THRIVING AS AN INTROVERTED LEADER

INTROVERSIONWHAT IT IS AND WHAT IT’S NOT

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DEFINING INTROVERSIONThe definitions and theories of introversion are many and varied and come from a number of different perspectives. These range from Carl Jung’s theories in the early 20th century about introverts and extroverts’ different sources of ‘psychic’ energy to more recent neuroscience-based research that shows differences in the chemicals that introverts and extroverts’ brains seek out, through to behavioural style analysis techniques (such as the DISC profiling system) which describe the range of behavioural intensity of introverts and extroverts.

Much of the research into introversion can appear somewhat contradictory as a result of a number of different but related elements that are sometimes confused with introversion (such as shyness) or which may be a form of introversion (such as HSP - Highly Sensitive Person).

However, despite this apparent lack of scientific ‘fact’ around the topic, there are a number of elements that most introverts will relate to, some of which may be more prevalent for them than others. These describe the general tendencies and preferences of introverts in respect to areas such as energy-building or energy-sapping activities; interactions with other people; preferred work-style and environment etc.

RESEARCH FINDINGS

• In the early 20th Century, Carl Jung published his book Personality Types in which he described the terms introvert and extrovert. He described introverts as being more drawn to the ‘inner world’ of thinking and feeling whereas extroverts were more comfortable with the external aspects of people and activities. While introverts tend to reflect and consider the meaning of what’s going on around them, extroverts are more inclined to get involved and be part of what’s going on. Jung also described a difference in where introverts and extroverts get their energy from. Introverts get it from ‘going inside’ / being alone whereas extroverts recharge by socialising and being around other people.

• During the 1950s, Katherine Briggs and Isabel Briggs Myers used Jung’s work as the basis for the creation of additional research, out of which came the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) which many people will be familiar with. According to MBTI, introverts draw their energy from inside (ideas, impressions and feelings) while extroverts tend to get their energy from external sources (other people, places and things).

• There are differences of view around the relative proportion of introverts to extroverts in the world. Until recently it was reported that only around 30-40% of the population were introverts. However, some detailed validation and detective work by author Laurie Helgoe, PhD for her book Introvert Power has invalidated these statistics and instead finds that up to 57% of the population may be introvert. So, far from being in the minority, introverts are actually in the majority. Take comfort in this when you look around you. Far more people out there are ‘just like you’ in valuing their own space, quiet and reflection. It’s just that they don’t make a song and dance about it!

• Psychologists generally agree that introverts and extroverts differ in the level of external stimulation they each need to operate well. Introverts need less stimulation and prefer to recharge quietly e.g reading; listening to music; being alone or with one other person while extroverts prefer to be with lots of people; making connections with new people; partying and socialising etc.

• More recent research by developmental psychologist Jerome Kagan has shown that it is possible to predict whether someone will be more likely to be introvert or extrovert from observing them as infants. Through a series of tests, Kagan identified that infants who tended to be highly reactive when exposed to new experiences, such as popping balloons; colourful mobiles or different smells, were those that developed into introverted individuals. The infants that were less reactive to these new experiences were those who developed into extroverts. Kagan’s findings would suggest that, whether you like it or not, your introversion (or extroversion) is pretty much ‘wired in’ from the start.

• Research by Elaine Aron has identified what she calls the Highly Sensitive Person (HSP). While this work identified a number of similar attributes to those found by Kagan, there were some other elements that are worthy of note. Aron found that HSPs tend to be philosophical or spiritual oriented, rather than materialistic or hedonistic. They dislike chit-chat and often describe

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themselves as creative or intuitive.They feel strong emotions and process information about their physical and emotional environment very deeply and tend to notice subtleties that most other people do not.

• Some further research into HSPs has shown (through measuring brain responses in an MRI scanner) that, when shown pairs of photographs with subtle differences, the highly sensitive tended to spend more time looking at the photos, with their brains showing more activity in the areas that help make connections between the images and other stored information. In other words, the brain function of the HSPs was different to the non-HSPs and they were processing at a deeper level.

• In subsequent research, Aron has shown that the part of the brain that is involved in processing emotions is more strongly activated than in non-HSPs. While all HSPs are not introverts, there are many shared characteristics that are useful in understanding introversion.

• Scientists have also investigated the different ways the amygdala (the part of the brain that is emotional / instinctive) functions in introverts and extroverts. This has shown that, in introverts, the amygdala is more excitable and will therefore send stronger signals to the rest of the brain and to our bodies. So, introverts (as a function of their more sensitive amygdala) will tend to become more anxious when faced with new experiences (people, places, activities) than extroverts.

• On the other hand, extroverts’ amygdala seem to be more receptive to reward-seeking and experiencing pleasure and excitement. MRI scans of extroverts have shown that the ‘reward system’ part of the brain (orbitofrontal cortex, nucleus accumbens and amygdala) is activated by many different sources of delight including soft drinks, money, and pictures of good-looking people.

• Dopamine is the chemical released when we anticipate pleasure. The more responsive our brain is to dopamine, the more we will search out sources of pleasure to release the dopamine. Extroverts seem to have a more active dopamine pathway than introverts and therefore a stronger response to pleasure-giving or reward seeking activities. Dopamine takes a short path through the brain and, in stressful situations, produces an "act and react" response. It can be credited for extroverts' ability to think and speak quickly and to thrive under pressure. It also helps them access their short-term memory more rapidly, so their data-processing circuit is shorter and faster.

• Introverts are less responsive to dopamine, and so look for reward-seeking activities less often. In fact, introverts’ brains become tense and anxious when they get too much dopamine. They respond better to another chemical (acetylcholine) which settles things down for us. Acetylcholine is the key neurotransmitter - brain chemical - introverts use on our dominant blood pathway in the brain. It gives us the ability to focus and concentrate for long periods. It helps us feel calm and alert. It produces a good sensation when introverts are thinking and reflecting. Unlike dopamine, acetylcholine, takes a longer path through the brain, which could explain why introverts often have difficulty accessing words or memories quickly (or when put on the spot and asked our opinion) and why we may be slow to react in stressful situations. Introverts often prefer writing to speaking, because writing uses a different neurological pathway in the brain than speaking. !

INTROVERT BEHAVIOURAL STYLE

Compared with extroverts, introverts tend to be quieter, more reserved and cautious, logical and analytical thinkers.Introverts tend to ‘think to talk’ i.e. they will go inside their heads while they reflect and come to a view on what they want to say. This is the opposite of extroverts who will ‘talk to think’ i.e. they will talk out loud as a way of working through their thinking process.Introverts will tend to avoid confrontation, instead preferring to reach consensus on issues. They will tend to favour 1-1 conversations over interaction with large groups and can come across as non-emotional (i.e. it is often difficult to know what is going on for them emotionally) unlike extroverts who will tend to ‘wear their hearts on their sleeves’. The increasingly fast pace of life in the 21st century can feel overwhelming to introverts. There is so much going on, so much complexity, that it sometimes feels easier to withdraw rather than try to compete in a world that seems to celebrate a more extroverted, “Just Do It” approach.

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ENERGY SOURCE

Introverts get their energy from different sources from extroverts. Introverts get their energy from within; from thinking things through before speaking; from having time alone to reflect and make sense of things; from ‘time out’ away from other people. Introverts will tend to favour interaction with individuals on a 1-1 or in small groups. They prefer to have conversations about ‘meaningful’ topics rather than engage in much of (what they see as) the meaningless ‘chit chat’ that passes for communication in many social and work settings. In fact, rather than engage in this kind of interaction, introverts are more likely to withdraw themselves and spend time in their own company. Having to attend functions with large numbers of people, or people who are strangers, can be extremely tiring for introverts.

On the other hand, extroverts gain energy from outside themselves; from interaction with new people; and from engagement with new and exciting activities. They are very comfortable ‘bouncing around’ ideas with other people and do much of their thinking out loud. Parties and events where there are opportunities to meet new people provide extroverts with the stimulation that they need.

WHAT INTROVERSION IS NOT (THE MYTHS)There are many myths and misconceptions about introversion. Some of these come from taking aspects of introvert behaviour and magnifying them into something beyond their reality:

AGORAPHOBIAIntroverts do not have a fear of going outside or a desire to stay in all the time. However, due to the different places from which they get energy, introverts are likely to be more content with spending time ‘at home’ and not always out and about, or out and about for as long as an extrovert.

SOCIAL INEPTITUDEJust because they prefer the company of a small number of people doesn’t mean that introverts are socially inept. In 1-1 or small group conversations, introverts are extremely capable and interesting/interested participants. They may not say as much, or talk as loudly as their extrovert colleagues, but they have many of the ‘smarts’ needed to engage in deep and meaningful social interaction. Just don’t expect them to get involved in what they would see as idle ‘chit-chat’.

LONELINESSIntroverts are generally quite comfortable in their own company and don’t need other people around them all the time. However, while this means that they are quite happy being alone it doesn’t mean they are lonely. Introverts will generally have a small number of close friends rather than a lot of acquaintances who they will be very happy to spend quality time with. However they will equally be comfortable spending time recharging their batteries away from other people - ‘alone’ but not ‘lonely’.

SHYNESSShyness and introversion are two different things. Shyness suggest that an individual is anxious, inhibited and perhaps afraid around other people. People who are shy will tend to avoid social situations through fear of being judged. Introverts are not necessarily shy (although they can be; as can some extroverts) but they will tend to look for a reason to interact with people rather than just do it for the sake of it. They may also choose to avoid social situations, not because they are afraid, but because they’d prefer to be alone and find these situations tiring.

DISLIKE OF PEOPLEIntroverts enjoy people as much as extroverts, albeit in smaller numbers and in more intimate surroundings. Introverts often have very close, deep relationships with others.

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INTROVERT GIFTSVALUING WHAT COMES NATURALLY

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LEVERAGING YOUR NATURAL STRENGTHS

As humans, when things come readily to us, we often underplay them as strengths, assuming that everyone has these characteristics. Because of the inward focus of introverts, this ‘underplaying of one’s strengths’ is likely to be even more prevalent. It is therefore important to take time to acknowledge that many of the things we take for granted are real strengths that should be promoted and valued.

STEADINESS AND CONSCIENTIOUS / COMPLIANCEIn William Marston's behavioural DISC model, the introvert behavioural style usually manifests as ‘Steadiness’. The Steadiness element can also be coupled with the ‘Conscientious / Compliance’ element. Those who are high on ‘Steadiness’ seek harmony in relationships so associated strengths are listening, teamwork and follow-through. We gain security through friendship and co-operation. We are often the subtle and genuine ‘glue’ in the workplace, putting effort into ensuring a friendly, relaxed and functional workplace. Often able to ‘smell’ discomfort or strain in relationships, we are naturally drawn to consoling those who are upset to ‘make things right’ for them. This can run pretty deep, to the point where we may become unwell ourselves if we are exposed long-term, to what we see as tense or aggressive work environments.Needing time to reflect and relate before making a decision, we need to be clear on what we are doing. We also like to finish what we start, need to work out why we should change when change is being asked of us, and we need time to make up our minds. This is all going on inside, and not usually talked about. This heightened preference for reflection and then action (maybe) arguably means that decisions are more likely to have been well thought through, with the spotlight brightly on the anticipated impact on others as well as the facts of the matter. Introverts are adept at synthesizing lots of information from different sources with a view to moving forward. As a counterbalance, they benefit from the counsel of more intuitive and strategic friends to help with big decisions.With a mind’s eye to what the end product looks like, a strong emphasis is placed on follow-through and completeness. Such follow-through is evidenced in focused determination to become good or a master at chosen interest(s). Through a process of deliberate practice and commitment (more often than not, alone) people can build expertise in their chosen field. The introvert’s comfort with working alone for long periods of time can only help them in this regard.Those who are high on the Conscientious / Compliance scale will produce accurate, fact-based, analytical work that has been created in a systematic manner. They will also tend to be focused on quality and high standards and will tend to make considered decisions.

FAMOUS INTROVERTSAs you might imagine, given the painstaking and often individualised nature of pioneering and inventing, quite a few scientists and inventors have been introverts. It’s impossible to imagine coming up with the likes of the Theory of Relativity in a lively brainstorming session. Some things require peace and quiet and reflection.Famous introvert scientists include Albert Einstein, Isaac Newton and Charles Darwin. In the business world, Steve Woznaik (Steve Jobs’ partner at Apple), Larry Page (the co-founder of Google) and two of the world’s richest men Bill Gates and Warren Buffet (investor extraordinaire) are all introverts.In the political arena, both Al Gore (now world famous for his work on bringing attention to the issues of climate change) and President Barack Obama are introverts. Both are able to command large audiences and present effectively, but are also very much individuals who ‘think to talk’.

INTROVERTS AS BUSINESS LEADERSPatient whilst working with others, introverts are naturally drawn to having coaching-style conversations which seek out others’ level of commitment and buy-in to moving forward. The latter

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focus in the conversation is ‘natural’ for us, since we need to be committed before we move forward on decisions we have made. Introverts also tend to have less concern for position and status and this allows us to more effectively lead people who, as a result, feel empowered and independent - hallmark requirements in the new world of autonomy and individualism. Research by Wharton Business School psychologist Adam Grant has shown that introverted leaders work best with self-motivated, independent and empowered individuals. On the other hand, extroverted leaders work better with individuals who take orders and instruction. In the current business environment, where employees are increasingly required to take more ownership and responsibility, and leaders simply don’t have the time (or the technical knowledge) to tell people what to do, introverted leaders would appear to have the right natural abilities and style to lead teams of proactive staff in the way that is going to get the best out of them.In his book Good to Great Jim Collins describes the characteristics of Level 5 Leadership - the highest level in a hierarchy of executive capability he identified in research into what differentiated good companies from great companies. Those characteristics include personal humility and professional will with ambition being more about the good of the company rather than themselves. They are modest, self-effacing and understated; workmanlike and deliberate. Introverts will relate to many or all of these Level 5 characteristics as elements that sit comfortably with them.

IT’S TIME TO STAND UP

All in all, there is much good news about being an Introvert. We can stand tall and move forward in a calm and composed way, inviting people to join us but not sweating it if they don’t. Our time has come!

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INTROVERT BLOCKERSELEMENTS THAT GET IN THE WAY

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CHARACTERISTICS AND BEHAVIOURS THAT DERAILAs introverts we have a preferred way of behaving that allows us to think before we speak and act, to work alone on one or two (rather than many) different things at the same time, to produce high quality, detailed work etc.Unfortunately, the world (particularly the world of work) often doesn’t want to allow us to be this way. As a result, we can end up coming across negatively, particularly to those who don’t relate to, or understand, the introverted behavioural style. Depending on who the individual is, this can have a significant impact on how we are viewed by our organisations and on our future career prospects.To operate effectively in today’s work environment, it is therefore important to recognise these potential derailers and to create strategies to deal with them.

BEING TOO QUIET AND RESERVED

While we like to have the space and quiet to think clearly before we give our views, this can sometimes mean that we come across as either not having a view or, at the extreme, as being too stupid to have a view.Now you and I know that neither of the above is true, but unfortunately being seen and heard in the workplace is an important element in projecting yourself as a valuable and effective individual.Some things you can do to overcome the perception that you are too quiet / reserved / don’t have an opinion:• Make time to prepare in advance of meetings or situations where you are likely to be given the

opportunity to present your view. Get hold of the agenda and identify the elements where you want to put forward a view.

• Write down key points and prompts that you can refer to (if you need to) in order to feel confident that you will remember what you want to cover.

• Think about running through your points with a trusted colleague in advance - to get some feedback.

• Don’t over-analyse and worry about whether your points are likely to be seen as good or not. Chances are, given your tendency to think before acting, you will have done a lot more thinking about many items than a lot of people. You will therefore be much more likely to make a well considered point than those that are developed in the ‘heat of the moment’. As you start to do this more often, so you will become known as someone who is worth listening to.

• Remind yourself that you have as much right as anyone else to give a view or state your position.

• Getting a ‘tackle in’ by making a point early (however insignificant) in a meeting will overcome the anxiety that can often grow and become paralysing as a meeting moves forward and you get more conscious that you still haven’t said anything.

NOT ABLE TO RESPOND QUICKLY ENOUGH WHEN ASKED A QUESTION

We’ve all been there. We are in a situation (perhaps a meeting or a 1-1 with a senior leader) where we are asked a question about something and we get that sense of brain freeze where we simply can’t come up with a response, or we start waffling away in an attempt to fill the silence, in the vain hope that eventually some gem will come to mind. Instead of trying to waffle our way out of it, some alternative solutions might be as follows:• Remember that neuro-science is showing us that the introvert’s brain is wired differently from that

of an extrovert. Thoughts have further to go. So simply ask that the person to restate their question - to give you a few more seconds to get the brain in gear.

• If this doesn’t work, or you actually don’t have an answer, then say that you would like to give the question some deeper consideration and come back to them later on it. Just make sure you do!

• Make an excuse that you need to go to the bathroom - an opportunity to refocus and to give

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yourself a bit more time to come up with a response.

LACK OF NETWORKS / LACK OF SELF-PROMOTION

As much as we may dislike the fact, building strong networks, ‘who you know’ and ‘who knows you’ are significant contributors to getting ahead in organisations. The reality is that, as an introvert, you are unlikely to ever get a lot of enjoyment from big networking gatherings where, to your eyes and ears, there is just a lot of idle chit-chat and ‘schmoozing‘ going on. However, if you don’t find a way to get involved and start to build a connection with key influencers, don’t be surprised as you are consistently overlooked for promotions and opportunities that go to people who may not be as effective in performing their role as you, but are more effective in connecting with others and ‘talking themselves up’.• As an introvert, you are very capable of having meaningful conversations with people in 1-1 or

small groups, so look to use this ability as the basis for your networking.• At networking events seek out others who appear to be on their own and make the first move.

Once you are in a pair help each other to connect with others. Invite other people into your group. You know how difficult it can be to break into an already formed group at an event, so make it easy for others by keeping an eye out and invite them in.

• As introverts, we are natural listeners and most people love to talk about themselves. So trusting our ability to listen and give people space to think and talk will immediately endear you to others, who will soon seen you as a great networker. As Dale Carnegie says in his seminal book How to Win Friends and Influence People, ‘allow the other person to do a great deal of the talking’.

• One of the best ways to get people talking is to ask them open questions that allow them to tell you about themselves or give you some guidance. Some questions to have up your sleeve for those awkward moments (and to avoid having to talk about the weather) might be:

• How did you get involved in...?• What advice would you give me if I wanted to be successful in your line of work / progress to

your level etc.• What do you most enjoy about what you do?

• If you get exhausted take a break to re-energise from some me-time. The bathroom can be a perfect place. Don’t be surprised to see some fellow introverts doing the same thing.

• Use the likes of LinkedIn, Twitter and other social networking tools to start to make connections with people who can be influencers or important connections. That way, when you do meet in person, you already have some kind of relationship (albeit virtual) in place.

DIFFICULTY SAYING NO

By their very nature which tends towards being agreeable, co-operative, a team-player, courteous and conflict-avoiding, introverts can struggle with saying ‘no’ to other people, particularly those who are more dominant and assertive. As a result they can often end up stressed through having too much work on, or feeling forced to attend events / functions/ meetings that they’d rather not be at. The net result can be burnout or an inability to perform to the level they would like to, by having to juggle too many different balls or becoming overwhelmed through having to engage with too many people. Some reasons we say ‘yes’ when we really mean ‘no’:• You want to help. • You don’t want to appear rude or to alienate yourself from others group because you’re not in

agreement. • You dislike conflict and are afraid the person might be angry if you don’t do as they ask.• You don’t want to miss out on a possible opportunity or to jeopardise a relationship.As introverts we are likely to worry about some (or all) of the above when we are put in a position where we are being asked to do something or go somewhere.It can be a revelation for many introverts that saying ‘no’ is a vital part of self-care and boundary-setting and will not be taken as a career-ending action.

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It is only our perception and belief that if we say ‘no’ we will seem rude, or people will get angry, or we will miss out. The reality is that, if we say ‘no’ in an appropriate manner, the other person is more likely to value our honesty and assertiveness, and very likely to be understanding and not put up resistance. Saying no is about respecting and valuing your time and space. There are a number of different ways you might do it:• ‘I can’t commit to this as I have other priorities at the moment.’ - When you have too many other

things on at the time.• ‘Now’s not a good time as I’m in the middle of something. How about we reconnect at xx time?‘ -

When someone breaks in while you are focused on something else. You are saying not now rather than never.

• ‘Let me think about it first and I’ll get back to you.’ - Buys you some time to work out if it is something you actually want to be involved in.

• ‘I’m probably not the best person to help on this. Why don’t you try X?’ - To help the requester by pointing them in the direction of someone else who may be better able to help them.

• Simply and assertively saying “No, I can’t.” - Where you don’t even need/want to provide an explanation.

Like all changes in behaviour, it takes practice to get in the habit. But once you do so, and get more comfortable saying ‘no’ and realising that the world doesn’t fall apart when you do so, the better you will get.As a result, you will buy yourself more time to work on your priorities, and avoid picking up other people’s work. You will end up feeling more in control, deliver better work and feel more fulfilled.

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THE PROBLEM WITH INTROVERTSAS OBSERVED BY EXTROVERTS

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AN EXTROVERT’S VIEW ON INTROVERTS

GIVE US SOME FEEDBACK!!As an extrovert there is nothing worse than sitting in a conversation where you are sharing some idea and thoughts and you look across at a blank face. You see, extroverts need a bit of feedback, a bit of energy and we derive that from other people. If we don’t get energy from the person we are talking to then we might as well not talk at all and just think about it all by ourselves, and then where would we be? Yes, we would be introverts! Yes we know that’s what you do, and we think that’s okay for you, but as an extrovert we need a bit of feedback so that we keep sharing. Extroverts talk to think and if we are sharing ideas with you, then we are often creating, growing, exploring and we would love it if you joined in. Even just a little bit to show that you are interested. If not we can just close down, stop and the thought can be lost. Or we keep talking, all the time wondering if you are interested or not, because our faces tend to express how we feel at any given moment, but yours don’t. In fact for some of us our body language is an expression of our emotions in the minute. From waving hands, to excited gestures to frowns, we give it all away. But we would never play poker with you as we would have no idea what you were thinking!

IT TAKES SO LONG!Now we know that the phrase is ‘The devil is in the detail’, but it’s just a saying. You don’t have to live by it do you? It just takes so long to get things done when you are an Extrovert working with an Introvert. All those little details that you want to check! Feel free, but could you do it in your own time please? We are ready to move on to the next thing knowing that we solve all those minor points once we get there and want to get on with the more exciting stuff right now. That’s the way we operate you see. We know that we will solve problems, sort things out when we get there and as long as we have the big picture or some direction to guide us we don’t need to talk about all of it right now. It’s almost as if you are always worried that you will get something wrong and don’t want any mistakes whatsoever at any time. Honestly, we don’t mind - though we will point out that it was you that got it wrong when it happens, as of course we don’t make mistakes, but don’t worry it’s not personal.

IT’S NOT PERSONALOn that note, you seem to take what we say so personally. When we say ‘that’s not right’ or even ‘think this would be better another way’ or ‘I don’t like that’ you get all hot and bothered. We don’t understand it, as for us it’s not personal. It’s just that we’ve looked at what you’ve produced and we think that something is missing or incorrect or not what we asked for. We know that you’ve spent a long time doing it (see above) and we know that you will have made sure that it is technically correct (no typos, grammar checked, all adds up etc) but from our perspective it’s not delivering the right result. That’s all we are saying, it’s not that you are a bad person. It’s not personal for us, it’s just a task, so we don’t mind being told something is wrong (well some of us do but we will convince you that it’s your fault for not briefing us properly)And, for some of you it’s not ‘hot and bothered’ more ‘cool and aloof’. You don’t say anything but we can see the change in your body language, as you sit more upright, your face goes expressionless and we know that’s the sign of something being wrong. So we ask you, ‘Is something wrong?’ and guess what you say?

YES MEANS NO AND NO MEANS YESThat’s right, you say ‘No’. It’s the same when we ask if you understand something that we have explained or are happy to do something we have asked for. You say ‘Yes’. Then weeks later we find that you’ve not done what we asked for or that you still don’t seem to understand what we are explaining. You haven’t finally come up to us and said ‘I wasn’t happy with what you asked me to do’ or ‘I actually didn’t understand that’. We find out because it’s not been done or the output is wrong. And then we tell you it’s wrong or get annoyed because it’s not been done and...well see

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the above.It’s as if you are avoiding conflict by not telling us what you are thinking, and you hope that if you say Yes or No we will just go away and let you get on with it (Yes or No being chosen based on which will achieve that result quicker). But haven’t you noticed that all that happens is the conflict gets delayed a few weeks? Wouldn’t it be quicker to sort it there and then? Because after all..

IT’S NOT CONFLICTIt’s just a difference of opinion. A different way of doing things. We do things one way as an extrovert and you do it another way as an introvert. Different, not wrong. It can’t really be conflict as all we are doing is talking about it, and just because it may feel like conflict inside you, it doesn’t mean that it is conflict. So you can complain to the waiter about poor service, because it’s not really conflict. You can take poor goods back to the shop because it’ not really conflict. You can tell us you don’t agree, because it’s not really conflict. After all, it can’t be conflict because nobody is holding a weapon!

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SURVIVE AND THRIVESTRATEGIES FOR SUCCESS

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TECHNIQUES FOR SURVIVING AND THRIVING

There is no doubt that many of the activities associated with today’s world (especially the business world) can be challenging for introverts. Lots of back to back meetings with little time to plan and prepare; the demand for multi-tasking with many different activities happening at the same time; the need to be ‘seen’ to be delivering; the need to ‘network’ with the right people etc. can be overwhelming and energy-sapping. It is therefore extremely important for introverts to build an armoury of strategies that help them to cope, and ideally to thrive, in this kind of environment.

MANAGING YOUR ENERGYThere are many situations that can cause introverts to have their energy depleted, including: Too many people in a conversation; loud work environments; networking events and cocktail parties; too many nights out socialising etc. It is therefore important, for health reasons, as well as to enable introverts to function at their best, that they have mechanisms at hand to re-energise. Remain aware of your self / state so you can notice when you are lacking energy. You can achieve this by simply ‘checking in’ with your body on a regular basis and noticing what it is telling you. If you are getting tired and irritable as a result of some of the things mentioned above then it may be time to adopt strategies to rebuild your energy. Everyone will be different in what does this for them. For some people it will be a trip to the gym for a workout; for others it will be yoga; or taking 30 minutes to read a book quietly; or to listen to some music; or going to a movie on your own; or just to sit quietly and observe what’s going on around you. It’s likely to involve some time either alone or with one or two other people, rather than an activity involving lots of people. Work out what rebuilds your energy and give yourself permission to take a timeout to engage in this. You will come back refreshed and better for it.

ESTABLISH BOUNDARIESStand up for yourself if you feel you are being taken advantage of. As a result of their quieter nature, good listening skills and a desire to avoid confrontation, introverts can often get themselves into situations where they end up with too much work; carrying other people’s problems; or worrying about things but not saying anything. All of these situations can be debilitating and cause introverts to be less effective than they might otherwise be. It is important to find a way to get comfortable setting some boundaries around what is acceptable and what is not:• Monitor whether you have an appropriate amount of work and let your manager or colleagues

know if you need help. • Become comfortable saying ‘no’ more often. • If something is worrying you, find someone you trust to share it with. • Remind yourself that your job is not to solve everyone else’s problems. Don’t stop listening to

people who want to use you as a sounding board, but adopt a mindset that says your role is to help them come to their own answers and decisions - it isn’t your role to take over the problem or solve it for them.

AFFIRMATIONSIt can be useful to look at aspects of your introversion as positive and to be valued, and to remind yourself of this regularly:• Making a decision to stay at home (rather than go out socialising) is still ‘doing something’. It’s

just doing it at home!• Just because you are quiet does not mean that you don’t have anything to say or an opinion. It’s

just that, due to the way you are wired, your view may take slightly longer to come out or you may need to reflect for a while before you come to your view. Remind yourself that, as a result of the extra time you have spent coming to your view, it is likely to be better formed and considered than a view that is given on the spot. It may therefore be a more robust or workable or creative idea or solution.

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• Find a way to deal with demands for an immediate response. This could be as simple as saying ‘Let me have a think about that and I’ll come back to you’. The more you do this, the easier it will become. It is highly unlikely that people will think less of you if you take this approach, as they will recognise that you are more likely to come back with a well considered response.

• Remind yourself that by managing your energy, you are doing a favour to those who you work with or around you, by ensuring you are doing what you need to do to be at your best. ‘Managing my energy effectively is a gift to other people. It’s therefore ok to take some me-time to recharge’.

• Trust that you do know enough about a particular topic to express a view. As introverts we often feel that we aren’t quite good enough at something, or that someone will ask us a difficult question or put us on the spot if we put forward a view, and so we shy away from doing so to avoid the possibility of looking stupid. Due to our inherent nature which is to research things thoroughly and find out facts, we are very likely to know a lot more about the topic than we give ourselves credit for. So, start to experiment with the idea that you do know enough, and that what you say and think is valuable to the discussion, and put your ideas forward. The likelihood is that you will add a level of clarity and insight that is often missing when views are expressed in the moment, solely based on emotion or gut-feel. Don’t underestimate the value of doing so.

• Remind yourself that many of the things that come naturally to you (your flexibility; independence; observation skills; ability to focus; loyalty; patience; accuracy) are important skills, which we tend to undervalue. Instead of downplaying these, and trying to be more ‘extroverted’, look for opportunities to use these skills and to value your introversion.

STRESS MANAGEMENTAs introverts we can get stressed through people exhaustion, work overload or too many things happening at once. It is therefore important to have access to stress management techniques as a way of dealing with this:• Learning to say ’no’ more often (as described above) is a good first step to reduce work overload.• Regular exercise and practising self-care / relaxation in a form that works for us will keep us fit

and healthy and more able to deal with the challenges that come our way.• Consider the use of some form of meditation or mindfulness technique to keep yourself grounded

and in touch with ‘reality’. Given a natural ability to reflect and to be comfortable with quiet, these type of stress management techniques work well for introverts.

• Notice when you are ruminating about something negative (playing it over and over again in your mind) and choose to stop doing so. This might be either by identifying something proactive you could do to move forward with the particular issue, or by replacing the negative element with something positive (a thought or an activity). The key here is to remain aware of your thinking and to choose to do something about it if you find yourself in a negative cycle of rumination.

• Give yourself permission to have some time alone - to reflect and relax. • Ask for help from those around you. As introverts we can have a bit of a perfectionistic streak

which means that we often feel that we need to do everything otherwise ‘it won’t be done properly’. The reality is that you can’t do everything so be more open to asking for help from peers or learning to delegate appropriately to other members of your team.

• Check in with yourself on a regular basis to ensure you are actually working on the ‘right things’ rather than just ensuring you are ‘doing things right’. We often end up spending more time than is necessary getting the final last 20% just right. Remember the 80% rule. Most of the time an 80% solution is appropriate. If it really needs more than that, don’t be afraid to take it to 80% yourself and then hand it off to someone else to do the final 20%.

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Websites• Sophia Dembling- The Introvert’s Corner blog• Jennifer Kahnweiler - www.aboutyouinc.com• Beth Buelow www.theintrovertentrepreneur.com

Research/ Articles• Adam Grant - Wharton Group research re introvert leaders better with proactive team members• The Gift of Shyness - Time magazine

Books• Quiet - Susan Cain• Introvert Advantage - Marti Olsen Laney, PsyD• The Introvert Leader - Jennifer Kahnweiler, PhD• Quiet Influence - Jennifer Kahnweiler, PhD• The Introvert’s Way - Sophia Dembling • Introvert Power - Laurie Helgoe, PhD

Suite 407 Achilles House, 8 Commerce Street, Auckland CBD Email: info@altris.co.nz Web: www.altris.co.nz

Introvert Reading and Useful Links