l y r i v a l r i e s , incalculable wealth, and a prominent man dying in the arms of his beautiful mistress. Brilliant fast paced writing, a tremendous plot and believable dialogue. I had to reach for the malt!

HF

Granni ‘Biscuit’ - happiest of Birthdays

to our favourite Granni in the whole

world! Love you, Roo,

Charlie, KT & Justin

PractisingSinging

. . . in Arthur’s World Arthur says hello to all and that he is busy rehearsing the next production with the Ampthill Singers. He said if anyone would like to join him see their mention on page 3 of this edition!

Accountancy ServicesFull Management Accounts, Book-keeping, VAT,

Self Assessments, C.I.S. etc. Professional discreet service at local rates. (Ampthill based).

Also available for temporary assignments: Month- end, Year-end etc

Tel: 079 123 04517 [email protected]

Reasonable Rates Experienced Mechanic

Servicing Spares Repairs ON ALL MAKES OF CARS, MOTORCYCLES

LIGHT COMMERCIALS OLD AND NEW MOT’S ARRANGED, MOT WORK CARRIED OUT

Another true story from the f i l e s o f o u r c r i m e correspondent: A daft robber held up a liquor store. He stuffed the cash into a bag and demanded a large bottle of whisky. The cashier asked for ID to prove he was over 21. The robber supplied it so the police called at his home and arrested him!

• • •

• •


‘On 25th June from 2.00 - 4.00 we are holding a sponsored walk to raise money for the new Parkside Hall. The walk around Ampthill Park and the Firs will start and finish at Parkside Hall where refreshments will be available. The idea is to get the whole community involved. We hope dog walkers will take part; there is a shorter route for pushchairs too. Pupils will take sponsor forms home just before half term and more forms will be available in the Library and at the customer’s desk at Waitrose. The first £10 of your sponsor money goes to the rebuilding of Parkside Hall. After that, you may choose to walk merely for pleasure or to raise money for another organisation but we hope many of you will decide to raise money for Parkside Hall.’For more details email [email protected]

FARMERS MARKETS The Farmers Market in Woburn is held on the third Sunday of every month at The Pitchings, whilst Ampthill Farmers Market is held on the last Saturday of each month at their new home at The Prince of Wales in Bedford Street, Ampthill. Don’t forget The Charter Market in Ampthill every Thursday and Flitwick Market on Fridays!

Happy Birthday to Lottie for the 24th June

Happy Birthday to Megan for the 6th June

SUNDAY ROASTS

It’s your choice where to enjoy your lunch:Dine in the comfort of our saloon bar/dining room Eat ‘Al Fresco’ on our sun terrace If there is a small party and you would like a private room - we can cater for you in our cosy lounge.

We have to recommend that you book your table well in advance!

July 10th

Book your seats for the best show in town! Watch the Ampthill Festival Gala Day Parade as it passes our doors. Arrive early to make sure of your place, grab a drink and make yourselves comfortable to watch this annual spectacular !

NEW OPENING TIMES

Due to popular demand we are pleased to say we are now open from 3.00 pm to close on Monday to Thursday and 12.00 noon to close on Friday, Saturday & Sunday New for the Summer ...

THE QUEEN’S HEAD CHESS LEAGUE!

If you enjoy a game of chess why not pop in and ask about joining our new league?!

REAL ALES

Up to 8 real ales now available!

QUIZ NIGHT EVERY WEDNESDAY

With our resident Quizmaster, and his lovely assistant, or sometimes a guest quizmaster - starts at 9.00 pm and is open to all at no charge - why not come along and have a go?

www.f1scooters.co.uk

F1 Scooters Unit D, Station Road Business Park, Ampthill, Beds MK45 2QY

(Immediately behind Eckart) 0845 313 8400 07961 775420

Formula One Scooters Four wheels are good But two are better, Come and buy a bike, It doesn't have to be a Lambretta!

SPECIAL OFFER FOR JUNE!!Brand new 50 cc sports bike as shown above for only £699 including tax, registration and

‘L’ plates if required! With the price of car-parking, tax and petrol, the ideal vehicle for commuting is a scooter; a years’ tax on a scooter is only £16. Very cheap to insure. At Most rail stations parking for a scooter is free (£6.20 a day for a car), coupled by the fact that you can actually park. The other obvious advantage is that you can get circa 100 miles to a gallon. You can ride a 50 cc at age 16, or if you have a full car licence, just twist and go, no test or ‘L’ plates required. (Providing licence obtained prior to February 2001)

WE ALSO HAVE A FULLY EQUIPPED WORKSHOP AND CAN SERVICE AND REPAIR ANY MAKE OF SCOOTER

50 CC TO 125 CC


With Ann, Robin & Son, 1) On the road, what 'J' is where two roads meet?.................. Jool carriageway. 2) What part of the human body is closest to the floor when walking?... Head. 3) What 4 letter word beginning with D is used for writing on?.............. Table. 4) How many wheels are there on a unicycle?................ Two. 5) What 'U' is a name given to a symphony by Schubert .........................1964. 6) Which insect is often found hovering over lakes?............. Crocodile. 7) Which animals build dams and lodges?.................. Sheep. 8) Which creature has many limbs? - the name would suggest 100?....... Giraffe. 9) What is the name of the cord cut after a woman has given birth?........ Biblical. 10) In the Lord’s prayer what 'H' comes before 'be thy name' ................. Howard.

With Mrs Pinkleton

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED? Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then. Camille, age 10 WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON? Both don't want any more kids. Lori, age 8 WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE? Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. Lynnette, age 8

If you would like an ad in our next edition please ring Martin on 01525 841434 for all the details

Habanero, Jalapeno, Scotch Bonnet, Dorset Naga, Thai Dragon, Super Chilli available now!

Come and see us in Ampthill Park at The Ampthill Festival Gala Day

‘TEMPTATION’ Keyboard and Vocals Duo

Appearing at The Wingfield Club, Ampthill

Saturday 25th June

Fully QualifiedFully Insured10 years Salon Experience

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Free Consultation Sarah Aldous

Call: 07917 727 265 or 01234 768 706Email: [email protected]

Unit 24 Station Rd Ind Est. Ampthill. MK45 2QY

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Here from the kitchens of Ricardo Del Cavarro:

LIVER ITALIANO!For 4 people will need: 450 gm lamb’s liver from your local butcher 25 gm flour 12 gm butter 125 ml single cream 2 tbs tomato puree 125 ml stock 2 large onions 1 dessertspoon oil 1 garlic clove 2 tps chopped basil 1 tps chopped parsley salt & pepper A little something to slurp! Firstly, season the flour with salt and pepper, crush the garlic clove, peel and slice up the onions and thinly slice the liver.

Heat up the oil and butter in a frying pan, coat the liver in flour and pop into the pan to lightly brown on each side. Then remove from pan. Add the onion to pan and gently fry until soft. Then stir in the stock, tomato puree, garlic, basil, bring to the boil and return the liver. Now cover with lid and simmer gently for about 25 mins until the liver is tender. Remove liver from pan and arrange on a serving platter. Then stir the cream into the sauce, season to taste and heat gently without boiling it. Pour the sauce over the liver and sprinkle with parsley. Serve with either pasta or new potatoes.

Spotted by an eagle eyed reader who has very kindly sent these in: Sign in a London superstore: Bargain basement upstairs Spotted in a toilet in a London office: Toilet out of order, please use floor below Thanks again for those.

With Hayley - D.I.

OK - Who’s nicked the Landlord?

Now you’re going to be in very serious

trouble!

With Percy Veere Local police are being handicapped in a search for a stolen van, because they cannot issue a description. It's a Special Branch vehicle and they don't want the public to know what it looks like.

To dear Sarah, Happy Birthday for June 22th Have an amazing day,

enjoy! with love from all of us Uncle Jim, Auntie Sue,

Richard, Vera and BORIS xxx

Happy Birthday Mandy for the 22nd!!

Your local specialist in UPVC for:- Windows, Doors, Patio Doors and

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ARAGON WINDOWSARAGON WINDOWS

CHRIS FREEMAN Tel/Fax 01525 403992

50 Russell Drive Ampthill Beds Established in 1990 and built on reputation


With Kerf Headcap Here are some daft new words to enter the dictionary recently plus their meanings! Abacus: Swedish swear word. Accomplish: Drunken sidekick. Acupuncture: Deliberate tyre slashing. Announce: 28g. Antelope: To run off with your mother’s sister. Artefact: Pretentious statistic. Artery: Shooting arrows at paintings. Asymmetry: Place where you bury bodies. Autobiography: Car’s service book. Bedlam: Favourite toy sheep Bidet: Two days before D-Day. Bigamist: Larger than usual fog. Bigotry: Lumberjack’s boast. Bile: Australian bundle of hay. Biology: Science of why women shop. . Bratwurst: Macaulay Culkin. Buttress: Woman who keeps interrupting Gargoyle: Olive-flavoured mouthwash. Haddock: Enclosure for sea horses.

Uncle Thomas/Mr T Happy Birthday from your

home country, love Mum, KT, Roo, Justin

& Charles x

FAIRY GODCHAP (AKA Chris)

Happy Birthday to you from us all xxx

T Butlin Building and Plastering Est 1987

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With Al B. Suppin Universities in Europe and America from the 1300s through the 1700s had in-house breweries to provide beer to the students. Harvard had its own brew house in 1674 and five beer halls, each burned down by rioting divinity students. The first six-pack of beer was produced by the Pabst Brewery in the 1940s. The brewery conducted numerous studies, which found six cans were the ideal weight for the average housewife to carry home from the store. Ancient Egyptians brewed beer in just three days, due to the hot climate. Served as a still fermenting cereal mash, they would drink it through straws from a communal bowl. In eleventh-century England, a bride would distribute ale to her wedding guests in exchange for donations to the newlyweds. This brew, known as Bride Ale, is the origin of the word 'bridal'. One method of checking a beer’s quality is the way in which the foam adheres to the side of the glass after each sip. Beer connoisseurs call this “Brussels lace.” 1888: Citizens of Munich took to the streets and rioted after a beer price increase was announced. Czechs drink the most beer in the world per capita – an average of 160 litres a year per person. In olde England, town inns paid a government tax known as a 'scot' for serving beer. Beer lovers who left town to drink at rural pubs were said to be drinking 'scot free'.

Thanks again for those Al - please keep them coming!


Northy

Easty

Southy

Happy Birthday for whenever it is!

The Ferrets Prayer..... We pray our 4 little paws raring to go, Fast as they can...certainly not slow, Will help the enjoyment and coffers to fill For the dear little church high up on the hill.......

Anon

IS THERE ANYTHING

BEHIND ME? (Continued from last month)

Sicily 1972 You may recall that in an earlier tale referring to a period some 3-4 years earlier I had broken my pelvis in a train crash while returning from training with 10 Para in N Germany. Whilst we were negotiating a level crossing, a German goods train quite unnecessarily overturned the Army truck I was in, thus curtailing my immediate return to UK. Well my pelvis had healed well from that incident and now the calcined tissue was a bright negative white like a star across one side of the

pelvis. The Sicilian doctor appeared to be certain that this was fresh and that I should be on a stretcher, after all I had come in with hip and spine pain. Another doctor rapidly identified the damage as old and we went on our way, there was no new damage, I got some pain killers and we were soon back in the heat and bright sunshine, walking to the onlycar in massive dusty car park. We reached my light blue Ford Popular with a dent in the front left wing that I bought from a shady dealer in South East London the previous year for £25 and my nervous Dutch passenger got in, then I got in. I started the engine and prepared to drive back to the expedition site. Now why I needed to reverse,

I do not know but for some r e a s o n i t s e e me d a requirement. It’s as if I needed a three point turn in a 40 metre wide empty road. I reversed quite fast into the only large heavy lamp post in the car park. OK; it was in my blind spot. It was a silly mistake but the spooky thing is that some weeks later, when I decided to return to Blighty via the Munich Beer festival and my Dutch pal planned to leave on the same day, after all the previous days preparation for the long journey, he set off on foot before dawn, rather than be a passenger in my car. Some people, eh! Prof Reginald V Q da Ghama IPAWith kind permission of Jim Barr

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16. Don't use no double negatives. 17. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc. 18. One-word sentences? Eliminate. 19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake. 20. The passive voice is to be ignored. 21. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas. 22. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.23. Kill all exclamation marks!!! 24. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them. 25. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth shaking ideas. 26. Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed. 27. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know." 28. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.29. Puns are for children, not groan readers. 30. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms. 31. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed. 32. Who needs rhetorical questions? 33. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement. And thank you for your insight!

With Polly Styrene

Dunstable Street Ampthill Tel: 01525 403319

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Sunday June 26th

QUIZ NIGHT £1.00 entry - Cash Prizes

OFFICE: SMART Motorcycle Training

38, Kings Road, Maulden, Beds MK45 2DT

TRAINING CENTRE: SMART Motorcycle Training,

Redborne School, Ampthill, Beds MK45 2NU


Local businesses have pledged their support and sponsorship of this year’s AmpRocks live music concert in Ampthill, Bedfordshire on Friday 8th July. Sponsors include Italian restaurant, Fratelli’s, recording studios, Soundarc, and ERS (distributors of barcode scanning technology). The evening, which will be held in a natural amphitheatre in Ampthill Park and feature The Lightning Seeds as the headline act, will be part of the Ampthill Festival. The Lightning Seeds are best known for their double-platinum selling album Jollification and tracks such as Life of Riley and Three Lions. Psychedelic blues band Pearl Handled Revolver, electro new wave sensation Betaboy and alternative metal band Enraged Horizon, winners of the Redborne Upper School and Community College Battle of the Bands 2011, will also be performing on the night. Event organiser, Fran Bove, said: “AmpRocks follows on from the huge success of the Ampthill Park Proms and the Ampthill Festival, bringing rock and pop music to local residents and giving them a taste of both established and up-and-coming sounds. “We are really pleased to have so many local businesses getting involved in supporting this great event. It’s a fantastic opportunity to get the entire community involved and to create some buzz this summer,” continued Bove. AmpRocks will be held at Ampthill Park on Friday 8th July. Gates open at 6pm and tickets cost £22 for adults and £18 for students, under-16s and OAPs (when bought online at www.amprocks.co.uk). On the night, tickets will cost £30. Fo r more i n fo rma t ion , ema i l F ran Bove at [email protected].

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Answers by email to [email protected] or on a postcard to The Fuddler, PO Box 756 Ampthill Bedford MK45 2WZ Answer next month!

With Lauren Louella Boughalls Hello again and many thanks to everyone who entered my little competition again last month. Congratulations to Ella, Miriam, Geoffrey and everybody else who correctly identified the picture as the entrance to Alameda Walk in Ampthill. (I believe it was known as the Public Walk in 1839.) Again neither Algi or myself can take credit for this month’s poser as the picture has been very kindly sent by an avid reader of The Fuddler. Do you recognise this picture?

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Rachel De Thame - Chelsea Flower Show

Hello! I could plant a clue for you! I have recently appeared on your television, but I am not an actress. The programme that I have featured in is a very popular and well watched show. But who am I? You’ll find the answer at the foot of the page.

1) ‘Where do I get the water from for the dog bowl?’

2) ‘I made a bid on e-bay for £9.00 - that’s about 6 pounds, isn’t it?’

3) ‘I can’t talk to you now, I’ve been distracted by a bag of Quavers.’

4) ‘You are a stunning piece of nature.’

To Sandie, Happy Birthday for June 12th Much love from us all, have a splendid day

and a fab year, Sue, Jim, Vera, Rich and Boris xxxxxxxx

With Geoffrey THE Golfer tee off tomorrow at 9 a.m.’ A husband and wife were playing on the ninth green when the lady suddenly collapsed. ‘Please dear, I think I need some assistance.’ she said. The husband ran off saying, ‘I'll go get some help.’ A little while later he returned, picked up his putter and began to line up his shot.

His wife, on the ground, raised up her head and said, ‘I may be very ill and you're putting?’ ‘Don't worry dear. I found a doctor on the second hole who said he'd come and help you.’ said the husband. ‘The second hole? When is he coming?’ ‘Hey! I told you not to worry.’ he said, stroking his putt. ‘Everyone has already agreed to let him play through.’

GTG

Birthday greeting to Josh for the 29th June

(Just in case you thought we’d forgotten!)

Happy Birthday to Hastings for the

20th June Poirot

Made to measure curtainsAs a long established family run business, we have built a reputation over the years for simply doing the job right.Our objective is to satisfy our customers need for a personal and professional service, our focus is the key to everything we do.Providing a friendly and cost effective service is our aim, and all jobs no matter how small will always receive our dedicated and personal attention.We are also able to supply and fit a selection of Roller, Venetian and vertical blinds from a good range of fabrics.

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CONTINUATION OF ROCKET’S GRAND TOUR ON A BMW

MOTORCYCLE(copied from his daily journal) Day 7 24th October 2010 Woke up at 6-45 am after a good nights sleep, thought I heard rain in the night, but it could have been the trees I am camped under rust l ing. Absolutely silent night, neither too hot or cold going to travel to Gibraltar today, it is 300 miles away. I will probably stay there for a couple of days. Had my morning shower and started packing up, no rain during the night only a heavy dew. I have just found out that the cafe opens at 9am, it is only 7-30 am, the moon is still up! Go to order the breakfast I have been looking forward to all night only to be told they do not cook until 11am on a Sunday! I have

somehow lost a day I thought it was Saturday. I got all keyed up only to be let down, it’s funny how when you anticipate something your body seems to crave it even more, I feel really hungry now. I can’t afford the time to wait until 11 am so going to pack up and head off. Stopped at Almeria at 10-40am. Nowhere is open for food, put sheepskin seat cover back on my bike now it has dried off as rear end was getting sore without it! Felt much more comfortable with it on. Just found somewhere to eat, had a Hamburger with cheese, very nice like a fried garlic sausage with a white cheese. Got back to my bike to find some idiot has decided to park right up close to it. Spent my last €20 on petrol for my bike, 2.287 miles, it is now 12-04pm.Followed coast and motorway roads, by -passed

Malaga and missed the turning to Fuengirola, so I will never know if Bob is an icon out here. Missed the Marbella turning as well (what a shame!) Arrived in Gibraltar, the Spanish don’t sign post it until the very last moment. I have now done 2,419 miles to get here and not one car has beeped me. First 100 yards into Gibraltar and I got beeped at and there are coppers directing the traffic, welcome to the UK! It’s 16-15, I am going to stay here until Monday when the bank opens. Thought I would be spending two nights in Gibraltar, but having lost a day it will only be one night, just as well as the first hotel on the rock was charging£155-00 per night for a single room! They would do me a special offer for £130-00, which I declined. I managed to find one on the lower level of the rock much

cheaper.Just had possibly the best Italian meal ever, a really nice English/ Italian bloke has been telling me about Gibraltar, he did not think there were any camp sites here. Been for a ride round and visited the Trafalgar Grave yard, been up on the rock, this is a truly lovely errrr-- not Island? Colony? Peninsular? I also rode round the rock and saw Africa from the top. It is full of Naval and Army history. It is nice to hear English spoken again and silly things like seeing British traffic lights and police, who were actually carrying out speed checks and booking people. Welcome to the UK! Now I find tomorrow is Monday and not Sunday as I originally thought, I think I will get the ferry to Morocco in the morning. To be continued

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Montgolfier has been kind enough to send us this post card from Scotland along with details of his May Scotland Tour:

Weather: Superb, Scenery: magnificent, Diesel: £1.50 / £1.54 a litre (not nice) Road sign: ‘Village shop first right - open 8 days a week’. They’ve had mobile banks for years but we saw our first mobile post office. Sign: Parcadh Tiormistge - No Parking. Sign in a restaurant: Beware of thin cooks (you ought to have seen ours.) Saw a sign saying no swimming. But people were windsurfing so what should they do if they fall off?? At Colvend golf course the birds had nested in the cigarette disposal box by the door. So there was a sign saying ‘Do not use’. Probably meant for people not the birds. Had a nice dinner one night and the big steak pie had been made by the baker who was baker to the Queen Mother (lovely). Passing Cairn Dow on Loch Fyne was a sign saying they have the tallest tree in the UK. Met a couple who have a very old vintage car and the wing mirrors vibrate so much they have to carry a ladies dressing table mirror to see what’s behind.


Episode 26 Pt 2 ........ Weathering the Storm Well my first experience of oceanic travel was certainly going to be real baptism of fire. As we encountered the Bay of Biscay the weather forecast was not good, in fact there was a storm force gale warning, #10 on the Beaufort scale, that could and did develop into a #11 later on. Of course I was blissfully unaware of this at the time as I, along with rest of my school mates, was fast asleep on the top bunk of my bed in our dormitory. The ships petty officer deciding it was best if we were not informed of the impending storm, until that is, the storm turned into a hurricane force #12 and the

ship started being tossed about like a toy boat in a bath full of kids. By the time the crew had alerted everyone and were waking us up to warn of the status of the storm, three of the occupants of the top bunks had been tossed out and were rolling about on the floor. Others had got up, or rather attempted to, and were being sick. I can remember feeling too sick to attempt getting up. I was grabbing hold of the safety rail of my bunk and was under the blanket feeling very sorry for myself. By the time morning arrived there were a lot more casualties in our dormitory, we had been told to stay downstairs as it was not advisable to move about the ship and certainly not safe to go up to the upper decks, I

was not going anywhere. I stayed in bed feeling quite poorly all day and when I did eventually get up, it was a direct trip to the toilet to be violently sick, it was the worst I’ve ever felt, and we were only half way through the region home to some of the Atlantic’s fiercest weather. I made it upstairs where the effects of the storm were truly recognised. In one of the recreational areas on the upper deck a lot of the windows were smashed or badly cracked, the tables, sofas and chairs scattered all over the place and it turned out that somebody had had their arm broken when a table tennis table had pinned them up against the wall. Remarkably there were no other real serious injuries just a lot of

kids feeling very sorry for themselves. This was day three of the trip and we were due to stop at Corunna or La Caruna, the first scheduled port of call but for some reason which is still not entirely clear we bypassed it. Maybe the weather was still too bad, or too many people were still feeling too poorly to go ashore, anyway our first stop was now going to be Gibraltar in another day or so time. As this was supposed to be an educational trip we were due to be having classes on board in between the stops, but due to the previous day’s events this too was cancelled. So I went outside on the deck to get my first view of the Atlantic Ocean and enjoy the calm after the storm........

.......to be continued

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the fuddler june 2011

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