the fuddler december 2013

When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re online too at www.thefuddler.com!

Hello everyone and a huge welcome to your festive edition of The Fuddler!As always we very much hope you enjoy this issue and please don’t forget to look carefully at all the things our advertisers are saying because there is little doubt that ‘Whatever you

are looking for you’ll find it in The Fuddler!’ From all of us here in Fuddlerland we hope you all have a truly joyous and peaceful Christmas and may we thank all our advertisers, contributors and readers for keeping The Fuddler as popular as it is today!

Dog Holiday Care Overnight stays and holiday care in our home - a great alternative to kennels. Walks in the loca l countryside Est over 14 years Collection available DAWN SMITH Tel: 01234 764459 Mobile: 07789 585766 www.dogholidays.vpweb.co.uk [email protected] Overnight Stays, Day Care

& Walks

C&R PEST MANAGEMENT

40 Yrs experience Fully Insured Special Rates for OAPS!

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07500 431131

NEED AN ELECTRICIAN? NIC-EIC Registered

All electrical work Testing and Certification

Free Estimates

AMPTHILLELECTRICAL

SERVICES 01525 632921 07977173452

Est. 2002

Festive

Save £££’s on top quality Spectacle

Frames and Lenses

See our ad on p. 23

Moving? Reorganising? De cluttering?Could you use a helping hand?

Our professional and practical service can helpyou to reorganise or de clutter anything from a

room to your whole home.We can also arrange disposal, charity drops or

sale of goods for you.Ring today for more information or to arrange a

free, no obligation home visit.

Call TaylorMaid Home Services on 01525 406490

Call the Doc for -Hardware & softwareDiagnosis & treatment

Sick PCor

laptop?

[email protected]

Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

We Have Moved!

With winter not far away, isn’t it time you considered replacing those windows or doors? Or maybe a new conservatory to

enjoy.

No window or glazing job too small.10 Year insurance backed guarantee

Free quotations Over 30 years’ experience

New Showroom Coming Soon!

For all your window, doors andconservatory needs call us now or visit our website.


We have been asked to publish the following list of Church Services that are taking place over the Christmas period. We hope you will find the information helpful.

LOCAL CHURCH SERVICES Ampthill Baptist Church

15th December, 4.00 pm – Family Carol Service – a special service for children under five 22nd December, 10.45 am – Lighthouse Christmas Celebration 22nd December, 6.30 pm – Candlelight Carol Service Christmas Eve 24th December, 11.30 pm – Christmas Communion – a short reflective service Christmas Day 25th December, 10.00am – Christmas Morning Celebration, joint service with the Methodist Church at Ampthill Baptist Church

22nd December St Michael and All Angels, Millbrook11.15 am – Carol Service - with Quintessential Brass Band taking part

St Lawrence, Steppingley 6.30 pm – Carol Service with the Benefice Choir Christmas Eve 24th December,

St Andrew’s Ampthill 3.30 pm – Children’s Nativity Service 8.00 pm – Civic Carol Service 11.30 pm – Midnight Mass Christmas Day

St Andrew’s Ampthill 25th December, 8.00 am – Holy Communion 9.30 am – Sung Eucharist St Michael and All Angels, Millbrook 10.00 am – Holy Communion

St Lawrence , Steppingley 11.15 am – Holy Communion

Ampthill Methodist Church 22nd December, 6.00 pm – Christmas Carol Service

Christmas Day 25th December, 10.00am – Christmas Morning Service, joint service with the Baptist Church at Ampthill Baptist Church

Flitwick Catholic Church – Sacred Heart Church serving Ampthill

22nd December, 3.00 pm – Carol ServiceChristmas Eve 24th December, 6.00 pm – Mass of Christmas (For family and children) 9.00 pm – Mass of Christmas (Midnight Mass) Christmas Day 25th December, 10.30 am – Mass of Christmas

Christmas, Balls and Parties are fast upon us, somake sure you look a million dollars! PinkneysBeauty is offering Sienna X Spray Tan for anamazing £18 full body tan treatment, Shellacpower polish manicures from £22, add glittersand gems for that extra glamorous look from £2.

Home based salon, relaxed, modern and friendlyenvironment with many more treatments on offer.

Gift Vouchers also available

Please call or textJodie Pinkney on 07776 190 510

‘DAZZLING XMAS OFFERS AT PINKNEYS BEAUTY’

www.donatellospizzeria.co.uk 91, Dunstable Street Ampthill

Tel: (01525) 404666

BUY ONE GET ONE FREE! (On main courses when 2 people dine)

ALL JANUARY T&C’s apply - excludes other offers

CHEESEMANS PHARMACY OF AMPTHILL Tel: 01525 402173

FREE PRESCRIPTION DELIVERY Can’t get to the chemist or surgery?

Don’t worry, we’ll pick up your prescription from your surgery and deliver your medication to your door.

Covering Ampthill, Clophill, Flitwick, Houghton Conquest, Maulden, Silsoe, Wilstead

& surrounding villages.

114 High Street, Cranfield, Beds, MK43 0DGTel: 01234 752566 Email: [email protected]

www.vowles.co.uk

Accounts, Payroll, Bookkeeping, Tax, Business Advice... and much more.

Ring to book a free, no obligation meeting today!

What’s the biggest overhead inSanta’s Accounts?

Private Elf Insurance!


“The Fuddler” is published by MDA Publications. The views expressed herein are not necessarily those of the publisher. No part of this publication may be copied in any form or by any means without written permission of the Publisher. Copyright MDA Publications.

Like to book an ad, or ask about our absurdly low rates please ring Martin on

Or if you prefer, drop us an email to

[email protected]

Across: 1 Drivel, 4 Tedium, 7 Indemnity, 9 Mine, 10 Earl, 11 Waver, 13 Dreary, 14 Run dry, 15 Invite, 17 Fatten, 19 Expel, 20 Jeer, 22 Acer, 23 Wisecrack, 24 Evoked, 25 Diesel

Down: 1 Deemed, 2 Vine, 3 Leeway, 4 Tender, 5 Date, 6 Mouldy, 7 Interview, 8 Yardstick, 11 Write, 12 Rural, 15 Injure, 16 Exceed, 17 Feared, 18 Normal, 21 Risk, 22 Acre

1, Bedford Street, Ampthill, Beds

Tel: 01525 841199 www.ampthillfireplaces.co.uk

Mon - Fri: 10am - 5pm Sat: 10am - 4pm

A very Happy Christmas and a prosperous New Year from us all!

Call in today to view the extensive range of stoves and fireplaces, now including the UK's finest range

of woodburning stoves from Clearview

SERVICED OFFICES Ampthill

Rooms in friendly professional office. Parking and telephone/reception facilities provided.

Flexible rates and terms. For further details please telephone Roger Trudgill -

01525 404343

WANTEDAdditional quiz books!

Either drop in at The Queen’s Head, Ampthill or contact Rob for collection

01525 405016

A BRIANISM I would love a pair of socks for Christmas.

It doesn’t matter what colour as long

as they match.

LORD DEE’S PONDERINGS I went out for a

wonderful luncheon recently - the food was

magnificent and the service impeccable.

The only thing is that there didn’t appear to be a name outside the

establishment, and I do not recollect exactly where it was so what hope do I have for

returning? Duster IV and myself

send festive greetings. Ciao


1 2 3 4 5 6

7 8

9 10

11 12

13 14

15 16 17 18

19

20 21 22

23

24 25

Here’s another of Marjorie’s fine crosswords for our entertainment

I

E

S

E

T T

LO

M

Sandra’s been busy again looking through her big book of words (dictionary?) and brings us the word below. (Nothing to do with the crossword.) Just look at the hexagon and see whether or not the word jumps out at you! (Answer at the bottom of the page if it doesn’t!)

Down: 1 Contrive (6) 2 Air (4) 3 Bounty (6) 4 Banked (6) 5 Gateau (4) 6 Besprinkled (6)7 Feeling (9) 8 Admirable (9) 11 Annoy (5) 12 I.O.U’s (5) 15 Twinkling (6) 16 First born (6) 17 Detector (6) 18 Italian city (6) 21 Valley (4) 22 Nip (4)

Mistletoe

Across: 1 Season (6) 4 Account (6) 7 Feathery ice crystal (9) 9 Indian butter (4) 10 Egress (4) 11 Snooped (5) 13 Followed (6) 14 Judged (6) 15 Cause (6) 17 Misappropriated (6) 19 Santa’s little helpers (5) 20 Disposition (4) 22 Globule (4) 23 Essential (9) 24 Menace (6) 25 Careless (6)

*Maintenance *Drainage *Driveways

*Landscaping *Fencing *Patios

Contact: Andi Brackenridge T: 07789 681252Email: [email protected]

Electrical Contractor Domestic and Industrial

Your local Electrical Contractor All types of testing and certification undertaken

FREE QUOTATIONSNICEIC Approved Contractor

Working with Ampthill Town Council 11 Cedar Close, Ampthill, Bedford, MK45 2UD

Tel & Fax: 01525 714057

Garage Door Solutions LtdYour local garage door expert for:

Replacements, Repairs and Spares

All makes & designs available 24 Hour repair service No call out charge All work guaranteed Free quotations

Call us now on: 01525 721615 / 07761 093468

Website: www.garagedoorsolutionsltd.co.uk Or see the yellow pages

3, Woodcock Walk, Flitwick, Bedfordshire, MK 45 1RD


Ampthill Park Hub Tel: 01525 405102

Open 7 days a week 9am until 7.00pmServing hot and cold food and drinksWe sell LAVAZZA quality Italian coffee

Plus teas, hot chocolate with cream and flake, ice creams, Slush, cakes and moreLots of seating inside and out in Ampthill’s historic country park and room

for baby buggies!Everybody welcome plus the dog (on a lead)!

Plenty of parking + toilets with baby changing facilities

Ampthill Park Hub, Woburn Street, Ampthill MK45 2HX adjacent Ampthill Town Football Club

CHRISTMAS CAROL SINGALONG with Ampthill Methodist Church Choir

Here from 2pm on Sunday 15th December 2013

FREE MULLED WINE & MINCEPIES Come & visit SANTA’S GROTTO from 11.30 am

All donations will go to Ampthill Methodist Church for their Charity Fund

FACEPAINTING

YOUTH QUARTET PLUSCHARLIE AND SOPHIE

FROM AMPTHILL GALA DAY


Decisions are often difficult to make. They are like the two sided coin. The head being the all powerful reason behind wanting to make the decision in the first place but then tail comes wagging along behind as the

all faltering ‘super ego,’ putting up every obstacle as to why the decision should not be made in the first place! Most frustrating; but this time, because it is right, the head wins. Meerkat has decided to retire after 9 fantastic years from her usual monthly slot. However there will, every now and again, be the odd musing. December 2004 was Meerkat’s first contribution – of fun with differing series of stories and odd musings in the Fuddler. It has been great. Special thanks to Mr Editor for his support and encouragement and to Gretchen Grimshaw for the loan of the big oak chair in the Darkened Room – a truly inspirational place…. Bye folks…. and thanks for the opportunity to write - what a privilege. HAPPY CHRISTMAS and NEW YEAR to you all. Love from Meerkat x Well, thank YOU Meerkat for all the stories, musings and fun you have given us all over the years! We wish you well.The Duchess of Troll…….the Holly Hedge Bog Troll was on his annual Christmas visit to deliver presents and goodies from his world wide travels, to his life long friend Sam Ilex. Sipping the mulled wine and munching on homemade mince pies. Sitting in the comfy armchairs, warmed by the log burning stove in Sam’s shed and watching as Sam made holly wreaths who then began to retell the story of the Holly Hedge. As Sam Ilex cut his Auntie Con’s tall, overgrown garden holly hedge he always thought of how, later on, he would be enjoying a steaming cup of Bedfordshire tea (strong with a splash of milk!) and home made mince pies in his Aunt’s warm kitchen, and to catching up with all the families news. Sam and Auntie Con looked forward to this event each winter. Sam was fond of Auntie Con and she of him; even when, as a small boy, he had beheaded all he tulips – happy days! – in Chapel Road. On one occasion, unbeknown to Sam, a local constable over heard him saying that he did not relish the cold job of cutting the holly hedge, but off he must go, money to be made. Up the Hill Lane went our intrepid constable to sit frozen to death for two nights awaiting the appearance of Sam to gather nature’s bounty at the protected Holly Hedge. Needless to stay that our officer was so stiff that on the second night he had to be lifted back into the patrol car! It was years later that Sam Ilex found out what had happened and as he remarked to the teller “nothing good comes from eavesdropping” Raisea glass of sloe gin to wish you a Happy Christmas – one and all……. D.O.T

THE JOLLY COOPERS Traditional Country Village Pub and Restaurant

THE JOLLY COOPERS, WARDHEDGES, FLITTON, BEDS TEL: 01525 860626

CHRISTMAS IS UPON US!The tinsel and baubles are up and the tree is dressed, fill your glass with

festive cheer and have a merry Christmas.

You can STILL BOOK A TABLE FOR A CHRISTMAS PARTY UP TO THE 24THor join us for a champagne breakfast on Christmas eve.

We are serving lunch on Boxing day 12 4 come along and relax and let us spoil you.

Then LET'S PARTY!!New year's Eve GOURMET DINNER Champagne canapés and 7 course dinner£50.00 a head and in the bar 'Celtic Krystal' back again this year will see us

into the new year with their own foot tapping folk and fiddle style.

Check our web site for all the details www.jollycoopersflitton.co.uk or give Bobbi a ring 01525860626

D. Hymus Carpentry All types of Carpentry & Joinery undertaken including,

Doors, Locks, Skirting, Kitchens, Laminate/Real wood flooring, Fencing and Decking,

also Ceramic wall/floor tiling. Fully insured qualified tradesman

Please call Dan on 01525 636230 Mob 07794 004037 For a competitive quote.

Servicing Spares Repairs ON ALL MAKES OF MOTORCYCLES

Reasonable Rates Experienced Mechanic

Motorcycles always wanted in any condition - parts or whole


By Julio Van Peebles 1) If you think a suggestion box would be a good idea, where would you put your suggestion? 2) If a sheep were to go on holiday, would it go to Baa - bados? 3) Why do we put butter in sandwiches? 4) What happened to Sheena Easton? 5) Does anyone still play conkers?Julio’s Top Tip: Everyone is ignorant, just on different subjects !! Lots of love,

Mum and Chris xxxx 27th December

Happy Birthday Hannah our little fairy.

3rd December A very Happy

Birthday to Paula!

A BIG Happy Birthday to Mike for the

31st December!!

4th December A very Happy

Birthday to Herren! Love FG xx

With Jimmy The Voice JTV is at it again! As it’s the festive edition he has sent a picture of an invisible Christmas tree! Though if it is invisible, how does he expect us to see it? ...

... or is it there? We cannot make our minds up. But, what do you think?

Don’t forget Town Hall Antiques in Woburn. Silver, jewellery, porcelain, pictures and much more.

01525 290950.Market Place, Woburn, Beds. MK17 9PZ

Open Tues to Fri 10am until 5.30pm, 11am until 5.30pm Sunday www.townhallantiques.co.uk [email protected]

PS We’re always looking to buy as well 01525 404334

ALL BRICKWORK AND REPAIRS

PLUS REPOINTING No job too small

Please ring Joe

We are a family run business who have been working in the motor trade for over 40 years

Tyres + Pressures [General condition + tread depth] Antifreeze [Test of level and strength to ensure it will survive sub-zero temperatures]

Brake Discs + Pads [Condition of pads] Lights [Front, back, fog, indicators & interior]

Coolant System / Heating [Water flow and condition] Exhaust system [Security and leaks]

Battery condition [Load test for health of battery] Oil level

Window wipers [Security and condition] Power steering level [Test for level and observe for leaks]

Screen wash [Level, strength and freeze test] Brake fluid [Test for level and water content]

12 Point Winter Check The Ampthill MOT Centre '12 Point Winter Check' is free with any tyre

purchase, wheel alignment or battery purchase.

SERVICING REPAIRS

Total Fleet Care Unit 5, Vass Industrial Estate, Station Road,

Ampthill, MK45 2RB

Telephone: 01525 405055 Web: www.totalfleetcare.com


How can one believe in survival of the fittest when you look at some of the people running around in jogging shorts? A husband is for life, not just Christmas so don’t go mad on his presents. There are more people in this world than answers to the theory of evolution.Anyone who isn’t confused really doesn’t understand the situation. My friend’s husband is so silly he bought a new car because he couldn’t keep up the repayments on the old one.Would you call a tipsy spiritualist a happy medium? Never have a contingency plan. Because if things go as they should, you will have wasted all that time and effort on a plan you will never use. Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in. If you are at your wits end to try and get a promotion, if necessary buy a new pullover. I am going to have a white Christmas this year. When that’s gone I’ll have some red. Merry Christmas everyone.

1. In which year was ‘Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer’ written?

2. In which state in the US is there a town called Santa Claus?

3. Which country is the Poinsettia native to?

4. When was the Christmas Card invented?

5. What would be the total of all the gifts in the ‘12 days of Christmas’?

6. What were the earliest known Christmas tree decorations?

7. Who wrote Jingle Bells? 8. Who invented Christmas

Crackers?9. In which year was the first

Christmas postage stamp issued in the US

10. Who banned Christmas trees from the White House in 1912?

1 1949, 2 Indiana, 3 Mexico, 4 1843, 5 364, 6 Apples, 7 James Pierpont - 1857, 8 Thomas Smith - 1846, 9 1962, 10 Teddy Roosevelt Babs was talking to a colleague at work who challenged her to a game of intelligence. He told her that every time she could not answer his question she owed him £5 but if he couldn’t answer hers he’d give her £50. The colleague then asked ‘What is the distance between Earth and the nearest star?’ Babs said nothing but handed him £5 and then she asked ‘What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes down with 4 legs?’ The colleague was puzzled and spent hours trying to work out the answer but with no success. Finally, Babs was handed a £50 note and was asked ‘Well what is the answer?’ Smiling sweetly Babs handed him a £5 note, cleverly.

WOBURN FARMERS MARKET

Don’t forget the famous Woburn Farmers Market is on Sunday the 15th December and is held on the Pitchings

in Woburn from 10.00am - 2.00pm. You are welcome to come and peruse a

great variety of fresh produce by a fantastic group of producers!

Fully Qualified Apprentice Served Established 28 years Experts in all aspects Quality Guaranteed Public Liability Insured Reliable Professional Service Interior & Exterior FREE ESTIMATES

Tel: 01525 280176 Mob: 07759 240 414

BUTCHERS

Telephone (01908) 375275 www.bestbutcher.co.uk

Unit 5, Lower Rectory Farm, Great Brickhill, Milton Keynes, Bucks MK17 9AF

ALL MEATS, POULTRY ETC YOU NEEED FOR XMAS

T.H.E. BEST


This month we have two more of your excellent photos! On the left a well known character trying to prove that he lives in West Hampstead and not Kilburn, and below are two suspicious looking characters with their Fuddler in Amsterdam! Very many thanks for those!If you have any pictures of a Fuddler being read away from home please send them in to [email protected]

free gift wrap service .. from wooden kitchens and work benches to stocking fillers .. we have it all

Fairies ‘n’ Frogs Traditional Toy Shop 9 Church Street Ampthill Beds MK452PL

01525 840271www.fairiesnfrogs.co.uk

Christmas is all wrapped up at Fairies ‘n’ Frogs ..

Merry Christmas from us all atthe Ossory Arms

9 Arthur Street, Ampthill, MK45 2QQ T:01525 841188

Bookings now beingtaken for Christmas Parties

Festive MenuTurkey and all the trimmings!

2 Courses £10.50 or 3 Courses £12.75

Festive Buffet at £6/head (Min 6 People)

Available 28th Nov - 23rd Dec

Lunchtime and Evenings

Christmas Quiz - Thursday 12th December

Christmas Party - Thursday 19th December

Christmas Curry Night - 23rd December

Christmas Eve - Live Music with Our KevChristmas Day - Open 11am-3pm

Boxing Day - 11am - 11pm

Friday 27th - 11am - 11pm

Saturday 28th - 10.30 - 12pm

Sunday 29th - 10.30 - 11pm

Monday 30th - 11am - 11pm

New Years Eve - Jenny Salmon Singing LiveNew Years Day - 11am - 5PM

All Major SportsEvents Shown

Bar Menu SERVED ALL DAY.. EVERYDAY!


The new health walks group which started in Ampthill in September is now going strong, with numbers increasing all the time. The walks last for about an hour and have become very sociable events with everyone walking at their own pace and chatting over refreshments after the walk if they wish. We have now produced our first programme which runs from December to the end of March and if you would like to join us on any of the walks, you would be very welcome. Just turn up (no charge) or contact Lynda on 01234 740788 or at [email protected] for more details. Walks start at 10am and the dates and start points are: 13th December Marston Vale Forest Centre 3rd January Maulden Woods, layby on A6 north of Clophill roundabout 17th January Ampthill Park, West Car Park 31st January Flitwick Leisure Centre 14th February Ampthill Park, West Car Park 28th February Maulden, the Brache. Park by Recreation Ground. 14 th March Mars ton Va le Fores t Cent re 28th March Ampthill Park, West Car Park

In a faraway place, in a cold Ampthill town, The children feared that Santa would not call around.

With the recent budget cuts, and many elves being laid off, There was not even enough money to put food in the reindeer’s old

trough.So poor old Santa was sad and dismayed,

He was very worried there were not enough toys being made. Then he heard a voice that put a smile on his face,

Coming towards him was Mrs Meerkat moving at a great pace. I’m here Santa, I’ve come to help,

And as I’m small we can pretend I’m an elf. I have a problem Santa started to explain;

With all the cut backs it’s affected us again. I need toys, sweets, gifts, and many things more

We need to find a great local store.That will be fine, Mrs Meerkat replied,

With a wink to Santa as Mrs Meerkat smiled. I’ll go to Martins Mrs Meerkat said,

Do you think they could help said Santa scratching his head. I will go and see Sir Geoffrey I hear he’s there every day

So hurry Santa, go fetch that old sleigh. They soon arrived at their local Martins store

And were greeted by Sir Geoff who was there at the door. We need your help Mrs Meerkat said

Standing there with a funny elf’s hat on her head. They walked round the store with great smiles on their face,

Wow said Santa what a wondrous place. Toys, sweets, hats and gloves,

In many great colours the children will love. A large range of books with great story’s like mine,

So many to read will they all have the time. There’s so much here, Santa let out a loud cheer,

Thank you Mrs Meerkat for bringing me here. So soon the sleigh was piled up high,

And off they flew up into the night sky. As you all know Christmas day was filled with great joy,

Filled with fun and laughter from every girl and young boy. So the moral of my story is never dismay,

Because your local Martins could save your Christmas day. (With help from a Meerkat of course lol). MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU ALL.

MARTINS NEWSAGENTS 17 CHURCH STREET AMPTHILL 404096

RIDGMONT STATIONTea Rooms A delightful hidden gem!

RIDGMONT STATION | STATION ROAD | RIDGMONTBEDFORDSHIRE | MK43 OXP

T: 01525 287 120 M: 07861 732 850 E:[email protected]

Full disabled access, toilets and free car park

CAFÉ MENU

A selection of teas, coffees and soft drinks Home made cake and scones Cream teas are our speciality! Afternoon Christmas teas from 1st December

FRESHLY MADE FOOD ...Hot soups and jacket potatoes A selection of fresh sandwiches Toasted paninis Great value and a friendly service!

OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK

9.00am to 4.30pm

HOW TO FINDUS:By rail alight at Ridgmont Station By road follow station signs from A507

LOCAL TAKE-AWAY SERVICEAVAILABLE

Telephone 01525 287 120 or mobile 07861 732 850 for pre-ordersCollection point for take-away orders


Once again as part of its community commitment, Ampthill & District Rotary Club is inviting you to remember someone special on their Ampthill Tree of Light How do you do that? Pick up a card & write a message. Cards & envelopes will be available in churches, shops & the library. Completed cards will be displayed in Phonus Insurance opposite the Market Square. You may want to wish someone a happy Christmas, thank someone who has helped you or remember someone. We suggest a donation of £2.00 but you may give more or less; if you pay tax please fill in the details on the envelope so that we can claim gift aid on your donation. All money collected goes to local schools & charities including the Mayor‘s chosen local charities. In the last five years, from this initiative alone, over £5,500 has been raised & distributed locally to organisations such as Keech, Jigsaw Club, See Saw Club, Ampthill Festival, Zonita Cinema, local schools & playgroups. Please take your envelope with completed card and donation to Cheesemans the chemist or Phonus Insurance both in Church Street by Friday 20th December. As well as raising money for local charities, we see this as an opportunity to engender community spirit whilst giving us all the opportunity to honour a loved one.

AMPTHILL & DISTRICT LIONS CLUB THE MOONRAKER CHALLENGE 2013

Thank you to all who took part in this year’s Moonraker Challenge. It is called the Moonraker Challenge because it’s a sponsored night walk and therefore more of a challenge. The weather this year was overcast and showery but all those who had booked in turned up with over one hundred walkers of all ages taking part. As well as some regular teams we were very pleased to welcome teams entering for the first time this year. We were delighted that over £3,000 was pledged on the night and this exceeded our expectations. Our thanks to Flitwick and Ampthill Sea Cadets for allowing us the use of their Headquarters and our very grateful thanks to Flitwick Co-op for their sponsorship. We would also like to thank Midshires Search and Rescue for all their help on the night and St John Ambulance for being in attendance. The walk proceeds this year will go to East Anglian Air Ambulance. Our Christmas Santa Sleigh will be visiting the following locations:Harlington 1st December Maulden 2nd December Cranfield 3rd & 4th December Lidlington 5th December Marston Moretaine 7th, 8th, 9th December Ampthill 10th, 11th, 12th, 13th, 14th, 15th, 16th

DecShefford 17th, 18th December Houghton Conquest 19th December Westoning 21st December Lions work within the community, would you like to get involved? Call 0845 8332 883 or visit our website www.ampthilllions.btck.com for more information.

You are invited to join in carols round the Christmas tree in the Market Square Ampthill on Monday 16th December from 6.30pm. Join in with the choir and Ampthill Town Band.

Tel: 01525 403319email: [email protected]

Engine & Tender - Bar

We wish all our customers a

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year

To get into the

‘Spirit’ come and try our new festive

drinks!

OPEN CHRISTMAS DAY

12.00 - 2.00

Welcome in the New Year with a glass of bubbly and Louise’s

home made Curry (!)

Try your luck on the Christmas Prize

Board!

fit & fabulous

Fitness Pilates classes at ICE Ampthill

Thursday evenings at ICE

Contact Anna for more details on 07784 188871 or [email protected] or book at reception

Why Pilates?

Improved posture Relief from back pain & discomfort Increased strength & stamina without adding muscle bulk Improved balance & coordination A good nights sleep A great way to relax and beat stress

www.jospilates.co.uk

PILATES CLASSESIN AMPTHILL & SURROUNDING AREA

To find out more about Personal Tuition or

Mat Based Pilates Classes in your area contact Jo

by email [email protected] or call 01234 767484

By working the deep set muscles and creating a strong center(abdominals and lower back muscles working together) thepilates way, you can:

Strengthen and tone muscles

Improve posture, muscle balance, joint mobility, breathing and body awareness

Increase flexibility

Lower stress levels and boost your immune system

Pilates classes are held at ICE Clinic Ampthill, Marston Moretaine Village Hall,

Millbrook Village Hall, Wootton Healthy Living Centre and Shillington Village Hall


PARKSIDE COMMUNITY HALL Book now for 2014Following an extraordinary effort by a great many peopleincluding Town Councillors, Parkside Trustees, volunteers,contractors, local businesses and not least the good folk ofAmpthill putting their hands deep into their pockets,Parkside Community Hall in Ampthill is almost complete.The Gala opening is on 14th December and a busy scheduleof events will resume in January 2014.A new website is currently under development and soon youwill be able to go online and view the programme of regularactivities and see what special events are coming soon. Inthe meantime here’s what’s coming up:Gala Opening Night Saturday 14th December. Tickets are£15 a head and are available from Ampthill Town Council, 66Dunstable Street. 01525 403076.Family Pantomime Cinderella presented by MauriceKatchuk Friday 27th to 29th December. Box Office 01525405432Zonita Community Cinema starts on Saturday 4th Januaryshowing Monster University at 2.00pm and Les Miserables at7.00pmOpen Day 10am 5pm on Saturday 12th January 2014. Anopportunity for any member of the public to come along andlook around the hall Please come all are welcome.Burns Night Supper Friday 24th January – come and hear theaddress to the Haggis and do a bit of Stripping the Willow!To make bookings for your own events call EileenSummerfield on 01525 634215

OPEN DAY

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BRASS BAND CONCERT AT MAULDEN Saturday 14th December sees a Brass Band Concert with Brass and Festive music plus Carols at St Mary’ Church, Church Road, Maulden. The event starts at 7.30pm and features Bedford Town ‘Concert Brass’ directed by Mr Kevin Nicholls. Mince pies and mulled wine will be served during the interval and tickets are £5.00 on the door. ‘A lively at times presentation of Band and Christmas music with Carols. This will be an enjoyable evening of easy listening popular Brass Band music leading up to Christmas itself.’For more details please contact Ms Jessica Miller - 01525 402218.

AMPTHILL AND DISTRIC CHORAL SOCIETY CONCERT

Ampthill and District Choral Society Christmas concert is to be held on Monday 16th December at 7.30pm at The Firs School, Station Road, Ampthill. Tickets are £7.00 on the door including nibbles. Everyone welcome.

ST ANDREW’S CHURCH CONCERT On Saturday 21st December there is also a Christmas concert at St. Andrews Church Ampthill with Ampthill Town Band and Flitwick singers. Starts at 7.00pm and everyone is welcome.

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As I write this we are well into the autumn international matches, as both rugby and oikball teams are gearing up for their forthcoming respective World Cups. In 2015 we will be treated to the spectacle of the rugby cup but berforehand will have to endure the tedium of the 2014 oikball tournament. Whereas the rugby will constrain itself to one piece of uplifting and stirring classical music oikball will treat us to the ‘team song’. This ridiculous practise first raised its ugly head, if memory serves me right, in the 1970 world cup held in Mexico. There we were encouraged to raise national fervour by joining in with ‘Red, White and Blue it’s World Cup Willy’. The lyric writer’s art reached its pinnacle with the later offering shouted by lager-fuelled Fat Les telling us about his gran and a bucket of vindaloo. I can barely contain my anticipation! P.S. The ‘dog-eared’ ex-landlord has, despite the scandal, been wallowing in his exulted position as a VIP. (Venerable Inspector of Pies.) A little advice to future contestants. This judge is down to his gums so pastry should not be too hard and fillings not too chewy. In fact a Complan Clanger ticks all the boxes!

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ROCKET’SSECOND

“GRAND TOUR” ON A B.M.W.

MOTOR CYCLE Continued from last month: Day 4 Thursday 5th July 2012 I jump back on the bike and go to find the museum district of the city called museum i s l a n d , a f t e r g e t t i n g completely lost and passing the Brandenberg gate a couple of times I find the museums. Parking is an issue here but on a motorbike there is always a spot to stop and I find one right near there museum! Splendid! I give the Pergamon museum a miss as it has masses of people queuing to get in and I believe it’s mostly Greek

Romano exhibits and head straight for the Deutsches Historiches Museum (The German Historical Museum) and what a great museum it is as well! As soon as I walk in I can see that the museum is laid out with the earliest prehistoric history of Germany first and carrying on through the ages right to near the present day, What I like also is that none of the m o r e s h a l l I s a y ? “embarrassing” moments in Germany history are left out or smoothed over, for example the rise to Hitler’s power and the extermination of the Jews is very well documented as is the First World War and who started it! One interesting exhibition is the comparison to the way of life between West and East

Germany with a dreary Grey coloured Trabant (East German built car made of a bakelite type plastic slightly better than our reliant robin as it had 4 wheels!) and a collection of domestic household items which are typically Russian in design being grey steel and very robust, designed just to do the job and not to be looked at to a bright coloured VW Beetle and a collection of very sleek modern clean looking vacuum cleaners and such like!I can bore the reader for hours about this museum so time to stop, I thoroughly recommend a day round there, I took two lovely pictures, both of which bear a resemblance to past and present local landlords!

I leave the museum to return to the outside world which has turned very hot and sticky. After just 20 minutes stuck in this vast city, it is clear the bike isn’t liking this hot weather and nor am I! Time to head out of Berlin into the forests again in the cool, I go through Potsdam on the way out to fuel up, it’s getting much less congested now, me and the bike are a lot happier, I am going to try make it to Colditz castle tonight where if my research is correct I should be able to get a room with a hot shower In the converted youth hostel part of the castle!

To be continued

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Hello and here’s a bit of seasonal silliness for you! Here’s your chance to win £50.00 worth of vouchers to spend with any advertiser in this edition with this simple competition! All you have to do is find how many turkeys we have hidden throughout this month’s Fuddler. They could be hiding anywhere at all in the magazine! To get you started there’s come turkeys shown below! To enter please send your answer by email to [email protected] or if you don’t have email just drop a postcard with your answer on into Martins Newsagents in Church Street, Ampthill by Friday the 20th December. The winner will be the first correct answer drawn at random on that date. Please note the editor’s decision is final and no correspondence will be entered into. Have fun and the very best of luck!

If you are quick you could book an advertisement in the January edition of The Fuddler! For more details please ring Martin on

01525 841434


Everyone is cordially invited to enjoy the annual Christmas Carols held on The Cobbles in the Village, this year on Monday the 9th December. The event starts at about 6.15 pm and features children from the Woburn Lower School and The Open Band. Mince pies, roasted chestnuts, mulled wine and tombola too! We look forward to seeing you.

Favourite carols, festive fare, seasonal readings and sparkling singing – there's no better way to start your Christmas celebrations! So join us at the Danesborough Chorus Christmas Concert to be held on Saturday, 14th December, at 7.30pm in St Mary’s Church, Woburn, when we will be singing a superb selection of carols, accompanied by John Witchell on piano and organ. “We’re preparing a rich recipe for a marvellous musical meal - starting with a generous portion of traditional favourites, we’re adding a spicy selection of new carols, a sprinkling of Christmas readings and plenty of opportunity for audience participation!” says musical director Ian Smith. “So why not come along to Woburn Church to enjoy a special start to your Christmas celebrations?” So deck the hall with holly and ivy, remember the scene at Bethlehem, and come carolling with the Danesborough Chorus - the perfect preparation for a stress-free Christmas season!Tickets price £10 and £8, including seasonal refreshments, are available from the Danesborough Chorus Office, tel: 01525 376760.

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Some dates still available for ChristmasParties call or email to check any dates.

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James & Louise would like to wish everyonea very Happy & Healthy Christmas and

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By Nonic Short and sweet this month – Shooting season started so

busy helping on shoot days, and preparing everything all the other days – I’m learning lots about how you run a shoot day, the changes needed based on weather etc, and how to get the best flying birds for our guests – Enjoying it all except the washing down of all the trailers and quad bikes in the cold getting soaked with the pressure washer!! Once all the jobs are done for the day, the light starting to fade it used to be time to take the dog for its final walk but she’s done enough, but maybe we’ll find our way to the local for my evening round (or two!)

1. You believe in Santa Claus. 2. You don't believe in Santa

Claus.3. You are Santa Claus. 4. You look like Santa Claus.

Yep, see what you mean!

Happy Birthday to Shirley Roberts for the 3rd December!

(What, no photo this year?!)

Hello everybody. I am an actress currently back on your television screens in the latest series of a number driven (and that is a big clue!) US show. In the show I work with 2 very mysterious characters helping stop crime! Answer at the foot of the page.

Taraji P. Henson - Person Of Interest

Here’s a bit more mischief that a kind reader has sent in: If a rat fell down a well that was 20 feet deep and each day it managed to climb up 5 feet but at night it slid back down by 4 feet, how many days would it take to get to the top? Answer below

16 - On the last time there would not be a night!

‘I fink I would just like to say Happy Christmas to everybody!’

Now is just the right time to book your advertising for January! Please ring Martin on

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City SlickersPart 12

PUTTING OUT BUSH FIRES! (NOTHING TO

DO WITH BIG AL!) East Australia, 1978 The following morning we set off quite early and travelled by land cruiser to where we had corralled the horses, that took a couple of hours, soon we were on our way climbing even further onto the high plains, part of the journey was through a forest of giant trees; a few years later, while watching the final episode of Star Wars film I thought “so the Ewoks lived in Victoria, Australia!” As we climbed higher we found the occasional beast, which we pushed before us till we finely arrived at

Mount Squaretop. It felt like the top of the world but was probably less than 3000 feet. We stopped for lunch and spent an hour just enjoying the scenery and a mug of billy tea. Eventually we headed back more or less the same way but a bit spread out looking for more beasts, I think we found about eight , hardly worth the effort but it was a great day even if we had found none! After a while we realised we were not looking for more cattle, just gently pushing the ones we had, Jack rode about 100 yards in front of us and was doing something a bit strange, fumbling with something in his jacket pocket, we soon realised he

was striking small bundles of matches and letting them fall in the tinder dry scrub which was sparsely accompanied by teatree. The three of us quickly agreed that this was one of Jacks pranks, we were jumping off our horses to stamp out his damn fires fearing he would be mad if

we allowed the worst bush fire in history. It was not hard, but certainly kept us

busy. Soon he stopped his game and we started descending to the next valley where we paused for a short break, Jack looked back and after a thoughtful pause asked if we had been putting his fires out? Yes Sir we said proudly, we made sure there would be no bush fire on the

high plains today! We should have realised that he was only doing what the native population had done for millennia, burning of the autumn growth to encourage new growth the following year. It was too late to go back and restart the fires if we were to get back to camp in daylight AND avoid loosing the stock so I guess he had to go back later in a Toyota and do it again. It was dark by the time we got back but the cattle were now near the mob so we just left them, it was over ten hours in the saddle and we were very glad we had acclimatised our “seats” to the job.Prof Reginald V Q da Ghama IPA With kind permission of Jim Barr

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We have been asked to repeat this delicious recipe that was kindly sent to us: ROUGH COUNTRY PATE

(by Philip Head) You will need the following ingredients: 500 gms minced pigs liver 500 gms sausage meat 1 clove garlic Herbs of your choice (Italian mixed are excellent) SaltGround black pepper Bay leaves 500 gms streaky bacon 1 bottle chilled Chardonnay! Firstly pour a large glass of Chardonnay, have a slurp and relax. Now line a greased oven proof dish with streaky

with Auntie Vi I would be unstoppable, if I could only get started ...

bacon. Mix together all the ingredients (not the bay leaves) by hand. Wash hands and take another slurp of Chardonnay. Fill the dish with mixed ingredients and cover mixture with more bacon. Dot with bay leaves, cover with foil and stand in a bowl of water. (Not you, the dish!) Cook in a medium oven for about 2 hours. Allow to cool then serve with hot buttered toast and a slice of lemon. Finally, finish off the wine and enjoy serving as a wonderful starter for any Christmas meal.

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Dear Mr “Ramblings from the bench” – So 62% of people falsely claim to have read highbrow books – This survey you quote was 2000 people so hardly a large test case, and it was in the National press and we know the papers are full of factual moral judgements! Given all your Shakespearegate Ramblings, your digs at “a young entertainer” (see October Fuddler), the Celebrity game shows (August Fuddler) I wonder what qualifies you for the moral high ground on the rest of us! Also if you read the article fully the most popular books to brag about are by George Orwell, Leo Tolstoy’s and Charles Dickens – Not a mention of WS in sight. And second in the survey was changing ones appearance so the people asked were obviously vain in looks and intellect so not your best argument again, as your July Fuddler response, where you checked at the library how many times Shakespeare books lent out, weak and not broad based – I can only remind you of the number of Shakespeare’s books read, plays performed and bards recited, that run into hundreds of millions, so all these people cannot be wrong or vain, not like your people survey! And you have read three of Shakespeare’s plays and seen one film – was this like your national press readers to allow you to fake cleverness I wonder? In answer to your question I have never read a Wilbur Smith book – I am a Jeffery Archer fan and also enjoy a good Jackie Collins but unlike the people surveyed I read them for entertainment not vanity! Yours Sincerely – Thomas Cranmer

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With Lauren Louella Boughalls Hello and festive greetings to one and all! Many thanks to everyone who had a go at last month’s poser and congratulations to Joe, Bob, Paul, Sue and everybody else who correctly identified the photograph as Upper Drakeloe Pond at Woburn Park. Now this month we have been out and about around the villages in Fuddlerland and have come across this interesting scene. But do you recognise it and where it could be?

Back by popular demandThe Queen’s Head is pleased to

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Please note the last quiz of the year will be December 18th and will restart January 8th

NEW CHESS LEAGUE If you enjoy a game of chess why not come along on a Thursday evening and join our chess league? Beginners also welcome as

coaching is available. Pop in for details!

LADIES DARTS TEAMWinter League - new players wanted !!

SHELTERED SMOKING AREAGet out of the wind and enjoy the heaters!

From everyone at The Fuddler!

And a Happy New Year!


Here we delve more into the whimsical, wacky and interesting world of Montgolfier: We’ve all heard the saying that no two snowflakes are the same. Whoever was it who did al the checking and will he comparing them with next year’s fall? If you are going horse riding for the first time and are worried about falling off tie your shoe laces together. P.S. if you are going to ride side saddle you will find it doesn’t work. Buying my poppy this year I asked the seller if he was ex army, navy or RAF. He said none of them as he was busy building Merlin engines for Spitfires and Lancs. Good lad. I once offered to do wing walking on John Jordan’s Boeing Stearman but in the end I was a bit over weight. You have to be under 9½ stone. I was 14 stone. I called by to see a friend to find out how he was getting on. He was in his large workshop building a Spitfire - a full size one. It will take a long while. The last fighter plane he built sold for £1 million pounds. A couple walking along the promenade on a glorious summer’s evening and the woman was heard to say: ‘If anything happens to one of us I’d love to come and live here. If your child is at boarding school etc and is not writing home the best way to get a letter is when you write finish off by saying I enclose a tenner for you, and forget to enclose it. I live and learn. On reading my latest book I came across the words ‘Oxter’ and ‘Gean’. On looking in my dictionary, Oxter is the armpit and Gean is a European wild cherry. So we are all more knowledgeable now.

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Episode43 ........................ The Holly & the Irony

Well Christmas is here in Fuddlerland again and tis the time of good will. That means that you might just get a seasonal beverage out of old Scrooge (Old Father Time) if you’re lucky, Fuddler himself may be seen in the corner shop in his quest for the single Brussels sprout for the festive everlasting and of course Bootsy will be in her little pixie suit serving lecherous old soaks her Christmas fayre. Fluffy has left Fuddlerland for Hitchin Rich’s old manor to run her own alehouse there, but will be frequented by Mr Grumpy’s Pork Pie Club on

their Christmas away day, and if she is very lucky it might be her day off. Apparently Meerkat was attempting to knit Westy a Christmas jumper with a lovely festive motif on the front, unfortunately after another outburst from him recently, one of her knitting needles has still not been removed and he may need an operation to retrieve it. And it was rumoured that a certain ex-pub landlord has promised to be a Santa Claus stand in for the young children in his grotto in the market place leading up to the big day. With Shakespearegate and the Thomas Cramner Affair still lingering on, I thought this seasonal offering was appropriate:

Blow, blow, thou winter wind, Thou art not so unkind As man's ingratitude;

Thy tooth is not so keen, Because thou art not seen,

Although thy breath be rude. Heigh ho, sing heigh ho, unto

the green holly; most friendship is feigning,

most loving mere folly: Then, heigh ho, the holly!

This life is most jolly. Freeze, freeze, thou bitter

sky, That dost not bite so nigh

As benefits forgot: Though thou the waters warp,

Thy sting is not so sharp As friend remember'd not.

Heigh ho, sing heigh ho, unto the green holly:

most friendship is feigning, most loving mere folly:

Then, heigh ho, the holly! This life is most jolly.

For those educated among you, you will know this very well, but for the likes of Ramblings from the Bench et al it is of course from the great bard himself, from ‘As You Like It, Act II Scene VII’. Mammoth Man wishes all in Fuddlerland a very merry f e s t i v e s e a s o n a n d remember ‘After a good dinner one can forgive anybody, even one’s own relations.’

Oscar Wilde

As always all characters and events portrayed in this diary are real and any resemblance to real peopleor incidents is purely intentional.

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