the fuddler april 2009

NOW HERE! DMC Silks Aida, evenweave,

Cross stitch, embroidery & tapestry kits Ordering service available for kits - please ask

Staples Garden Centre, Fordfield Rd, Millbrook, MK45 2HZ Telephone 01525 402959

Coming Soon! Quilting Supplies Workshops & Clubs available - please come in and pick up a newsletter with all the details. We stock card making supplies, decoupage, water colour supplies and much more!

THE DROVERS ARMS INDIAN RESTAURANT Flitwick Road, Steppingley, Beds

SUNDAY - THURSDAY EAT FOR £10.00 Please phone for bookings Tel: 01525 715697

www.droversarms.eu

THE WHITE HART HOTEL OF AMPTHILL 10 FANTASTIC EN SUITE DOUBLE ROOMS

NEW! TAPAS now being served every day Tel: 01525 406863

www.whitehartampthill.co.uk

PURE BAR AND NIGHTCLUB OF BEDFORD Every Wednesday - STUDENT NIGHTEvery Friday - URBAN R’N’B NIGHT

Every Saturday - COMMERCIAL MUSIC NIGHTTel: 01234 354102

www.purebarandclub.com

FIXED PRICE AERIAL

INSTALLATIONS

See our ad on page 30

C&R PEST MANAGEMENT

R.P.P.T (Registered Professional Pest Technician)Wasps, Rats, Mice, Rabbits, Moles, etc

Fully Insured Special Rate

for OAPS! Free Estimate01525 288207 07500 431131

Do you need a venue for a Friday or

Saturday night party? Ampthill Town FC offers

a fully licensed bar, excellent catering facilities and capacity for 80 people

For further information, contact: Pauline Marlow

01525-750217

D & G SHORT

NEED A LOCKSMITH?

Please turn to our ad

on page 21

Plus - All aspects of

home security

COVERING •AMPTHILL, •BARTON LE CLAY, •CLOPHILL, •FLITWICK,

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•SILSOE, •STEWARTBY, •WESTONING, •WOBURN, & ALL OTHER MID BEDS AREAS.

•AIRPORT SPECIALISTS •CORPORATE ACCOUNTS WELCOME

Competitive Rates, Advance Bookings and a friendly service to rely on - 24 hours a day!

Hello everyone and a big welcome as always to this super springtime edition of your Fuddler! You’ll find this a very busy edition again with lots of fun and nonsense as usual, plus lots of local information which we hope you’ll find useful. Do have a careful look

through at what our advertisers are saying, as whatever you’re looking for - you’ll find it in TheFuddler!’If you would like to advertise with us our details are on page four of each edition. HAPPY EASTER TO ALL.

CHINESE and PEKING CUISINE

111, Dunstable Street, Ampthill Telephone: 01525 840096

Special Announcement Eddie requires all customers coming to

the Dew Drop for a meal - they must bring proof of their life insurance

policy (photocopies not accepted), just in case the chef got it wrong ...

Then Eddie knows he is well covered!

33, RUSSELL DRIVE AMPTHILL

With Spring now in the air, isn’t it time you considered replacing those doors and windows? Or maybe a new conservatory to enjoy. Don’t compromise on style - call into our showroom and see our stunning range of doors and windows including “The Composite Door”.

No window or glazing job too small.

A one off opportunity!See World-Class performers at a local venue.

Direct from appearing at The Sporting Club, Monte Carlo, The London and Broadway cast and Big Band of Rat Pack, through BR Music Productions, present:

“SWING DUDES & DIVAS” A concert styled production celebrating the greatest swing icons, including: Michael Buble, Harry Connick Jr., Diana Krall & Natalie Cole. This production features a cast of the very best male & female vocal talent with a world class 14 piece Big Band. A very special evening of entertaining excellence in: The Harlington Theatre, Upper School Grounds, Goswell End Road, Harlington, Beds. on Sunday, 10th May. 7 pm for 7.30 pm Tickets are priced at £17.50p (payable in advance) available from: Joyce Corless - 01525 752747 (Westoning), Maureen Graham - 01525 873830 (Harlington) Eileen Upton - 01525 875683 (Toddington) Licensed Bar. Proceeds to Westoning Parish church

Present a concert at Ampthill Parish Church on Saturday 16th May at 7.30 pm. There are two very different works on the programme:Brahms German Requiem and John Rutter - Requiem. A d m i s s i o n £ 7 . 5 0 concessions £6 on the door. Everyone is most welcome.

The Green Man pub in Eversholt is holding a 3 day event over the May Bank Holiday to assist in raising funds for the Willen Hospice. You can see more d e t a i l s i n t h e i r advertisement on page 21

Sunday 19th April sees a ‘Doggie Day Out’ in Ampthill Park from 11.00 am - 3.00 pm. There will be a fun show ring, with classes to be judged by Lynne Davies of Dog Borstal fame, with rosettes and prizes for the winners. There is also to be an ‘Agility Ring’ demonstration at 11.30 am where you can have a go round the agility course for fun. Plus lots of events and activities to make a great family fun day out! The event is being organised by the Ampthill Dog Working G r o u p t o g e t h e r w i t h Greensand Trust. For more details please contact Lorna Walker, Greensand Trust on 01234 743666.

Food Events & More Catering for all occasions

Weddings Corporate Events

Birthdays Anniversaries

Business Lunches Christenings

Funerals Licensed Bar Available

Please contact us on: 01525 290572 07774 573140

[email protected]

CALL 01525

75 55 50

MOB: 07903374712

1 to 7 SEATER - PRIVATE HIRE TAXI SERVICE

AIRPORT TRANSFERS - DAYS & NIGHTS OUT COASTAL DAYS OUT - WEST END SHOWS

LUTON AIRPORT RETURN FROM £45.00!

Bob AmblerCarpenter & Joiner

Carpentry Fitted Kitchens

Kitchen re-doors and worktops Fitted Bedrooms and Home office furniture

Fitted Bathrooms Fitted Bathroom Furniture

A complete design, supply and installation service or

You supply and we install 01525 405393 ans. phone

Mobile 07889 058345 email: [email protected]

Sharman LawS O L I C I T O R SIncorporating Sharman & Trethewy

The Solicitors who care for you,your family and your business

1 Harpur Street, BedfordTelephone: 01234 30 30 30

Email: [email protected]: www.SharmanLaw.co.uk

88 Dunstable Street, AmpthillTelephone: 01525 750 750

“The Fuddler” i s p u b l i s hed by MDA Publications and printed by Digital Print Bureau. The views expressed herein are not necessarily those of the publisher. No part of this publication may be copied in any form or by any means without written permission of the Publisher. Copyright MDA Publications. Like to book an ad, or ask about our absurdly low rates please ring Martin on A BRIANISM

If the Sheriff of Nottingham had only waited until Autumn, he would have found

Robin Hood more easily!

LORD DEE’S PONDERINGS

Duster and Check-It-Out advised that I should add my own

birthday felicitations to the following:

Ampthill’s own cobbler, Peter Eversley on the 5th April, Sir Howard on the 6th and Lord Roger on the 7th! So there we are.

Happy Birthday to each!

Ciao

Across: 1. Crimson, 5. Maple, 8. River, 9. Celesta, 10. Dilemma, 11. Inapt, 12. Addict, 14. Tended, 17. Value, 19. Archaic, 22. Seminar, 23. Roger, 24. Dense, 25. Doubted.

Down: 1. Cured, 2. Invalid, 3. Serum, 4. Nectar, 5. Malaise, 6. Pasta, 7. Exacted, 12. Advised, 13. Cleanse, 15. Draught, 16. Sacred, 18. Lemon, 20. Corfu, 21. Cared

Visit our showroom. Over 70 modern and traditional fireplaces and stoves on display.

1, Woburn Street, Ampthill, Beds

Tel: 01525 841199 www.ampthillfireplaces.co.uk Monday to Saturday 10.00 am - 5 pm

Spring is here! We have everything you need to give your Stove or Fireplace a 'Spring clean' and service.

We have a large function room available for hire for any special occasion - £60.00 for members, £110.00 for non members.

The club can also offer ample parking facilities for £40.00 per month including free membership to the club! - New members always welcome.

Mondays youth darts. 7.00 pm – 9.00 pm We need more young ladies to participate please come along.

We also require new ladies for the darts league Thursdays regular quiz Night. 8.30 pm onwards with cash prize for the winning team

April 22nd AGM 8.00 pm. Members please come along and give us your vote. - It is your club!!

The Flitwick Club20 High Street, Flitwick, Beds Tel: 01525 751555

MICK HULATT CARPENTRY SERVICES

QUALITY CRAFTSMAN EST.1990 FOR ALL ASPECTS OF

CARPENTRY & BUILDING WORK Call: 01525 713590 or 07949 072133

E-mail: [email protected]

JUST ARRIVED INDIAN PATIO SAND STONE SLABS £13.00 per sq mtr + VAT

HUGE RANGE OF FAR EASTERN GARDEN STONEWARE ORNAMENTS FROM £49.99

FOR THE KIDS - INFLATABLE REMOTE CONTROL DUMPER TRUCK RRP £29.99

OUR PRICE £5.00!

TEAK GARDEN FURNITURE SALE

AT UP TO 75% OFF HIGH STREET PRICESBanana bench & table set Only

£179.00

Folding chair with arms Only£25.00

Java dining chair Only£39.00

Side tables From £30.00

Round tree bench Only£249.00

Round gate leg table 120 cms

Only£89.00

Rolled arm garden bench 1.8 metre

Only£110.00

Sun lounger 198 cms x 66 cms

Only£85.00

Round folding coffee table Only£25.00

Plus much more ...

Please call for opening times

Tel: John: 07811 116486 Matt: 07785 503438

UNIT 1 BRICKHILL PASTURES MAULDEN BEDS MK45 2EB

Clearance Abandoned Stock Specialists

All items subject to availability

After last month’s tricky puzzle with Tarquin, we now bring you another of Marjorie’s quick crosswords which she has been kind enough to send to us.

Harlequin

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

8

9 10

11 12 13

14 15 16

17

18 19 20 21

22 23 24

25 26

U

L

Q

A

H I

RN

E

Sandra’s been busy finding new words to puzzle us with! Here again is a new word she’s found.. (Nothing to do with the crossword.) Just look at the hexagon and see whether or not the word jumps out at you! (Answer at the bottom of the page if it doesn’t!)

Across: 1 Gratis (4) 3 Curiously (8) 9 Punctuation mark (5) 10 Roman God (7) 11 Gratuity (3) 13 Country (9) 14 Odious (6) 16 Elapse (anag) (6) 18 Tibia of chicken (9) 20 Head of corn (3) 22 Gentian (anag) (7) 23 Princely (5) 25 Dissertation 26 Agile (4)

Down: 1 Angle (5) 2 Tree (3) 4 Prejudiced (6) 5 Put at risk (7) 6 Tease (9) 7 Stockyard fee (7) 8 Over 50? (4) 12 Dance movement (9) 14 Water pipe (7) 15 Awareness (7) 17 Demons (6) 19 Pavement edge (4) 21 Regroup (5) 24 Intermission (3)

Electrical Contractor Domestic and Industrial

Your local Electrical Contractor All types of testing and certification undertaken

FREE QUOTATIONSNICEIC Approved Contractor

Working with Ampthill Town Council 11 Cedar Close, Ampthill, Bedford, MK45 2UD

Tel & Fax: 01525 714057

Building & Roofing Tel: 01525 403563

Mob: 07979 053834

YOUR LOCAL OFFICE SUPPLIES COMPANY

Full range of Office Stationery Computer Consumables

Inks and Toners Print Service

Office Furniture And much more

t: 01525 633336 f: 01525 634444

Unit 1, 101 Ampthill Road Flitwick Beds MK45 1BE

www.businesspoint.uk.com email: [email protected]

TRADE ENQUIRIES AND ACCOUNTS WELCOME

Extensions Conservatories & Windows Kitchens & Bathrooms Fencing PatiosElectrical And … Lots More!

FORDFIELD ROAD, MILLBROOK, BEDFORD MK45 2HZ

07771 585756

STAPLES GARDEN CENTRE

CORDYLINES RED/SUNDANCE + GREEN Buy One Get One Free

GOLDCREST CONIFERS 2 FOR £5.00

DATE PALMS £6.9 9 B u y One Get One Free

VICTORIA PLUM TREES

WERE £24.99 NOW £14.99

CAMELLIAS £6.99 EACH or 2 FOR £12.00

LARGE CAMELLIAS £39.99

RhODODENDRoNS FROM £4.99

would like to wish everyone a very Happy Easter. Lionheart is in touch with his theatrical side at present and is .......'RESTING........building up strength for the ferret racing in May'

HAPPY 50th BIRTHDAY TO

ROGER PREST ON THE 7th APRIL!!

With Geoffrey THE Golfer One Sunday a usually happy weekend golfer came home from the game very late, and much the worse for wear. Dear wife greeted him at the door and demanded "Where the devil have you been and what have you been doing?" The husband wobbled around and slurred ‘Had a bad game, sort of lost everything...you had better pack some bags, I even lost you’. The wife screamed ‘How could you do that?’, the man replied "It wasn't easy, I had to miss 3 one foot putts in the last 4 holes". GTG

Yes it’s a huge welcome back to the Frog Racing (not real ones!) atParkside Hall in Ampthill on the

16th May in aid of The Mayor’s Charities which are McMillian Nurses, BLISS, & Equipment for Ampthill Surgeries Don’t spawn the chance of being at one of Ampthill’s greatest fun events - in fact jump at it! Organisers are ‘hopping’ for a really good turn out, with many ‘h-opportunities’ to have some fun and win a little cash - and all for good causes!

Gary Summerfield is chief ‘h-operator’ and Master Croaker of the event, but don’t ‘rib-im’ too much! Tickets for the event are £7.50 which includes your supper (but not frog’s legs!) and the racing starts at 7.00 pm. You are invited to bring your own drink too! If you would like to hop along on the night for a ‘tad’ of nonsense or ‘pole’ along and maybe put together a table of ‘frog-race-goers’ then don’t have webbed feet - give Gary a ring on 01525 753723 and leap at the chance to book a table for an evening of fun! ‘Don’t miss out on this ‘hop-ortunity’!

BMJ HOME & GARDEN SERVICESFor all those jobs around the house and garden,

that you never have time for!We are an established, reliable trustworthy & a very

reasonably priced company. NO JOB TOO SMALL

Tel: Joolz or Michael on 01525 211670 Mob: 07871 802815

AT HOME OR WORK Full and part valets, Hand washed and polished

Seats and carpets cleaned Call Nigel on 01525 261485

Mobile 07977 605987 email: [email protected]

Have you reviewed your Pension lately?It is often quoted that the largest asset you will ever own is your house and for many people this is indeed the case. However, what of the second largest asset? As with the house, this will differ from person to person but it is not unreasonable to suggest that for many people this will be their pension.

For those who spend all, or the vast majority, of their careers employed as a civil servant (such as nurses, teachers, the police etc) this is very likely to be the case. However, their need to review the pension on a regular basis is not as great as those with a private pension. This is because they have a government backed scheme and the main consideration for those in such schemes is whether to put further money away into an Additional Voluntary Contribution. How the actual pension fund is being managed is down to the Trustees of the scheme and is out of the individual’s control.

For those in the private sector, without such generous schemes, the value of their pension can still build up to be worth a considerable amount and ensuring that this is managed effectively is very important. However, despite the

Advison is a small, friendly and reliable firm specialising in Investments, Retirement Planning and IHT Mitigation.

We offer a return to the traditional values only a smaller company can offer, a service we find

is appreciated by the more discerning client.

All staff at Advison are either AFPC or FPC qualified.

------------------Expert, Independent Advice------------------

Regularly quoted in the National Press for over 10 years Used as financial planning experts on BBC, Sky, Bloomberg and others

Choice Magazine’s Pensions and Trusts expert Planned Savings Magazine – National Estate Planner of the Year

Please call us for a preliminary chat or to arrange an appointment.

No 7, Water End Barns, Eversholt (Nr Woburn), Beds. MK17 9EA

T: 01525 288488 E Mail: [email protected]

Advison Ltd is an appointed representative of IN Partnership the trading name of The On-Line Partnership Limited which is authorised and regulated by the Financial Services Authority. Registered (England) No. 5009271

Finance Matters Brought to you by Advison Independent Financial Advisers

Expert independent advice is essential to ensure you make the most of the opportunities available for you and to establish an effective strategy. Unlike many IFAs, Advison not only provides the initial advice you require but also produces regular personalised reviews of your Investments, Pensions and Protection Policies, enabling us to ensure the assets you hold are still relevant to your circumstances. We would be pleased to discuss your specific situation and plan the most appropriate course of action for you. For full details about Advison please see our advertisement below.

value that pension funds can reach, many pay far more attention to their other savings and investments, such as ISAs, than they do to their pensions. It is fairly common for us to meet clients that have large pension funds which have been invested in the same fund for 20 years - without any review having taken place as to the ongoing suitability of this fund. Traditionally, the vast majority of pensions are invested in either a With Profits fund or a Managed Fund. However, pensions today provide a far wider selection of funds to choose from and there are far greater opportunities to build a bespoke portfolio to suit an individual’s personal circumstances. Bearing in mind that this is money that will provide an income for the rest of one’s life, once retired, it is essential to review one’s pensions sooner rather than later. This has never been more the case than now. With the recent turmoil on the financial markets we have seen negative returns from Equities, Corporate Bonds, Commercial Property and even some Cash Funds! As ever, low values on any market provide opportunities going forward and a thorough review of your pension funds and how they are placed for the next few years is vital if you are to maximise the growth opportunities.

By Julio Van Peebles 1) What other colour glass can you put into a 'Mixed Glass only' recycling bin? 2) Why is a watch called a watch? 3) Does an illiterate person gain anything from eating alphabetti spaghetti? 4) Why are rubber ducks yellow? 5) Has anyone ever placed a bet that they can't give up gambling? Julio's Top Tip: Hold a cat firmly under your arm and slowly increase the pressure whilst pulling it's tail at varying intervals - Hey Presto! Instant Bagpipes! (Only joking!!)

With Jimmy The Voice We are pleased to again welcome our guest, JTV, who has very kindly sent us another superb picture!

So, is it possible? (look closely)You decide - JTV cannot!

I don’t think I ’ v e d o n e anything silly this month - but I’m sure I will by next month!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JO For 17th April

Love from all of us!!

Oh, and me! J x

Maulden

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ‘THE MOUSE’ ON APRIL 27TH!!

PLUMBING & HEATING ENGINEER I.M. CLAYTON

Tel: 01525 873627 Mobile: 07779 776797 or visit my Web Site at

http://imclayton.bttradespace.com

Reasonable Rates Experienced Mechanic

Servicing Spares Repairs ON ALL MAKES OF CARS, MOTORCYCLES

LIGHT COMMERCIALS OLD AND NEW MOT’S ARRANGED, MOT WORK CARRIED OUT

Skip & Helen welcome you to the fully refurbished

OSSORY ARMS 9 Arthur Street, Ampthill 01525 841508

OPEN ALL DAY - EVERY DAY from 12.00 pmwww.ossoryarms.co.uk

REAL ALES, FINE WINES, Food served between 12.00 & 2.30

Also: POOL TABLE + JUKE BOXSATURDAY/SUNDAY - All day breakfast

EASTER WEEKENDFri/Sat/Sun - BBQ & food served all day

EASTER SUNDAY EVENING - Live music Coming soon … THURSDAY NIGHT - QUIZ NIGHT

Babs was feeling very pleased with herself. A friend came round and admired a jigsaw puzzle that Babs had just completed. ‘Wow’ said her friend ‘that must have taken you ages.’ ‘Well’ said Babs proudly, ‘Just six months actually, although it did say 2 - 4 years on the box.’

If space is a vacuum, who changes the bag? My friend’s husband is so silly that he thinks a balanced diet is eating on one leg. You cannot get 1.1366 litres into a .5683-litre pot (EU approved). Cheerfulness is a perpetual lubrication of the mind. Would the collective name for computers be a crash? Gardeners are among the most calm and relaxed people (while they are gardening) you will find. Don’t imagine the battle for equality is over - men still have a long way to go to reach our standard. Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac? Why not start a rumour and see if you recognise it later. A person will burn 7 percent more calories if they walk on hard dirt rather than the pavement. How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage? If you can smile when things go wrong, you already know who you are going to blame. 1 £14,500, 2 Porpoise, 3 Geometric

figure, 4 Chickens, 5 Winchester Cathedral, 6 Bagpipe, 7 Treasure Island, 8 1944, WWII, 9 Game of Bridge, 10 Paper measure.

1. In 1938 B. Jones was transferred from Wolves to Arsenal for what fee?

2. A turmoil is the collective name for which creature?

3. What is a Lemniscate? 4. I f y o u s u f f e r e d f r o m

Alektorophobia, what would you be frightened of?

5. Where is King Canute buried? 6. What is a Zambogna? 7. Where would you find Captain

Smollet? 8. When was the battle of

Aachen? 9. Where would you find an

‘Intervention’? 10.What is an Antiquarian?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ROCKETMAN FOR

9th APRIL

Birthday greetings to Peter Slade for

14th April !!

T.H.E. BEST BUTCHERS

Telephone (01908) 375275 www.bestbutcher.co.uk

Unit 5, Lower Rectory Farm, Great Brickhill, Milton Keynes, Bucks MK17 9AF

* FRESH FISH NOW AVAILABLE FRIDAY & SATURDAY

Little Emm’s Unisex Hair Studio

Tel: 01525 237687

“A Cut Above The Rest” For a totally new look for Christmas why not come and see ‘Emma Scissorhands’?!

22A Woburn Road Heath & Reach Nr Leighton Buzzard Beds LU7 OAR

I’m happy as I am - please don’t canvas me!

CHEESEMANS PHARMACY OF AMPTHILL Tel: 01525 402173

FREE PRESCRIPTION DELIVERY Can’t get to the chemist or surgery?

Don’t worry, we’ll pick up your prescription from your surgery and deliver your medication to your door.

Covering Ampthill, Clophill, Flitwick, Houghton Conquest, Maulden, Silsoe, Wilstead

& surrounding villages.

Sponsorship forms will be available soon from your local hostelry or online at www.ampthillthreeleggedrace.com . The race this year will take place on Saturday 23rd May starting at the Engine and Tender at 12.30. Competitors can register from 11.30 onwards. All you need to do is get a sponsorship, raise a minimum of £25 sponsorship and dress up for a great day out sampling the fine ales of Ampthill as you speed or saunter around the 8 watering holes en route. The finishing line is at the Wingfield Club with prize giving at 5.00 pm and karaoke and BBQ throughout the afternoon.

CONGRATULATIONS AND A BIG HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MELANIE ON 27th APRIL!!

Friday April 24th sees a quiz night at Ampthill Rugby Club to help raise funds for the Ampthill Festival Gala Weekend on June 27th & 28th this year. The event starts at 7.30 pm but the licensed bar will be open from 7.00. Entry fee is £10.00 per team of up to 6 and you have the chance of playing for the first prize of £100.00!!There's plenty of parking available at the club, so make a note in your diaries to go along and have a go and support a great local event!

*A pleasant and safe family environment *Drinks at club prices plus …….

CRIB - DARTS - DOMINOES - POOL BINGO - Thursday nights QUIZ - Sunday nights SMOKING AREA - Covered and heated BEER GARDEN (Summer) ENTERTAINMENT …….. Starts at 9 pm

WHAT’S ON?Saturday April 11th

WINGY’S FABULOUS KARAOKEHosts - Steve Gadsden and co.

1000's of songs (also bring your own discs!)

Saturday April 25thCelebrate St George's day with a trip down memory

lane with Brilliant female vocalist

HELEN JUSTE 40's and 50's music - not to be missed!

NEW MEMBERS ALWAYS WELCOME

CIU Affiliated 37 Church Street Ampthill Beds

Do it our

Weigh!Allied Weighing specialises in all forms of weighing equipment from bathroom scales to heavy duty devices for commercial applications. We can provide service and repair to any scales or weighing equipment, give us a call we’ll be glad to help.

Kitchen scales • Bathroom scales • Jewellery scales • Postal scales • Body fat monitors • Hanging scales. Retail and industrial • Fishing/Luggage • Laboratory and educational • Medical scales. HoMedics products and massage cushions

SALTER Stainless Steel

electronic Salt & Pepper

Mill Set with ceramic

grinding mechanism. Can also be

used for herbs & spices.

Full 10 year guarantee.

RRP £25.00 Our Price

£19.99

SHIATSU Plus Massaging Cushion Model SBM 300 Never in your life will you experience a more invigorating massage-you’ll actually feel as if a massage therapist is hidden inside the cushion. Consumer Digest has awarded it a Best Buy Award. RRP £169.99 Our Price £139.99

On production of this advert you will receive 10% discount off anything you purchase 10%

DISCOUNT ON ANY PURCHASE

ALLIED WEIGHINGProviding weighing solutions for the future

17A CHURCH STREET, AMPTHILLOpposite the NatWest Bank behind Martins Newsagent

Telephone: 01525 841306

The Orchestra is rehearsing, the fireworks are booked and the picnic hampers are ordered. Preparations are well under way for the very first AMPTHILL PARK PROMS. The theme will be the Last Night of the Proms so a chance for a good old sing along, a glass of wine and hopefully glorious sunshine. Tickets will go on sale early May and you will need to get in quick as the numbers are limited. Tickets bought in advance will be discounted and we will announce the prices and where you can get them from very soon. Watch out for more information on www.ampthillparkproms.com or contact Chris Hayes 07795 624263 Ampthill Park Proms is presented by Ampthill Festival Committee and is supported by funding from the "Awards for All" Lottery Fund. Ampthill Park Proms Saturday June 27th followed by Ampthill Festival Gala day Sunday June 28th

FARMERS MARKETS The Farmers Market in Woburn is held on the third Sunday of every month at The Pitchings, whilst Ampthill Farmers Market is held on the last Saturday of each month at their new home at The White Hart Hotel car park.

EASTER WEEKEND ALE FESTIVAL!! Try different flavours from around the Country!

EASTER MONDAY - SING-A-LONG with John Pick

THURSDAY 23rd APRIL CELEBRATE ST. GEORGE’S DAY With Bombardier & Hot Beef Rolls

FRIDAY 1st MAY- MAY DAY! DANCE IN THE SUN WITH REDBORNSTOKE MORRIS Then breakfast at The Queens with

more dancing and old ale. (Open from 7.00 am)

Plus:

Bigger choice of regular Guest Ales! Traditional games from Bar Billiards

to Crib, Dominoes & Darts Quiz Night every Wednesday with a

different Quizmaster every week

Planning an event? If you're hiring a hall for a special function and need a professional full bar service brought in, then look no further. We supply a fully manned and equipped bar

service for any special occasion. We do it all so you and your guests can simply relax

and have a good time.

HAMPERS AVAILABLE ALL YEAR ROUND!

What do you buy someone who doesn’t want for anything? We have the answer – a

sumptuous hamper filled with gorgeous food goodies! Choose the hamper type, the

goodies to put inside and we’ll finish it off beautifully for you – easy!

DELICATESSEN ORDER FORMS AVAILABLE FOR EASTER

Place your order for scrumptious foods from us and we’ll have it ready to collect

on the day of your choice! Easy!

EASTER CAKES All you need to create your perfect Easter

cake including Easter chicks and cake toppers, cup cake cases, marzipan

and ribbons!

Open 7 days a week!

4b Bedford Street, Ampthill Tel: 01525 402023

Here we bring you another excellent snapshot in our series of the things that chefs get up to when they are bored!!

Thanks again for another gem!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARTIN B. FOR

22nd APRIL

A BIG HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO KATY MASTERS ON 16th APRIL!!

With Uncle Alan The Vicar was giving his congregation a sermon on Temperance. Ranting from his pulpit he said in a strong voice that if he had his way he would fetch all the beer in the world and throw it in the river. He continued that he would also throw all the lager in the world in the river.

He then listed a variety of wines and spirits that he would also dispose of in this way. At the end of his sermon he sat down and the Curate stood and said with a wry smile: “We shall now sing our closing hymn number 365: ‘Shall we gather at the river?”

And thanks for that, Sir!

’ALLO MY LITTLE MINKY - STILL LUVIN U LONG TIME 24YRS ON THE 12TH XXX

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BOB FOR 8th APRIL

Ampthill School of Motoring

DSA Approved Driving Instructor in your area Pass Plus registered CRB Registered First 3 lessons £15.00, each lesson £20.00 thereafter Lessons given in Vauxhall Corsa

DISCOUNTS FOR BLOCK BOOKINGS

Phone Ken on 07900 046395

Photo for illustration purposes only

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CANCER (June 22-July 23) There may be an exciting turn of events coming up with a possible change at work. Keep your feet firmly on the ground though.

LEO (July 24-August 23) Never mind if there is a cloud on the horizon. Even gardens need water and it will soon blow away in readiness for Spring.

VIRGO (Aug 24-Sept 23) If only we knew what was in store for us. The stars provide useful guidance for interpretation, and guidance is what you should be listening to.

LIBRA (Sept 24-Oct 23) As you stroll along the avenue of life, take care to keep everything in perspective. That way you will keep control of matters.

SCORPIO (Oct 24-Nov 22) It is possible that you are approaching a critical time in your life where decision that you make now could have far reaching consequences.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov 23-Dec 22) Be careful not to immediately accept a stranger’s advice without considering all ramifications first. All may not be as it seems.

CAPRICORN (Dec 23-Jan 20) Never forget there is a time to party and a time for serious work to be done. Only you can decide which time it is now.

AQUARIUS (Jan 21-Feb 19) The new moon could bring with it some very interesting opportunities. Grab any chance with both hands, you never know where it might lead.

PISCES (Feb 20-March 20) Finances look to be improving. Keep calm and enjoy your new found confidence and all should turn out very well for you.

ARIES (March 21-April 20) It’s never that bad! Your worries are mostly in your mind. There does seem to be some good news on the horizon. Is there travel on the cards?

TAURUS (April 21-May 21) Before you make that huge step that has been in your mind, look around and make sure it that it is what you wish for.

GEMINI (May 22-June 21) A slow but sure change is just around the corner. It could be to your advantage to take advice before rushing into anything.

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Episode 44 We had already crossed the road by this time and were heading instinctively back to where I’d had that strange encounter so I guessed this young lady wasn’t shy of a fight and now her confession about the agency’s view on me to her was in the open it had lifted some form of barrier and freed her to operate as normal. I was glad of that drink and made a mental note that if what we found was a ‘friendly’, then I’d buy it a drink for reawakening a brief feeling of light-heartedness that had been so long gone from my world. “We get paid a day rate so we better do a day’s work, lady,” I shrugged as we made our way back up towards the high part of town. It wasn’t busy like the cities I knew and was used to, but there was traffic moving on the main road in we’d just crossed and some people on foot could be seen in the town centre. Up the hill towards the maze of old cottages and solid brick houses there was less movement,

but I could see a guy heading towards us dressed in what looked like the sort of thing US navy pilots get to wear when they jettison at sea. As he got nearer, there was still nothing recording on my wrist scanner so I left the nebulizer alone in my holster and approached with a smile that, from his response, and probably due to my lack of practice, must have looked more like a grimace. “Hello there” he opened, blinking through his big rimmed spectacles like an owl, “Are you looking for the park or trying to find somewhere. I’m fairly new round here, but can point you in the right direction as you look a bit lost.” Still nothing on the scanner at my wrist, so this was a real human although he didn’t speak like my lady oppo who was straight out of Thunderbirds with her limey accent we all expect to here back home. “No thanks bub” I replied, “We’re just taking in the sights of the town, you know, the history an’ all. Not much of that in L.A.”

To be continued

By Michael McSpleen

THE CROWN STATION ROAD

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The world of modern technology continues to develop almost on a daily basis. Just as we get used to DVD players and recorders another development comes onto the scene as a result of High Definition Television. The new way of watching films is known as Blu Ray. The expectation is that Blu Ray will replace DVD once High Definition becomes standard viewing in the UK. Pictures from a Blu Ray player will give the viewer the opportunity to watch pictures that will be around five times better than those currently watched on a DVD. The question therefore is; will your current DVD player/ recorder become obsolete? The answer is NO. At least not for quite a few years yet. The good news is that you will not need to change your DVD collection because Blu Ray players will upscale your current discs and actually give you a better picture than you currently view on your present DVD player. It will not be quite as good as a Blu Ray picture however it will be good quality viewing. What other benefits does Blu Ray have over current DVD’s? Blu Ray discs will have a much higher storage capacity than a DVD. While the discs will look identical if you were holding them in your hand a Blu Ray disc will have about five times the storage capacity and it is this storage capacity that will provide the quality of picture you watch. In addition the sound quality will also be far superior. Thanks to the greatly enhanced High Definition video and audio quality as well as the advanced interactive and networking features, Blu-ray represents a huge leap forward in the DVD viewing experience and will offer consumers an unprecedented HD experience. For further information contact The Michael R Peters Group 19-23 The Broadway Bedford MK40 2TL Tel: 01234 352107 or 01234 356323 (see their ad on the back page)

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And here’s more from Random Wraith VACATION TIMES When you rearrange the letters: I’M NOT AS ACTIVE THE HOSPITAL AMBULANCE: When you rearrange the letters: A CAB, I HUSTLE TO HELP MAN A DOMESTICATED ANIMAL: When you rearrange the letters: DOCILE, AS A MAN TAMED IT ADMIRER: When you rearrange the letters: MARRIED INDOMITABLENESS: When you rearrange the letters: ENDLESS AMBITION A ROLLING STONE GATHERS NO MOSS: When you rearrange the letters: STROLLER ON GO, AMASSES NOTHING CLOTHESPINS: When you rearrange the letters: SO LET’S PINCH THE UNITED STATES BUREAU OF FISHERIES: When you rearrange the letters: I RAISE THE BASS TO FEED US IN THE FUTURE STATUE OF LIBERTY: When you rearrange the letters: BUILT TO STAY FREE And finally: THE GREAT NEW YORK RAPID TRANSIT TUNNEL: When you rearrange the letters: GIANT WORK IN STREET, PARTLY UNDERNEATH

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Courtesy Ruby Again we thank Ruby for another excellent word to challenge us all! The word that Ruby has chosen this month is ‘Peroration.’ Do you know what it means? If not the answer is at the foot of the page.

The concluding part of a speech

Continuing the deductions we can all make after watching films: It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will patiently attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors. Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds - unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside. Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at the precise moment that it is aired. Medieval peasants had perfect teeth. It is not necessary to hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations. No-one ever involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock. All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to the waist level on the man lying beside her.

Happy Birthday for 6th!!

With Mrs Pinkleton ‘I can speak French - I can say Paris’ Jane aged 5 ‘Women do the washing up and cleaning and tidying and men go on the train and get tired.’ Jenny aged 7 ‘My budgie broke his neck. It served him right - he was always kissing himself in the mirror’ Jim aged 6 ‘I hate school and school lunches and the teacher and all my friends.’ Amy aged 6

Thanks again ma’am!

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Beat the credit crunch with Formula One Scooters

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With the price of car-parking, tax and petrol, the ideal vehicle for commuting is a scooter; a years’ tax on a scooter is only £15. Very cheap to insure. At Most rail stations parking for a scooter is free (£6.20 a day for a car), coupled by the fact that you can actually park. The other obvious advantage is that you can get circa 100 miles to a gallon.

You can ride a 50 cc at age 16, or if you have a full car licence, just twist and go, no test or ‘L’ plates required.*

We have a wide range of 50cc and 125cc scooters, both in sports and retro style. Prices vary from £699.00 to £1,099.00 including road tax and registration.

Now that Spring is in the air let's get on our scooters and feel the wind in our hair. With an 09 plate, it's time to go; out and about and away from the snow.

* Providing licence obtained prior to February 2001

‘Would you like to have your newspapers delivered to your door? Well, we have two great offers: choose any newspaper and you can have them for half price for 12 weeks, or you could enjoy The Telegraph for 13 weeks at half price and receive a free waterproof Telegraph news sleeve (while stocks last).With over 50 new magazines added to our range why not have them delivered too? Please call in and choose from our range of over 300 titles, and if you are unable to find what you are looking for please ask a member of staff and we will try and order it for you. (Delivery charge applies - please ask) More great news - we have just had our pay point machine installed so you can now pay your gas, electricity, phone bill, congestion charge and even your TV licence here. Please see in store for full details of services provided. Finally, we would just like to thank all our customers for helping raise £111 for comic relief. Well done & thank you.’ Vacancy for a paper round in Maulden - please ask at the shop

Kindly sent to us by a reader Young Paddy, moved to Kent and bought a Donkey from a farmer for £100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the Donkey the next day. The next day he drove up and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died.' Paddy replied, 'Well, then just give me my money back.' The farmer said, 'Can't do that. I went and spent it already.' Paddy said, 'Ok, then, just bring me the dead donkey.' The farmer asked, 'What are ya gonna do with him? Paddy said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.' The farmer said, 'You can't raffle off a dead donkey!' Paddy said, 'Sure I can. Watch me.. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.' A month later, the farmer met up with Paddy and asked, 'What happened with that dead donkey?' Paddy said, 'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two quid a piece and made a profit of £898.00.' The farmer said, 'Didn't anyone complain? ' Paddy said, 'Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two quid back.' Thanks for the story!

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LIGHTNING HOTPOT

Firstly rush slowly to the shops and purchase the following: 1 large can oxtail soup Approx 500 gm chipolata sausages 75 gm cooked ham 75 gm of cooked chicken Small packet of frozen peas 3 sticks of celery 1 apple Fresh French bread sticks And of course a little wine to enjoy whilst cooking.

Chop up the ham, chicken, celery and apple. Thickly chop up the sausages. Cook the peas as directed and drain. Then grab the chance for a slurp of wine. Heat the soup, chuck in all of the ingredients (apart from the French bread!) and cook gently for about 10 minutes or so. Whilst waiting cut the French bread into healthy sized chunks and place into serving basket or dish. As soon as the hotpot is ready, serve immediately with the French bread. Enjoy!Thanks very much for that one!

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MAY 23rd - 25thBEER & SAUSAGE

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Lesh Go to Perf tomorrow

1974 North West Australia While working in the mining town in NW Aus I got to know quite a few good people. One was a very intellectual alcoholic (joke! we both drank too much!) named Harry. He was a good chemist who I worked with, analysing the iron ore brought to our site for assaying prior to despatch to Japan where most of it would probably be used to make Toyotas! One afternoon when Harry and I were discussing cricket while enjoying several glasses of Emu, or maybe it was Swan, (same beer in a different label!), Harry was emulating the eponymous

John Arlot with “ Well of course in this environment today, the English batsman is in his element.” But my hearing by now was as bad as Harry’s pronunciation so I, with a surprised look commented, “but there are no elephants in Australia “. Harry paused;…. a friendly and confused discussion ensued regarding the difference between an element and an elephant. We both managed to forget what we were talking about. As Harry and I became even mellower we mused on the fact that what we needed was a car. Our location was 50 miles from the nearest town, 100 miles from the next and 1000miles from a city, Perth. On the other hand there was beautiful country all around

with ocean, fishing, solitude and rocks and sand, OK it was a good reason to get a car. I should point out at this point that the shift system meant you had 7 days on afternoon shift, 1 day off, 7 days on Morning shift, 2 days off, and 7 days night shift, 4 days off, making a 28 day turn around. This meant that we had got to the bar at around 1000 hrs after a night shift; got a wee bit pickled and had 4 days off and nothing to do. Answer, go to the bank, get some cash, buy two one-way tickets to Perth, get a car, and drive back! Simple. To be continued. Prof Reginald V Q da Ghama IPA With kind permission of Jim Barr

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Those nuisances in the studio have got me and made me look like a pixie! I appear on your television screens regularly in a US drama series. But who am I? Answer at the foot of the page.

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The local businesses of Ampthill, Flitwick and surrounding villages are invited to a free networking event. Organised by Ampthill & Flitwick Town Councils in conjunction with Central Bedfordshire the event is aimed promote the “Keep it Local” initiative for Business to Business within the local community. The event will be held at The Rufus Centre, Steppingly Road, Flitwick on Tuesday 28th April, and will run from 1400 - 1800. As well as the opportunity to network with local businesses, Gerard Burke, director for SMEs at Cranfield University School of Management, will present his “Six Behaviours of Winners in a Downturn” from the Business Growth and Development Programme. Whilst many towns and communities are arranging similar schemes, this goes further than just retail and the High Street. The objective is to encourage businesses to buy their services locally and to foster the “Keep it Local” initiative within their workforce. The event will also provide an arena for expert advice from Gerard Burke, Ampthill Town Council, Flitwick Town Council and Central Bedfordshire. Gerard discussed his Six Behaviours of Winners in a Downturn live on the Chris Evans show on BBC Radio 2 recently and is frequently quoted in the press with respect to the challenges of growing a small business including, The Sunday Times, Growing Business and the Telegraph Business Club. He is a judge on the Fast Growth Business Awards and is a regular speaker at events for owner managers. You can watch a video of Gerard explaining the Six Behaviours of Winners at www.cranfield.ac.uk/som/bgpwinners. Businesses will be contacted about the event very soon, but as attendance numbers will be restricted, if you are interested in attending, please contact Catherine Olney on 01525 721212, or email: [email protected]

There’s another Dick Turpin. . .

. . . . in Arthur’s World It was a dark and cold March evening. Miriam von Martin of Houghton - a descendent and modern day version of Dick Turpin was on the prowl. She had the urge to pillage and plunder.- just like her Great, Great, Great Granddad Dick had done many centuries ago. She saddled her sturdy steed Black Bess VI. Donned her highwayman’s cape and racey hat and mask. Not forgetting her handbag she departed from her sometimes abode at The Stables and headed into Woburn. Black Bess VI should have turned left towards the M1 heading towards York and her favourite stomping ground. Being a temperamental young filly – Black Bess VI that is – she took a right turn instead. Down Woburn High Street through the park, scattering the Duke’s deer and finished up in Ampthill. There she fell across the Lord Mayor’s Banquet in Ampthill Town. She hitched Black Bess VI to a suitable post. Then the adventurous Miriam von Martin of Houghton scaled the many steps – more demanding than any 20 ft. moat – into Eddie’s Fortress. There the Good and the Gracious of Ampthill were gathered in their finery, enjoying sumptuous food and fine beers and suffering the Lord Mayor’s jokes, all in the name of charity. Low and behold there was a raffle and our Lady of the Night alias Miriam von Martin of Houghton put her gold coins on the table and purchased her tickets and a chance to win some rare and wonderful items. She then proceeded to scoop seven of the dozen rarities on display. She would have had more, but the 3 J’s – Josh, John and Jo - managed to nick a few while she was not looking. But then our Miriam von Martin of Houghton took only from the rich to give back to the poor keeping only the cuddly Teddy Bear and left the other rarity’s to the gathered throng. She disappeared down the ramparts of Eddie’s Fortress. Unleashed Black Bess VI from her post and sped away into the night from whence she came. Along came a local with bucket and shovel to the spot where her steed had stood so patiently The local then wandered back home with thoughts of victory at Ampthill’s Rose Festival in mind. Everyone was a winner including The Lord Mayor’s Charity

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GARY SUMMERFIELD - Mayor of Ampthill invites you to take part in a Progressive Supper on 2nd May in Aid of his Charities MacMillan Nurses, BLISS and raising money for a 24 Blood Pressure Unit for Ampthill Surgery. For those of you who have participated in a progressive supper before you will know what a fun and great evening it is. For those of you who are new, here’s how it works: There will be around 30 or so couples having dinner with each other, an ideal opportunity to meet new friends or pick up on old acquaintances!! Each couple will host 1 course (a starter, or a main course or a dessert), you will have 2 couples join you for that course. The other two courses of the meal will be spent at other couples houses. If you live outside Ampthill I will ensure that you will host a starter course. At the end, it’s back to Ken and Katys’ place in Fallowfield for drinks a chat and coffee to end the evening! As this is a fund raising event there will be a charge of £10 per couple with all the money going to the Mayors’ Charities If you need more details or want to take part, please let Katy know by the 20th April – either by telephone 01525 634750 or email [email protected] Also, if you would like to invite some other couples along, please do, the more the merrier - just let me know by the end of the month. Do hope you can join in the evening!

Tony & Angela welcome you to your friendly village local …

SERVING TRADITIONAL ENGLISH PUB GRUB, WED - SAT + SUNDAY ROASTS EVERY WEEK - FAMILIES WELCOME

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BANK HOLIDAY MONDAY 4th MAY Hill race day and village fair:

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Lots of forthcoming events … watch this space!

QUIZ NIGHT EVERY THURSDAY

Petanque (French Boules) played here - why not sign up for the new Season?

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Here are some more observations from the wacky world of Montgolfier: On leaving the village pub a tramp handed the landlord a £50 note for safe keeping. The local vet gives the landlord a bill for £50 for his fees. The landlord uses the £50 note to pay the bill. When the vet arrives home the coalman is delivering £50 worth of coal so the vet uses the £50 note to pay the coalman. A couple of nights later the coalman goes down to the pub for a drink and asks the landlord ‘How much were the drinks we had from you?’ He said ‘£50.’ So he handed the note to the landlord who put the £50 note behind the clock for the tramp. The following night the tramp came in and the landlord handed the tramp his £50 note. The tramp immediately tore it up and said ‘I found out it was a fake.’ Well, everyone has been paid with a dud note and no-one has lost out. Except perhaps the tramp. The reason moths never get fat is because they only eat holes.I took my girlfriend for a flight in a hot-air balloon for a birthday present. It was a beautiful morning with the sun rising and everywhere looking gorgeous. I asked her what she was thinking. She said ‘I’m trying to remember if I made my bed before I came out. Incidentally - have you seen anyone who asked me where you were?

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Redborne School, Ampthill, Beds MK45 2NU

INNOVATIONS

fixed price aerial installations

poor reception specialists sky repairs & installations digital aerials freeview systems plasma installationsA family run company with over 15 years experience Registered Digital UK installer, NVQ qualified

01525 84101716 Chiltern Close Ampthill Beds MK45 2QA

Rapid Response Mobile:

07887 710558www.innovationsaerials.co.uk

Don’t forget - when you need a local advert - you’ve found The Fuddler! Tel: 01525 841434

With The Fuddler Vet - Siggi Almplunger (Again, it may be best to take Siggi’s advice a little tongue in cheek!)Continued from last month Tie the little monster’s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining room table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into cat’s mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down cat’s throat to wash pill down.

Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to emergency room, sit quietly as doctor stitches forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table. Arrange for RSPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and ring local pet store to ask whether or not they have any hamsters. How to give a dog a pill: Wrap it in bacon! And thanks for all that entertainment over the last few months!

Episode VIII………...Words fail me

Last month Fuddles chastised me over the content and length of my column, excuse the pun, so in protest this month I would just like to

wish everybody a………V E R Y H A P P Y EASTER……but remember “If you can’t annoy somebody with what you write, I think there’s very little point in writing.” Kingsley Amis 1922-95:

Here’s a little more whimsy from one of our readers: I went into a shop and I said, 'Can someone sell me a kettle.' The bloke said 'Kenwood' I said, 'Where is he then?' I phoned the local ramblers

club today, but the bloke who answered just went on and on. My mate is in love with two schoolbags. He's bi-satchel. I went to the doctor. I said to him 'I'm frightened of lapels.' He said, 'You've got cholera.

All central Bedfordshire areas covered Airport transfer specialists Competitive prices Corporate account works Passenger & parcel service School service 100% reliable service Professional service guaranteed 24 hours a day

For a 1st Class MILK DELIVERY

SERVICE TELEPHONE 01525 402206

Free doorstep delivery of organic milk plus …

Maulden Dairies Warren Farm, Woburn Street, Millbrook

… GARDEN SUPPLIES INCLUDING MULTI PURPOSE COMPOST, GARDEN PEAT,

FERTILISER ETC - ALL DELIVERED RIGHT TO YOUR DOOR!

Outstanding gardens designed for

outdoor living

Small garden? - no problem Large garden? - We love them!

the fuddler april 2009

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